notwow
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Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 126 | |
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/17/2008 5:11:33 PM | I find that women at our age (50's) are much less likely to want to commit to a long term relationship that includes living together, with or without the benefit of clergy.
I have a number of relationships that lasted 1-1.5 years, but then when a discussion of considering moving together and renting out one of our houses comes around, all of a sudden the feet get cold. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/18/2008 2:15:38 AM | | Yes I for one have never met anyone I have had any passion for as yet.. Is a decade long enough to stay single??? lol I have only had internet for a short while and thought I may find a man on here as there are none anywhere, so far in my every day life. Well 8 months later I am still single and waiting for a man to appear and make me want him........ I think alot are in the same boat.... Maybe we are meant to be on our own???? | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/18/2008 3:43:11 AM | I hope you are wrong angelbrighteyes, no one is really meant to be on their own. Humans are companiable, we need love and cuddles, and a partner for better or for worse.
I had a frightening experience recently, and was rushed into hospital by ambulance. It really was a time, when I would have loved to have a man holding my hand, fussing around me, and taking care of my pets at home. As it was, I was texting my way to the operating theatre, trying to find someone to look after my beloved dogs and cat.
As it was I found a mate to help me out, but for a while it caused me extreme stress. I hate living on my own!! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/18/2008 7:54:13 AM |
As it was, I was texting my way to the operating theatre, trying to find someone to look after my beloved dogs and cat.
I know exactly how you felt. I had to have some minor surgery on my knee. Of course all the forms wanted a "to call in case of emergency" number and I had to put down my ex!! My sons live across the country and my sibs, etc. live 6 hours drive away. That really made me feel lonely and sad. Thank goodness that I have a good neighbor who drove me home from the hospital.
As I've stated before, I don't need a love in my life but I sure do want one!! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/18/2008 10:00:50 AM | LostinOxon........
I am having an opp in near future and this is stressing me like hell. Still got a 14 year old here, but have to get her looked after by her dad for two weeks or so, then home for bed rest with no one here.. Cat and fish to care for and me.. What will I do???? It is impossible to leave the house at all..
Have had a opp before and still coped when the kids were young. I made out I had care but I did not. Only a wrist opp last time and still had one hand to do things.. This time it is my neck and this is a back bone opp so much more serious.. I have no family that can help at all.. So I do what I can and all the rest has to wait. I am just frightened more that anything... I might be able to get a care lady in to help me rest. Animals are a worry. Yes living on our own has a lot of disadvantages | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/18/2008 7:51:48 PM | Gosh! I have been single for over 50 years, and just now beginning to get good at it.
It is unlikely that I will marry. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/19/2008 5:01:48 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^.....................................................
angelbrighteyes...
Hold old are your kids? Don't you have any friends that can look in on you.. feed the cat and fish? Maybe.. bring a bit of their dinner that's leftover for you?
I'd stock the fridge with meals I prepared in advance. Even breakfast foods. Very moist scrambled eggs.. hotcakes/pancakes.. waffles.. so on. Make them so they're just one serving and can heat fast. Buy lots of cereal. Lots of juices/iced teas/ades. Keep a phone at the bedside.. and a list of delivery places to call should food look scarce in the fridge.
You're right.. it isn't easy living on your own. It does however.. show a very strong constitution when you're forced to under those circumstances that you describe.
I wish you luck.. and.. sincerely hope you get well soon!  | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/20/2008 10:12:31 AM | redarcangel...
I have a daughter living with me who is 14 and have said when I come out she will have to do it all for two weeks. but I will fill fridge up with ready meals etc. she can do the cat and I will sleep down stairs to supervise it all....I have one friend that lives near to me,but she has a family and a man to look after and that takes all her day hrs...My other very dear friends I look after them one is 83 and one is 78... so they will miss me as well.. Most of my friends are living at a distance who could help, but again they all live with men and this means putting me a mere friend before their men.. so I don't think they will do that. I am nearly the only one who drives anyway. But I will manage as I have always done... no dealt. lol | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/20/2008 2:33:32 PM | when i split up with my last wife, number 2 that is, I decided then that I was going to take some time off from relationships, and really thought things through, because I have realized I would much rather be alone then be with the wrong person again, I just can't go through another divorce. well the funny thing is that you never know what's going to happen, 4 months after my split, in came a woman that I fell for in a big way, but did it work out? nope, have there been others? not ones that I cared about as much, but there is one thing I have learned in my life, love isn't enough, meeting that right person for you may never happen, it may happen a lot, it all depends on how we look at ourselfs and others, and perspective, there are no guarantees, so I go back to my first thought, would rather be alone then with the wrong person again !!
Hope that helped a little anyway ?? | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/20/2008 2:41:22 PM | | I've been at this for 16 years and that's far longer that I thought it would take. I've tried lots of different things with no success. I have always known there were others out there dealing with the same thing. Never for a second did I think I was unique in any way. The world is a far more complex place now than it used to be. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/20/2008 3:13:17 PM | | I also have been in datingland for 16 years. Unlike most, I am a product of a happy marriage ie. widowed. I have had a couple of relationships that ran there course. Since 1999 I haven't meet anyone I would want to be involved with. Stats say that most of us will remain alone. I have been ok with that for several years now. I am a happy women doing my own thing. If I met someone special that would be great, but I won't expect it. I expect to be single till my dying day. That hasn't been a problem for me for years now. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/20/2008 7:06:48 PM | Hi moraima, fancy meeting you here - lol - good insights as always
I too, am in my 16th year on my own. I see there are several of us at the 16 year mark; interesting. Who would have ever guessed we'd still be here? Maybe we can all arrange to get together to celebrate our 20th anniversary? I have evolved from wondering what the heck to do with my new singleness, coming to terms with my old life, carving out some meaning to my new life to currently feeling that perhaps I should settle for a blow-up doll - I'M KIDDING! I'M KIDDING! I have come to learn there is a full and satisfying life to be had while living alone. The sense of independence and flexibility can and should be enjoyed. But I also have not made any vows to become a munk so I also put myself in harms way of being run over by a beautiful hearted women who has also found that living alone does not mean living lonely. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/20/2008 7:26:01 PM | Oh, my goodness.
Single for longer than I expected? Single for 10 years, 16 years, or 20 years?
Try being single for 46 years (and counting...!)
I'm being a bit facetious here, so I hope no one takes offense since I don't have the experiences of others who have been married and divorced. In my case, it's not something I really planned; it just happened that I never met anyone yet who was as willing to make a long term commitment as I have been.
I do recommend highly building a network of friends, and family if you have them fairly close by. When you are single and it's looking like that will be permanent, you really need to work hard at creating, sustaining, and maintaining those types of relationships for all kinds of support. And, you have to be willing to give as much as you might gain from those relationships.
It's not easy, by a long shot. In fact, I think it often takes a heck of a lot more courage to live this way than to give in, and say "Well, I'll just be with anyone who comes along because I don't want to be alone." Good luck to everyone. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/20/2008 8:26:41 PM | | I don't find it hard to be alone. I never found it "work" to be happily married. No "work" required for me to be alone. I often think that some people are born happy, and continue to be happy no matter the circumstances. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/20/2008 9:06:34 PM | | It is much more difficult when one has no family to turn to. I am part of what I call a fractured family. We rarely communicate. My mother was the binding-tie and when she passed away in 2001, that was it. I send email to those far from here, but they never reply. It used to not be like this. When I was younger, there were large gatherings of relatives regularly. Most of those have also passed away. I miss them a lot. It seems memories is all I have to hold on to. Sometimes I feel selfish in hoping for anything more. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/21/2008 6:05:07 AM | Storm55 and anyone else in your situation,
Your response really touched me. In the last half of this year, one of my aunts passed away very suddenly (brain aneurysm), followed about six weeks later by my grandmother (fast-moving cancer). Although I'm fortunate to have a pretty large extended family, we had not been that good about keeping in touch. In fact, we relied upon my grandmother to keep the rest of us up to date. Now of course, that contact is gone and we are facing a very, very different Christmas.
These two events sort of "woke us up", and we are all working much harder on sending individual and group E-mails, calling, etc. (Actually, that's what I mean by "working" in my previous post; I've learned from experience that you have to reach out, and think of others, as much as you want others to do the same for you.)
It is most definitely NOT selfish to hope for anything more. Especially when you are the one sending E-mails to the relatives and not getting any responses. Do you have a pretty good network of friends? Are there some ways you can build and strengthen those ties?
And, even those this venue is virtual, I appreciate all the postings and responses I read on these threads! It might sound a bit silly, but when I read the postings, I don't feel quite as much an "odd duck" for being single and unattached at my age. Great!
Take care, and I wish you all happy, happy holidays! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:19:44 PM | | At the beginning of the millenia, all my relatives were still living. The first one died on January 16, 2000. That entire group of siblings died in the reverse order that they were born; five in all. My father is still living and 85 years old. He and a sister are all that remain of five also. People had big families in those times. They were all children of the Great Depression. So, when we had those gatherings I spoke of, we had gangs of people with thier kids. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/22/2008 5:54:31 PM | | Actually yes. Came close to getting married 15 yrs ago but things didn't work out which turned out to be a blessing in the long run. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/22/2008 8:38:54 PM | | Yes, I have been, mainly g.u.-I live in an unusual area. I've come to the conclusion a change of scene would be a definite plus, my must haves are it has to be a place where I can have my two cats-plus at least some breathing room/play space for them, a work space for me, and near food or farmers markets and hopefully a quiet beach. Not in Florida, though-been here too long, time for a change-and I really am ready for a positive change right about now. And friendly locals are a definite plus....:) Here's to change, new friends, maybe even a very special one???? And new buds/friends for the cats woulld be great, too! But yeah, I am/was surprised I'm still single this long after a divorce, regardless.... | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/23/2008 7:49:26 PM | | It has been 15 years? Feels like 5 and I am still warming up for the main event! Seriously, I dodged the bullet several times and am I glad I did. My friends really helped me look at the reality of marrying each of those women. Whew, had some close, close calls! Maybe I will meet "the one" but I am not holding my breath. I have learned it is a jungle out there and one can not be too careful. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/24/2008 7:21:54 AM | | I agree with you 100% Bandit. I would rather be alone FOREVER than be with the wrong person. Why be miserable. I will keep looking for that special someone until I find him. As long as you have hope you have everything you need. Keep the faith. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/24/2008 9:01:25 AM | | [QUOTE]For whatever reason, (fill in the blank) several years or more have gone by and you're still single, and the chances of it changing anytime soon don't look good at all. What do you attribute it too, and are you worried that you won't ever find someone? Comments Plz... [/QUOTE] What can one realistically attribute it to? In my case, I attribute my still being single to me being.. well.. me. I don't know if I'm so much [I]worried[/I] that I won't ever find someone as much as being a little resigned to the fact that if the past foreshadows the future, that's the likelihood. The things about myself that I consider probably off-putting to potential partners that I can (within reason) and am willing to change are few enough that I'm realize I'm not going to turn into some sort of magnet, with my company being sought by large numbers of potential mates. To be honest, when I left my marriage, I accepted that the likelihood of my going on alone was probably higher than the likelihood of my finding another partner. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/24/2008 10:06:47 AM | | I have been divorced 7 years and started dating long before my ex. I am still single and he has remarried (almost 2 years ago). I have learned a lot from all the relationships I have had, more about myself and what it is I really want. I thought I would be married again by the time I was 40 (4 years after div). I haven't dated anyone for almost a year. I miss companionship and affection (amungst other things). If he is possibly out there, he lives far, far away. Acceptance for each other and motivating each other. I see many benefits to relationship, and I feel I am missing it. I don't like being single. Even the "chores" are more "fun" together. Good luck all and Merry Christmas!!! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/24/2008 10:31:26 AM | Yes single longer than I expected to be! When first "singled" (divourced) 1988 I decided not to become serious again until I could wake up in the A.M. and find that happy girl who was wed for 16 years.. time flew by.. dated some great candidates and now it's 20 years post divource. Now when I meet someone there are whole new set of things I'm looking for in a relationship... the men have achieved thier goals in life now.. so no longer in the helpmate catagory or the requirement of motherhood (didn't do that anyway.. nanananananer) but no it is more common interests and common lifestyles that are important..
Still I meet great guys on Plenty of Fish.. love their desire to also meet thier future partners in a very unconventional manner.. and as long as I keep meeting them I'll keep coming back to the site.. haven't given up on finding Mister Right..
Happy Holidays!
Girlflower | |
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