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| | Why the number of single parents ??Page 5 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | | The reason is because it's the 'in' thing. Today kids think they can get by on the welfare check and have no idea what delayed gratification is. The reason they are single is because both parents are immature. They are not done growing up. They have no idea how to deal with their own feelings, the feelings of others and worst of all, they have no idea how to treat children. Most children of these children are being paraded around like they are show pieces and trophies, ie; leather jackets and princess tutus. | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/24/2006 5:44:16 AM | North
Ok so because we had sex out of wedlock means that we can not belive in god anymore? And you know what as to the part about bringing a child into the world and it not being heathy... That is why most of us are single parents cause that was the healthy way to do it. I did not plan to be a single mother, he walked out on us with no indacation and I mean non.
We did not paln to have children considering I was never supose to have children.... So now you tell me how do you go for 10 years being told that you could not have children and it was a 100% to being pregnant? Having a rough pregnancy and almost losing the baby 4 times and not believe that god has some doing in that????
As for having a healthy relationship with my child.... It is going perfect with it just being me and her and the reason why I am a single mother like I told you is because her father walked out because he did not want to be a father, so let me ask you this....
Is it healthy for a child to grow up feeling unwanted for the rest of her life, if mommy and daddy stay togther. Or is it better to have one parent that gives you enough love for both mommy and daddy and lots of family that can help to give even more love then what her father could ever give her????? | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/24/2006 7:33:13 AM | Nevaehs_mom - WHICH god saved your baby ? There are many religions out there, so Im curious as to which god it was. You are entitled to your belives in what I belive is an outdated book of gossip, but sex and religion are apples and oranges that dont go well together. I also have a tough time when someone uses this book of rules to argue a point, but only lives by the rules and guidlines that suite them at the moment.
Being I have a medical background, I find it interesting to hear women say they were told there was no way the could have children, and yet they conceive. Now with that saying I am NOT calling you dishonest in your post... just making a point on something Ive heard many women say.
"Is it healthy for a child to grow up feeling unwanted"
Good point, although again, double sided. First off, NO, I dont belive in staying together for a childs sake as children are smarter than most people, even parents give them credit for. Therefore a child will feel and understand the negativity and it will not be condusive of a healthy happy life for the child.
YET.... if you bring in religion into this equation, its "until death do us part".
The FLIP side to that is how many people have such a poor judgement call when it comes to the opposite sex. Case in point as to how many womn say the man walked out after she got pregnant. Makes me wonder first off how serious the relationship was, how well they judged one another and how much talk and understanding there was to "if we get pregnant".
Could a family or a father ever replace you? NO ! Although your childs father may choose not to be in her life, you are born with one fahter and one mother and no one can ever replace those positions. No one could give you MORE love than a a father or mother because there is no love like it that could ever replace it. If it was so easily replaced then why do so many search out lost parents ? | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/24/2006 3:23:38 PM |
find it interesting to hear women say they were told there was no way the could have children, and yet they conceive
Noone is 100%, nor is any "medical advice".
Doctors make mistakes.
Miracles happen.
Life goes on.
 | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/24/2006 4:17:16 PM | Fiesty
You are mostly correct, medical advise is ususally fairly accurate in most cases, and 100% accurate in some. If you had been following the thread you would have seen that it was more so directed at comments that women make that say there is 100% of NO conception, when actuality there is a chance and they either use it as an excuse or simply dont listen to everything that is explained to them.
Im some cases though, it IS 100% that they cannot conceive, therefore medical advise would be correct.
I think in many cases with many people it is only hearing, or reading and comprehending, what they choose, as is show here often. | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/24/2006 5:26:29 PM | Ok north let me ask are you a single parent or have you ever been a single parent to sit here and judge us????
And it does not matter what god the bottom line is I feel that he had a hand in bringing my daughter here. And to your "tell death do us part" that only works when you are married and we did not make it to the wedding because he thought walking out on his child was better. Now if you are not or have not been a single parent then dont sit there and rant and rave about it to me ok because until you are in the shoes of a single parent you cant say nothing.
And do not sit there and tell me about my medical ok because it is possible to be told that you can never have children and then you do concieve so the medical background you say you have I think you need to update it or something.
Me saying that I could not have kids is no excuse, I know what I was told and I know what test's I had to go through so dont tell me there is no chance of it happening. | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/24/2006 7:00:13 PM |
Ok north let me ask are you a single parent or have you ever been a single parent to sit here and judge us????
He is a single dad and an amazing one at that...I don't believe someone would rant and rave about something they knew nothing about  | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/24/2006 8:17:57 PM | Just for the record.. My aunt was told she couldnt have kids.. and my cousin is now 12.. :)....
Second of all.. I know these forums are a matter of peoples opinions and advice.. however, I dont really think that anyone should judge somebody else on here.. because you really have no idea who they are.. sure there might be millions of single "parents" but im sure there is millions of different reasons why.
Parents are the childs first teacher. If the relationship is unhealthy then the child will suffer. So get out of it. Not because you want to be a single parent but because once you have a baby the baby comes first...
Some parents bail on their unborn or born children for that matter due to their own circumstances that only they know. Therefor the other parent is left a single parent.. once again not by choice.
You never know people anymore. So those of you who say "people" are stupid because they have a bad judgement for the opposite sex.. I disagree.. People change.. You may think you know somebody but you dont.. For example.. my friend of ten years.. thought she knew this guy she had been with for awhile.. now she is 6 feet under (RIP).. fortunately he didnt harm her children but if she honestly thought this man was capable of doing what he did she would NEVER of allowed him to be around her children... another example.. I know a couple whom was married for a good 25 years.. he cheated 2 years ago and they are now divorced..
Another thing that has bothered me about some people in this forum is those people who critisize single parents.. thinking that they are all young.. ages 16-99 there is single parents.. I am 22.. I didnt get pregnant on purpose. I was with my ex for 3 years. I was on birth control. My son is a blessing, but his father turned out to be very disturbed and I hope one day he grows up for the sake of his son. NO I didnt get pregnant because I felt I could live on welfare. I AM NOT ON WELFARE.. NO I didnt get pregnant because I thought it was cool.. Sometimes things happen.. People "SHOULD" grow up when they have a child.. inwhich I have.. I work.. (on mat leave right now)... I am going back to college.. I am making a better life for not only myself now but for my son too..
Really all I wanted to say lol.. is that before you sit there and categorize people because of their age.. or their maritual status.. think.. not one person in this world is the same..
I also want to say I dont disagree with the fact that their is young people out there that depend on the system to get by.. or think its cool to get pregnant.. or whatever.. but a majority of those people do grow up also..
Ok I am tired and im sure that made as much sense as my other posts LOL.. | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/24/2006 11:22:43 PM | Nevaehs_mom - There are many forms of birth control so there is always a means.
"Well hun sorry to tell you but if you think back to the bible yes he did, God is the one that made people correct?"
This is where my god comment came from, not your belives with your child, so thus if religious beliefs are being entered... then what god. To quote myself earlier in this thread .."God did not impregnate you, sperm did."
Its nice to see theres a few taking the medical comment personal.. READ THE POST... it was not an attack directed at any one of you.
Nevaehs, settle your jets, I never named you nor did I say this was the case in YOUR situation, I stated as to what I know as fact from working in medicine for several years. Again, read the post, maybe twice to grasp what it is saying, it wasnt directed and I never said it WASNT possible... "medical advise is ususally fairly accurate in most cases, and 100% accurate in some." .... do you recall that part of it ??
I LOVE how so many women come in here and say "He was so wonderful until I got pregnant and then just turned into a beast" ..."people change" ... not ONCE have I heard a woman say she changed and had a negative effect on the relationship, always the man... I guess we are the only ones capable of change.
For those that were already in a negative relationship and brought a child into this world, then decided the home was "too abusive" in some form or way. YOU made the choice to bring a child into a world of abuse.
Fckn_Around - no one EVER said all single parents are young, but this thread was stemmed from the number of single young parents out there and the negative impact it has on children based on studies and stats.
and again .. for those of you that dont bother to read, this thread is about having concerns of young single parents, and the passing of information so maybe YOUR teen ... or mine ... doesnt become a stat. Its not about bashing, finger pointing or name calling. My posts and points are generalized, if I need to finger point you WILL know Im pointing at you... make no mistake about it.
For those of you getting so up in arms about it... ask yourself why... does she shoe fit ? Or is it that your just to stuborn to admit that theres a problem out there and that you might be able to add some input to assist in easing this situation... or maybe learn ONE think you can teach your children that may stick ith them so they themselves do not become a young single parent.... after all... coming from a young single parent home, the chances of them following the same path is much higher. | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/25/2006 12:36:45 AM | I LOVE how so many women come in here and say "He was so wonderful until I got pregnant and then just turned into a beast" ..."people change" ... not ONCE have I heard a woman say she changed and had a negative effect on the relationship, always the man... I guess we are the only ones capable of change.
To tell you the truth. I am a single parent because I pretty much was a puppet on strings. I was told that my daughter's father was a bad person and that if I were to continue to be with him, I would pretty much be disowned by my family. Now that our daughter is almost 2, he is out of jail and has proven that he is a good person. It is too late. So I am saying that I am a single parent because of lack of communication!! My daughter is my main priority. She changed my life soo much for the better, she is the most amazing person ever. She is the motivation behind everything in my life now. I went back to school to better our lives. Maybe sometime in the future, my daughter's father and I, can work things out, but for now it is just her and I. | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/25/2006 1:25:32 AM | And I think thats all North is trying to ask for. Advise for ALL of us parents, young and older, who are raising children right now.
We all love our children, but its hard work... this parenting business. There are so many responsibilities. Its a tough go, especially on your own. But we all want the best life for our children.
Do you want YOUR children to have babies at 15,16,17,18 yrs of age? What would have changed things for YOU? Stricter rules? More lenient rules? More sex education? More education about teenagers/men and women and their feelings about love? More love from parents/grandparents? More guidance? A nice stranger you meet in the school washroom that tells you to listen to your parents because they only want whats best for you? Tough love? Less government assistance? More extra curricular activities? A part time job?
Am I going in the wrong direction? 'Cause I'd like to know too. I have young children, boys and a girl. The boys need the guidance as much as the girls. I'd like to think that my love, determination, values and morals will ensure my daughter wont get pregnant at 16... and my sons won't get a girl pregnant at 18... but there's no guarantee. Maybe some advise from those who've been there might be some of the best advise - to save a few heart aches and broken homes?!
Kudos to all who work hard and try their best though... young and older!  And to North for searching for the answers in a place where there are so many reading and replying.
Yarrow40 | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/25/2006 5:09:46 AM | North
Ok how about we get off the god topic cause we are not going to both agree on the same thing and this thread is not about god it is about single parents right? lol
Now one thing that I was going to say about the "he was so wonderful until I got pregnant and then just turned unto a beast" Well with my situation he was wonderful with me right up until the relationship was over, our relationship (mommy and daddy) was great, it went down hill when he wanted me but not the baby. I didnt not say he was a beast all I said was that he did not want the baby and walked out on her 3 times since the day she was born and I thought it best that I didnt take him back the last time and put my daughter through that.... does that make me a bad parent?
When you say that We made the choice to bring the baby into the world your right to a point.... in my situation I made the choice not to have an abortion and bring the baby into the world.... if her father had it his way she would not be here. I feel that I have taught my daughter something even though she is so young and that is that you do not need both parents togther in order to be loved. I agree with the comments about children having babies and I dont agree with it but it does happen and you try to make the best of it. my mother was a 15 year old mother and by the time she was 22 she had the 3 of us and you know what she was one of the best mom's out there, she took care of us on her own and we never had any emotional problems or any of the other problems that people talk about kids having when they come from a broken home.
My daughter when her father came back from working out west was so scared of him that she would NEVER let me put her down, I had to carry her everywhere I went, I had to sleep her in bed with me, if he went near her she would go crazy with crying anc shaking.... Now you tell me is that how a child should live? Being scared of her father? And he has never done anything to hurt her phyicaly, but he has walked out on her 3 times since the day she was born like I said, and as you said children are smarter then most of us. I was not the one that ended the relationship, I tryed everything to keep our family togther, I tryed to teach him how to be with her so that they would build a relationship and I talked to him about his feelings about wanting to be a father before and after she was here and he has always said that he never wanted the baby in the first place and that he did not think that he should have to take care of it.
Now that I have gone to have papers drawn up for custody (because he told me he would sign over all his rights because he didnt want them) and his mother told him that she would dis-own him, now he is trying to fight for our daughter, I am happy to a point for that because I am hoping that he will step up and play daddy for her, she needs her father but for the right reason, not because if he doesnt his mother is not going to talk to him again, but because he really does want to spend time with his daughter and because he does want to be a father.... Is that to much for me to ask for?
Bottom line is should I have to send my child to someone that she is scared of because of the fact he has never been there for her, and because he does not want her for the right reason? I am sorry but I would rather be a single parent and know that my daughter is happy and healthy with just being with mommy then be with her father who she was scared of and who she sensed she did not like right up until now that is how she is. So now you please tell me how you would feel if you were in that situation. You are a single father look at it if you were in my shoes with your child's mother. You do what is right for oyur child right, if that means being single is the best thing to do then you do it correct? | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/25/2006 8:49:58 AM | Nevaehs_mom - Im only going to touch on a few points here and only cause you asked for my opinion... just remember the rule .... never ask a question unless your prepared for the answer....
This is all based on what you have said and all assumption as Im not there and dont know you personally.
- If he left after you got pregnant, it would suggest that you two did not communicate what would happen IF you were impregnated, and you decided to make the choice for both of you, giving him no options, so I could understand why he would leave.
- Your daughter being scared of her father? It sounds more like seperation anxiety to me when you have to carry them around all the time and sleep with them.
- he does not want her for the right reasons? What are his reasons ??
- YES, you should nurture the relationship between father and daughter if this man is willing to make an effort. You took his right of choice away when you got pregnant, and now you want to take his paternal rights away as well.
Look at it from your shoes? ... again.. never assume I havent been.
Read Yarrow40 post ... shes making a point (thank you Yarrow) as to what this thread is about. | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/25/2006 10:25:04 AM | Hi North
No he left when the baby was already here, he left when she was a month old and then came back 2 months later, ( I took him becak because he said that he wanted to be a father and help me raise our daughter). Then things were good for a month and then he left again a month after that saying that he just couldnt do it. I said that was fine I was not going to force him but that I was not going to let him walk in and out of our daughters life. He was gone for another 6 months and then came home because again he said that he had learned what it was like to be away from his family and he wanted to make it work and at that time I told him I would only take him back if he was not going to walk out again, and he said "nope I want to be a dad and I want to be your husband-to-be) so I let him back because I wanted to keep our family togther, I wanted us to be that happy family, I mean there was no problems between us, things were great, I mean even the night before he walked out without a word this time he told me he loved me and that he was glad I gave him another chance.
Then he walked out with out a word this time and only called 2 months later to see how the baby was and I told him and then I asked him why he did it concidering the night before he told me he loved me and was glad I took him back and that is when he told me that "I only came back because my mother told me she would not speak to me again if I totlay walked away".
I did not take his choice away from him when I got pregnant, I told him that if he did not want to be a father then he was more then welcome to stay or go it was up to him, I never told him he had to be a father, I wasnt one of these one who forces anyone to do anything. But myself I am not one for an abortion, I would never do that myself, so he did have his choice.... And he took it when he walked out.
As for the seperation anxiety I dont understand how you can get that considering it all takes place when her father is around.... not when he is gone..... When he is around that is how she is but once he is gone she is back to her happy go lucky self. | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/25/2006 12:55:00 PM | Nevaehs_mom - My point about choice was that of you having a child, he will always be a father to a child, and you made that choice for him.
Seperation Anxiety is from you...being seperated from you. When you constantly hold a child, sleep with a child etc, they will experience seperation anxiety when "taken away" from the person giving them all the attention... kind of like "making strange".
Either way, and no offence, but this is taking this thread way off topic. As above, and several other posts being, the purpose of this thread is understand and awareness to avoid this type of situation for my children, your children, and our childrens children. | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/25/2006 9:28:28 PM | I read as much of this thread as could before i posted but i just cant stay quiet anymore.
Could i please point out that not every single mother around is an uneducated teenager that got pregnant accidently? Many of us are educated intelligent adults who planned their families. The things you cant plan for are often the situations that intoduce us to single parenting. I would never have chosen to raise my children with out their father in the home. But one does not always have a choice.
I am proud of the job I am doing as a single mother , it is not the ideal but i refuse to apologize for it either | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/26/2006 9:40:29 PM | jesse64 - Please read the first part of this forum. This was primarily based on teen pregnancy and the effects it has on parents, children and society, as well as thoughts and ideas we can use to teach our children so they dont become a statistic.
I dont think its ever been said that all single parents are uneducated teens. There are many single parents out there for several different reasons, but this is directed more at the single teens | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/26/2006 10:16:57 PM | if u were single broke and offered $4,000.00 would u take it?
I think that the younger ones are not aware of the committment having a child creates.
They think it is easy going, but there are a lot of good single parents and young parents.
The other day I saw a young dad, around 17yrs, happily giving his son a bottle and cuddling him. It was great to see, there was a time when you rarely saw a father with his child | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/27/2006 2:37:51 AM | | I think that modern society is rejecting the entire concept of marriage. I think that as more time goes by there will be little to no need to ever get married. Don't get me wrong companionship is important. I loved my late wife and being married. But now, as a single father i find that marriage serves no purpose for me. I have all the love that i need. My two boys keep me very busy. I have had girlfriends, one that lasted 3 years, but other than the tax break i have no reason to ever get married again. Marriage nowadays isnt nessecary. This may sound cynical and i appologize. I may marry again, but not because some old republican thinks its proper. I have been a single father for four years and they have been the greatest four years of my life. | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/27/2006 9:08:22 PM | | i agree,marriage does seem to have gone by the wayside. i have mixed feelings on ever marrying myself,having seen so many bad marriages growing up and now with married friends who always complain to me. i'm a single mom,its hard,but i'd rather be a single mom then dealing with fighting and being made to feel like crap. | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/30/2006 2:39:12 PM | So does it matter to most people if your a single parent or not ? ... would you preffer to take the time to find TRUE love .. or just love and have kids ...
I can understand single parents that were married .... but I have a tough time with the number of young single parents out there... victims creating victims it seems | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/30/2006 3:12:53 PM | I would prefer to find true love and have kids, but not all times does that happen.....
That is what I thought it was with my ex, we were not married but we were engaged, so to me it is the same thing just without a paper saying we are married but anyways.....
So what if you were a married couple and the divorced and became a single parent then that is ok... but if you were not married and had children then became a single parent then it is wrong? Where is the logic there.... What does a paper that says the 2 of you take eachother for life have to do with being able to raise children???? | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/30/2006 5:25:10 PM | Nevaehs_mom - No no .. sorry, I think my point was missed. Engaged, married, long term commited ...whichever ... its more so the kids that go out and have sex .. get pregnant.. and decide to have a kid cause "they can do it on their own"
That make any more sense? ... lemme know.. if not I will try and get my point out there a little better ... Im having an "unarticulate moment" lol | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/30/2006 10:16:26 PM | | lol, this is so funny, and I'm def not getting into the "God planned my kids" thing. I'm not really sure why we have a lot of young single parents out there, I think it may be the lack of education from our part, lack of maturity, it is so complex. Why does a bf/gf break up after having the baby? lack of communication/understanding/love, WOW. it's just too much. I'll stick w/ the Education, now when I say Education, it's not just SEX ED, it's communication, understanding one self. (I GOT A HEADACHE! LOL) | |
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| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/31/2006 4:54:34 AM | Yes that does make more sense lol
I agree with what you are saying about kids going out and having kids because they think they can do it on their own.
My thing is, I dont have a problem with the young ones that are having baby's and doing all they can to take care of them... I respect them, but the ones that go and get pregnant, dont take care of their child right and then have another child right after, That I dont agree with!
I mean when I was living in Ontario I knew people who had 3 kids by the time they were my age and if you asked them what they were doing to provide for these kids they would come out and say "well social assistance pays you well", those ones are the ones that make me sick.
They are the ones that are just poping out children for the money, where is the fairness there.
I had a friend in high school who ended up pregnant at least every year since grade 9, she always gave the baby up for adoption, I dont agree with it to a point but I am glad she did it at the same time. The reson why I dont agree with it is because you made your bed now lay in it type deal but at the same time she made the right choice by giving the children good homes.
Now when I was pregnant with my daughter she was pregnant again, this time she has her son and doing GREAT with him and at raising him so now she has changed her life around for her child.
But I look at it like if you are big enough to have sex, and sleep around with no protection at all and get pregnant then you are big enough to take on the responsability's of what comes with it. | |
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