| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 8:01:55 PM | Being a young parent is almost fashionable these days. Young kids are emulating the "ghetto" lifestyle which involves being a young parent. Another thing I see in my work a lot is the emotional void reason. Girls who have poor relationships, have been abused, or for whatever reason feel unloved and unaccepted. They either seek sex for comfort, or seek sex to make a baby for comfort.
I am a young parent myself, birth control isnt 100% and I chose not to have an abortion or pursue adoption. So, I'm in college full time, working in a career position, and supporting myself. I think people get heated when they feel judged. I think its awful that there are so many young parents, I'll be the first to admit that I should NOT have had a child at 18. I do a great job as a mom, but he deserved more. However, whats done is done. He's not going anywhere, so I find it more positive to support existing young moms while trying to educate young girls and lower the incidence. | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 10:48:03 PM | Fiesty - "old days" .. Im not talking about the 1920's here, Im talking in the last 10-15 years
"So the girl and the boy move in together, he ends up cheating on her,and she tosses him out, then goes on welfare."
Why am I NOT surprised at this reply from you... shall I teach my children that too? "All boys cheat" *RME*
deannalynnR - "if the guys would put on a condom it would lessen the many girls who get pregnant" ... Why would a woman put all that on a man, when you are the one that would be carrying the child and im most cases of a single parent be the one raising the child solo? I would think that the average person would have concern for their own well being not matter how "hot" the other was.
melissamelissa - in your work, what would you say is the most commin reason? The feeling of being loved mainly by parental figures or people with major influences ? Do you think lack of knowledge when it comes to birth control plays much of a part in it ? | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 8:03:16 AM | I am a single mother and now a grandparent of two. My husband, an international trucker, committed adultery on many occasions. We separated after seven years because he refused to stop. It takes two responsible adults to make a relationship work. I found out that I was the only responsible adult in the relationship. LOL
When my daughter was preschool age, I went back to High School to take computer courses. I didn't want to start college and then find out I wasn't very good with computers at all. (I did go to college after.)
While I was attending the high school (from which I had already graduated from) I found there were many young girls who wanted to get away from their parents because they didn't want to follow the rules. I don't know about the boys at this age because I was in the girl's washroom for these discussions. lol
When I asked them what rules they didn't like I was surprised to find they were the easy ones:
They didn't want to keep their rooms clean. (It is my room and I like it that way) My answer: Your room is part of your parent's home. You need to tidy up because otherwise it will smell badly.
They didn't think they should have a curfew. (They don't trust us.) We may or may not trust you. We certainly don't always trust who you are hanging around with. If you are home at the required time, it proves you respect us and so do your friends.
Their parents were old and didn't know anything about life. Sorry kids. We did it first. How do you think we know what goes on? We are trying to protect you from making any BIG mistakes. We are TEACHING you the values that are important and that you will hand down to your future children.
They didn't think they should have to help around the house or yard. Again, your parents are teaching you. This is not new. It is how you learn to be responsible as an adult. It may also show you exactly what you want to be when you are older. Who knows? You may own your own landscaping business, or construction business, or be a farmer!
Life wasn't fair! That was the BIGGIE! Of course not. God put us on this planet to grow! If life was good all the time, we would be robots. We wouldn't know when to be happy about something. That is why we don't go through the same things. What is a hard time for one may be easy for another. We all have different personalities.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEIR ANSWER WAS?
TO GO OUT AND GET PREGNANT. IT DIDN'T EVEN MATTER WHO THE SPERM DONOR WAS. THE BABY WAS FOR THE GIRL ONLY!
Therefore, they would only have their OWN rules to follow and they would be treated like adults!
They seemed to think that they would be well looked after by welfare! I certainly tuned them up on that one! Why did they think adults returned to school, or college?
Now that I am a grandmother, I have talked to several of these girls (now women).
Yes, a few did what they said they were going to do. They are still unhappy and have found it very difficult to raise their child/children as single parents.
More of them have told me how grateful they are that I was there when they needed me to be. They are happy well-adjusted young women, with loving parents and families. They have careers. Some high paying, others not. But they ARE happy.
I hope someday, if my grandchildren are in a school bathroom, lamenting about how bad their lives are, someone will come into that bathroom and tell THEM the truth. | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 8:26:29 AM | | I have to say, not all single parents give up so easily. My daughters father left town only days after I told him I was pregnant. I emailed him every day...he didnt leave a phone number or anything. I later found out that he'd had a girlfriend of 5 years...I was the "other woman" for 2 years & didnt even know. So not all parents are single by choice | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 9:00:51 AM | you right ...i was married for 10 yrs, its not just the single moms who should be frowned apon as it takes 2 to tango ....the men mostly take the easy way out by running in the oppersite direction
and the mom then has to make the desision to carry on at school or be on welfare
i take my hat off to the moms who chose to give thier kids a better life and the sacrifices they make.
i was lucky that he stayed around (that can be debated!!) but my kids have been better off emotionally and finanicially, im not saying it has been easy but well worth it. i was working in marrige and then after divorce and i could not be on welfare as you need something to keep you mind sane and work keeps me sane !!
and this site IS a dating site ...for all ages and life does throw us all some curve balls !! | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 10:00:40 AM |
Why is there seemingly so many young single parents these days ?
Because there are no social penalties for being a young single parent.
If a young woman knew that she would not get one cent of government support at all until she was 25 years old, if she had a kid as a teenager, you can be sure she'd take some real care about who she slept with and under what circumstances she slept with them.
If a young woman knew that if she got pregnant in high school and there were no government programs and she would be kicked out of school for being pregnant, you can be sure she'd take some real care about who she slept with and under what circumstances she slept with them.
If a young woman knew that if she got pregnant very young, that all her family and friends would turn their backs on her, you can be sure she'd take some real care about who she slept with and under what circumstances she slept with them.
But that will never happen. Because the issue of sex and child birth is granted as a woman's domain absolutely in the westernized world, even if everyone around her knows what she is doing is just being a complete and total dumbass. Doesn't matter what it costs the rest of us in taxes. She's protected by the feminist movement, organized religion and the 'for profit' mega corporations who sell diapers.
From a strictly fiscal perspective, teenage single mothers and their children have no real value in society. The odds are stacked that they will be a burden on the social welfare system and they and their children will always have decreased earning power their whole lives. So instead of paying more taxes and being more of a typical American consumer, they are just going to suck on the government tit some more. If there wouldn't be such a huge political and public relations backlash over it, I assure you the government would be sending out white vans, with the logo "No Fetus Will Beat Us" on the side, that would go door to door neutering poor uneducated teenage women.
Teenage single parents exist in such great numbers because no one is holding them accountable. | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 10:56:52 AM | | Many reasons, most importantly is that people are deciding not to stay in a bad relationship for the sake of a child. Kids will adapt and you can be a much better parent when you are happiest. | |
|
mmb71
|
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 33 | |
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 11:49:52 AM | Wow. It seems like everytime I come to this forum, there is some debate/bashing going on concerning single parents. I'm not referring to this thread in particular, but several that I have seen in the past few days.
Why the number of single parents, you ask? Well, every case is different, so a general answer can't be given. Many reasons are individualized and no one can really say what is right or wrong.
Even if someone had bad judgement in their decision to become pregnant or have their baby, the bottom line is that the child is innocent in all of this. So it doesn't matter what the circumstances surrounding their existence is. But it is how we, as parents, handle things now that they are here.
I became a single parent at the age of 30. I take care of my daughter without the financial assistance of anyone, other than her father. And that is by his choice, as it well should be. I am not knocking those who receive any type of public assistance, if their reasons are valid. But I definitely don't feel I have to try and justify being a single parent to anyone. My status is no one's business, period.
With that being said, I do see the point many are trying to make about the trend of young teens purposely becoming pregnant. I agree with Gordon, in the sense that America makes it SO incredibly easy to be a young single parent.
Many want to do it, to fit in with their friends. They feel it's the "in" thing to do. Others don't necessarily want it, but figure if it happens, it happens. So they don't even bother trying to prevent it. Why? Because they know they will be assisted and have all their needs met. They won't have to step up to the plate and take responsibility for their actions. There is no repercussion whatsoever.
I also blame the parents in many cases. When you hear talk of these young ladies expressing how they just "want someone to love them" or "something to call their own", it stems directly from their upbringing. If their parents were nurturing them and teaching them right from wrong, in a loving, caring home, I doubt that many of these girls would feel this way. A lot of times their only role model is their parent, who also has multiple children out of wedlock, making this the norm in their environment.
Again, I do realize that every case is different, yes, even for some of the younger ones. But I honestly think that with them, it starts at home for the most part. And it wouldn't hurt if the government pulled the reins a little tighter and didn't make it so easy for these girls to keep having babies. | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 3:39:03 PM | Fiesty - "old days" .. Im not talking about the 1920's here, Im talking in the last 10-15 years
"So the girl and the boy move in together, he ends up cheating on her,and she tosses him out, then goes on welfare."
Why am I NOT surprised at this reply from you... shall I teach my children that too? "All boys cheat" *RME*
You asked a question, I posted MY opinion.
Dont like it, dont read it.
I wasnt talking about the 1920's either..I dont recall saying that....did I write that in my post?
In regards to the cheating..isnt that what we hear about 100 percent of the time, in these very boards??!! I was stating a fact....or are you not reading the same " im pregnant and he left me for another woman" points that are scattered throughout all the single patent threads?
And why are you teaching your children that?
teach your children what ever the hell you want....I could care less :) | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 4:28:51 PM | Fiesty ... so do tell when these "old days" are .. what era are you speaking here ?
100 percent of the time ? no ... "he left me when I didnt give him a choice and forced him" yes... cheating NO ..carrying on with life ... yes.
Considering your comments and "facts" as you call them.... "So the girl and the boy move in together, he ends up cheating on her,and she tosses him out, then goes on welfare" does that mean you support single moms on welfare? Or are you jsut saying that its a fact that all men cheat?
To lay down an absolute on a one sided assumption shows way too much of yourself | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 4:32:34 PM | | y?.. b/c alot of young ppl think their invincible & think they won`t get pregnant.. such a shame in this over-populated world we live in that kids r still having kids after all the education they get from using protection.. seems it goes into 1 ear & out the other.. my 2 cents worth.. | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 4:33:02 PM | I wasnt speaking of any 'era". Just before I was alive on this earth anyways....:)
Considering your comments and "facts" as you call them.... "So the girl and the boy move in together, he ends up cheating on her,and she tosses him out, then goes on welfare" does that mean you support single moms on welfare? Or are you jsut saying that its a fact that all men cheat?
To lay down an absolute on a one sided assumption shows way too much of yourself
i dont recall saying any "facts'. Again- your words, not mine.
i posted an opinion. Did i say they were facts? Did I say they were statistics taken from a website?
Nope..I sure didnt.
I dont support single moms on welfare, dont put words in my mouth..if welfare is needed, then so be it. Everyone deserves to eat.
That all men cheat....no..I didnt say that. And it wasnt a fact. it was an opinion. Are you confused about the difference between the two?
maybe i shouldn't of said cheat.
Maybe i should of said "walks out and moves in with another girl.'
| |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 4:41:45 PM | Fiesty .. go back and read what you post ... and try reading punctuation of others in the meantime as well.
Quoting you ... "...I was stating a fact....or are you not reading the same..."
supporting women on welfare was a question ... (?) <-- thats a question mark to help you out...
"because back in the "old days" pernts used to force their kidsintohaving abortions,or sending them away to "aunt jenny's farm" for nine months, until they could give the baby away for adoption."
So this isn't an "era" just before you were on this earth but you really have no idea when... just *shrug* sometime in the past. Thanks for the quality debate.
Thank for coming out | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 4:45:06 PM | I know what I posted, and I know that what you posted made it look like I was saying that all men cheat, was a fact.
But thats okay...just keep on thinking that you are right...if thats what helps you sleep at night....
 | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 4:46:44 PM | So this isn't an "era" just before you were on this earth but you really have no idea when... just *shrug* sometime in the past. Thanks for the quality debate.
If you are so interested in the "era" why dont you go to google, and find out?
Do I really need to spell it out for you?
I thought you were a big boy.....
here ya go Northy...anytime between the beginning of time.....and ten years ago.....or even....this present day..because it happens in other countries..so I guess it never ended.
Good enough time frame, or do you want actual "facts"?
Again..my opinions.....my views on the subject......you dont like it, dont read it...Im not too concerned about whether or not you read my posts anyways...i was posting in response to a question...not directly to you.
| |
|
| |
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 4:51:15 PM | LQQKING,
hhmm..will you be hanging out in my room with me?
'Cause a pillow fight would be a blast...
Oh! And we can gossip aboutmen..
*giggle
We could grab River and Down and have a PJ party. :D
 | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 4:55:57 PM | roflllll fiesty.. ya brat!.. of COURSE there will be a pillow fight.. BUT NO BRICKS or stones plz.. lol..
And we can gossip aboutmen
my FAVORITE topic..  | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 10:52:39 PM | MrGordonGecko - I like your comments, be interesting if your thoughts went into play even for a test run.
2005 figures are teen pregnancy costs the United States at least $7 billion annually. Now if thats not a problem Im not sure what is. | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/7/2006 11:53:52 PM | | at least theres not a bunch of kids growing up in abusive homes because pairent stay together just for the sake of it | |
|
*Em*
|
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 46 | |
| |
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/8/2006 1:23:05 AM | look at the stats ladies ... these kids are far more likely to be criminals
Look at the big picture ... not the narrow one | |
|
gilbs
|
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 48 | |
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/8/2006 1:52:34 AM | | as i was saying its not age, sure age means experience and knowledge but if a couple or one of the couple whether they are in there teens or early twenties believe they are in a great realationship that will last a long time wwhy wouldnt you have kids. and ofcourse when that relationship turns sour its mostly the mother ending up with the kid, so im surprised a male has brought this one up. but me myself living with my sister with her two and a half month old boy who i couldn't live without, i moved in with them so he would have a good life, big backyard and any luxury he wants. but its not so much that he needs a father figure in his life and im it. so basically what im trying to say is whether the parent is single with a child or not im sure (or i hope) they have all the support and love they need for them and their child. Being a single parent is not a bourden, its the other parent that is missing out..... | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/9/2006 6:44:41 AM | | Then here is a real question. Who decides what is a bad relationship? I worked to support my wife and son at a job that was stable but not high paying. Then at this time last year she told me that she was going to see other people. I never beat her, nor abused her. Never cheated, rarely went out without her. Yet that was undesirable. My parents have been married for 30 years and by any of our standards, my mom should of walked out. Everyone wants to blame society or television. But we are society. Yes there are lots of truly valid reasons now days for single parents to exist. But if we want to stay the exception and not the rule, we better step up to the plate like our grandparents and great-grandparents did for our parents and show that there is different levels of love and all sex is just one type, not the best type for people that are not committed to one another. | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/9/2006 8:21:48 AM | | Simple.Relationships just dont` last like they did years ago.Peaple are too selfish,with unreal expectations.They get into relationships that mostly arent` healthy,they have kids while not dealing with the dysfuntion,and when things get hard the selfish take the easyest way out.This leaves single parents. | |
|
Home
login 
