| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/30/2006 4:01:18 AM | A carcadan...
If you can imagine something man-sized with a long dinasour tail, and a skeletal head with a unicorn horn.
yea, it was a costume, but I ran into one on a dark trail one night and, when it growled at me I turned and ran like my life depended on it.
(( yeah, there's a longer story to that one))
On a more serious tone,
Drugs.
I had a roommate who relapsed into using Meth. She was a pretty good roommate up until that point, then it just went slowly to hell in a handbasket. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/30/2006 6:08:34 AM | | I have been well knowen lately for throwing up emotional walls, that stop people from getting to close. I have come to concider myself quite the pro at this, until recently and boy did it back fire. Someone I was interested in (am interested in) off this site some how knocked down a lot of these walls without my notice. We ended sharing the most wonderful night together in eachothers arms and then I realized it. He had some how broken through all my barriers and I was left with only one option ... ... FREAK OUT! It was so unexpected yet so welcome and thats what was scary. Was I setting myself up to get hurt or could this man be different? I never gave him a chance really, I basically ran out of there the next day and was hystaerical for doing so, sobbed for hours once I got home. Have I been able to fix what went wrong? NO I seem to keep making it worse. He told me to drop it and leave it as is, but how could a man (sorry) be that forgiving and understanding. I tried but, I don't know. Ahhhh! I freaked out and ran away but wished I had stayed. I guess what is done is done and there is no changing it. I just hope it isn't fully a lost cause. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/30/2006 6:24:56 AM | What triggers me to run... hmmm.
Well I'd have to say, that the main thing that triggers me to run from anyone (and I guess this is something that I have allowed to happen over time) is when I find someone I'm really interested in and it appears to be reciprocated, and then days, weeks, or months down the track, they just stop talking to me for no reason at all... I guess it's because of past relationships, and the fact that I've been single since "The Incident" that caused my trigger to come about... I just have a hard time believing that any man finds me attractive. I mean, I know I'm not the worlds most beautiful woman, but am I honestly that ugly that men will run for the hills???
...either that or I'm too clingy... or possessive....or *shrugs*
Who wants to be my shrink?!?!?!  
WhiteAngelKyls
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Sigi
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Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 80 | |
| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/30/2006 9:38:50 AM | What triggers me to run.....all that's been told in this thread....
Smile, Sigi | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/30/2006 10:55:18 AM | If she ever takes something that happened more than a week ago, and throws it in my face during an unrelated argument.
If she keeps The List of the Things I've Done Wrong (tm). Guys, you know what I'm talking about.
If her reply to why she didn't share her thoughts or feelings is ever, "Well, you should have just known." Because ladies, for a gender that prides itself on good communication, some of ya'll suck. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/30/2006 11:16:30 AM | Funny how we all perceive things that may or may not be appropriate to the situation..and thereby "run". To give up on relationships completely shows a total lack of trust not only in others but maybe yourself (BCDream). And if one can't live happily with self then you can't open yourself up to others. Trust is a very big issue with all of us. I may turn a deaf ear to some, but not run unless being physically chased or tormented. Co-dependent? Not really, just the eternal optimist who tries to see both sides of the pancake and hope that whatever has caused dissension and then the need to feel like running will either work itself out one way or the other. Don't have to run all the time, walking away with your head up is much better. Just my opinion of course.
nurcnurc | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/30/2006 4:31:53 PM | | If I feel that I am not really wanted. I have learned to ask just in case I'm just being scared and am wrong. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/30/2006 6:12:55 PM | We all have defense functions. Fear is a primal defense function. Men and women who have these "fears" in relationships just haven't taken the time to address them. Unfortunately, I agree it can allow something special to get away (is that a fishing pun?) but there is nothing you can do about it.
I'm no therapist but you can no more tell someone to quit smoking tomorrow than tell them not to be scared about you. Their choice to confront their fears.
Reminds of a time when these two ladies were fighting over me at a party. Scared as hell at first but I just had to confront those fears. LOL
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/30/2006 7:26:08 PM | I recently had that happen.. but I don't know if I was wrong about the person or my intuition was telling me to be careful. I felt confused and a little reservation and because of my feelings for he person ... I was scared of being hurt.
I did believe the person was genuine. But I had felt coerced into giving up male friends to sort of seal the deal of our comitment. Then found he hadn't reciprocated. So things happened quickly, maybe too quickly.. circumstances were at an all time crazy time in both our lives so our centres weren't on each other at all times.
So when I found out although the trust was there.. his response and actions to it all scared me off..... Really bad and it ruined our relationship.
It wasn't the fact he actually had female friends that scared me. It was his attitude and complete disreguard about my feelings about it. The fact he practically rammed it down my throat was the clincher.
In the end... he called me a control freak and actually I took great offense to that... as I felt he was trying to control me. He had been seperated and I really didn't think he'd dated that much... I just tried to tell him his constant addition of making and adding new female friends I didn't know.. wasn't exactly what I thought was really healthy for a new and very young relationship. Especially if I didn't know them. My personal theory would lead me to beleive that perhaps he was not as ready to settle down as seriously and as soon as he wanted me to believe. I felt really mislead and very unsure. I know in my heart this man could be trusted if he felt he was with the right one. I was just unsure about being the right one because of his actions. I do believe his new found freedom had a lot to do with it. He was married for a very long time. I tried to expain he was possibly heading for trouble wether he knew it or not and was putting himself into positions he hadn't been in for a very long time. I certainly didn't want to be the one to get burned out of the deal or hurt. I tried to say... perhaps he should go and date some more and come back later. He didn't get it and completely disreguarded what I was trying to tell him.
Truth is that was what bothered me... that perhaps I was right .. perhaps I was wrong... but his actions and reactions to it... scared me off.
Had he taken the time... and had the understanding of my feelings I don't think this would of happened. I genuinely really cared about this man. I loved him and was very serious in my comitment to him. I Still miss him and will always wonder.... Why? Perhaps it was timing.
But then the double edge sword comes into play... if he had really cared I don't think he would have been so harsh and taken the time to reassure my insecurities.
As I said ... maybe I'm right maybe I'm wrong ... maybe I am a control freak... but I do feel something wasn't right.. that I do know... for sure...
... hence I'm single! | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/30/2006 7:47:31 PM | Sweet Sensations, I have found it to be very risky to date recently separated/yet-to-be-divorced men. In my experience, they are not in a stable place, and it causes the kind of game-playing you experienced with this man. I swore off separated men after bad experiences and then decided to give another one a chance this past summer--and it was firmly reinforced for me that I should have stayed well away.
Before all recently separated people jump on my *ss, let me say that there may be people who are stable and truly ready to enter relationships within the first year of a separation, but my personal experience has shown me otherwise.
Best of luck to you, Sweet Sensations, in finding a healthy relationship in the future. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/30/2006 8:04:07 PM | | If someone shows any signs of jealousy or possessiveness, I WILL RUN like a bat out of hell.....I have been in one controlling and abusive relationship, I am not getting into another - - I'd rather be alone. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/30/2006 9:20:42 PM | | Ya know I did that for ten years. I really didn't wanna get too close to anybody, but there was a legitimate reason. My fiance' was rapped and murdered and it was hard for me to get over something like that so I didn't want to get to close to any woman for a long time. So its not always the trust thing. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/30/2006 9:25:44 PM | "Faith is based on substance, not blind trust; if it walks like a duck, quaks like a duck, and looks like a duck; the damn thing's a duck... enough said."
Some of us are like Pavlov's dogs and see ducks everywhere (ha, ha). Still there comes a point were you have to trust. I have made that choice. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 10/1/2006 9:20:04 AM | | Weebles Wobble but the don't fall down and they don't have any legs to run with. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 10/1/2006 10:37:49 AM | | I believe in honesty and communication,if someone cant be open with me,guess cause Iam such an open book,that would make me very leary and skeptical,I would not want to pursue anything with them,always,always communicate! and the truth does set you free!! | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 10/1/2006 10:48:09 AM | | ANGER--People who move immediately into SERIOUS ANGER over relatively minor issues, so that you can't discuss them or even argue about them. That's probably my only "trigger." | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 10/1/2006 4:18:10 PM | | I tend to want to run from someone who is trying to control me. Example tell me what I should order for dinner or if I voice an opinion accuse me of being a witch. I tend to run when someone shows there are threatened by intelligence. I can't stand somone who is always trying to impress me with a Who's Who of who there are friends with or know. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 10/1/2006 5:42:44 PM | | Any kind of premeditated dishonesty is pretty much an instant deal breaker for me. Been there, done that, and not doing it again. Ever. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 10/1/2006 7:28:39 PM | Therein lies the answer. One should not make sweeping generalizations because of past experiences. However, one must remain vigilant when one sees similar signs. At that point, he/she must discern if it is indeed a behavior trait or a bad reading on his/her part.
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This is so TRUE...!!. We have to decide one way or the other if what we are seeing is a character trait, or not. Because if the things we see that make us run, are triggers from our past --- they are also called, RED FLAGS. And we should never ignore a Red Flag. No matter how small a warning it may be. So do be very careful as well when getting to know someone, and do not ignore these red flags. {I personally just ignored one and it turned quite violent for my house and vehicle. I thank God that I wasn't personally injured}
Get to know the person well, but if red flags appear along the way --- decide what to do about them. But do not just ignore them. Just my advice...... | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 10/1/2006 8:10:16 PM | Knowing I either have genuine feelings for the person or that there's a high potential and it would be real. I had no fault in bringing a certain things upon my head when I was young but I did have a responsibility to myself to not keep seeking relationships which would serve neither person's needs...just out of habit.
I knew the difference between the real thing...the good people and the not good for me as far as a real sexual etc. relationship was concerned.
I always picked the one's who didn't or couldn't care or someone so out of reach I knew it was just a pleasant fantasy.
I faced all kinds of people in my life. No one would scare me more than someone who could make it real. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 10/1/2006 8:18:39 PM | heh heh
Wow, BigSurprise, you're a lot like a girl I dated on and off for a while... It was so damn frustrating because she was always pulling that out... Running just when things started to get deep and good... and I kept getting back with her because I knew it could be real... It was bloody excruciating though! Pushed and pulled till your heart has more scar tissue than a burn victim... haha
Myself though, what really triggers me, or has triggered me in the past, is when girls push "too fast"... Too fast being in my books being in love or talking about marriage within a month of when we start dating slash meet. And also dishonesty or interest in other guys... Everyone lies, but when someone lies and doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, that sets off my alarms, but on the bad side on my part, if I think a girl has any interest in another guy, even when we're only just casully dating, I tend to "check out", and so it all becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and she ends up with the other guy because he's still "checked in". | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 10/2/2006 11:37:26 AM | Dishonesty and lack of communication, and possessiveness. I have been through those a lot and I am an openbook type of person and when someone is just not talking or sharing about themselves, and I am not talking about early on the relationship but as time progressed like months later, and we are still are at the beginning, and I still do not know anything about them, then I wonder what is going on with them.
They know all about me and I know nothing about them, an unbalanced airplane that will unfortunately crash.
Lack of communication, just the basics of returning my calls, or acknowledging that you received them and will get back to me. I understand that people are busy and so am I but I do make sure that I return calls when the roars of life dies down a little.
Possessiveness I really hate, and as I have been through several of those and those were pretty bad and I had only one turn abusive and I left him immediately. Any first signs of that stuff, he gets kicked to the curb immediately. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 10/2/2006 1:01:22 PM | Good topic, IndigoRose
the "programming" from the past interferes with their thinking.How do you deal with these feelings
I see it like this: Yes, we've all been hurt by someone we have loved . We've all been betrayed after we've made ourselves vulnerable to someone in some way, which is what relationships will eventually fall into. I've had my eyes opened "wider"... because of the actions of others in the past, yes indeed. Sometimes, though, these traits in others might trigger that hurt we had before, and it puts a blinder in place. Sometimes people use these defense mechanisms to shut others out, or become more aloof. But, If I remember it correctly,
" A ship in a harbor is safe. But that is not what a ship is meant to do."
However, we should learn from our past and make corrective measures, right?
A ship, on a course, from point A to point B, is only on course 3% of the time. The other 97% of the it's time is spent making minor adjustments to correctly guide it to point B.
Some old codger once said
"Those who are incapable of remembering the past, are destined to repeat it"
I just try to use my past as a guide. | |
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