ian78
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Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 26 | |
| video games
Posted: 10/10/2006 8:06:43 PM | | I would pick video games over the girlfriend.....................if I was a loser! Or if she was nuts! | |
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Posted: 10/10/2006 8:07:49 PM | Because he feels better playing the video game.
If your going to take the poor guy away from it make it good and I'm sure he'll chose you next time. Try food, a good movie or some thing equal to his game :) | |
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Posted: 10/10/2006 8:16:02 PM | Fire up his game.
Touch the orc. Then do it again. And again. And again.
Slowly the orc begins to sound like you?
Seriously, a guy likes stabilty and a sense of choice with risks and costs, decision, action and resolution. If his life is unstable and lacking in these elements he will find outlets where his actions have some sense of control on outcomes. Chances are, the rest of his life is falling apart. | |
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Posted: 10/10/2006 9:03:05 PM | I'm in the games biz. Specifically, I write 'em.
MMOs like World of Warcraft are designed to keep you playing for long stretches of time, especially at the higher levels.
For example, let's say you're level 55 in WoW (max is 60, I think; I don't play it, I'm a City of Heroes man myself). All you can do in the 50s is what's called a "raid"... so if you ever want to get to 60, you will have to raid. Over and over.
What's a raid? I dunno how it works in WoW, but in Everquest, a raid was a mission to fight your way to (and defeat) a single monster. That monster was so flippin' tough it would take thirty or forty players to defeat. The zone you'd have to fight through was also really flippin' tough. So you'd have to spend three or four hours gathering and prepping forty people, another three or four hours fighting your way through the zone, and hoping it didn't go belly-up and have to spend -another- three or four hours resurrecting and healing the dead and making supply runs for more potions and armor or whatever.
For those of you keeping track... you are now twelve hours into the raid and you haven't even gotten to the thing you all joined up to fight yet.
Said fight may take another few hours, especially if the Big Bad cleans everybody's clock and they have to try again.
Now, let's say it's hour thirteen of the raid, and everybody is just about to knock on the Big Bad's door and say "hiya. wanna die?" - and let's say I'm the guy coordinating the wizards' unit, and commanding a very important group of twelve people that will be instrumental in the raid's success (since wizards are like artillery in this case).
If my girlfriend wanders in and demands I turn off the game -now-, because "you've been playing all day and I want to go out", what happens?
A) I just wasted 13 hours prepping for nothing.
B) I have to give up responsibility of commanding my unit, and there may be no one else to take over that job (no experience, etc.) so the wizards get soundly whipped and the raid fails, or is called off entirely (or both)
C) I just pissed off forty people who will now ban me from taking part in any more raids. Remember, raids are the only way to advance at that level and you cannot do them alone.
So no, it's not always about addiction. Although, sometimes it is.
I also support the opinion that chances are, something was wrong in either his life or his relationship. When my ex and I fell on financial hard times, and the guilt and helplessness I felt was eating away at me like a cancer, I became so ashamed of myself that I couldn't bear to let my wife look at me and see what a failure I felt I was. So, I spent a lot of time locked in my room, playing on my computer. I didn't know what else to do. | |
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| video games
Posted: 10/10/2006 9:26:11 PM | honestly, i think videogames stimulate a different part of the brain. That's not to say that I would choose a game over her, but if you're a gamer, and you have a g/f, the best of both worlds, or a meshing of the two would be nice.
scenario: would i rather watch project runway for 2 hours, or watch it for 1, PVR the rest and play some Top Spin tennis with a g/f for 1 hour. all this is to say that the guy who 'chooses' the game over the girl is an idiot. with a little effort it's probably feasible to have both.
ous. | |
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Posted: 10/10/2006 10:04:00 PM | lol ok...now that a few of you have made this to be all my fault...lol
let me just say im not here just to bash him. im here trying to figure out wat it is about the game that maybe i can get his mind away from it even for a couple hours. we live together, so if he just isnt "into" me then he could move. ive never told him to just get off the game, because i understand the whole "quest" thing. lets just say i have tried everythin that i can, and nothin works...trust me...but thank you to everyone for ur comments none the less. even if all u can do is bash me on here. its humurous. | |
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Posted: 10/10/2006 10:06:19 PM | | Because there is something lacking in the relationship... he is seeking something he is not getting from you.. or he has mental issues... but odds are its the first missing something | |
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Posted: 10/10/2006 10:15:38 PM |
im here trying to figure out wat it is about the game that maybe i can get his mind away from it even for a couple hours.
Have you tried *asking* him?
I mean, just a simple "honey, I think you spend too much time on Wow, and I'm starting to feel neglected..." might serve as a wakeup call.
If it doesn't, his problems stem deeper than the game, and there might not be much you can do about it other than move on.
Either that, or realize that his attention won't be on you all the time since you live together. I had times where I wanted to just be alone all day. y'know? | |
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Posted: 10/10/2006 10:21:12 PM | | hey yeah ive tried asking him, and the game only came into our relationship about 2 months ago. so the first few weeks i was like ok..giving him his space, but when it started to control all his decisions. thats when it became an issue. and if it was only a few hours a day, or a few full days a week, i could prob deal with, but from the second he gets home from work till hours after ive already gone to bed. 7 days a week. sorry it gets a tad lonely. | |
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Posted: 10/10/2006 10:34:56 PM | | not enough facts, but i'm thinkin you did something to piss him off, or you are making him jump through too many hoops to receive your affection. you need to sit him down and ask whats going on. if you cant resolve the situation -life is too short to be miserable, or to be with someone incompatible. | |
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Posted: 10/10/2006 10:55:42 PM | Okay, ignore the people here being jerks. Most obviously don't understand the situation very well.
I've been through the same myself. So I can relate.
You've done what you can. You've tried to make him understand how he's hurting you. But he's clearly shown that he just doesn't love you. Doesn't respect you. Otherwise he'd never treat you in such a way.
He needs a good dose of reality. Followed by a good dose of having his ass thrown out. | |
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Posted: 10/10/2006 11:00:55 PM | Hmm...
My first impression is that your boyfriend is like me; when he gets a new toy, nothing else matters until he's burnt himself out on it. With a game like WoW, that may take a while. However, you've also said this;
when it started to control all his decisions. thats when it became an issue.
And that leads me to believe that he's got a problem that runs deeper than just a game. Have you seen that kind of behavior in him before about other things? Is he the obsessive type, or is something bothering him?
I think ultimately you have to talk to him. Not nag, not complain, but honestly talk... and let him know how you feel. If he doesn't care, or own up to what he's doing... it's Bad.
I used to try and make it quite clear to my wife that she would *always* come first, and that any time she wanted me to drop what I was doing and be with her, all she had to do was say the word... but there were times when I needed either some advance notice or an hour or two to finish up what I was doing. She never comprehended that, and still always felt the game was more important. But at least we talked about it, and I tried to compromise with her.
That said, I agree with Adam.
My friend's ex-husband was the same way, except it was basketball and his band. He would rather shoot hoops or jam with the guys than be with her, despite her not liking it. It's the symptom of a deeper-rooted problem than the game itself. | |
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Posted: 10/10/2006 11:36:58 PM | | Another gamer here, throwing in his two cents worth..... my vote is so far with those blaming the addictiveness of the game. Dammit, I've been hooked for hours before, sacrificed sleep, etc...I know how it can be. I think, however, that I am still red-blooded male enough to chose an extreme hottie like yourself over any of the games I have played. You are looking for options here? I suggest you try a schedule, let him have nights that are his for gaming, with the understanding that you will be going out with your friends or whatever and doing something that is self indulgent too, but the other nights he has to stay clear and do things with you. I still can't believe....oh well, anyways.... If none of that works, try dressing up in something Zena-ish one night before he comes home and let him have a real life adventure with you...he likes fantasy so much, give him some of what he craves! You never know, you may like it too! | |
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Posted: 10/10/2006 11:55:51 PM | | World of WArcraft?... WTF Is with that Game... I don't get it... I bought it... i played it.. i stoped... i played it again... i stoped... I play it when im bored and i have nothing else to do... yet i know people who will not go out because of it... and i know people who have lost thier jobs becuase of it... It's retarded its a video game for christ sakes.. | |
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Posted: 10/11/2006 1:11:38 AM | Try explaining your situation to him in "game" terms....
"Honey....the orcs are surrounding me, the gate is locked and I need a brave warrior to open them with his special key that's tucked away in the deepest dungeons of his cod piece. IF you pay more attention to me, I promise you there will be a high score with many secret levels and you can even open my treasure chest baby!" | |
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Posted: 10/11/2006 1:20:33 AM | | I guess he is a boy not a man | |
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Posted: 10/11/2006 7:13:43 AM | OP: Don't know your solution, but wanted to offer my sympathy and a well deserved hug
{{{huggss}}
I am sorry you are having to live with this, but it will all work out in the end run-one way or the other.  | |
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Posted: 10/11/2006 7:41:32 AM | Why? You know he simply finds the game more entertaining...or less aggravating. The game gives him a comfort level he's not getting in the real world. Probably not what you wanted to hear but my utterly unfounded suspicion anyway.
The point about Televison and the mall should be taken to heart. Good luck OP. | |
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Posted: 10/11/2006 8:08:08 AM | WoW has ruined the lives of quite a few people. There's that couple in Japan or China, I can't remember which (it was a while back). They put their baby to sleep, and went to the internet cafe to play WoW for a bit. The intention was, to play for an hour or two.
Apparently, they ended up staying for like 17 hours or so. When they got home, they discovered that their baby had woken up, put something in his mouth, and choked to death.
They tried to file a lawsuit against Blizzard for making an overly addictive game. But of course were promptly chucked in jail for criminal negligence and all.
Something else that people have to realize... is that something like this often goes far beyond the game itself.
It's the people they get to interact with.
Some guy might sit in the game, living up his false persona to the fullest. Flirting and seducing women by saying all the right things. Making himself seem wonderful and perfect (even though he's just a cheating **stard). And he can easily do this because he never has to make good on his words. He can hide behind the game, the distance... make a woman feel loved, and get that feeling in return, yet never have to face her. Until he finds the one that he really thinks he wants to be with.
But even before he runs off with someone... the fact remains, he's cheating. Just like the men and women who do so on PoF, carrying on multiple relationships... there are men and women who play WoW (and others MMORPGs) who do the same.
Why would someone choose an artificial love through the game instead of a wonderful person like hotwhlzchik?
Because he's in control. Instead of having to face the reality of life and relationships... the give and take, the comprimise... online, he's in charge. He sees his virtual partner when he wants, can say what he wants, no matter how big the lie. He can shape things to his liking. | |
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Posted: 10/11/2006 8:15:04 AM | You should have turned the computer off and told him to accept the end of the world
of warcraft 
Seriously there's been a few deaths down to mmo's one was the story already about the guy who stole the sword & got murdered for it, another was 2 kids fell asleep on some train tracks after playing in a net cafe on a game for 32 hours and a train ran them over. And the most outrageous was a woman who died playing WoW because she was so addicted to the game she forgot to eat & drink and just collapsed at the computer dead!
Most of you women probably won't understand the satisfaction that you can get from playing a game on the net whether it be an FPS (first person shooter) or an MMO but it is greatly stimulating and you feel a sense of reward when you win & a feeling of loss when you lose just like in real life and it's so much fun to play! However most people can keep a healthy balance of gaming & real life stuff like relationships & having friends etc it's just a sad few as in your case OP who would rather waste their life playing games 24/7 because it's easier to live in an artificial world than it is in the real world!
You could try watching the south park episode which is all about world of warcraft to try get a better understanding why people do it and if not it's funny as hell anyway just google make love not warcraft and you should be able to find it to watch on youtube or some other hosted site!  | |
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Posted: 10/11/2006 8:15:27 AM | Your (ex) bf is the type of person that gets enthralled in things. He probably gets bored easily too. He is fed by the stimulation he gets from playing this game -- with other humans remember. It gives him a sense of community and a sense of achievement (getting better at the game).
Most importantly, it lets him be completely committed to something -- immersed in it.
On one hand, this sort of personality is admirable -- this guy can really stick to something. On the other - its a very self-serving existence. He "sticks to" those things that require the bare minimum of compromise on his part. He is totally immersed in something, dedicated to it even, but this thing doesn't require that he really does anything to better himself. He's found something comfortable - something that stimulates him while not challenging him to grow as a person through compromise and dealing with personal conflict....
You... living with him... have become boring, uninspiring, and BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT PART of this other environment that he seemingly fits so well into, you have become obsolete... or so he thinks. I bet his gaming days are numbered after you leave him. He THOUGHT you had become obsolete, that you weren't part of the equation anymore. But -- what allowed him to be HAPPILY immersed in his surrogate world was the fact that you were there -- fulfilling his emotional needs. This, whether he realized it or not, was what allowed him to spend countless hours playing - yes playing - a stupid - yes stupid - game.
I've been through this myself. A tiny bit with video games, but much moreso in other ways - starting a company, learning to kick yss at golf, playing in bands, etc.. My personality is such that I like to be involved, immersed really, in "Big Things" - things with a lot of synergy. I'll take the stupidest things... like Golf... and make them "Big Things" because that is the way I operate. Or used to operate.... Now I'm just growing my hair... or trying to JUST grow my hair.... Things get very bad when my female emanation/living mate/partner/spouse can't/won't participate in The Big Thing with as much gusto as I can.
Is this a good way to live? No, its very unbalanced. You get lots of Gold Stars though :). | |
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Posted: 10/11/2006 8:27:20 AM | Actually, there's just as many women who are hard core gamers as guys. They're just less vocal about it. :p
I talk to quite a few on this site.
And my sweet Mai is the gamer of my dreams. 
My ex was hardcore into WoW.
She played far more than I ever did. Had a ton of level 60 characters in a month.
And found a "new love" on the game. Which was when things ended.
So it works both ways. Don't think it's just guys who do this. | |
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Posted: 10/11/2006 8:31:25 AM | IMHO, the only worthy excuse for 'blowing off' a SO is family or friends in trouble.
And by trouble I mean 'dog got hit by a truck' or 'bail money' trouble. | |
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Posted: 10/11/2006 8:39:16 AM |
What makes a guy choose his video game over his girlfriend ?? (warcraft to be precise)
Warcraft is EVIL! The DEVIL! A warcraft player cannot have a meaningful relationship with a non-gamer. Especially if this player is in a raiding guild.
Here's some suggestions from a former avid computer gamer and (very much former) World of Warcraft player (and WoW did ruin my marriage, but not because *I* played it all the time, but because *SHE* did--and met someone in-game):
1. Get his attention. Crawl under the desk if you have to. Get yourself in between him and the game (hint: straddle him).
2. Use the time he's gaming to doll yourself up. Go put on something sexy and stand there in the doorway beckoning him.
3. If the above two fail, then dress up as a night elf, learn the night elf dance and he should jump you. | |
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