| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/24/2008 10:39:25 AM | I have been single for almost 10 years, and it doesn't seem that long to me.
As far as what I expected, I never had high expectations as far as remarriage is concerned, but I won't settle for just anyone to be a couple. It would be nice, but it certainly doesn't take up my day thinking about it.  | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/24/2008 11:38:04 AM | The question is asked as though there is something wrong with being single
The only thing I can think of that is wrong is being unhappily coupled | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/24/2008 3:54:58 PM | Storm 55, your family sounds very much like mine.....and one of my closest friends (like a sister, really), moved 12 hours south of Pennsylvania in May. My other three closest friends are a two-hour drive away....
Yes, it CAN be hard....very, hard..... | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/25/2008 7:26:50 AM | | know how u felt. had same experience, hospital 3hrs. away- drove myself home same night. makes u wonder as we grow older and things happen. on the positive it felt nice knowing i can do this. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/26/2008 7:49:44 PM | after awhile you just quit looking..
single is not bad..just not what I wanted..
after the last few i dated..I now wonder if I truly do want anyone again.
I do wish good luck to you all though.
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/26/2008 8:16:08 PM | Having just "celebrated" my third anniversary as a POF member, one could say that I'm not exactly putting an effort into meeting someone. For whatever reason, I don't seem to have the desire to go through yet another "meet and greet" get-to-know-you session. Maybe things will change at some point, but the youthful optimism I had evaporated when I hit 40 and I've hardly seen it since. It just seems like I'm so set in my ways now, that I don't want to deal with a relationship, and may never want to again... Not exactly what I envisioned for myself after the ex and I split up 10 years ago. For all of you who are still willing to play the game: good luck and happy fishing!
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/26/2008 8:48:23 PM | well it will be 2 years in february since my divorce and this is not where i expected to be in my dating life. i agree with others, i didn't think it would be this hard to find someone to care about. since the rest of my life is pretty happy, im sure that i am making a mountain out of a mole hill. great job, cool friends, beautiful daughter, actually get along with the x, just bought a home this summer......but no one to share it with. i really miss having someone to laugh with, see movies or hang out with, someone who is there to give you a hug or hold your hand, someone to make me smile.
here is wishing everyone happy fishing  in 2009!!! may you find the guy or girl of your dreams and continue to make new friends along the way.
Be happy and dream big!! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/26/2008 8:55:37 PM | Well it would appear I'm far from being one of the only ones single for longer than I thought. I was on here before, then questioned myself as to how seriously I really wanted to meet any-one so I took a break for a while. I was exactly like the poster above , that just couldnt be bothered with another meet and greet. I too enjoy being alone , but would be open to a relationship the opportunity arose.
It seems it bothers my friends and family a bit more that I am single , than it bothers me. I dont think there's anything wrong with being single , but I do tend to avoid parties and such anymore where it's all couples , I have proved to myself I can do all these things alone, but now dont care to.
I just watched Bridget Jones and yes, .....deep down we all want the romance and love that some couples have , and are lucky to find. I'm almost scared to say I never thought I'd be alone for 3 years, because who knows 3 years from now what I'll be saying...... | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/26/2008 9:03:17 PM | I've been divorced for over 15 years. Put myself through nursing school and now I'm ready to find a playmate - someone who likes the same things I do and is willing to teach me about new things too. I have friends who have been married two or three times, but they still aren't happy with life. Figure if I was meant to be married again, it would have happened by now. BUT... here's looking forward to 2009 | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/27/2008 8:54:04 AM | | I've been divorced since 1992, with very little dating experience in all these yrs. Life's circumstances just didn't allow that privilege. 2009 will be the very 1st year that I no longer have the responsibilities of the 'sandwich' generation. I sure hope 2009 is a truly NEW year for me. I'm tired of being solo. | |
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Loralu
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Joined: 4/24/2005
Msg: 161 | |
| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/27/2008 6:10:38 PM | | I am new to this forum.. never posted before but couldn't resist this one. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself tonight.. and came across this thread. I can see I'm not alone in my quest for love. I have been single for 22 yrs, and have had my share of dates - raised my son, went to college and accomplished quite a bit, but now I'm finding myself in a place where I really do want to share my life with someone. I have tried this site many times - and then get discouraged and give up for a while, but come back now and then. Other than being a little overwieght I believe I have alot to offer - and I wonder why it hasn't happened yet. Anyway.. like you ladies.. I think we are in the same boat. Here is to a change in 2009! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/27/2008 6:17:26 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^............................................
Well loralu...
... it's always nice to see a fresh face in the forums!
As my sons would say.. it's not a few pounds over-weight.. just.. more to love!
Good luck to ya! Hope you (and all the rest of us) have a Great and Happy 2009! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/27/2008 7:46:58 PM | | Been single 10 years now. Never thought I would still be single. I mean I had a 6 month relationship and some that were shorter. I just thought I would find someone really fast like I use to. I think our age has alot to do with it. I also won't settle and know what I want and don't want. I would rather be alone than settle. I'm not desparate. I am now willing to settle down. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/28/2008 1:57:27 PM | Wow! I thought being single for 6 years was something! Not here I see, he he. I too, thought I would be married again in about 2 years. What a surprise it was when it didn't even come close! Now, 6 years later and much wiser I realize I may never find the right one to settle down with again.
So much changes when you get older. Being independent, too, causes you to realize you can make it on your own and so the rush to find someone subsides. I don't like being alone all the time, but find it nice at times to not be accountable to anyone but myself. I miss the companionship a lot. Eating out alone all the time isn't what I had in mind. Going to events alone is okay, but much better when shared. There is no one to talk to at the end of the day to discuss daily happenings. There is no one there to share the sad times or the happy times in life. There is no shoulder to lean on, no one there to hug and kiss or play Monopoly with. There is no one there to bounce an idea off of when something pops into my head. (Happens often, lol) I suppose if one was never with anyone you wouldn't know what you were missing. Unfortunately, that is not the case with me. It was not my idea to be single. If so, I wouldn’t have married in the first place.
But, as some have said, it is better than being with someone not compatible!
I think as older daters we are much more picky and realistic. We know there are real deal breakers. You can’t change someone. We aren't walking around with "rose colored glasses" on. We get afraid. We know the risks and how bad things can go. It all enters in.
There isn't the selection of our youth either. We are now grown into who we are. As youth, we were growing and changing and so much was possible for the future. Now there aren’t as many possibilities.
If a man, most seem to want younger. That cuts us older ladies choices right in half! Aging brings on health issues to deal with for many we look to date and ourselves. There is the thinning hair, false teeth, flabbier skin and muscle, diseases brought on by lifestyle or heredity tendencies or simple aging issues common to all.
Then there are finances. Divorce wipes out many checkbooks. Then there can be child support problems, along with some still raising minor children and the issues of doing so. Many people’s lifestyles do change and come down considerably as far as available monies.
So very many issues and these things all add up to many backing off from some who may have to many of them to consider them for a future mate. I am sure others could add a lot more to this list.
Just some reasons that dating older usually means staying single a lot longer than most of us expected! You get the picture!
But happy fishing.....  There is always hope. Thus, I stay put on here. One never knows when someone may come along and find me to be just what they want, and I find them the same!!!  | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/28/2008 7:55:35 PM | | I have always gone a number of years between relationships. The longest was seven years and usually no less than 2-3 years between. The time between never bothered me. I was always more concerned with finding someone I would be good with. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/28/2008 8:00:51 PM | I really didn't think about getting remarried or in a LTR after my divorce in 2002. I was busy focusing on taking care of my family and myself in terms of healing my wounds. Now that I've accomplished many of my goals, i.e. finished grad school, kids are all in college, it makes me wonder what the future has in store. I hope to find someone to share common interests and spend quality time with, but it doesn't necessarily mean I want to jump into marriage again.  | |
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Loralu
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Joined: 4/24/2005
Msg: 167 | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 12/29/2008 9:04:36 AM | Been 10 years. At my age I thought older women would be jumping all over me since I'm in good health excellent physical condition. That was just wishful thinking. Boy was I wrong!
Don | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 1/2/2009 3:33:23 PM | 7 years headed for 10...who knows maybe 2009 will be a good year!..
I won't settle for what I need in a lady, I will still look for who I want..
A lady made the comment that I don't hav emany years left and need to rethink my priorities..I did..I re-affirm and will wait for who I want not who could benefit me and my life.
happy fishing!
dusty | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 1/2/2009 4:16:50 PM | | I didn't expect to be remarried, hoped to be in a relationship but in the past three years nothing has lasted longer than 8 months. Like many others, I am tired of the meet and greet, not sure that I care that much at this point. Life is good, job, friends, family - all good. I have decided to adopt a rescued dog this year, might be a better bet. Unfortunately, my first "meet and greet" with a dog today ended in disaster too - lunged at the poor cat, rampaged thru the house and then took a dump on my dining room floor! Almost as bad as many of my first dates, not quite the "sweet and well behaved" dog as advertised. Oh well, the next one will be better. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 1/2/2009 8:44:50 PM | Hey Dusty, if you were in my town I would date you!
I have been single so long that I don't know how long it has been...now that is bad.
When my ex left me it took me 4 years to recover, learn and move on. Sometimes it isn't easy to rebuild, sometimes it isn't easy to let someone back in.
I don't mind being single, there are times it would be awesome to have someone there. But usually when you want to do something and everyone else is working or busy. That is the only time that I say to myself this SUCKS.
Other frustrations are when you KNOW who you could be with, but he is just too dense to get it. Then I think if he is that dense, would I even want to bother.
I have pet peeves though about what people say about your self on POF. People that state they are average are really carrying a few extra pounds and the few extra pounders are REALLY overweight. I am few extra pounds, I know that I will feel even better when I lose about another 20. But I am fortunate to be tall and hide the weight. But if you can't see your toes when you look down, that is BIG. Please just state what you are and hopefully for your health you are doing something about it...so state that in your profile.
And what does kkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeee zzzzzzzxxxxxxxxxxx mean in a profile? I have seen profiles with that in it. IF you are that lazy don't bother being on here and enjoy the
next 10 years being alone. Ok this has turned into my little rant. I feel better! I think it has been over 10 years since Gumby left. So ya I am defintly in this category!
Good luck with your searches. Stay as positive as you can and try and smile through the storms!
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 1/2/2009 9:42:33 PM |
Stay as positve as you can and try and smile through the storms!
This is great advice! I have been on my own for 8 yrs. During the first 6 yrs. of singlehood, I was not "in the mood" to look. I've been on POF for the last two yrs. and what has it got me? I found the forums. A wonderful place to read other people's perspectives on various topics and express my own.
All of a sudden Jan 2nd/09..my messages are too short. OR........
I'm limited to how many posts I can make to a forum. I'm 60 yrs. old and someone in cyberspace is determining how many times I can express myself in a forum?
How's a girl supposed to get a date this way? Or, are people over 45 not supposed to date? At this rate on POF, we'll be single, over 45 a lot longer than we expected. But, what do you want for nothing? | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 1/3/2009 6:52:34 PM | | All I can say is Amen! I'm in almost exactly the same situation. I hog my bed and the messes are there cos I made them...I come and go as I please and hope to meet Mr. Right some day but I'm not in a hurry by any means. Good Luck to you! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 1/4/2009 3:10:58 PM | Have seriously dated 3 men since my divorce 10 years ago.
Ranging from 18 months to 4 years.
No other dates in between.
None.
Zero.
Zilch.
Nada.
The only common denominator in any of the possible equations is ME!
Crap. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 1/4/2009 3:51:20 PM | I'm definitely in that category, though my story is a bit different.
I was married 20 years, went through a divorce. I was certain, or at the very least hopeful, that I would be remarried within a couple of years. After several years as a single woman, I found myself back with my ex-husband and we were very happy. We were trying to sell our homes and found THE home for our new future together. He was tragically killed in an accident 18 months ago. I miss him terribly.
Life is never what you expect, and often far from what you hope for. | |
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