| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/20/2008 5:55:01 PM | | No, I never figured I would be alone this long..about 13 years. However, I sure know myself now after much deep reflection..and know exactly what I want,..and like my own company! I have enough to do to keep busy, although I do get lonely for male companionship/friendship..lead to more..some day I hope! I am very independant, and like my space..and hope some day to find a confident self-assured gentleman who knows himself, what he wants...and has some of the same similar interests as I do. I will not compromise on the basics that are important to me: trust, good character, hard working, belief in a higher power, loyalty, must like/give massages, good communication...there are probably a few more..but, these are the most essential. Why settle for less and be married again and miserable? I would rather be alone and happy..then, in the wrong relationship AGAIN...and have regrets..It has been 7 years since I have been on a date..and 6 years since I have had sex..do, I miss it? You bet..but, it has to be the right person, ..or it feels empty and cheap. Been there..done that...threw out the T-shirt! LOL | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/20/2008 7:28:04 PM | I've seen a LOT of game playing in men these days (I'm sure there are women who do the same so don't get your undies in a wad over what I just said). Afterall it's all over the TV and we know who watches a lot of TV so it's obvious they think it's ok for them to act the same way, only there's no laugh track in real life to cheer them on while they're bed hoping.
They don't know what they want even when they claim to, that is until you suddenly hear, "I don't know what I want" and "I'm suddenly not ready for a real relationship" and "It's not you, it's me"etc....
Try putting in your profile that you're looking for a lasting and meaningful relationship and see what happens....NOTHING. Put in your profile that you're looking for no strings fun and chances are you'll be swamped with offers. Certainly says a lot about society now days huh. Sad. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/20/2008 9:44:46 PM | I concur. I have been on here for over a year, and haven't even been for coffee yet with anyone, because all they are looking for (those that has IM'd me) is short term fun. So..it is not easy, and I certainly am not getting my hopes up! One would hope that when we reach our 40's we know what we want, know ourselves reasonably well, and have the communication skills and pshycological smarts to handle triggers that arise, and not point fingers at other, but look at ourselves...
So..our bodies can no longer defy gravity..but we are so much smarter and wiser(supposedly)...and people are too afraid to get involved because they don't want to get hurt..or whatever..and they want no strings attached fun. How sad and empty is that? | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/20/2008 9:59:47 PM | | I never thought I'd remarry - didn't think I'd be interested in a relationship again, so I'm surprised that I'm dating again. Not worried at all that I won't find someone, if it's meant to be it will be - all in it's own good time. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/21/2008 1:47:12 AM | | I have not had the same experience the 2 people I have seriously dated since ending17 + year marriage nearly sent me bolting with offers of LTR and all that goes with it me I am like am I ready for the long term commitment.Worried about putting a bunch of effort and time into an almost lifelong relationship and the heart break that could follow YIKES | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/21/2008 4:28:37 AM | In the eleven years of singledom I have had, I had two 3 year relationships & two 4 month relationships & many dates in between. Why didn't I hook up permanently? I was raising 2 high-functioning autistic sons & I think that put a wedge in between my relationships & myself. I made myself quite available to the guys I dated, but I think no one wanted to live with me or marry me because of my sons. I also worked part time instead of full time for many years, as my younger one is a type 1 diabetic & needed me to be available for many reasons.
Now my sons are way older. The younger one is moving in w/ Dad in a couple of months, & I am working in a new job, in a new field full time...my circumstances seem very different...
My feelings are if a good relationship happens, I will surely embrace it, but I'm not looking to hog-tie some poor guy & force him to be a square peg in a round hole!
My feeling is we need to allow things to happen, in their own time & manner, rather than to create "fate"! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/21/2008 7:01:29 AM | | Actually, I was separated for longer than I've been divorced, but the main reason that I haven't found a new relationship is because I have chosen to step back and re-evaluate exactly what I want and need in a relationship. In my "mature" years, I've found that the type of man that I'd prefer to have a relationship with are few and far between. I think my expectations are quite high; not that I want or expect the gorgeous, hard bodied, wealthy, etc.... "perfect male". But when you're looking for something deeper than the physical, it's just not easy to find. I don't anticipate being involved with anyone any time soon and like the others have expressed....when it happens, it'll be with the right man for the right reasons. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/21/2008 12:38:24 PM | | I have been single for 25 years now. Just circumstance but then again I've always been somewhat of a loner. I have several male friends who have never been married. I guess I can at least say that I have been there although it was only for a couple of years. It's very difficult to keep a relationship in this present day. Conflicts will happen and people are no longer willing to stay and "work it out". Each individual has their own agenda now, selfish maybe but that's the way it is. We are in the age of instant gratification and easy answers. If we don't get want we want, if our agenda is not satisfied then step aside and see what the next person will do for me is our attitude of today's society. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/21/2008 3:12:10 PM | ^^^ Interesting perspective.I was out with one of my buddies recently and as usual, the talked turned to women. Our conversation took a different track for a change. We observed the fact that most of the male divorcees in our circle of friends have NOT remarried, and for that matter, are NOT actively pursuing relationships for various reasons... Which is a paradox... Most all of us want to be back with someone at some point, but what we are finding is too many women who want a guy to "rescue" them, or provide a better life style than the one they currently have, and aren't really looking for a companion and lover.  The other factor is how many middle-aged females have just completely let themselves go. They really aren't helping their chances any. Most of our circle of friends is VERY active: Biking, Sailing, Hikes, Gym, etc, and we would kind of like to see that in a partner. I don't want to make sweeping generalizations here; maybe it's just the age range we are in right now ( late 40's - early 50's) and our current locale. It does get frustrating though. . . | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/21/2008 3:48:17 PM | Some really good posts here...
I haven't thought of it as being single for longer than I expected. I was busy for many years after the break up.."raising children" and "finding me" seemed to be my priority.
There was no time to think about being "single". After beginning to date again about a year and a half ago, I have realized just how much I have missed being in a long term relationship with one person. and have high hopes of meeting the person that will be my best friend and lover. But....I haven't placed an amount of time in which I need to become a "couple". It will happen when it happens....it's all in the timing anyway! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/21/2008 4:01:33 PM | | Hold da Fries... I can't believe all or most women in their 40s and 50s in your area have let themselves go. Maybe you are just looking in the wrong places. I would think your activities, biking, sailing, hikes, gym... you should meet some eligible women at those places. I also don't believe most women at that age want to be "rescued".. Perhaps it is just who you guys are looking at, I tend to do the same when looking at men, they seem to have let themselves go, but I could also be looking in the wrong places. I wouldn't say all men or most men let themselves go, but there are quite a few that I know anyway. JMO | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/21/2008 4:17:39 PM | I have been married and divorced twice. The first marriage ended after 15 years when I was in my early thirties. I felt quite certain I was destined to be single for the rest of my life since I was "now so old". Seriously, I really thought that, lol. I met my second husband 23 months after the first one split.
I have now been single for over three years. I find it quite unsettling. Never have I been single this long. Never would I have thought I would be single this long. I sometimes wonder if it is my age or if the Internet has actually inhibited me with it's illusion of plenty of fish. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/21/2008 5:00:51 PM | No, I expected to be single for 25+ years based on my "pleasing" personality. 
I'm a rare breed that is "not welcomed" in the male circle..you see, I tend to take care of myself, my health, my animals, my friends and the water with an extreme vengeance that's almost downright scary. ha!
Most men don't like not being "first." I hope to be single for the next 25+ years if the men I've met and dated in the past are the windows to my future.
Sans | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/21/2008 6:27:49 PM | Sometimes I wonder,but then again,I just haven't met anybody that was a serious prospect yet,and I just don't want to "settle"for just anything,I want the next time to be the last time and it be something very special.   | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/21/2008 6:57:42 PM | I have been married and divorced twice. The first marriage ended after 15 years when I was in my early thirties. I felt quite certain I was destined to be single for the rest of my life since I was "now so old". Seriously, I really thought that, lol. I met my second husband 23 months after the first one split.
..And I foolishly thought that with my first marriage we were going to live happily ever after....he obviously thought otherwise haha....anyhow, like firstlight I jumped too soon into another marriage that ended badly. So I thought to myself this time around I was going to go slow and take as much time as I needed.....I would never have guessed 12 years.... still waiting haha
...maeflowers | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/21/2008 7:07:58 PM | I have to say that I have not really thought about it to be honest. So much transition has occured for me. It will be 5 years come this May. Busy with job and new responsibilities, new house, new life period and must say I love it! lol
Still struggling for divorce though. He seems to think that after 5 years I owe him spousal support! Would be laughable if it wasn't so sick....I think I am gonna put a new meaning to the phrase "freedom 55"!!!!
And Mr. Artists? Me thinks I need to move to the States darlin! You are gorgeous!!!!
Would have sent him email, but I am a Cannuck! What can I say? lol | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/21/2008 7:46:41 PM |
And Mr. Artists? Me thinks I need to move to the States darlin! You are gorgeous!!!!
Would have sent him email, but I am a Cannuck! What can I say? lol
...Want to take a road trip?
...maeflowers | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/21/2008 7:48:07 PM | Oh Miss Mae? I got a new car, you pack the sangies darlin, and meet up k?
Sometimes for the life of me, I simply cannot figure out why some men and women remain single??? | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/22/2008 1:33:23 PM | YES, I was single for longer than expected.
Much because I didn't feel like taking up mate hunting,
which is tiring, in itself, after yet another relationship
gone Hollywood...not for real.
I put all my energies into my house,looking after loved ones.
I have no regrets! After awhile, a long while, I went a slow pace at meeting someone new.
THE SLOW LANE! Took like ..4 years....but definitely, the right moves!
I did meet some gals, traveling in the FAST LANE, but...sorry...'I'm in the
SLOW LANE, don't even think about throttling up!
My friends kept me going, did seem kind of awkward at times,'' plan for ''one more''!
Let me tell you, I've seen, even the BEST of em plan and execute to a ''T'', RARE
that things work out as planned.
I consider myself , taking a while ,a GOOD INVESTMENT! Would recommend the same for anyone for the most POSITIVE outcome.
I landed on my FEET, wish the same for everyone else. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/23/2008 10:25:55 AM |
I agree... I don't mind it either and really don't think about it all that much either. I'd rather be in no relationship for the right reasons than be in a relationship for the wrong reasons....
...Thank goodness I enjoy my own compny so much haha
...maeflowers | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/23/2008 9:13:15 PM | I've been single for 5 years now and yes, I've been single a lot longer then I thought I would be. I figured that it would be fairly easy to meet a nice guy and fall in love again. I wasn't prepared for "You better give me sex in the first three dates (or even on the first meeting) or I dump you." type attitude. I've also been surprised by the number of men who are looking for women to be men...........they want sexy women who will hike, fish, ride motorcycles and do all those favorite male activities and yet look like they are 30......... I tend to think in terms of his, hers, and ours. Some activities are what he likes to do ........some are what I like to do and then there are ones we both like to do together.........
But I think the biggest problem is expectations. I know my past relationship worked because we each had a small list of what we couldn't compromise and a big list of things that we could compromise and work out ....... I'm selective but I don't feel that I expect perfection and yet so many people seem to be looking for perfection. For me, part of love is learning to even love the imperfections.......... After all, I'm not perfect either!
I may be alone for the rest of my life. It won't be what I want but if that's the way it is, then I will still try to have a happy life! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/24/2008 8:53:16 AM | I figured I'd be single for a while, unless Cupid made me stupid.  
I just need to focus on certain things right now, and those things have taken priority. I did allow myself to go nuts at the start, because I was a man that had never really dated extensively in my life before hand - even as a young man.
When I'm in a relationship, I'm rock solid when it comes to being faithful. To be free of that self-imposed limitation, to actually meet a woman and to ask her out, was something that I'd welcomed. After being with one person for seventeen years, it was great to date a couple of dozen women and see the differences in being with them.
I really needed that, and it made me a better person, and a far happier one.
By the end of this year, everything should be where I plan it to be. I'll be free from a lot of things that restrict me now, and that will make a huge difference in my life and my choices.
If I find someone, it will be when it's the right time for them to enter into my life. Now isn't that time... | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:01:51 PM | Interesting thread that brings up all kinds of thoughts.
The following is from my own personal experience.
I've often wondered why men, especially, seem to expect to have another serious-type relationship within 2 years (seems to be a 'rule of thumb') of their last marriage/relationship? Even if they were the ones that left to find their 'freedom'?
And women, who've maybe been 'left', are very reluctant to give up their own 'hard won' freedom to be in a relationship!
Hmmm, time to ponder. | |
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