| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:28:20 PM | Yep! Last long term relationship of 4 years ended in late 2002. But in the intervening years, I got to "know myself" much better, to know what I REALLY want and need in a relationship, and to do some things by myself and for myself (like purchase a home that I love)!
And absolutely, positively, without a doubt, I'm READY for that loving, lasting, long term relationship. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 2/27/2008 2:51:57 AM | | Oh my yes!! I had no idea that it would be so difficult to get back in the grove. I have been out of the dating thing so long I am not sure I even know how to act anymore. What I did years ago won't work today. I am over 50 and I may have lost some of my confidence but I remember 10 years ago dating was easier for me. I just jumped in and had a good time. I think I attribute my lack of finding anyone is I am getting so particular. I don't want a bad relationship and maybe fear is keeping me from getting out there. I have not even gotten a good bite from this site so maybe its my looks. After all I am aging. If you find out let me know. lol... | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/8/2008 6:42:05 AM | Three months after my divorce I met a woman and remained with her four years, even got engaged. Am I glad I did not marry her! Later on I came under pressure to get married from a couple more with whom I was in ltrs. None of those marriages would have had happy endings.
What I have found after 15 years of being single is it is difficult to find a good fit. The family circumstances, goals, values and much more need to fit in order for things to work out. When I first got divorced I did not consicer, understand or appreciate all the hurdles I would face. I thought I would remarry in a few years. Now I seriously doubt I will. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/8/2008 8:21:58 AM | Much longer than I hoped but not so much more than I expected. In our generation, the expectations were quite a bit different between the sexes and that impacts our ability to find mutual interests in a newer environment with more freedom choice.
In reading these posts and some studies of on-line dating, I find the worst of what I experienced in my younger years before the internet is only amplified. It seems a majority of women by now have reaped the benefits of the bad boys they were (and still are) attracted to and are too bitter at all men from the experience. Those that still have the Barbie looks are still going after the Marlboro man stock broker that can provide for them in a way they would like to become accustomed. The Marlboro man plays his looks for all he can get knowing a fool and her legs are soon parted but why settle for the repetition of one stray when the whole herd is available.
In the mean time, the search for intelligent life continues. I find it disturbing that in my profession, the percentage of women is now declining when it rose for so many years. One other aspect that I hope is more a characteristic of POF is the shocking number of smokers. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/8/2008 10:30:19 AM | never thought I'd be single for over a year..now 7 years later..I wonder if i'll ever want a permanant partner..read all the horror stories in the forums..walk through a store and try to compliment a lady and see if you get hit, arrested or told off..
Times have changed being nice hard working and decent looking isn't enough..it's your IRA, your home, the vehicle you drive and more..
I sometime wonder if I truly want another person that close..dating yes..but permanant..I don't know anymore..
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/8/2008 6:10:51 PM | well Sailor Dave.... you sound mighty cynical...but perhaps that is all a part of age and circumstance.... I might agree with much of what you say, but lets be honest - men/women - they're pretty much the same in the sense that everyone seems to want the "barbie" doll, or the "marlboro" man..... I guess at the end of the day, what we really need is to be happy with ourselves, then maybe others will see that too. I think I take a bad photo - the picture that doesn't show my heart, or my warmth or charm, or the humour that can make just about anyone laugh - or my intelligence that should be important... but the old adage, a picture says a thousand words - well I don't believe that most of the time - hate having my pic taken - so those that I have are not good....
So Sailor Dave... tell me, if a pic is so important to you.... then how are you different from what you quoted above? | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/8/2008 6:26:51 PM | I definitely never thought I'd be single this long. When I was younger, it seemed so simple, there was always someone who wanted to date me. Now that I'm older and have a few extra pounds, well........nobody even looks! I've become very good and doing "single" things when all of my married friends have "couple" things to do. I think that so far, I just haven't found the right person.....the one who see's what's actually there not just the looks. I have worried that I wouldn't find anyone, but somehow it doesn't seem as important as it used to. Don't worry, I'm sure that, as they say, there is someone out there for everyone! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/8/2008 6:42:24 PM | I found this topic really interesting. I remember having friends who I thought were insane for entering into and then staying in very obviously, incredibly unhealthy, relationships a few years back (they were 8-12 years older than me).
Having reached (I hope) some wisdom in the intervening years, now I understand that they were looking "down the barrel" at just did not want to be alone. I understand this concept, but don't adhere to it.
Having briefly dated someone whose entire thought process was what he could "get" out of the relationship, and keeping "score", I guess my only real comment is that, having experienced that train of thought, I now approach friendships and relationships with a "what do I have to offer" concept instead of "what am I looking for". Not that (I think) one negates the other, but perhaps they are equal. I'm not looking for martyrdom (I wouldn't be good at it anyway!), but there's certainly a lot less pressure to find "Mr. Right" if I'm not desperate to fit him into the mold I've created first. I love my life. It would take someone really special TO ME to compromise or change it, even it is is taking longer than I ever thought it would to be surprised by him showing up! But it's a lot of fun meeting people along the way, even if sometimes they do make me shake my head!!
Peace.... | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/8/2008 7:08:22 PM | Yes, I've been single for longer than I expected.
In the 9 years since the divorce, I had two relationships that lasted 8 months and one for 18 months. The first two I knew would not be forever, but we both agreed to take it one day at a time.
The third, I not only loved him, I adored him and he loved me. I found that I couldn't accept his ADD which he would not admit he had. That may sound cold but until you've walked in my shoes. The biggest problem was that he was too new to being single. Even if the divorce is what a person wants, there is a process people go through. I believe that if we had met 4 years down the road, we could have worked out the ADD issues and other things.
Anyhoo... since I broke it off with him, except for a two month try with someone else, I've been alone for about 4 years. I feel that was meant to happen so that I could learn to be okay by myself. I now know how strong I am. And I now know I am truly ready for the right person to come along and I have faith that it will be within the next year. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/8/2008 8:39:52 PM | Single for longer than you expected?  Shhhhhhh I 'm
sleeping !!! Oh definitely !! lol I thought and you know what thought did, lol I d be hooked up before this for sure, but obviously for some reason it didn't work out this way, which I believe there must be a good reason,  you gotta have faith, and faith I have 
they say the right one is around the corner, well I Must be going round in circles then,
one simple down to earth easy going guy next door type wanted in Montreal,  | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/8/2008 8:42:47 PM |
So Sailor Dave... tell me, if a pic is so important to you.... then how are you different from what you quoted above?
Guys are typically more visual than women. A picture is as close to face to face as one can get on POF. I never had a good blind date. Did you consider that a picture can be used to reject the vain? A picture can reveal a lot about a person's values. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/8/2008 8:54:24 PM | | Much of the reason I am alone is my own fault. After my divorce I let myself go to seed . I did not want another marriage. I allowed my appearance to go and was distant to any that approached me in a way that were inviting a relationship. Its just been in the last year or so that I would be receptive to a male suitor. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/8/2008 11:21:41 PM | I just got swept up in the single parent thing and it became a way of life, it's easier to err on the side of caution when your child is happy.
I don't begrudge one minute of that time but nowadays I often find myself wondering just how 12yrs of my life slipped by so quickly. And now after such a long time of predictability I'm finding it harder than i thought to just let go and take a chance.
I imagine I'm not the only one in this situation but knowing the problem and fixing it are sometimes two different things. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/9/2008 8:08:23 AM | I guees you could say, part of being single was/is really my fault too, either to picky or to lazy to go out and date, sorta or like , been there , done that kinda of thing, you get tired of it after awhile. After being single for about 4 years, you do get set in yours ways, and you start thinking WOW could anyone ever really put up with me in the end... especially a woman around our age, mood swings, and all,
You come home from work, and baby it's cold outside, and now it's time to get already for a date, Awhhhh baby it's cold outside, hummmm now I have to think about it, it's no wonder I m alone, it's meeeeeeeeee, no one else 's fault !! 
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/16/2008 6:11:22 PM | I was single for one yr after my divorce than dated a wonderful man for 11 1/2 yrs. our different cities and the strain of a lenghty relationship (without marriage) caused it to end.
This "singlism" phase I find myself in has lasted 3 yrs but I have had a few "almosts". I have interviews maybe 50 nice guys over coffee. As an Optimist, I may need to interview 50 more! lol....
Not for a minute do I doubt destiny.....if Beshert is meant to be, it will be. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/16/2008 6:17:19 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^......................................................
I must admit.. I get disillusioned at times. I know eventually I'll find the right man.. it's just the disappointments of all those gawd awful hundred and one coffee dates. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?sfthnds
Posted: 12/16/2008 6:20:29 PM | sfthnds
Great post!
" I love my life. It would take someone really special TO ME to compromise or change it, even it is is taking longer than I ever thought it would to be surprised by him showing up! But it's a lot of fun meeting people along the way, even if sometimes they do make me shake my head!! "
It has taken longer than I expected, but in the mean time, i returned to shcool, got a great position at the University and feel hopeful. Men have been very kind, encouraging and , as you said, a lot of fun.
couldnt ask for more :) | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?sfthnds
Posted: 12/17/2008 2:10:25 PM | I am definitely shocked I have been single for so long. I do think I have changed and grown up a lot and know more of what I want in life and a partner. It seems the older I get, the less likely I will even get a date, much less have a full blown relationship.
That being said, I am basically happy. I would love someone to talk to and have a great physical relationship. But I have learned that there is nothing in the world that can MAKE that relationship appear in your life. You just have to keep going forward and try to be receptive.
I have also learned that a BAD relationship is much worse than being alone. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/17/2008 2:39:47 PM | | I have never been concerned about whether I would find someone or not. Finding someone is easy.....finding the "right" one is the hard part. I'm still single because I'm not willing to settle for just anyone. Whether years go by or not, being married or with someone who isn't right is by far and away worse than being alone. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/17/2008 3:07:29 PM | | Yes I have felt that way. I have been apart from my ex for 12 yrs and sure thought I would have found that special someone by now, although I vowed to remain single rather than settle. I did that once and never again. I would rather be single than not in the right relationship. I have come to the conclusion the guy for me lives on another planet or maybe lived in another time period. So I have figured it may be a good chance I will remain single-darn it! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?sfthnds
Posted: 12/17/2008 3:34:36 PM | | No, I'm not alone longer than I thought I would be because when I left my husband, I was fairly sure I never wanted to be seriously involved again. It's surprising to me that I've started to feel a little envious when I see couples out shopping and doing things together. I'm not really sure I have anything to offer anyone at this point in my life, but at least the desire is there now. I know that if all I wanted was a warm body, I could find that easily enough, but I want much more than that. I would never be with anyone just to keep from being alone, but it would be nice to actually experience what a healthy romantic relationship feels like at least once in my life. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?sfthnds
Posted: 12/17/2008 3:45:27 PM | I am certainly single for a lot longer than I expected to be. I have been divorced for just over 14 years now. I had one relationship that lasted for 5 years, but then when my money rean out, so did he! That was 9 years ago, and I have had one relationship for a yea since, we parted amicably, both of us in aggreement that it wasn't going anywhere.
I don't like living alone, but have kind of got used to my own space, and if I want to slob about for a change I can. I would like to meet a nice guy, but they seem few and far between, or they are just miles away from me, and it's impossible. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/17/2008 4:15:41 PM | I just got swept up in the single parent thing and it became a way of life, it's easier to err on the side of caution when your child is happy.
I don't begrudge one minute of that time but nowadays I often find myself wondering just how 12yrs of my life slipped by so quickly. And now after such a long time of predictability I'm finding it harder than i thought to just let go and take a chance.
I imagine I'm not the only one in this situation but knowing the problem and fixing it are sometimes two different things
...I could have written this.....you have just described the last 12 years of my life.. Being a woman and a single mom, I've worn a lot of hats, and I have forgotten what it's like to be part of a couple...not even sure I would be good at it now...spent so much time on my own.
And you're absolutely right, where has the time gone? ......I can't believe how fast those years sped by.....To quote John Lennon.. "Life happens when you're busy making other plans." How true.
...maeflowers
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| Single for longer than you expected?sfthnds
Posted: 12/17/2008 4:58:19 PM |
I am definitely shocked I have been single for so long. I do think I have changed and grown up a lot and know more of what I want in life and a partner. It seems the older I get, the less likely I will even get a date, much less have a full blown relationship.
That being said, I am basically happy. I would love someone to talk to and have a great physical relationship. But I have learned that there is nothing in the world that can MAKE that relationship appear in your life. You just have to keep going forward and try to be receptive.
I have also learned that a BAD relationship is much worse than being alone.
I agree. Whenever I get down about not having anyone to date, I take a few minutes to remember how bad my marriage was. I'm lucky in that I don't stay down for long. I have everything I need, just not everything I want.
I have come to the conclusion the guy for me lives on another planet or maybe lived in another time period. So I have figured it may be a good chance I will remain single-darn it!
I'm pretty sure the right guy for me lived on the Ponderosa way back in 1867. LOL | |
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