| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 2/9/2007 3:13:36 PM | Hey, all:
I think the thing that gives me hives and makes me dash for the door is when a woman implies suggests or demands that I change. I am nobody's goddam fixer-upper, and someone who expects you to change for them must be highly arrogant, self-centered, or narcissistic, or all three. It is no less than emotional blackmail, and a conditional love that has no place in a healthy relationship. Those who practice this behavior must be blind in order to do so.
I have said this many times before--change is bull s h i t. Growth on the other hand, is very different and a worthy goal. If two people can grow together simultaneously or at a comfortable pace for both, even better.
Worst words on the planet: "If you love me, you'll...."
David
Messages done with sustainable energy, with Wind and Sun! | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 2/9/2007 7:38:46 PM | | I have run from most of the characteristics listed in this thread but I've also run from the absolute fear and terror of feeling too much of a connection and fit... weird huh? The most disconcerting part is now that I've opened myself and let the walls down to really let that connection flow, I run when I get the feeling that I'm just something to do... something to occupy until something better comes along. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 2/9/2007 9:04:59 PM | | I just seem to have a problem with trust and opening up. I opened my heart to someone that well didn't want to step in and I felt used by him for 10 months. And now I have been seeing someone for 3 months now and well he is very nice we always have a good time. I just can't bring myself to open my heart to him and I don't trust at all because he in a way is like the guy I once was involved with for 10 months. And until he show me differently won't open my heart he has to earn my trust. | |
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Sn0man
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Joined: 1/12/2007
Msg: 279 | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 2/9/2007 9:31:06 PM | As soon as a guy shows interest... even a simple online hello. Hard to keep that knee from jerking, if you know what I mean. Totally involuntary...I keep trying to tape it to the other leg with duct tape, or standing on that foot with the other foot...I get tripped up alot, hence I am still single... | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 2/12/2007 8:37:13 AM | 1. Tempers
2. Complaining about having no money, though he makes tons of it. This goes to show that he can't manage money well and wants the woman to pay his bills.
3. Treating his kids badly (aka: being an ***hole. When his kids leave home, guess who's going to become the emotional punching bag? Or worse?)
4. Not listening when a woman says 'no'. That means no respect or regard to her feelings, which means he's selfish.
5. Lives alone and has no friends
6. Constantly, I mean constantly, asking if a woman is 'ok', even if she simply wiggles her big toe once.
7. Making everything out to be sexual. Can't a guy simple cuddle on a couch without attempting to strip his and her clothes off? Grow up.
8. Men who don't like strong, smart women. We've become strong and smart because we're tired of 'putting up' with stuff we have no business putting up with. We can do it on our own, thank you very much, and we don't need a daddy to take care of us. Deal with it.
9. Gets upset when a woman does things with her friends. You can't do things with them, too? Even after she asks you to come along? Fine. Pout at home all night for all we care. And on that same note, demands that she does things with his friends and gets upset when she says no.
10. Deliberately instigating drama, just to piss her off, knowing that it will piss her off but not caring
11. Needing a mother to take care of him
12. Attempting to tell her what to wear, (translated: what she SHOULD wear) which means he doesn't love her for who she is. BUT, he can look like a slob wherever they go and gets upset when she calls him on it. Then he calls her controlling and nagging.
13. Saying what a woman wants to hear just simply to have a woman. That's called being someone your not, or lying. We don't like that. Grow a backbone and be yourself.
Yes, I've developed 'issues' over my years of dating, which is why I'm not doing it anymore. It's partly my fault for dating these idiots, but what can a girl do when a guy is one way in the very beginning, then his true self comes out later when the relationship has developed? TIP: Just be yourself in the beginning and no one has to get hurt. Lying takes so much more energy than being real. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 2/12/2007 8:44:12 AM | | When I trust a man I open up totally.....when I begin to see signs of dishonesty, my defenses go up. When the relationship is pure there is an innocence about it. If I begin to get that gut feeling that someone or something have come between us, and that innocence is somehow tainted, I run! I dont like the feelings it creates. That emptiness in the pit of my stomach, I dont like the person I become. I cant be in a committed relationship without trust. I have tried, but dishonesty kills the love. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 2/14/2007 2:00:27 PM | #1-Drugs
#2-Alcohol=when they think the sky's the limit.
#3-Jealousy/Controlling
#4-Liars
#5-Occupation=roofer | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 2/14/2007 2:31:46 PM | Well, if they walk around talking to themselves and saying they are being watched...that would make me run.
If they sit and look at a match buring with wonderment in their eyes...that would make me run.
If I find out she has the same parts as I do...you know what I mean...that would make me run.
If she actually know the longest word in the world ...its a chemical name I think...and pronounce it while drinking a glass of water ....that would make me run. I mean, I have this fear of gurgling sounds, you know. LOL
If she gets calls in the middle of the night and ends up taking the phone to the next room...that would make me run. I mean...she could be part of a cell or something and who knows...Jack Bauer could be breaking into my place at any minute. No way is he gonna torture me. I'd break once he said, "TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO KNOW".
Am I staying on topic here or what?  | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 3/17/2007 7:53:05 AM | The guy was late at the first meeting, I had shown up after working 12 hours and he was 30 minutes late. Showed up in a mango colored short sleeved mock turtleneck shirt. I almost bolted when I saw him coming towards the table.
xoxoxoxo,hhs | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 3/17/2007 8:00:34 AM | Ugh, I can't stand negative people. they will always put dirt on whatever you do, no matter how small. people are who really miserable can't stand to see the next person happy.
clingy men are such a turn off. please don't call/text/leave voicemails more than twice a day. especially if we just met.
Liars are in a class of their own. it takes too much to keep up with lies. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 3/19/2007 2:55:29 PM | | LOL Don't you like guys that try to apeal to their girly side.. sort of .. [the word is queer] | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 3/20/2007 4:56:28 PM | well I dated a sensitive guy...he was perfect...and then he confessed that he used to be 'bi'. Whoa....freaked me out. The last thing I need is a terminal std.
Yes liars, I met one guy like that. He told soooo many lies he couldn't even keep up with them himself. I wouldn't put out on the second date and then we met as friends later on just to catch up a few times...I couldn't even hack it from a friend. Too much!!
xxxxxxxxxxx,hhs | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 3/29/2007 1:51:45 AM | | What triggers me to run is when I have invested time, energy and genuine friendship into mailing somone across the ocean from me only to discover he is a beautiful liar. What triggers me to run is sending a book, a letter, some music around the world to a man who calls me honey.... darling..... who says so many times he is in love, then reveals he is already living with someone. What triggers me to run are clever men who write books and live in the shadows. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 3/29/2007 2:27:17 PM | Lying, 'cause I am better equipted to deal with the truth...
If someone some starts ****ing and ****ing..
and if I think the are acting interested only to get to the sex...I outta there!
I am to old and wise to be playing childish games, so I take a hike! so there!  | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 3/29/2007 2:37:08 PM | It is true that painful situation from the past can make a person run if they feel the behavior they are seeing is a behavior they fear.
It is a confusing and tricky situation all the way around. Wanting to trust, not being able to.. Not knowing for sure if the person that is displaying those behaviors are people that should be run from.
Having come from a situation just like this recently, I have to admit it was one of the most scary, confusing time of my life. Most people are not all bad. Nor, are they all good.
A certain behavior was being displayed, but because of my past, I wasn't sure if my feelings of fear were valid, or was it me???
So, my gut told me to run, I gave it a chance, gave it a few chances and had to come to terms that this was not me. it was him.
I have learned alot from this, Follow your gut, the worse that can happen is... you will be wrong. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 3/29/2007 8:34:45 PM | a lack of communication it is the blood of any type of relationship & the reason for almost all confusion , break down & arguments in relationships without it u have a long everlasting date with a perpetual wall ,with no connections , all the responsibility, expectations & none of the benefits | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 7/9/2007 5:15:22 PM |
When I trust a man I open up totally.....when I begin to see signs of dishonesty, my defenses go up. When the relationship is pure there is an innocence about it. If I begin to get that gut feeling that someone or something have come between us, and that innocence is somehow tainted, I run! I dont like the feelings it creates. That emptiness in the pit of my stomach, I dont like the person I become.
Good comment. I think alot women feel this way, and unintentionally lash out or run due to feelings of mistrust. We know that we don't like it, but it's so hard to break out of it when you keep being deceived. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 7/9/2007 5:36:16 PM | ^^^^ I concur. I also strongly recommend WOMEN voice their concerns to their partner when these feelings flair up instead of yacking to their jaded girlfriends.
Voice your concern instead of letting it eat you up inside OR withdrawing.
Sound all too familiar?
I thank you. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 7/9/2007 5:46:48 PM | | All over me on the first date....left the toilet seat up...two xx in two days!!! | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 7/9/2007 6:08:04 PM | | spaceman - yes, I've discovered talking about it does work at least it makes me feel better, but first the man has to "stay" to listen. Most times, men run or break up because the woman freaks them out - sort of like a wheel that turns without end lmao | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 7/9/2007 6:17:14 PM | That is a little unfair and stereotypical I think wildheart. Why freak out to begin with?? If something bothers you................voice your concern and hopefully MORE men will start to listen better instead of tuning women out and rolling their eyes.
Talking does clear the air if both parties have issues that can be resolved. Some issues will always remain if one party is un-willing to work on or recognise said problem.
Don't paint everyone with the same brush.
I will agree more men need educate themselves and seriously listen when a woman says the words......................WE NEED TO TALK. How wonderful relationships would continue to be.
I thank you. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 7/9/2007 7:12:46 PM | Spaceman, you sound like a keeper to me! Whoever enters your life is going to be very fortunate. If only more people would listen to one another......
I ran recently from a guy whose fingernails were longer than most women I know and whose table manners were disgusting! I agree with the poster that said trying to make someone change isn't worth the effort. I don't want some guy trying to tell me what to wear, nor would I want to be trying to teach some guy proper table manners. I'd say that by the time a guy is in his 40s he should know his way around the forks and knives!
I stuck around for a long term relationship with a fellow that I liked as is. I didn't feel like I had to "change" him. Even though the relationship ended some time ago, he showed me that I can find a man I like as he is, not requiring "change" like the guy with bad table manners. Basically, you can't change a zebra's stripes! | |
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