snog47
|
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 51 | |
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/13/2006 10:27:11 PM | | I have been separated for almost three yrs after 19yrs. I go through spells were i am lonely and times were i am fine. It came to a point of getting tired of brain fights. I would not mind going for walk, movies and cooking dinner. I have had one date in the past 3yrs as all my energy went into my son after she left. What will be will be. | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/14/2006 6:18:19 AM | No, I can't say I've been single longer than I expected. I was divorced over 20 years ago, then had a long term relationship afterward. When that ended, it was so painful,, I made a decision to just not do a long term relationship anymore. I enjoy the company of men, they have always part of my circle of friends and filled that void, to a great degree. There were a few short relationships along the way, but nothing I was willing to make permanent. I was also busy with work and children,, time just passed so quickly.
However, in the past few years, I've given a lot of thought to how much I'd like to grow old with someone I love. So now, if I find that special man, I will consider him a blessing.
tb | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/14/2006 6:32:18 AM | When I got divorced 8 years ago, I had no intention of ever being married or in a relationship again, so no for me too. Just this year I decided to test the waters and go  If it happens that I find a true love, all the better, and if not, I will be happy being me  | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/14/2006 10:41:07 AM | Perhaps because I failed to marry my first wife, I am still single, over 35 years later.
It seems funny now, that, as a young guy, I never wanted to get married, in the first place.
And funnier still, that the women who I date now, are mostly veterans of 25 year marriages, who have grandchildren.
That is the hot new pickup line, for guys over 50 to use, "Do you have grandchildren?"
So now, I am step-grandfather-in-waiting.
Longer than expected?
More like longer than I thought possible. | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/14/2006 10:45:59 AM | he he he, the longer this goes on , the more I know what to look for, and of what to be careful
but I'm not skeered | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/14/2006 11:02:17 AM | yes i have been single/ divorced 7 years now and you get burned out on the dating thing.. i would love to have a special man in my life.. i dont need one but i want one..
I dont need a man to pay my bills
I work and i do just fine
I dont need a man to cure my ills
LOL i am pretty healthy and
feeling fine..
but i do want one to love me for me
yesterday would be just fine..
sweet N Louisiana  | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/14/2006 7:31:57 PM | | Like many others...after my divorce I never thought I would want to have someone in my life again. It took some time to heal.....a long time. But I have been healed for a while now...and this is taking much longer than I expected. It is hard to sort out what I am looking for...and there seems little to choose from for me. I am very, very worried that I will not find anyone. I am trying to be happy being on my own...and for the most part it is working pretty good for me. | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/14/2006 8:40:56 PM | Married twice #1 16 years - she got mean when she drank and I split. For the first few weeks nothing seemed right - by the end of the first month there were females coming out of my ears - they were everywhere.
Single for about 18 months,
#2 17 years - 14 years young than me - I got use to her age group. I had NO idea that females I would have been interested in were (these days) looking for guys younger than they are (about 95% of the ones on the net that get my attention).
So - I tried at least with two or three (about 4 actually) and it always fizzled before it got going very good. I attribute that to so many guys trying to get their attention their heads spin.
I tried the local “events” that a couple of single’s sites put on and ............ nope not interested in 98% of the gals and the few others have 50 guys hovering around them.
Sad to say but .......... I am thinking I am getting too old for this stuff.
But yes - I was pretty sure I would have had a special gal in my life at least within a year. I was wrong - I am just too picky for my own good and deserve just what I have got lol. | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/14/2006 9:55:29 PM | Yes, I have been not only single, but unattached for longer than I expected. I've been divorced for almost 9 1/2 years, but was married briefly during that time. (lesson learned haha) I have dated a lot, but haven't even been in a (semi) serious relationship for over 4 years. I'm happy with my life, but would like someone to share it with. AND is it just me, or does it seem to get tougher to find decent people the older you get? I'm not sure if it's just an online issue, but I am actually shocked at how many dishonest people there are.
Also, I find that the few men I have liked and considered getting involved with, were either the type that fall in love with everyone they meet (on the first date LOL) and smother you to death OR they were such commitment phobs, that if they realized that they really liked you, that was grounds for breaking it off. LOL Isn't there anything in between?? | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/15/2006 3:32:12 AM | Yes, I have been not only single, but unattached for longer than I expected. A person w/ good character & morals is harder to find than a sleaze, so when you are a good person, it takes longer!
I have dated a lot, but haven't even been in a (semi) serious relationship for over 4 years. I'm happy with my life, but would like someone to share it with. ditto...it is easy to go on "dates", but relationships, esp. serious ones, are few & far between.
AND is it just me, or does it seem to get tougher to find decent people the older you get? yes, less fish in the pond, more rotten ones & the good ones get hooked fast! Many reasons for why it is not easy are in the forums...
I'm not sure if it's just an online issue, but I am actually shocked at how many dishonest people there are. Online makes it easy to lie & attracts a certain type along w/ the good guys, so we must learn how to seperate the wheat from the chaff.
Also, I find that the few men I have liked and considered getting involved with, were either the type that fall in love with everyone they meet (on the first date LOL) and smother you to death OR they were such commitment phobs, that if they realized that they really liked you, that was grounds for breaking it off. I have also experienced that, & both types are NOT ready for an intimate LTR. Timing has ALOT to do w/ it.
LOL Isn't there anything in between?? yes, they are the keepers! After 10 years, I am more than ready for a "keeper"!!! | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/15/2006 4:23:18 AM | Yes and no. Immediately after my divorce, I thought I would meet someone fairly quickly and be involved again. I was comfortable being married(8+ years) and I thought I would be involved again soon. Fast forward 9 years, and a few short-term realtionships later; and I have the opposite expectation. Now I'm not so sure I will ever meet the right one; although I hope I do.
It's fairly easy to meet someone to date; but really clicking with someone is much harder.
What do you attribute it too
Everyone has baggage, we become set in our ways, not enough in common, bad timing, etc. I am NOT worried about it, though, because I have learned to enjoy my own company and have many friends and hobbies to enjoy.
| |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/15/2006 10:02:05 AM | I have been single since 1984 and if I wanted to be married right now, I could be. It's not that I haven't met several really nice guys since then who wanted to tie the knot, I guess I just enjoy my freedom too much. I raised two kids and didn't want anyone else living with us until they were on their own, we all liked it the way it was, just the 3 of us.
I don't need anyone to pay my bills, I have a great job, but I am not ready to settle down with just anybody. I'll wait 'til the right guy comes along, the one I can't live without. When I think back on how disappointing my 13 years of married life really was, I would rather be single for the rest of my life than ever go through that much misery again. Sad, but true.  | |
|
| |
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/17/2006 3:26:51 PM | | I have heard it said that after 5 years from divorcing trhat if one hasen't remarried, their chances of remarrying drop drastically. I don't have an exact percentage to apply to that tidbit. I noticed that early on I was in several relationships for various lengths of time. After becoming a sailor and living a pretty laid back and adventurous life style, there have been no serious relationships and dates are extremely rare. I'm wondering if it is so very strange to live a leisure lifestyle. I don't know, but I do know that it's way too much fun to give up for the former 9 to 5 lifestyle I left. | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/17/2006 3:38:15 PM | I've been divorced for 11 years^^^I guess statistically I'm through! 
Everyone thought I would marry again right away...guess I wouldn't marry for the sake of being married...still wont!
Believe me, when I meet the right one and we BOTH want to tie the knot, EVERYONE will know because this will be the best person anyone has ever met! 
( or at least I will think so...) | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/17/2006 4:33:07 PM | | After my first marriage ended I didn't think I would get married again, but I did. That one ended in divorce too, and I've been single for 6 years. I got involved with one guy almost right away, that didn't work out. Since then I've dated but nothing serious. I met one guy last spring, I fell in love with him, the first one since my divorce, but the timing was wrong. We still chat and maybe sometime it will be right. For now, I'm here, not really sure if I want to find anyone though. I miss the companionship and having someone to do something with, but I like my independence. | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/17/2006 4:59:44 PM | Single for longer than I expected............and you say that like it is a bad thing
After being single for thirteen years, and enjoying my life more each year, it will take quite the person to get me to give up being single. | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/18/2006 7:16:58 AM | Being single is all ok im getting used to this gact of life,i made a choice 5 tears ago to be single and im the one that must deal with it even though i would like to move ahead i must realize that its just happen over night and i know this it takes time and ive had this much time so whats another 5 years oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii i so hope not
merry xmas all | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/18/2008 11:09:04 PM | Right after my divorce in '93, I got a ring that I called my DDIA ring (Don't Do It Again). I wore it on my wedding band finger. I was in a relationship within a year; after that went south, I moved here, and was in a relationship within six months. Went home to care for my mom her last year. Pretty much stopped thinking about it. Four years later, bingo again. When *he* died, I knew I wanted what we had again. I knew what it looked like, knew what it felt like, and had a very good idea who it would take to make it work like that again. I wasn't wrong. So, long story short: No.
Flip side, I don't really mind being single when I am. Don't think about it that much. Just do as I wish, and enjoy myself, my friends, my kids, my grandbabies. | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:22:02 AM | | When we have close friends, meaning in the world and are at peace and ease with ourselves, you don't worry about "finding" someone. Sure, we would wtill like to have the "other" in our lives. However, being without a significant other can force us to try new things, go new places, and grow into more than what we were. Is that really so bad? | |
|
| |
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:58:18 PM | I divorced in 93. My family put alot of pressure, as well as threats from my ex husband to not bring any men into my children`s lives. So I didn`t. Well, it is 15 years later. I`ve dated alot. I always thought that I was a great lady and would really make someone a wonderful partner. (Which I would). But to be honest, I`m really over the whole thing. I`ve been on so many awful dates, and as I get older, I just don`t want to go through the whole ordeal any more. I`m tired and fed up with the whole thing. Maybe I tried so hard for so long to please and be a great girlfriend, I would always end up just burning myself out and leaving the relationship. There just didn`t seem to be anything there for me, ever. I had several marriage proposals, and to be honest, if anything, they only offended me. The guy wasn`t treating me that well in the first place. I could never understand where they got the audacity to even think that I would consider marrying them.
So now I am usually on my own, don`t really care about dating any more. When I start feeling sorry for myself, and lonely, I start reading alot of the responses from guys on the forums as a wake up call as to the ways things really are. Then I count my lucky stars as to being single and at peace. | |
|
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/20/2008 4:18:03 PM | I loved my ex with a passion, but with retirement on the horizon, I had to make the choice as to whether I was going to spend it watching him get plastered every night, leaving him, or joining him. I knew very well that I might be on my own for the rest of my life. I also knew that I could manage if I had to and that there was little question that staying was going to kill me.
Half of the women in my cohort (I'm 55) who want to get married again (and there aren't many of us, according to some figures I've seen) actually do remarry. ONE in TWENTY marriages is happy; the rest are some version of, "Oh well, it's the best I could do" or "Oh well, it's too complicated to get out of now". So that leaves me something like a one-in-eighty chance of finding Mr. Right and living happily ever after in matrimonial bliss. But I buy lottery tickets once in a while too. Just don't make it your reason for living.
What's up with that? Partly just modern life: Television. Virtual social sites. Facelessbook. Isolation from real people. Busyness. Unrealistic expectations of "attractiveness" thanks to the media. Internet dating is totally unnatural - you don't get a chance to get to get comfortable with somebody from an impartial distance. I read somewhere that a person falls in love on average once every nine years--it doesn't happen every day. Partly it's just really hard to find someone who is a good match for us and always has been. People are complicated; we get smarter as we get older. Settling is not the answer.
Advice? Stop looking for happiness in other people.
I can't even find anyone who even wants to go sailing for an afternoon if I provide the boat, so I take my dog and leash myself to the mast if the weather gets ugly. At least I never get into a spat with myself while trying to anchor. | |
|
| |
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/20/2008 5:02:06 PM | I didn't have expectations after relationships ended other than knowing at some point the hurt would end.
As my marriage ended I remembered one of my favorite quotes.
"It takes a man to suffer no romance and smile" and knew when that happened, finding a relationship would be easy and it was.
Whether in a relationship or not, I've always had a variety of friends that care and have always found more of them.
I don't subscribe to the notion of 1 mr/ms right and find there are plenty of people to relate with some I could be intimate with and some I could not but I don't deny myself friends outside of the monogamous relationship I'm in. I think to deny outside relationships is a recipe for manipulation and loneliness. | |
|
Home
login 
