| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 9:32:00 AM | I'd have to say yes but with reservation. Not everyone has access to sophisticated video imaging equipment and lighting. But with some crude cameras and some clamp on lights affairs can be a wonderment. Capturing the essence of carnal lust has eluded producers and directors ever since the first silent porn film was ever made. It continues to do so today.
Not only is the product of such sessions the source of great joy for you and your friends well into your golden years, it seems Judges and Juries have the same intense proclivity toward steamy sex scenes and gaping jaws as the newly discovered actors and actresses are made aware that they are the stars in your sky. Have several, ACTION............... | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 10:05:49 AM | | Can an affair strenghthen a marriage????? HHHHMMM? NOT! If anything an affair totally can destroy any self esteem the person who's been cheated on has. Then you factor in the trust issue, no way. My marriage ended 8 years ago, due to the fact he was cheating. Since then I have forgiven him and moved on, but I have that seed of doubt and mistrust that will linger within me for the rest of my life. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 10:34:13 AM | From my personal experience......
Can you ever forgive the person. Yes but, forgiveness is just the beginning of recovering from the devastation of an affair. The forgiveness is the easy part.
Can you trust them again.
Yes but, sometimes it isn't the lack of trust that causes the problem. After my husbands affair came out into the open, there was never a doubt in my mind that he would never put our marriage in such a position again. He did indeed learn from his mistake. In fact, as strange as it may sound, I probably trusted him more after the affair than I did throughout our marriage leading up to the affair.
Would having a revenge affair solve the problem.
No. I would never consider lowering myself to such childish behavior. I can't imagine how lack of respect for oneself could resolve the problem.
My personal views are once a cheater always a cheater. I would loose respect for him. I could never trust him again. I don't want to spend my days wondering if he's up to no good. Where is he at, what's he doing .... I disagree. There are many variables within a relationship of which the end result being an affair. People make mistakes and their mistakes do not always define them. Some people can change - In my case the change came too late.
The heart WILL heal with time...but you will NEVER look at him the way again.
I couldn't have said it better myself. I spent years after the affair trying to work my way through his betrayal for the sake of our marriage. Yes I forgave him and yes I trusted him. I just never loved him again. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 10:49:45 AM | | Affairs dont solve problems just create more, some use it as an excuse due to lack of love, understanding, communication from the spouse, if theres all that missing in a marraige how can anyone think an affair will get it back, if you reached that point already why be still there, ive always said that if my ex didnt have my love he had my respect to not cheat on him and thats how he felt as well. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 10:52:01 AM | | You are right on that Rob...been there myself...no fun....Everything is gone...honesty,trust and slowly the luv you had for that person starts dieing because you always WONDER. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 11:17:06 AM | | Tim..yes everyone is allowed thier own opinion,and your's is all so true.I always believed in marriage.My ex husband cheated on me...I believed everyone deserves a second chance...so he got it...but then...he did it again...so that was the end....he didn't want the marriage in my eyes.But i did not cheat on him ever just because he did it to me.I do not believe in cheating and never will.I commend you on raising your 2 daughters,and I believe they will turn into fine ladys. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 11:28:21 AM | | You are so right bailey.I took it for 20 years.He had the problem...not me...But everyone remember this is a forom for everyone to voice thier opinion,wether it's me..tim..tagone...but everyone is right...cause this forom is about cheating....and everyone believes the same thing.....IT IS WRONG. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 12:03:36 PM | Been there done that....and I would say emphatically not!!
Maybe it would have turned out differently if he hadn't lied everytime I asked him.
Lies, lies and more lies is really what destroyed my marriage, the affair just aided all that. He lived in two different worlds. My opinion is he wanted a new life, new experiences and a new mate, he just conveniently "forgot" to mention that to me.
Oops, not forgot, just reiterated that all the "problems and suspicions I felt" were exactly that, mine to deal with, not his. We weren't having any problems at all. Counselling, I did on my own. I always knew in my head what was going on, my heart just never believed he would do something like that to me.
When I did finally get concrete proof of what was happening (a new baby) there was no decision left to be made, I packed his bags and sent him out the door.
I never looked back and never took him back even though he begged...I have no regrets and I know what I did, I did for the benefit of me and my kids.
Forgiveness I gave him but I could never ever forget the hell he put my family through. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 3:10:01 PM | An affair can strengthen a marriage if you're one of those perverse people who can only get it up when your significant other has sex with other people (like Republican Jack Ryan, the Illinois candidate for the U.S. Senate, who kept taking his wife to sex clubs so she'd have sex with other men and he could watch).
Otherwise, nope. Affairs are poison to a marriage. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 3:28:45 PM | sarita: believe it or not, there are species who require threesomes to have sex. Two won't work.
from wikipedia:
Some black swans of Australia form sexually active male-male mated pairs and steal nests, or form temporary threesomes with females to obtain eggs, driving away the female after she lays the eggs.
It takes all kinds... | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 3:32:39 PM | Dan, I believe it. There are all types on this earth, and all kinds of exceptions to what is the norm. I recall the first time I heard that some people require touching, tasting, or rubbing feces on themselves, to get sexually aroused. I nearly passed out from sheer horror. I imagine that a couple that gets into that, will break up if one of them decides he/she is no longer "into" that, or, vice versa, a couple might break up if one requires that, and the other refuses to engage in it.
There's all kinds of stuff in this universe! Luckily, all these rather unusual things are the exceptions, and, being exceptions, they are not the norm. Thank goodness!  | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 112 | |
| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 3:35:50 PM | Too often an affair is the symptom of problems within a marriage. Some men do it because of the thrill of the chase, many of men do it because they feel they are taken for granted in their marriages. Women do it because their emotional needs are not getting met, they are not being listened to by their husbands.
No, having a revenge affair will not solve the problem, it will destroy the marriage. Once the bond of trust is broken, it is very difficult to re-establish and more often than not, takes an outside party to help a couple out. I could forgive, but I think the forgetting would be most difficult, until he can gain my trust again (if I don't walk away first), he will be on the shortest leash imaginable. In my mind, its too easy to have an affair again, once it has happened. Some people know no boundaries. | |
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nixx46
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Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 113 | |
| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 3:47:19 PM | ksue44 ..
Not just men ! My ex had an affair at work... I forgave her, so she had another one. But you are right about the trust... and forgiveness. I forgave her... but didn't trust her... | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 8/21/2005 4:41:01 PM | | u do it once ..it will always bve in the back of my head that it could happen again.mariage would not strengthen | |
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