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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids      Home login  
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 FiestyBlonde
Joined: 10/31/2005
Msg: 51
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kidsPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

how many wemon would be pissed off if i did that to i would never get a date if i made every lady i dated sighn some sort of contract


Well, you cant have it both ways.
Either you protect yourself, or you dont.

You say you dont want to date single moms, because you are scared of having to pay for child support if you breka up, and yet..you arent willing to protect yourself and your rights, before the actual act happens? **


** When i say "you' I am not referring to anyone in particular
 SimbadSailor
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 52
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/3/2006 11:06:33 AM

But when two people get married, its generally forever.

A 60% divorce rate (70% in California) contradicts that statement.


AND if the guy is so "worried about it" - then why not take it upon himself, to write out a contract, sayinging somthing along the lines of ....

"if we happen to end our relationship in the future, I dont be responsible for paying you child support for the children, as they already have a biological father who you can collect support from."

Etc.

Bring it to a lawyer, or to the court house, and get it nautarized.

Then the guy would have a legal document.

That's not too hard to do.


Because it's less hard (and less costly) to avoid single mothers altogether.

Anyway, you're making my point. This kind of things makes HARDER for a guy to date a single mother. Childless women don't need courts, nor notaries, nor contracts. I'd think that a single mother would be more interested in making EASIER for men to date her.
 River Girl
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 53
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/3/2006 11:11:49 AM

A 60% divorce rate (70% in California) contradicts that statement.

I think you misunderstood her again.

She was stating that in the 2 parties minds that it generally will last forever.

You dont go into a marriage planning out when you are getting divorced.
 River Girl
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 54
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/3/2006 11:14:43 AM
If one wants to complain about dating a single mother, then just dont.

Its not that hard.

Ive got some cheese over here. Are you supplying the wine?
 SimbadSailor
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 55
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/3/2006 11:19:20 AM

Ive got some cheese over here. Are you supplying the wine?

No, thanks. Better save it for the "why do men run from single moms?", "Is Finding a Nice Man Impossible For a Single Mother? " and "do men actually exist that date women with kids?? " threads. There is too much wine there anyway.
 River Girl
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 56
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/3/2006 11:23:22 AM
Or the I want my child support back and can I pay her in pennies thread. Or, how bad jail can be.
 FiestyBlonde
Joined: 10/31/2005
Msg: 57
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/3/2006 11:25:50 AM
Childless women don't need courts, nor notaries, nor contracts. I'd think that a single mother would be more interested in making EASIER for men to date her



well then, you stick to your single childless women. Ah, and childless women DO need courts, to get divorced, since there is such a large divorce rate. ( according to you..)

She might end up pregnant anyways.
But from listening to your "points" you will just become divorced anyways, and end up paying child support.

shit son, you might as well just stick to men - that way there are no children involved.

Or better yet- just stay single, because you dont seem to want to deal with anything 'bad' that would come out of a relationship.





 River Girl
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 58
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/3/2006 11:30:13 AM
My fiesty is being fiesty today!!

For the record, *I* will not make anything "easier" for a man to date me. I am who I am. If you decide you want to date me and get to know me, you will not find anything out secretly. I am real all around. I dont cater to ones ego.
 me+2
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 59
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/3/2006 11:33:28 AM

After reading about cases like this one, how many guys you think will swear off single mothers forever?


Probably the same as the amount of women who will swear off single fathers..since this law applies to single parents, regardless of gender.

Bottom line, as Feisty and River said...if you don't want to date single mothers, then don't. We won't be crying over it...there are plenty of men to go around who WILL date single mothers.

I'm sure, like myself, River and Feisty have never had a problem finding dates either
 River Girl
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 60
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/3/2006 11:40:32 AM
LOL me. I guess I dont have a problem because Im selective. I prefer to date single fathers because of an unspoken understanding of time restraints, patience, and an overall open mind about dating the other single parent.
 SimbadSailor
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 61
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/3/2006 11:42:01 AM

Ah, and childless women DO need courts, to get divorced, since there is such a large divorce rate. ( according to you..)

That's "after" the relationship ends, not before it even starts. And a thing is to be responsible for "their" children, and another very different for him to be responsible for "her" children.

And I didn't make up divorce statistics, they're easily found in government websites.


shit son, you might as well just stick to men - that way there are no children involved.

Do we already start with the "if you don't want me you must be gay" tactics? I expected better from you, really.


Or better yet- just stay single, because you dont seem to want to deal with anything 'bad' that would come out of a relationship.

You see, there are "bad" things coming out of a relationship when it ends. Pain. Sorrow. Hurt. Loneliness. Those are expected, and you get over them. But legal consequences by breaking a non-legal relationship (the children not being his) are too much.
 FiestyBlonde
Joined: 10/31/2005
Msg: 62
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/3/2006 11:48:57 AM
Do we already start with the "if you don't want me you must be gay" tactics? I expected better from you, really.


Lighten up sailor.
And....just so you know...I dont want you.



But legal consequences by breaking a non-legal relationship (the children not being his) are too much


Like I said..if "he" is so worried about having to pay child support....then he should get it in writing before getting into a commited relationship.
Thats kind of like....wearing a condom before having sex, to prevent pregnancy. If its such an "issue' it would be thought of before hand...



( me+2 You've got that right!!! :P )
 me+2
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 63
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/3/2006 11:51:21 AM
just wanted to clarify...i wasn't suggesting women swear off single fathers due to this law. Was just making a point that it is gender neutral, and you likely won't see women en masse swearing off single fathers because of it.

If a man uses this law as an excuse not to date single mothers, chances are he already had his notions against it. In which case, we as single mothers should say "thank you for removing yourself from the field".
 River Girl
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 64
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/3/2006 11:56:32 AM
Yes, California has a divorce rate that ranges from 68% to 74% as of April 2005. (I can make up one of those percentages..hehe)

So, does this mean I should just give up on love all together? Because if I had that attitude, Id be alone forever, and be gripping on a single parent site and throwing my hands up in the air. Ok, so Im on this site, but, Im still positive and happy! No matter what my status is now or in the future.
 River Girl
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 65
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/3/2006 12:00:50 PM

should say "thank you for removing yourself from the field".

So very true.
 babs3
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 66
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/9/2006 3:39:02 AM
I have read several of the threads on here in regards to single parents..I am a single parent...who's ex-husband has to pay an ex-girlfriend child support for kids, who aren't his biological children. What gets me about reading some of the post....that has anything regarding the "Single Parent" topic is the lack of responsibility and the best interests of the children. My Mother once told me...life isn't always fair....but dosen't mean it can't be good!
I wonder if people knew how they would be remembered...would they still act this way?
 candid0569
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 67
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/9/2006 6:12:49 AM
.....6 months or more, they are legally married...


I too am in Canada and no you're not "legally married" you're considered "common-law married" after 6 months of cohabitation --- basically the rights and privileges as married couples minus the piece of paper.

being a single mother i don't agree with what "some women" are doing out there (notice i said SOME, not ALL)-- collecting CS from the biological dad and collecting from a man who was with them but decided to move on. i'd say that more chances than not, these women are collecting CS from a 2nd man (sometimes more) out of spite because these men have decided to move on.

my personal opinion, if i wanted someone other than myself to pay for the support of my child then i'd go after his natural father. seeing as how i supported his @$$ as well as mine and my kid's before we split, i don't need his help and he can stay whereever it is he is now.
 candid0569
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 68
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/9/2006 6:18:40 AM

wow. this is sad. no one has yet to say anything about whats right for the child. thats a shame


what's right for the child/ren is for the natural parents to set the right example and step up to the plate. in my case i've asked for nothing from the natural father only because i knew i would get nothing from him (as i was the breadwinner so-to-speak) and he wanted me to pay him to babysit our child when i went to work.
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 69
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:25:38 AM
and I agree the biological parents should step up and we should not be making a non bio parent pay support for children they did not bring into the world
 valleyjavastop
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 70
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/15/2007 4:51:36 PM
here we go again ,,,,(only in canada I thought) ,,man is guilty because he tried to have a relationship with a single mother and it didnt work ,(over 50% do not),so he pays child support for her and her last mans mistake ,,wa wa ,,i would cry to bud ,,..this practice is canadian law and I agree it is totaly wrong .I would stay clear of any women who ever forced a man to support children he didnt father ,,law or no law ..she is bad news...any single mother in canada has that option ,,our government cotracts out the collections part ..the men have no choice in this matter ..she can say she will never make you pay if that helps ..its no wonder we have so many single parent homes now ..there are not second chances for many..
 crane man
Joined: 8/17/2007
Msg: 71
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/15/2007 5:46:51 PM
My understanding though is they do not come after you if the Biological Father is already paying support. It is only if you act in a caretaking role for the kids if the Parent is not in the picture. It is a stupid law designed to make sure that kids are looked after. But I really disagree with it.
 valleyjavastop
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 72
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/16/2007 9:41:28 AM
they assume the women is always the care giver automatically i alost all brake ups so she gets sole custody ,but when they want to justify going after child support from a non biological man they base it on the fact that even though he might have worked no more then the regular 50hr week a man works he will pay because he is considered a careing parent now ...

..the deal is this .. the man's only role is supporting .the women is always considered a care giver and a dependent ,,along with her children ,,women and children are dependents and men are supporters ..they seem to feel this is ok .and the answer to solving the problems with women going on welfare ..because it seems even with equality in the work force and both working they are still automatically care givers ,,but if they want to collect from a non biological man they admit the man played a part in the care giving ,,make any sence yet ? men support women collect

and family collections (run by women) will contract out going after all the men she lives with ,,no matter how many are paying ..and they are still looking for ways to make the collecting even easier ,,

I say give all biological parents equal custody and responsibility automatically for life..and do away with this nonsense..alongwith all the wasted cost of court it has created . they say our courts are to full to prossess all the criminals that they arrest ,,i guess they would sooner have all the fathers in there because they pay there lawyers ..and support our justice system ..but only get treated with some unjustice//ya who the heck wants to continue to support any of this crap .. I think all the single women who have children should have another shot at haveing a family but not another shot at collecting for the one they already have started ,,do away with sole custody and all the spin offs ,,and let the children have a chance to have a two parent family again,,all of the responsability for haveing a child should be automaticly equaly shared by a childs bio parents ,,for life
 mspinkest
Joined: 9/18/2006
Msg: 73
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History
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/16/2007 10:54:57 AM
Whoa...I am so not responding to the guy before this...he puts a new spin on woman haters..lol

I hear from several people that kids are the main reason for this law...

Think about it this way....Yah got 2 beautiful kids..they didn't pick anybody...they just wanna stay living in their house, go to the same school, keep their friends and still be able to go out for a new Disney movie occasionally. They wanna eat meat for dinner, have hydro, heat and cable. They wanna have gifts for christmas and their birthdays like other kids. They wanna be proud of where they live, they wanna feel safe and they don't wanna suffer. Or watch their custodial parent suffer with stress or fear.

Now take this picture and view it...They met and fell in love and decided to live together..She/he knew it was a package deal from the beginning...They were a nice family...they lived in the suburbs for 5 years and then things didn't go so well so they decided living apart was the answer. The man/woman left and never wanted to see the kids again(strike one) I did daycare for years and even I wanna see the kids I helped raise. Think about the abandonment issues for those kids..Wow

Now the custodial parent has to move...unless they have an income of $50,000 ++, they are not staying in that house..they aren't paying the hydro, heat or cable and still having meat on the table for those kids. The idea of support is also meant to continue to allow them to continue living life as they know it. Not to be suddenly thrust into a change of living environment(usually far inferior to what they had) possible a not so great neighborhood(lets talk safety here, never mind****oaches and mice). To have so little money that christmas and birthdays are apologies not wrapped. To suffer depression(have you looked at the % for this), watch their parent suffer depression, anxiety and the whole she-bang. I could go on..But I'm sure you get the picture...this is what the courts are thinking when they create these laws..not that they wanna screw over every man.

I think there should be limits..but I'm not sure which, that would be fair to most(its never an 'all' as everybodys reality is different). I definitely agree that if the biological parent is paying support this should be a no brainer. Enforcement of biological parents paying support should be a major consideration of folks and then this issue wouldn't exsist for most.

We've all met winners in our lives, some worse than others. You can't tar everyone with the same brush though.

Try to keep it realistic and not a bashing nightmare eh?

Nothing ever got solved by blame

 valleyjavastop
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 74
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/16/2007 11:40:05 AM
say it like it is ..and we have all met some winners ...who can always justify collecting support .. going after anyone they can for money ....every man is not a dead beat but is asumed a women hater if he doent agree with some of the stupid laws they came up with here .. there are few men or women who will agree this is fair except those who collect on it ,paying child support for anothers failed marrage should be the parents responsability ..as far as going after the biological parent ?take responsability instead of going after the gold ..if you can not pay ?look after the children 1/2 time ,,now that dose not cost very much money money ,,honestly ,,not near what you claim it cost ,,..if shared ..do not fall back on for the better of the children net ,,because we all no its for the better of the children to have 2 parrents ...equal custody would rid us of a lot of these claims and everyone can work ...no excuse ...


it is considered bashing if we do not agree with all the ladies collecting ,,but agree with the poster //its not right paying child support to g/f not my kids..
 mspinkest
Joined: 9/18/2006
Msg: 75
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this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/16/2007 1:25:23 PM
lol...you didn't complain about just the women who you think are ripping ex- boyfriends off, but every female in every system that has anything to do with this and then painted a picture of all men being targeted..for everything from lawyers bills to jeez I can't even remember or nor do I want to because it was very obviously an angry rant thats bitter and prejudiced.

And you need to stop making absolute comments...it just reinforces that image of an uneducated he-man woman haters club..lol

Not all parents are competent or able to provide the care children need or some don't even want to...so saying all parents should be automatically be given equal custody...you need to educate yourself as to the real world... It doesn't work that way for a reason.

Try looking at history or other countries..its been a male dominated society for thousands of years and still is in many places... and women have traditionally not exclusively been the caregivers. (tell me I made that one up cause I've the impression you're a bitter man..lol)

I only say it cause I read it...over and over and over again..ad nauseum.

Its not a failed marriage..its children we're talking about. Don't fall back on the child net?? lol Looking after the children if they're not in daycare ain't relieving the cost of basic needs. We do not live in a Utopian society so there are people who cant work, can't manage children or provide an appropriate environment for them for 10 hours a day. This goes for women and men. I'm the first one, be it male or female friends dealing with support issues, to offer help in dealing with the system.

Explain how a 3 bedroom over a 1 bedroom is not a significant cost? How food for 3 is not? How going to the movies is not?
Jesus I can't believe you spout this crap..

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