| Are you using the right bait?
Posted: 9/25/2006 1:18:28 PM | I always had a problem with the religion one. That and the "Dating/Intimate/E-mail etc etc"
I had no idea what to put, since I had no idea how any of them would be taken. I assumed dating was safe since that's kind of a combination of everything. | |
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| Are you using the right bait?
Posted: 9/25/2006 2:53:03 PM | REsponse to gardennuts?
Other relationship..
means to me...Im not big on commitment to any type of relationship, except for the ones i have already, which is my kids and work. | |
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| Are you using the right bait?
Posted: 9/25/2006 5:44:49 PM | yeah i got a 32 yr old today looking for an older woman to have an intimate encounter with...I guess he didn't read the ''long term'' part of my profile...or he did and figured i was so desperate i would jump at the chance to be with a younger guy...well the last guy i dated was 26, so no, not desperate
but obviously he didnt mark intimate encounter on his profile although this is what he is looking for...what i think they figure is if you are a woman looking for ""long term"" then you aren't out sleeping around...so they think they're safer with you...well what the hell are they doing is what i want to know...sleeping around?
anyways...restrictions are in place because people have preferences...i tried dating smokers...frankly it's nasty...i dont like kissing smokers...so why should i open up the doors for them to contact me | |
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| Are you using the right bait?
Posted: 9/25/2006 6:02:11 PM | Actually, there is a block that I think is poor:
"Must not have messaged people looking for intemate encounter"
Yes, It's blocked me personally, though it would be simple enough to circumvent (set up an invis profile and email from that), but that's not the problem.
The intent, I assume, is to give users a way to avoid people hunting for one-night stands. OTOH, the fact that I [or anyone] have messaged people who are looking for intempate encounters (typically commenting on a post they made on the forums, or responding to an email from them, or making a suggestion related tosomething in their profile).
It's a great idea if the only people we messaged were those we were interested in persuing a relationship with. However some of us have simply been social for one reason or another. | |
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| Are you using the right bait?
Posted: 9/25/2006 6:35:38 PM | | When it comes down to it, you might know what you are on this site for, but there may not be a category for it. I may be looking for longterm, but may not want to imply "If you respond to me you BETTER be looking for long term!" Hanging out and getting to know someone is the best start to "longterm". IMO | |
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| Are you using the right bait?
Posted: 9/25/2006 6:46:30 PM | I am looking for fun times and a long term relationship and maybe to get married but friends would be welcome.
Imagine you are going to the grocery store and standing at the door is a clerk who stops you to ask you what single item you are looking for. Let's say you were going to make dinner, such as waffles, salad, clam chowder and pickled herring. So you say, I need some waffle mix and some lettuce and some tomatoes and...
Right there the clerk-idiot-person cuts you off and says you have to pick just one item. You can't have more than one. So you say, no way, I'm making dinner and I need many ingredients. So the clerk won't let you in the store. Well, you are hungry and you figure you will get past the doorknob-clerk-idiot-person by picking one thing. You say, I am here to get some lettuce. Then the gate keeper lets you pass.
When you are in the store with your cart and you talk to someone shopping they ask you what you are there to buy. You start explaining the list of ingredients. No, they gasp in dismay, calling you a monster and running to get the clerk. He wants more than one item!!!! All hell breaks loose. There is a trial and you are convicted of shopping for multiple kinds of foods. They hang you from a tree outside the store.
So what is the right kind of bait for catching all different kinds of fish? | |
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| Are you using the right bait?
Posted: 9/26/2006 4:14:41 AM | basically what you guys are saying is women need to LIE....isn't this what has been going on for centrueies...the lies, the games...etc...you're saying, i need to open myself up to friends, intimate encounters, hang outs? then when i find a guy i like, I go after him with the intent of a long term relationship, even though the whole time I'm telling him I want what he wants which is just to be friends...but in my mind I'm pulling out all the stops, seducing him, putting a lot of energy into convincing him not to let me go? And what if after all that energy I've put into ''hooking him in" he still just wants friendship and nothing more. When do I give up?
NO thank you...I'm up front and honest. I would like a boyfriend...a long term relationship. To try and pursue a relationship with a man who just wants to be ''friends'' is just disappointing. I just went through this with a guy. I liked him a lot, was attracted to him, but he said while he would sleep with me, he didn't want to get serious with me. Now in his mind we are ''friends'' in my mind i'm hearing, "you are good enough to f*** but not good enough for me to keep around as my gf. He got mad when I told him what i was hearing in my head.
It's been my experience that men are always looking for the next best thing and therefore many of them just want to collect women ''friends'' and not get too serious. Even a male friend of mine said the internet has ruined relationships because it's like kids in a candy store, so much to choose from, you just can't commit to one thing. He said women were like this, and men are too.
I dated a guy FOUR years and for four years, he told me repeatedly we were just friends. He told other people we were not dating and wer just friends. It was hurtful, and I put up with that crap because I was young, stupid and too weak to stand up for what I really wanted.
The men I meet need to be on the same page as me. That DOES NOT mean that every man I meet, I want to marry and grow old with. I'm very picky. We can go out and see if something is there. If not, no harm done. You move on and try to find someone more suited, someone who you do have chemistry with. | |
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| Are you using the right bait?
Posted: 9/26/2006 5:56:30 AM | Me, the only complaint I got about restrictions is the "must not have messaged other
users for intimate encounters..."
Now it's not really a problem for me and trust me on that one but I understand that
some men may be looking for long term but/and are willing to have sex once in a
while until they find the right person. Just because they messaged a ladie who has
intimate encounter on her profile for sex doesn't mean they are only looking for that...
Loved the one item story.
I am almost certain that most women who are looking for long-term still have sex once
in a while until they find the right guy yet they spit on the guys who try and do the
same via that restriction.
"must not be looking for intimate encounter..." Sounds better to me but who am I to
argue. | |
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| Are you using the right bait?
Posted: 9/26/2006 7:49:26 AM | I previously had the "must not have messaged other users for intimate encounters" restriction with my mail settings. However, I wanted to contact someone about a comment in the forums, but the message would not go through. I realized it was someone seeking intimate encounters, and I could not contact him. It hit me that if my message had gone through, I would be someone who had contacted someone for intimate encounters, and I would be blocked by men with that restriction in their mail settings. Quite a realization! So I removed that restriction from my profile.
Who am I to determine what someone should/shouldn't do before they meet me? So long as I'm the one and only once we establish a relationship. Believe it or not, I'm not a virgin myself. | |
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| Are you using the right bait?
Posted: 9/26/2006 7:30:31 PM | I have plenty of old ''buddies'' so I really don't need new ones....I mean come on let's be real....does any woman have to look for sex??? I get propositioned at least once a day on here....and on other sites it has been sometimes three or more times a day....
now is that bragging...no...i'm not proud of the fact that men seem to only see me as some sex object...I'd love it if they wrote and said...''wow you'd be a great girlfriend'', of course i'd probably choke or have a heart attack or something if they did
I'm keeping my restrictions up...I get enough propositions without allowing the men who are only looking for that to get through to me | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 37 | |
| Are you using the right bait?
Posted: 9/26/2006 7:43:21 PM | | I don't block out entire groups of people. I am ONLY here for friends and I always state that clearly in my profile....I figure it's up to the guy to comprehend that. Generally I 'm very hesitant to respond to a guy who is looking for LONG TERM and I never write to him first because I don't want to waste his time. But I have met a few LONG TERM guys who are cool with me being FRIENDs only and we've become good chat pals. soooooooooo ya just never know about people. Don't block them....give em a chance!! | |
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| Are you using the right bait?
Posted: 9/26/2006 9:56:35 PM | hmmmmm......
seems to be a lot of confusion about the semantics we are all using. Maybe we should collectively set the definitions? I have no idea what the difference is in some of the categories.
For instance:
Hang out and Activity partner: Aren't these the same?
Freinds: Does this mean platonic freinds, "help you move" freinds, or FWB?
OTHER: F*** Buddy?
Dating: We may or may not sleep together but I'm seeing other people as well.
LTR: I'll date exclusively for some length of time, and consider marriage.
Intimate encounter: One night stand (what if it's really good? Can we move to Other?). | |
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| Are you using the right bait?
Posted: 9/28/2006 7:37:06 PM | | So, did anyone else change their settings and had a positive or negative experience they would like to share? | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 41 | |
| Are you using the right bait?
Posted: 9/28/2006 8:01:09 PM | I have stated in other threads that people should stop blocking all of the other categories that could be potential matches for them.
I agree. I believe they are just foolish. It's not like they are going to receive many messages and some of the messages may not have anything to do with dating, just an appropriate answer to a post in one of the forums.
And all the women claiming they get rude comments from guys. I believe most claims are fabricated in an attempt to convince others of their popularity. I find most guys of POF are very shy, wimpy, nice guy types so the few occasions when a truly rude message is received, just block the person.
I only had a couple of restrictions (no drugs or smoking) and I removed those. I get very few messages from people I have not contacted and I have never had a rude message. I would not much mind if I did as it would probably amuse me. | |
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