pensky
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Joined: 12/19/2006
Msg: 123 | |
| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/10/2007 5:04:59 PM | I have dated people, even over months, without sex becoming a question. The "hot/heavy" issue never came up--discussions about where our relationship was going came up, though. Men who have come into my life on those terms are people I will always be grateful to have known, because they helped me nurture my independence and confidence, even while all I had to offer them was gratitude and respect.
From my experience, but there again, I don't have a lot of sex over the years, but, for what it's worth, I can't shake the feeling that if a guy says, "no" it's a serious rejection, unless it's some really outrageous circumstance. On the other hand, after only a few dates, it would be a little presumptuous on the part of the guy or the girl to "expect" sex. | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/10/2007 7:42:52 PM | sometimes the girl moves too quickly, and it's just time for spankings
other times there's a disconnect and a lot of soothing words and excuses are necessary
sometimes two people are on the same vibe, she proffers, he declines, and all is well... this is the most common three date scenario that I've ever encountered... it's when you're learning about someone, and not sure what kind of relationship you want with her.
You might consider being more attracted to a guy who has enough self-respect and self-confidence to not f4ck every opportunity he gets. It's us that are smarter, safer, and more "in tune" with ourselves.
Some guys want an emotional connection. Some guys can get that emotional connection after 15 minutes of meeting a woman. Those same guys might go three weeks with someone else and not be ready because they are still learning how things fit with this woman... weighing ideas of relationship... maybe working things out with other areas of their lives, when sex with someone new (believe it or not) could complicate things... oh well, the important thing is to be graceful when saying no if you are otherwise interested in the person. That goes for males or females.
And just in case you were suspicious of the 15 minute connection... I have seen it turn into serious relationships. All guys aren't pigs or players. Sometimes euphoric sex on the first date is for real. Sometimes. ;)
Finally, with all this assertiveness on how good it is for a man to decline if he's not ready (whatever reason it is)... it is very important to me that women feel confident making advances if they are interested in me. I wanted to post this, in an effort to show how it is not necessary to become embarassed and never ask for sex again. Guys love sex alot. Some guys love to have other things go right in a relationship, too. | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/11/2007 12:28:15 AM | | I have to say I know of this strange phenomenum. It has happened to me in a round about way... and more than once. And every time it has been with "that guy". You know, the one who has, or had, a reputation for being "that guy". Except with me apparently. There is no polite way of saying no without wounding an ego and making a girl feel unattractive... UNLESS you are a virgin waiting until marriage... and I don't know if that is anything more than a myth. So NO there is no polite way. Must communicate these things in a moment void of intimacy. And for the record, "that guy" each and every time claimed something about respecting me. I know... I was just as confused. Still am! | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/11/2007 1:58:17 AM | Hey watts17
Quit thinking about it..
Its a player move.. and it messes with womens heads.
Sure he could have gotten laid that night.. but he probabably was gonna use it as a free lay card later on.. when he speeled some BS like he was going through a very emotional time, or he had a girlfriend and backed out cause he didnt want to hurt you both.. youd think about it and also think.. wow he was on my mind so much and that really did bug me.. but its all good he was going through an emotional time.. So lets patch up this puncture in my feminine ego and .. try again....
get what I saying? he had others on this run also.. thinkin the very same way.
And it was so devistating to you.. you surely werent gonna open your mouth and tell anyone. cause youd look bad...tellin anyone he said no to you......just like the others he did this too were holdin in also..
Your still wondering why he said no, years later.. arnt ya?
you hate the flashbacks dont ya.
lol..
Free lay card... some other time.. maybe at a party, or after a bar, or a sunday afternnoon when he had nothing else to do..
Look at it this way.. and shut the doors on this .. YOU LUCKED OUT.. cause you DIDNT GET USED.. hope this helps..
And to any women reading this and thinking oh thats just wrong!...
You gals need to know players are only successful by learning all the the exact same things you do to guys.
no I am not a player.. but yes when I was 20-25. Im 34 and old... I retired long ago. lol | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/11/2007 3:17:21 AM | yup its true... i know its hard to believe ladies... but sometimes... guys say no...
tons of different reasons...
doesn't mean we're better people... just means that at that particular moment, something whipped through our minds, or something rattled our emotions and boom... all of a sudden we opted for 2 days of physical discomfort, instead of satisfaction...
oh... and i'm not kidding about the two days of pain... we don't know what it feels like to give birth, and you don't know what it feels like to have blue balls...
so lets just not have to discuss that okie? pls?
anyway, the point is, that it has happened...
for me? how the girl responded? wasn't too bad actually... we were together for quite awhile actually, she didn't think i was gay, she didn't think that there was something wrong with her, she didn't think I was rejecting her. She actually thought I really cared... which was a good thing, because well... we stayed together for a long time...
for me? she was whom I desired for the rest of my life. I am, ultimately, traditional. And it wasn't something that just sprang into my head in the heat of passion...
it was something that was already in my head previously in relation to this particular situation...
I wanted to honour the attributes of abstinance until marriage.... however, we never did get married, nor did we ever have sex...
and from a guys perspective? it was BRUTAL!!!!!!!!
and from her perspective? it was BRUTAL!!!!!!!
however, we did discuss it (not that night, however we did later), and we did agree upon it.
there are tons of attributes to the dynamics of the why's and so on regarding this particular relationship, which I'm not going to detail, because they're irrelevant at this point in my life, however? really? I think those reasons are still valid....
would I abstain again? no idea. I'm not in that situation... would I abstain till marriage? not a chance in hell.....
well, unless she wanted to, in which case I'd run... run a lot... a few miles a day actually... running is good for horniness... helps avoid that 2 day pain....
no :P I don't wank... and yes I know we all wank and that is true, but I did stop that as well... found I had to distract myself a lot with work... and now i'm really good in my profession... trade off I guess....
I can't believe I just typed all this at 3am in the morning to a bunch of random strangers... geez, that'll teach me to drink gin... | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/11/2007 3:18:34 AM | | i am attracted to guyz that say no i dont like it but im attracted to it i dont mind working for it but my hard work better pay off nicely | |
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ride11
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Joined: 11/12/2006
Msg: 129 | |
| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/11/2007 10:02:59 AM | | Ok, I have a question, what if you say no to a woman so that you might be able to pursue a relationship...ie she is willing to sleep with you even though she doesn't trust you will call back..BUT you want to call back..you want more than one night...does this qualify as a good reason? Or did I screw up? | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/11/2007 10:28:55 AM | | Im a 22 year old Virgin and I don't hesitate to admit it to anyone who might happen to ask or what not. I've said no a couple of times simply because she was drunk and would hjave regreted it in the morning. I even told her about it the next day and she thanked me profusely for not having sex with her. Another time I could have had sex was this girl who sat on my lap when we went to her room to get more booze for her (She was partying wiht me and my room mates down the hall) anyway she sat on my lap to check the canucks scores and just leaned in and kissed me... and i was Shocked and taken aback. I wouldn't have pushed for sex and I didnt. The next day I told her what happened and she told me that she remembered kissing someone just that she didnt remember it was me and that she was sorry for her behavior. I said i didn't mind it had been random and never had something like it happened to me before (A hint to her that that was the first kiss I had had) It was ok, I'd like to try again with someone whom I was interested in so I could give back rather than just being a limp mouth and trying to make it as short as possible. | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/11/2007 12:56:21 PM | | I have spent four years saying no. I want a relationship and I have to know a woman before sex comes into the picture as well. | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/11/2007 3:17:38 PM | I've said no.
She was pretty drunk, really horny and I had to just about push her off of me.
Wouldn't have felt right. *shrug* | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/11/2007 3:31:34 PM | I have never been asked for sex, but if I was and I wasn't interested, I'd probably do whatever I could to have her convince me to change my mind.
It's not like it's that difficult to make a man horny. Just stroke his ego, among other things...
~ David | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/12/2007 12:02:36 AM |
Dunno why my quote tags don't work but this is a quote
<Quote>I've said no.
She was pretty drunk, really horny and I had to just about push her off of me.
Wouldn't have felt right. *shrug*</quote>
-------Begin my post-----
Yeah I had someting similar We were dancing at the campus bar and she Reaches for my Nuts Grabs them then licks my ear and says "What room is yours?"
I answer "106" (We both lived in the same res building)
"Lets go back to your place" i responded "Its a little early for that" (was 9:00) "you go find your friends and i'll find you later and we'll go to my place"
Needless to day I had no intention of doing it
When I went home she was allready passed out in her own bed as I found out from a friend of mine who lived near her (I wanted to check if she was OK) so I went to bed and then the next day I told her about it and she was like "Thank you for saying no I really didnt want to have sex with you" and I responded "It would have been dishonerable for me to have done anything" and that ended the conversation... | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/13/2007 9:48:48 PM | Just sat here and read so many stupid answers(just my op) to this real question. Yes a man can have morals, yes some guys hold out for LOVE. It's pritty easy to see that the OP has yet to find it, and wants love first, on this I can relate.
But it's simple, not all guys think of sex 24\7. I can have fun conversations with most any woman, but not look at it as sexual, even if the topic is such.I've been razzed by friends many times for not having picked up on the fact that I was being "hit "on by some chic.
I would much rather have a woman show me admirearation, than just grab at the nut sack. I would much rather feel the heat of your loins, from my gentle touch somewhere else. Is it teasing to get a woman all worked up, if your not groping at the parts? It may be so, but isn't that the excitement of it all?
Sex is mostly mental, so if you work someone up, be sure to make it a smooth decent if your stopping the ride 3/4 of the way up. So as "Inner Light" said, as long as you don't crush someone mentaly, than why not play a little. In the long run it's the teasing that you started the relationship with, that you want to last forever.
AM I WRONG? | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/13/2007 10:13:35 PM | I had this happen to me very recently.
We were getting all "hot and bothered". It was gettting rather "oral". All of a sudden he gets out of bed and leaves.
What in the &^%$ just happened to me? He got me all worked up and left?
Only someone perverse would do that to another human.
Must comment further. This man knew of my prior relationship and how long it had been since I had been with a man. Muchless trust someone enough to have him in my bed.
I saw him today and he acted like nothing ever happened. What's up with this guys? | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:55:12 AM | I may be a little old fashioned in my ideas but until a relationship has real meaning, I believe that sex can ruin a budding frienship.
Until such time as my realtionship reaches that point of no return?
My answer has always been, and always will be, no thank you. Besides, ladies can be just as fickle as men, especialy when you never hear from them again. | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 1/14/2007 10:43:36 AM | I had this happen to me very recently.
We were getting all "hot and bothered". It was gettting rather "oral". All of a sudden he gets out of bed and leaves.
What in the &^%$ just happened to me? He got me all worked up and left?
Only someone perverse would do that to another human.
Must comment further. This man knew of my prior relationship and how long it had been since I had been with a man. Muchless trust someone enough to have him in my bed.
I saw him today and he acted like nothing ever happened. What's up with this guys?
There's probably something up that he doesn't think is a big deal, or is too embarrassed to tell you about.
I had this happen to me in the middle of sex. He just jumped up and said "I can't do this". I was stunned, and spent a week feeling like the most unattractive woman in the world. The next time he wanted to have sex, I refused. I just didn't feel attractive or sexy enough. Turns out that he had gotten a nosebleed and didn't tell me because he didn't think it was a big deal. He realized he should have told me when I told him how it made me feel. Sometimes we women just jump to the wrong conclusion. :)
I've had a guy say no to me..twice in fact. I was a little confused because both times he initiated the foreplay, but there were reasonable explanations. I don't automatically think the worst anymore. | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 3/29/2007 2:33:36 AM | valerieM...
Sometimes.. something happens with oral.. giving to a female .. where the tasteless or normal.. suddenly changes.. and its enough to make anyone pack up.
And vice versa Im sure the same for some women out there too, with men.
When a person seems like their pausin or wiping their mouth a little too much.... hell pull em up!!!!!!!!!!! their only being considerate and finishing..
In your case.. he just left.
Was this forum message wrong? its the truth but could it be too truthfull?
Contact pof to get it removed if its too much.. But id have to say thats the truth. | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:37:07 AM | There's a lot of pressure on both men and women in relationships to have sex.
For men or women who want to wait -- even wait for marriage -- you just have to be strong. If your boyfriend or girlfriend will break up with you for remaining abstinent, then they're obviously not the right person for you.
It's OK to say "no." | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:59:26 AM |
I have never been asked for sex, but if I was and I wasn't interested, I'd probably do whatever I could to have her convince me to change my mind.
It's not like it's that difficult to make a man horny. Just stroke his ego, among other things...
~ David
Proving pretty much what men are REALLY all saying in this thread; if they aren't sexually attracted they won't say yes. That's not that hard to do. The men who want more and say they won't have sex upfront also seem to have never been in that situation and therefore don't know what they'd REALLY do if it happened - pure speculation.
If a man is attracted to you, and you offered it - most would take it, no problem. Not a bad thing, but let's be honest. | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 3/29/2007 9:12:47 AM | I've noticed two different female replies:
1- A man that says No, who, where? I don't understand this scenario.
2- I would respect his decision. No means No.
I have said no and have never experienced a woman not get a little batty afterwards. Women do not handle rejection like this very well. Saying no to a woman, that is wanting to go further; is like saying she is unattractive, fat, unlovable, and undesirable in one little word. It's a punch to her ego that she never expects. Oh how often I have gotten the call the next day to just be friends? Which is usually just a way to communicate a few more times than disappear.
"Men only want sex. All the time. Its what they think of every four seconds"...Ahem Bullsh-t. This myth is what makes it so hard for a woman to interact with a man that tells her no. She doesn't want people to hear that a man turned her down for sex, because men "always" want sex. | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 3/29/2007 9:30:29 AM | "It's not like it's that difficult to make a man horny. Just stroke his ego, among other things...
~ David
Proving pretty much what men are REALLY all saying in this thread; if they aren't sexually attracted they won't say yes."
I disagree. Why is it woman can say "I'm tired, I'm just not in the mood, etc" yet a man is expected to be a machine that can be turned on like pushing a button. I may be sexually attracted, but just not interested right now. Flashing or stroking isn't going to mean instant boner, hop on. I may be just frustrated right now and just need to cool down and have a good night sleep. Ask me again in the morning. | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 3/29/2007 10:24:31 AM | I'd be impressed and intrigued, and I'd like to get to know him better.
But I'd probably never "initiate sex" in my own little way..... | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 3/29/2007 11:59:05 AM | Let me see....four times.
Once it was an age issue. Good thing I caught that early on.
Once it was just physical attraction, so I walked way.
Another I was in a purely physical relantionship and ended it because it felt empty.
And, finally, I initiated it and we were both emotionally and physically on our way there, but it was clear that she still had reservations. So I just walked away before it went farther and waited for things to evolve. | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 3/29/2007 3:25:09 PM | | I'd probably be shocked at first, since I've never made a move on a guy and have him reject me, but I'd try to hide it and just continue on with what we were doing before. I'd have a really hard time making a move on him later on though... after that it would be up to him to initiate anything. | |
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| Guys who say no?
Posted: 3/30/2007 2:30:57 PM | Girls! Why is it so hard to believe that guys can say no? Some of us males actually use both heads. In some cases, the guy might, just like some authors suggest, not be into you. However, there are three other major reasons for holding back on the sex part.
1. Respect
2. Something called STD's and;
3. Unwanted pregnancies.
Why have none of these issues not been brought up. Are most of you just considering this after the fact when the damage has already been done? | |
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