| but, i am
Posted: 11/10/2006 8:44:32 AM | it's ok, they keep saying
to feel this way sometimes
to watch myself replaying
all those misfortunate lines
to want to crawl in bed
and pull the covers taut
and speak a word to no one
lest they try to steal my thoughts
i should share myself to all
is what they tell me now
the good, the bad, the ugly
i should let them in somehow
well, i can't
i mean i won't
i've buried the only key
deep down in hell town
where the only one is me
i won't share my delusions
i can't say it to the world
instead i'll stay here lying
playing the happy girl
i know how to do it
i can smile just when it's time
please don't ask to see me
when this child runs out of lines | |
|
| another drunken rambling......
Posted: 11/10/2006 11:50:41 AM | so, i'm sitting here,
all alone
drunk
by myself
if we were meant to be
we would be
but, we just exist
co-habitate
oh, that fukking dictionary
i know so many words
but not any of the right ones
and you
you're eating cereal
all by yourself
i try
i, well, i try
i try to let you into my world
and you insist i need medication
because i am too hard
well, fukk, it's a hard life
i have six people to look after
and no one gives a fukk
about what i want
or what i need
even me
i don't want that expensive jewelry
i don't need that big ass tv
i just need someone to hear me
do you really hear me
or just get pissed off
when i'm
pissed off
because you think
that makes it better
that you
feel like i feel
it doesn't
you seem to have no idea
how much these words mean to me
how they define my life
yeah, i know,
i act like a teenager
i don't mean to
it just so happens
that it happens that way
i'm thirty two years old
and thirty two years young
i can't play house anymore
i want out | |
|
| who the hell does he think he is
Posted: 11/11/2006 9:31:01 AM | who the hell does he think he is
speakin to me like a stranger
is that the way u wanna play it?
why bother talkin - acting like u give a shit
after all we haven't talked 4 over a month
and i thought we were friends?
who the hell does he think he is
calling me all hours of the night
beggin me for some of my time
normally that wouldn't be a major crime
except hes not interested in me
only what i can do 4 him
who the hell does he think he is
calling me from a jail cell
asking me 4 friendship, beggin me 4 a lill kindness, love
does he think i am a retard? well if the hand fits the glove...
so i accept the calls like a good friend should
and for a whole 75 cents, we talk for a whole 20 minutes
who the hell does he think he is
still calling me a B**ch and much worse
he has lost the right to treat me that way
yet it happened again just yesterday....
i guess that's just a problem i have
that will never go away
who the hell does he think he is
hangin wit me all week
then cum the weekend he is nowhere to be found
well i ain't waitin around
but i do know 1 thing 4 sure -
i am done obsessing about all of you | |
|
| your something i have surrived
Posted: 11/11/2006 3:30:11 PM | smokin the weed
lettin my mind be freed
from its tangled web
of all the things that should be said
of all the things i should do
like movin on - forgettin you
but here iam typing away
killin some time, wasten my day
thinking of where i should be
what i really need
to make me feel whole again
lookin inside of me - for my fallen friend
i don't need you - i never did
u aren't 4 me - least of all the kids
u r emotionally detached - from all that's real
u cant face life - u cant deal
so u live in a pretend world - all of your own
one i can never reach
and u won't take the time to teach
i beg for your touch - u always turn away
sadness grows inside me more eveyday
but u don't care
don't wanna open up your life and share
so tonight i forever move on
just like the mornings light - means a new dawn
your are something i have surrrived | |
|
| finger truth
Posted: 11/11/2006 10:48:10 PM | time slips and falls away
like so many drops of rain
its my heart on a cloudy day
I am feeling all the same
I drop out of sight
when the time is right
to ease some of the pain
I am so blind
too wise to play the game
easily avoid the blame
it ain't me who lays the claim
but I just might ,put up a fight
if somehow now
I don't get to say your name
all we got is what we are
plain and simply something more
everyone struggles to say it right
but is it what we say or what we are
words purposely detailed to be felt and thought through but not really heard
stunning the atmosphere with cloths line protestations in every single verb
indicating their own worth with oblivious subliminal fingers
swirling and slipping out secrets while the essence silently lingers
I want to state things that make it all seem outrageous while keeping the needle in the vein
I see a light and soon another I try to draw a line to keep them connected in my mind
got to keep it personal and not wander off into delaria or a narcissistic state of conceit
bringing me down is just a theory of mine I keep to myself when I feel I'm in the need
saving all endearments and promises for verbal utterances
while keeping all the treasured tidbits for seances and dances
does it matter if the truth of the matter doesn't really matter ..yet
it's all in the knowing anyway , getting the point and forfeiting the rest
we have our ways with stuttered step and pointed punctuated question marks
but its not in the malleable lettered quotes that wreak havoc on our clear thoughts
only you and I know of the truth within the spectacular disaster thats become so obvious
armed sufficiently with heart sung words that entwine and define what it is that makes us..........us | |
|
| truthy fingers--linger, linger
Posted: 11/12/2006 3:46:06 AM | i know this is supposed to be a poetic response
but, how can i be poetic
when my mind is numbed
from the writings and ramblings
of you
i can't seem to wrap my thoughts
around a proper hello
could be that i'm high (but i'm not)
or that it's 6 a.m.(a little early, not bad)
or just that
my mind
has been
sufficiently
blown
i wish i had some words to give you
but, i am lacking in that department
as of late
the words get stuck in mid-air
and trying to retrieve them
well, that takes too much out of me
so, you'll have to do it for me
and i know you can
i've seen it
a hundred-thousand times
write my wrongs | |
|
| when the words won't come....
Posted: 11/13/2006 10:36:40 AM | i'm writing my wrongs
slinging the pain
revealing those feelings
of lonely again
no giggles for me
no jiggly laughs
the meds wore of
now i'm flat on my ass
so, here's the hard part
making this shit up as i go
afraid for all the world to see
these wounds that seem to know
they sing out inside of me
to run away, and fast
to go and find that piece of me
i thought i left far in the past
no money, baby, no
that's not what i need
no diamonds and gold
to excuse my dirty deeds
i'm not that kind of girl
with this leather around my throat
i'm too damn young to be this old
getting stuck in the same old boat
i shoulda known, coulda seen
what my fate what leading to
instead i sit here waiting
for time to lead me through
to you | |
|
| another track
Posted: 11/14/2006 11:52:01 PM | touched again by forgotten gloves
bring me back to where I've come
eats me complicatedly
a scene I've already been
I've decided lately to give it all away
I love you ....but thats gotta go too
with all those old pictures of me and you
surrounded in better frames of mind
maybe you understand ,maybe you don't
maybe you got to go too
your secrets are safe with me , {for sale with me}
come sail away with me ,you'll see
we'll make other friends ,we'll make amends
see each other and be too nervous to swallow
maybe nothings ever over just over and over again
touched again by forgotten loves
bring me back ,make me come
eat me complicatedly
the scene we've always been | |
|
| another track or just another section of the same track
Posted: 11/15/2006 8:23:55 AM | Funny how getting together with old friends is
awkward in the way you reflect on all that biz
time spaced in moments you forgot to reflect
now all of a sudden they just interject
We were lovers once
i remember
I see in your eyes the same
twenty years
feelings remain
what game is this anyway
when you think of the sway
that play put on your life
it doesn't cut like a knife
its more like a scalple
taking little slices of your soul
I am so glad you attaind some goals
wow ... you look good
if we only could have
then again
time bends momentary memory
everything would change
inseminarily strange events of fantasy
yes ... its probably because I'm lonely for love
though we gave that up long ago
I know it still shows in my eyes. | |
|
| and another section of secrets on the track
Posted: 11/15/2006 1:10:40 PM | So come on off of your rooftop
Come on down to the street
I've got something to tell you
Your secrets I will keep
Tell me why have you been crying
Why won't you look me in the eye
I'm just trying to help you
I just need to know why
Please won't you let me try
Be my secret, be my joy
Be a miracle to me
Be my lover, be my friend
Be a miracle to me
I want to sleep in your moonglow
In my mind your smile I keep
Head over heels I go
Like a dream from a peaceful sleep
This time I know I'm in deep
Be my secret, be my joy
Be a miracle to me
Be my lover, be my friend
Be a miracle to me
Miracle to Me~~the Black Crowes | |
|
| peeved
Posted: 11/15/2006 3:19:49 PM | Where did you go, the night you left
Storm clouds brewing fire,
Did you drive around this lame old town
Acting like trouble for hire?
What did you think I would do with the words
You hurled at me from your dark place?
Did you think I’d ignore them or cast them aside
Or toss them away with no trace?
You must have mistook me for someone else
For some woman without any spine,
Cause I take words like that and see where they spill
if any of them are really mine.
I don’t take kindly to tantrums in men
Who act just like spoiled boys
Who stomp off in the night, too coward to fight
“Going home and I’m taking my toys!”
Don’t bother returning I’ll pack up your stuff
And leave it all out by the lane
Keep your porcupine love and your cold attitude
Don’t need no more poison and pain.
Don’t bother with sorry or mumbled excuse
Take your sorry ass out of my way
Cause the display that I saw has told me enough
Don’t want you in my life today. | |
|
| skipping rails and details
Posted: 11/16/2006 10:56:16 AM | you don't take me seriously ,you can't take a joke
you say you're not funny you're right and yes I don't
whats this jester to do when everything is ruled by you
sitting up on that throne dear ,swaddled in purled silk
feeding cake onto the masses ,drowning in mothers milk
I look up from my knees here ,subserviently born and bred
a face of sick obedience or envy for the crown upon the head
its a cold eye thats worn out its obsession with tales of the dead
you make me delirious ,a milkshake in the middle of an overdose
you say you care and could be there even when you know you won't
what am I supposed to do when my whole world is ruled by you
looking down on me here ,befuddled by your own blue excuses
bleeding entreaties for all your previous abuses and mistaken misuses
laying down every little thing just to stir this melting pot of opinions
targetlessly firing at random until overwhelmed you take careful aim
piercing my art with tales borne out by an enchanted histories tragic end
moreworldcontainermoreworldmoreworldcontainermoreworldcontainitsafuelitsamuseilu2
Last night I dreamed, last night I dreamed darkly nurtured dreams
None of them were quite as frightening
oh
Canada emptied, there was me, featureless and freezing
Last night I dreamed you didn’t love me
"you kiss my fingers and made me love you"
| |
|
| skipping through the business
Posted: 11/17/2006 12:22:09 PM | wow you two,
absolutely fantastic
i know, i know, poetic response
i got a kitty cat sitting
on top of my pc screen
two dogs behind me, snoozing
and another kitty unseen
i feel like i'm living
here inside a zoo
when one's not getting pissy
there's always another two
ya, ya, i suck
so what
i have no words
they're all stuck
on the d-train
heading out of
san fransisco
gordie downey is a poet of the utmost
his lyrical fusions are intimidating, to say the least
when i read poets like him
i feel inadequate and barren
think i'll go read some more...here i come gordie | |
|
| skipping through the business
Posted: 11/17/2006 12:59:00 PM | ah ... that guy from down the hiway
smiling all the way to the bank
thanks to all those fans acoss this land
no need to stand in Kingston so much anymore
but for sure he's a hometown boy
bring joy to lots of girls and boys.
its hip to be tragic in that rock and roll arena
screaming meaning into the scene of seemingly
young dumb and full of cum guys chasing babes
for that thrill of the day... hey hey
sex and drugs and violent rock
knocking jocks out of their socks
with social consceince in that back beat
seducing you into moving those feet
if we let the best intimitate the rest
nothing would get done
so come on babe keep on running up that hill
and still we will swallow your fallen words
nomatter how absurd that bitter pill. | |
|
| skip left town; the leaves turned red
Posted: 11/18/2006 2:39:43 PM | so i sit here wondering
but never afraid
willing the words
to come and be made
wanting your affection
but at what price
i am the one stalling
with my sacrifice
i am the one waiting
for this time to end
whispering secrets
meant just for you, friend
wishes are for sissies
and sassy is for whores
lying is forever
as i'm running out the door
opening a new one
right around your way
hoping this connection
still finds you someday
i miss you when i'm lonely
i see you in my dreams
you may not be the only
but you're the man with the means
the way, the know, the wherewithall
to stand up to the likes of me
there's more to the story than i let on
but i can't just let it be.........
known
///////////////////////////////
hello lonely
how're you doing today? | |
|
| another tear jerk moment passes bye
Posted: 11/18/2006 5:10:38 PM | So nice of you to ask
it make this task much easier
to think that someone cares
even though I know
its only rhetorical
alone but not lonely
most of the time
its just a state of mind
I find
old tune
filling the gloom
with tears from years gone bye
make that cry refreshing
the tears can clean my pains
let me see from the windows of my soul
to watch the falling rain
with a flash from static charges
every now and then
lighting the night with thunder
distressing the dog hiding under the bed
I brush that stray hair back from my face
onto the top of my head
think of what tear jerk song I could sing along to now
before I have that next cow
let's see if the albums not too scratched
if the track can bring it back
those times when blue was just a colour
and I was just another feller watching the girls dance.
with one hand in my pants pocket
fingering that zippo
thinking we were cool
when we didn't even know how to use the tool. | |
|
| another tear jerk moment passes bye
Posted: 11/18/2006 6:57:30 PM | It’s a cathouse over on Electric avenue
And electricity is zapping, a new and snappy tune.
Wandering the stairways, Merlin hangs his cape
And sweet Genevieve is acting like a Tomcat’s on the make.
Wilber left the scuttlebutt, begged for a little more
The Queen she made his entrance seem like yesterdays old bore
But Oliver he scooped her run and brought them to a roar
While Frodo flipped his wicket with a dancing laser tore
The house apart on Saturday night while Sammy watched her tune
And sang along on Fivers dime, the juke box began to croon
Old cowboy songs of one eyed Jack while Bobby bet the Moon
On Sallys’ hopes he hung a flag, but gave it up too soon.
It’s a cathouse over on Electric Avenue
And if you fly by in the night it has a room for two. | |
|
| then caught in a butterfly net
Posted: 11/19/2006 12:33:16 AM | K bout time for a ramble since I started this one
wow lots of good reading nes you're a killer
serially or a multiple I haven't decided yet
Thorb I find myself repeating some of your lines
so much lately I have to question some of my own
matter of fact between you two and a healthy dose
of the Shadow Queen I got a nice little muse goin here
thank you thank you thank you muchly
don't know what this is or where it came from but this is its place
I found a new friend today to take all the blame
if and when I need one she said she'd do the same
this is my Horatio smile a little faded I admit
so lopsided and wrinkled its not a perfect fit
its my secret fashion statement ,a cover against the world
now where are you when the sky opens
are you in my arms or in my dreams
a whole lot farther is closer than it seems
in those photos of never really happened
and them songs we never get to sing
about people we have never really been
its a sin ,join in ,its a sin
sketched a new plan today to light the world on fire
everyone laughed and passed with a lack of perspire
I don't remember who I am or the reason I am being
when I wake up its the shell I happen to be wearing
its my secret fashion statement ,a cover against the world | |
|
| previous words you may not have heard
Posted: 11/19/2006 5:03:11 AM | the full moon is back
burning up the calender
hanging heavy gold and vast
first light this November
somewhere under its weight
you're amazing without thoughts of me
thinking only never can ever be too late
thats a forever .....as far as I can see
hey You
are you the one
and have you seen this yet
well has it already begun
have I somehow missed
You
The scene has been set
glowing a rich red umber
correlated old to last
days meant to remember
someday may be too late
lazing about what we ought to be
wondering how long I can wait
its forever....as far as I can see
I was holding out
sort of saving myself
resolute in my demands
now I'm gonna pack it all in
had to convince myself
Its all out of my hands
yeah You
gotta be the one
did you get that yet
think its already begun
has it some how missed
You | |
|
| quick ,while no ones lookin
Posted: 11/21/2006 6:57:08 PM | I got a couple ,or a few ,maybe a little more
time is so fleeting I just don't know
but its quiet thats a relief and an omen
the ashtray's disgusting and spouting electric blue swirls
got to thinkin about the day and the ones that preceded it
I woke up and sat down
closed my eyes and had a good look around
I said aloud "hallo" to which there was no reply
I must be alone ,its just you and I
I checked with mother nature
to see if she brought my spring
she said "nature has no maternal instinct
I will destroy every living thing"
I stood up and fell fast asleep
I walked for awhile without moving my feet
until I said goodnight y'all without a reply to follow
still all alone just me and a shadow
staring transfixed by the grandfather clock
so I asked after dear old father time
he said can't you give me a single minute of peace
you ain't no descendant of mine
I looked in a little closer ,enjoying a look from afar
as the earth swayed gently avoiding an escaping star
I asked myself "how long is gone"
I answered with volume "gone is forever as in forever long gone"
I'm writing this down in an attempt to keep a record
striving to carry on in case eternity just lasts a second
its at the tip of my tongue ,coming right out of the blue
a remembrance of being alone ,yes just I and you
for who are I if I don't come first
I remember she said I know its true
hmm really ? , smell me
can you really tell where I've been
would you call that a mortal sin
is it anything you can identify
maybe someone with a more practised eye
would have a better handle on
something that smells so wrong
inside
so tell me
have I ever done anything right
ever even added to a completely empty life
should I shoulder a little measure of the pain
take any of the blame or share your coital shame
or just try to lie to your unconditional eye
and watch trust die
inside
it was a mistake
a passing or a daydream lived out loud
regardless it didn't happen that way... exactly
it was just a remember
the walls were adorned with silken icon banners of old
floors awash in exotic Italian ceramic tapestry
lacking inhabitants explained the smell of spawning mites
yet no clues regarding the knowing welcome smile
the interior sparkled with recently waxed floors
giving the appearance of chamois slippered imps
practised in dance in this very space dancing a green mile
this is truly a house of horrors ,a lonely hearts retreat
governed steadfastly by a solitude bittersweet
the simple heart of said dwelling has been sanitized by trembling hands
seemingly unfettered after a dated style
with just a hint of an ambiance of abandonment
just like your small town backstreet
cleanliness being not on trial
the most appealing appendages being a plethora of doors
offering a relief of cloistered surroundings
perchance a hasty escape from this all encompassing doom
yet unrewarding an escape in quite some while
that was when I pulled my attention from the daydream
and decided to live out loud
no edits or back buttons just let it all hang out
the electric blue swirls making it all too real
reminding me time is fleeing
and asking for my company | |
|
| lacking senses
Posted: 11/23/2006 12:50:59 AM | the hinges squeaked
the aroma welcome
a frail comfort somehow
my therapy ...,my place to be
fantastical lines beseeching
the bass a deafening roar
puts me in the place I am now
a chemistry...,my place to be
this is my place to be
my time to waste
my days to taste
that personal space
where I am me
my place to be
the air sparkled
crystal blue in the sun
magic on a world stage
enduringly...,my place to be
my needs may speak
for completeness of home
unknown mate of the soul
indefinitely...,my place to be
{got a window watchers eye} | |
|
| a secret regret
Posted: 11/27/2006 9:45:44 PM | So
I'm dating this swinging singer
she said I took her breasts away
somehow I believe her
I haven't been known to breathe
she played a tambourine
in between her anxious screams
she strummed on a guitar
thats taken me this far
she says
I'm not even sure I've been here
its all illusion we need to shade
I think thats beautifulfully naive
maybe someday she'll be saved
she wore the name Victoria
like a closet full of secrets
pronouncing it like the Alamo
so no one would ever forget
regrets aren't for weeping
they're your currency in hell
the reward your soul is seeking
an invitation to exit your shell
regrets are an aching tooth
painfully related in song
blaming a wasted youth
that is nothing til its gone
I said
just pretend we were there
litter me with your poetic science
tell secrets of the ocean realm
secrets of the pharaohs
senior year on sesame street
when Elmo was your hero
share a story shatter the silences
secrets aren't for keeping
they disappear at the tell
hints begot the leaking
and are never told as well
secrets hide a truth
dirty as they are wrong
chalk it up as proof
that they never last for long
so
I'm cheating this singing swinger
trying to sell her ass on E-Bay
daily I deceive her
she accepts in her unease
playing the quiet Queen
in answer to all her dreams
giving up her guitar
to hitch a ride on my falling star
secrets aren't for keeping
{regrets not for weeping}
they disappear in the tell
{your currency in hell}
hints begot the leaking
{reward your soul is seeking}
and are never told as well
{invitation to exit your shell}
secrets hide the truth
{are an aching truth}
dirty as they are wrong
{related in song}
chalk it up as proof
{another wasted youth}
they never last for long
and nothing til its gone............ | |
|
| That's your opinion
Posted: 11/27/2006 10:49:42 PM | You mess with my serenity
Tell me what I feel
is not right.
That's your opinion.
Who are you to come into my world
and try to rock it
w/your way of life.
I am on a journey,
have been on it
long before you.
Your just a stumblin' block
Stirring up trouble.
Thinking your better than me
Got news for you~~
That's just your opinion.
Cuz I am who I am
and more of who I am becoming.
Don't rock my world.
It's sad really,
that you cant see
beyond your ego & expectations
of what others should be.
Enjoy your lonely life.
Good luck on your finding that perfection.
Stay outta my world
I'm in the middle of a
spiritual creation.
don't rock my world
Stay away from me
Thanks for your opinion
Now just let me be me!!!! | |
|
| Stay Grounded
Posted: 11/27/2006 11:02:05 PM | Does being grounded mean
keeping the feelings at bay....
Does it mean that I can't think
about you and how it all seems....
Think about seeing you,
yet another day.
Wanting to share my
ups and downs,
Listen to your wisdom,
your hopes and dreams.
think about your touch,
our bodies intertwined,
remembering your sweet kisses
wanting to know all there is to find.
Stay grounded, don't lead myself astray....
but as each day passes
another piece of me heads your way.
As much as I fight it,
date others to forget,
their faults appear quickly,
their existance I omit.
Then I think of you and me
how our conversations flow so freely.
The closeness we have
a gift of awareness,
all so new to me...
How when your in another room,
I can still feel your presence
and feel good knowing
its just you and I
right where we're supposed to be.
Stay grounded you say
try as I might
thoughts of you
just won't go away.
I turn us over to a Creator
greater than me,
Only to turn around
and it's you I see.
I'm letting go,
trying real hard,
but the more I push away
the closer you are.
Twisted up inside,
grounded from afar,
the feelings I must hide
not knowing what to say,
without scaring you off.
Stay grounded.
Don't focus on you.
Must focus on me.
Dammit baby,
it's impossible not to see.
these feelings I have
grow stronger every day.
I'm finding it harder and harder
to keep my emotions at bay.
I miss you
and all that you are.
The togetherness we have
creating our own star.....
Keep it grounded you speak...
I'm trying baby,
but its your love I seek.
(taken from the Wanna be Poets corner) by ME | |
|
| take flight...eh ?
Posted: 11/28/2006 11:59:18 AM | we're all songs of one song
and that song is "don't forget"
yeah the barometer is falling
cold threats remaining days
time keeping us updated
it wasn't always like this
do you remember when
windows were one way
you got the solitary view
keeping the story to yourself
now we got our views
and windows to the fools
who know all about you
and like you everyone else
but yeah the speedometer is stalling
little heavy on the fuel you might say
rhymes and that keeping me sedated
its the only way I can spit shit like this
can you recall any particular scene
that you couldn't put into words
punctuated how it was meant to sound
then only said it under your breath
whispers exploding into screams
but not a single sound could be heard
regurgitated where it won't be found
thats gotta be bad for your health
oh yeah the altimeter is galling
its not as much fun without the haze
kind of like life without the laces
even the greats were stoned for this
don't know what happened there
started out to thank the b-fly for posting
then kinda wandered away on my own
so thank you b-fly and welcome and come back
and scratch my back and I'll scratch yours
wouldn't it be great to be stoned for this ? | |
|
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