| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 6/24/2005 11:51:38 PM | | hs that's where good communications would help. hopefully you would be able to talk with your mate before it came to that. let him know what you needed and how you felt. if he did nothing, then if you had an affair, there wouldn't be too much he could say. you at least tried to salvage the marriage before you just went into someone elses arms. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 6/25/2005 12:12:40 AM | | yes lottabottle i agree. once you've gone beyond the trying to save your marriage and start an affair, the marriage is over. there is no turning back. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 6/25/2005 8:08:47 AM | | Ritz,,an affair would most of the time sink any marriage. I am totally againest such things. Nobody should do that, even in a troubled marriage. If there are problems, then the honest discussion, if that's possible, must be the way to go. If the two parties cannot come to terms with the problem(s), then, they should seek counseling unless things are too far gone to correct. Then, the next step should be if possible, a consultation with an attorney for a hopeful amicable divorce. Unfortunately, most lawyers don't allow divorces to be amicable, and a lot end up in a court fight. It's tough, and I would sure think about the marriage of commitment before ever hooking up with any lover...for better, or for worse. Failure to really know a person for some time, and total honesty is essential for any marriage to work. An affair will be a very regretable thing. I sure would advise againest that. Don't even look at a potential new partner when married. | |
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RitzNB
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Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 80 | |
| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 6/25/2005 8:12:57 AM | An affair just leads to trouble. I really don't see what good would come out of it. If people want to stray then get a divorce and play the field. Set your partner free so she/he can move on with their life and find someone who will be faithful and appreciate them. Also, most people who have affairs don't use protection. They are putting their partner's like at risk with their stupidity. You can't tell by looking at someone if they are HIV positive nowadays because of all the new medication on the market. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 6/25/2005 8:31:08 AM | | People that have an affair are showing a disrespect towards their wife/husband and children that is nauseating. They're utterly selfish. Even if the marriage is going through a very difficult period, you should do the respectful thing: work at it, get to a marriage counselor, discuss separation or get a divorce before you rub your genitals against someone else's. If you opt to take the selfish road, or the road your genitals are calling you to take, you're not worth the oxygen you breathe, you're riff raff. | |
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RitzNB
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Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 83 | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 6/25/2005 8:46:28 AM | this is a weird thread to begin with.. but my dad cheated on my mom more than once when I was younger and they are still together and actually now more in love and happier than they ever were, but it had nothing to do with the affairs (at least I don't think so).
Me, I didn't have an affair per se, but I did cheat on my husband (long stong) and although we tried to fix the marriage with counseling, bottom line is that he can't ever really trust me again and I really don't blame him. Besides, there's too much wrong with our marriage to begin with.
There's a really good book for people who are trying to make their marriages work after an affair and it's appropriately called "After the Affair." People can fix their marriages after an affair if they truly want to and recognize that the affair was a symptom of the problems in the marriage AND if the wronged partner can forgive and learn to trust again. But, that's just IMHO. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 6/30/2005 12:16:23 AM |
People can fix their marriages after an affair if they truly want to and recognize that the affair was a symptom of the problems in the marriage AND if the wronged partner can forgive and learn to trust again.
AND if the ADULTERER can be trustworthy and completely open about where (s)he's going, when, with who, etc. (If you don't give others a valid reason to trust you, you've left them with no reason to trust you, haven't you?) | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 6/30/2005 5:55:43 AM | I think I see marriage a little differently than most. The word "relationship" when talking about marriage doesn't even seem to fit to begin with. Yes there is of course a realtionship between husband and wife, but it is so much more than that to the point the word doesn't even fit. When a man and a woman become husband and wife, they also become a family with or without children.
It seems odd to me, that people would have such a hard time forgiving their family aka spouse for having an affair, but can forgive just about anything anyone else would do to them.
I admit, it would talk a lot for me to learn to trust someone I was married to if they had an affair, but that alone would not cause me to end my family.
Personally I do not understand how someone could do that to their family or to themselves for that matter. If you have even one grain of self respect you would never even think of having an affair. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 6/30/2005 7:36:13 AM | NO way ....after the trust is broken only the heart can be mended an some how one learns to live with the pain but , When the trust is broken it's over, for without trust there's no hope an just staying for the ske of the kids is nonesense for all would be misserable,
Tho I think they should bring back capital punishment or even like in biblical days were they stoned the offender but in todays world I do beleive our morals have went south along with alot of our jobs | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 6/30/2005 7:47:16 AM | | If the affair happens when the man is away on business, and to cover their activity from the neighbors the interloper poses as a contractor, and adds new siding and a roof, new windows, and does some good landscaping, then upon his return the husband might see all these improvements to his home, and know something must have happened. In such a case he would resolve to consider his guilt equaled, and not need to blurt out his own indiscretion, which she would be best off not knowing about anyway. But in other cases, it can't strengthen a marriage. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 6/30/2005 7:49:55 AM | Can an affair strengthen a marriage?
Hell no, i would file for divorce! The only thing it would strengthen is how far i planted my foot up his A**! | |
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RitzNB
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Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 90 | |
| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 6/30/2005 7:50:11 AM | It seems odd to me, that people would have such a hard time forgiving their family aka spouse for having an affair, but can forgive just about anything anyone else would do to them.
^^^^^^^^
@ checkingup
I agree. I've noticed the same thing. People will put up with physical and emotional abuse, addictions (gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex ....), lying, money problems..... for years. The day their spouse sleeps with someone else such as in the case of a one night stand they show them the door. It's kind of ironic in a sense. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 6/30/2005 8:02:27 AM | In my opinioin, an affair CANNOT strengthen a marriage.
Though it may point out that there are issues in the marriage, you can't fix those issues by turning to someone else.
Also, an affair shows that you've chosen to deal with OUR ISSUES by AVOIDING THEM (i.e. finding solace in someone else).
For me, an affair breaks the trust that we had in our relationship, and I honestly don't believe there's any way to come back from that once the trust has been broken. But I guess it depends on how forgiving you are. I know for me, I wouldn't be able to forget what you did, and even if I said I forgave you, I'd still ALWAYS have it in the back of my mind (in addition to always wondering whether or not you're lying or cheating again), so for that reason, I'd say just end the marriage, because at that point I'd only be sticking around to get even and make your life as miserable as you made mine when you cheated!!
Wow, just in re-reading that it seems as if this topic really hit home, which is ironic since I've never been cheated on!  | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/18/2005 8:53:39 AM | Well it depends on how you look at it now.
It could mend some mis-understandings or it could kill the romance forever. | |
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nixx46
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Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 94 | |
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Jonezy
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Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 95 | |
| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/18/2005 11:47:14 AM | I disagree with almost everyone here , sort of . My wife and I must be the exception to the rule .:
I think that's a fairy/old wives' tale that horrible, horrendous things strengthen anything. I think it works quite the other way: if the couple makes it thru horrible, stressful things, it's because they already had one kickass relationship to begin with, and something of that kickass relationship survived the crap. Those relationships are definitely the exception. There are even some studies done that can be used to illustrate. For example, the loss of a child. Studies have shown that couples losing a child will remain together temporarily in a seeming closeness, but ultimately it leads to the breakup of the couple. What is most amazing about a couple being able to endure really horrible, shitty things, is that if they can manage to stay together, it's worthy of making a movie about it because it's highly unusual. Sharing a lot of crap is not a good thing for anybody, as it takes a huge toll on beauty, health, finances, love, memories, and the mental condition of the couple.
There was no communication in our marriage , even after 5 years .My wife was working at a nightclub on weekends , having fun , flirting ...blah blah blah ...Meets a young man who flatters , compliments , flirts , tells her what she wants to hear , etc . Single life looks good when you're tied down . No diapers , bills , mortgages ...well , you get the picture . She has an affair . I find out . I make her tell me everything . After that , she can talk to me . We saw other people for about a year even . We now are stronger than ever .
I guess the affair itself didn't strengthen our marriage , but all of the effects of it did . | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/18/2005 12:05:56 PM | In my case his affair ended the marriage
An affair involves lies, loss wages to the family budget, loss of family time, loss of his/her time, loss of father(mother)/child(ren) time | |
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nixx46
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Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 97 | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 8:58:32 AM | I guess I just feel that once you begin to look outside the marriage to solve problems in the marriage, there is no longer a marriage there. Marriage is about intimacy and trust...and it is exclusive. In my experience, marriage changes from year to year. I was married for 26 years to a wonderful man. The marriage we had in year 10 was much different than the marriage in year one which was different than the marriage we had the last year of his life. Fidelity provides the arena in which you work out the transitions and changes in your life together. When one person goes outside that arena, the likelyhood of a change is reduced, I believe.
Nan | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 9:32:00 AM | I'd have to say yes but with reservation. Not everyone has access to sophisticated video imaging equipment and lighting. But with some crude cameras and some clamp on lights affairs can be a wonderment. Capturing the essence of carnal lust has eluded producers and directors ever since the first silent porn film was ever made. It continues to do so today.
Not only is the product of such sessions the source of great joy for you and your friends well into your golden years, it seems Judges and Juries have the same intense proclivity toward steamy sex scenes and gaping jaws as the newly discovered actors and actresses are made aware that they are the stars in your sky. Have several, ACTION............... | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 10:05:49 AM | | Can an affair strenghthen a marriage????? HHHHMMM? NOT! If anything an affair totally can destroy any self esteem the person who's been cheated on has. Then you factor in the trust issue, no way. My marriage ended 8 years ago, due to the fact he was cheating. Since then I have forgiven him and moved on, but I have that seed of doubt and mistrust that will linger within me for the rest of my life. | |
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