| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/11/2006 5:37:48 AM | Are you wrong? No. You might be trading one set of problems for another though. Try it out and see.
If you don't want treated like a whore, don't put out at the drop of a hat. If you haven't, fine, maybe they're just jerks. Not sure why you think it lies in your hands and your demands, as to why they are the way they are. Money has nothing to do with that. Time, yes. How the two spend it *together*. It's an equal investment.
Here's the two scenarios in brief that you sort of described. There's this jerk and you date him. You decide to not require much. He treats you like a whore. Same guy, different universe, where you make demands. He then loses interest and goes off and treats someone else like a whore. In your mind you see it still as a problem, since he lost interest. Meanwhile it was a blessing.
Be genuine though. If you really don't want more time from a guy, don't fake it. You still won't be happy.
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/11/2006 5:40:56 AM | If guys are treating you like a whore, the problem is NOT that you need to expect them to invest more money in you. Geez. How the hell, when faced with that problem, did you reach THAT conclusion?
The reasons guys treat women like whores are either: 1. those particular guys treat all women that way, or 2. you are giving off the wrong signals--sleeping with them too soon, dressing slutty, or something. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/11/2006 10:15:53 AM | Are you for real ubkobalt? You think that she has to do something in return (??? what could that mean???) besides go on a date to deserve being treated well? You have to explain this one please.
Just asking the questions.
From what I'm gathering, she's asking be be treated well or better than she has been in the past. It's a common and completely valid request.
What a lot of people seem to forget though, is they want the special treatment, but don't want to step up their own game and return the favor. If someone isn't willing to return the favor, or make a sacrifice in return, they should not be asking for any special treatment.
So, I asked...what is she going to do to return the favor? It's more of a rhetorical question.
Now, if she wanted to be spoiled but didn't want to do anything else in return, then I would say she's a gold digger. If he asks "What do I get in return?" and her answer is "You get me! I'm more than enough!  " That's a pretty lame answer. Because shoudn't she get him? Shouldn't HE be enough for her in return?
There are plenty of "those" women out there that want the princess treatment, but refuse to do anything more than they have to because they are a special princess who shouldn't have to work for what they want. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/11/2006 4:56:38 PM | I see where you are coming from now. I happen to agree with you believe it or not.  | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/11/2006 5:45:02 PM |
She wants someone who can put an effort in towards her. Not spend loads of cash, but to make an effort. Am I right?
and why shouldnt she,i agree with her  | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/11/2006 7:49:36 PM | ubkobalt thank you thank thank you you did notice that what I was talking about was not money in particular but more the idea of sacrifice my logic is not that guys should drop a tun of money on me I don't want to be bought. my point is if a guy isn't willing to put in the effort to do somthing nice for me in the begining why should I think that ten years later when I need him for somthing he's going to put an effort in then.
I guess a better way to word my problem would have been to say why do guys get mad when women expect things like dates and such but 10 seconds later will admit that if they really liked a girl they would do this stuff for her no problem. I get the impession and I could be wrong that if you guys don't have to work that hard to get us were labeled a slut or easy.
I'm trying to find a healthy middle ground between high maitenence and doormat | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/11/2006 8:11:20 PM |
I get the impession and I could be wrong that if you guys don't have to work that hard to get us were labeled a slut or easy.
I've never understood that one myself. Some guys will say yes to this. Some won't.
In my opinion, it doesn't matter if you're easy or not. If the guy is interested, or not, he'll likely stick around for the same amount of time. So, holding out is a decent strategy to gain trust....but why hold out if you don't want to?
Do what you want, don't do anything you'd regret if you didn't get anything in return, and don't do anything that they wouldn't be willing to do for you. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/11/2006 9:35:53 PM | | In other words, don't waste time on someone that is not willing to waste time on you. This is meant in a good way. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/11/2006 10:17:00 PM |
This is probably a silly question but I was talking to my best friend and he got upset becouse I told him I now expected guys to invest more in me time wise and finacially.not becouse I'm looking to land some rich guy it's more becouse when I didn't expect these things the guys figured it was ok to treat me... well like a whore (ironic isn't it).I fugure if a guy doesn't think I'm worth at least one decent date he probably doesn't like me that much.Am I wrong?why? I really want to know what kind of behavior to expect from a guy who really likes me obviously I can't figure it out.
Well, I think as a single mother who has to take care of her kids, I wouldn't blame you for trying to put yourself and your kids in the best financial position possible. People have done far worse for far less in life to keep food in their children's mouths.
Here's the thing, do you have enough to offer yourself to get the kind of man you'd prefer to date.
A guy who has his shit together, including his finances, usually doesn't get there by commiting to single mothers and their kids. It's the hard truth, but it's the truth. In order for a guy to have his finances in order, assuming it's not someone who was born rich, he has to be the kind of person to make tough choices and calculated risks in his life to get to that position. So why would he work that hard to get there then deny that logic in order to date you? Because financially, there is no logical reason for a guy with his shit together to want to date a single mother. Nothing personal, but that's just reality. A guy might do it because he loves you or loves your kids, but logic won't ever come into play if it happens.
So no, it's not silly to want to date someone who has his shit together. Frankly I would be a little leery of any woman who didn't think that way.
But it is silly to think most of the guys who have their financial shit together to want you and your kids as a package deal. That's the price single mothers have to pay in the dating world.
The truth is, if you want the fat wallets, you'll have to pursue them, because they won't come to you. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/12/2006 3:36:13 AM | >> I really want to know what kind of behavior to expect from a guy who really likes me obviously I can't figure it out.
You should expect that money doesnt matter from someone who really likes you...
If he cares for you, he will give you things without you asking. He will want to treat you like a queen. If a guy is doing that, he is obviously either really cheap or he is using you.
Don't go the other way and expect someone to spend money on you.
If you get a guy that always talks about himself, never interested in what you have to say or your likes or dislikes, a guy who never wants to fork over any money, then he probably is just using you. No need to go the negative route, that is probably how he got that way :)
Go positive and go and take out a nice guy you like and pay for him :)
$$
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/12/2006 9:40:22 AM | Ari..you're young, you have potential, but you are also emotionally immature. You have a full plate of responsibility with a young child. You need to invest in yourself at this time. Don't know what your plans are for career and education while raising your baby, but they should your top priority at present.
You've been candid about yourself; you're in a difficult position - a halfway point in discovering your unqiueness and strengths. You will find what you seek if you are willing to be patient and learn to trust, respect and honor yourself. You want a match in your mate; that requires that you have more than just physical looks to offer a man.
You have a ton of natural potential that can be realized, if you're willing to give yourself breathing time to unfold and blossom. You're vulnerable and you haven't a clear image in your mind of what you want and need - and what you can offer. That remains to be developed in you yet. Look to building a positive network of supportive friends who have solid values and are like-minded; find your social outlet with them. Be cautious about rushing towards another relationship. Learn about yourself to best fulfill your potential, and then turn once again to the serious matter of finding a life partner. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/12/2006 11:25:14 AM | I'm so sick of hearing about womens lib we haven't been liberated from anything all we have is a generation full of guys who don't want to grow up. most of the guys I know my age still talk about marrage and children like it's somthing that will happen magically somday in the distant future.I am by no means a man hater quite the opposite but I can't help but think would be easier if us women weren't expected to do everything. I'm supposed to, raise a child, go to school, work ,cook, clean house,and if I dare say that I would rather be a stay at home mom and homeschool my children feminist say I'm trying to turn back time. If womens lib means I have to do all that and not expect help from a man then all the so called feminist can take it and you know what.
Ari626 I understand that your original post is a cry for being treated like a human being instead of a sex object, I think we can all sympathize with that frustration and desire for someone genuine to come along...
However I do take issue with what you've posted above, and have taken the liberty of bolding the portion which I find questionable:
1) Children - No one said you had to have a child at that stage of your life, and certainly not on your own. While you are no fortune teller and I'm sure you expected the father to be in the picture, the ultimate decision to keep the child was yours, and thus comes all the trappings of responsibility with it. This isn't a Pro-Life debate though so I'll leave it at that. 
2) Go to school - That's just a plain smart decision, everyone should go to school to become educated in the vocation of their choosing, be it University or trade school. What pray tell makes that a female burden? Just because you have a child? Once again I refer you to point #1, no one told you to have it, and there is certainly a more logical sequence for school, work and child-rearing than you appear to be leading... Most people get the sequence right, though I don't know your back0story and I'm sure you have "valid reasons" (consult Webster's online dictionary under the term "excuses")
3) Work - Ah yes, last time I checked, with the exception of those 10% or so that fall in the unemployment category, millions of North Americans are right there with you on that miserable daily grind... 
4) Cook - Well unless you have plenty of cash coming from #3 above, naturally you'll be expected to feed yourself, and once again as per point #1, feed the child you chose to rear... Just part and parcel of the package if you want to stay breathing 
5) Clean House - Unless you like living in a rat-infested hovel, once again everyone has to do that if they have their own apartment, home, etc. Having lots of money from point #3 can get you a maid, but most of us don't fall in that category... Lord knows I don't 
So far out of that exhausting list of hardships for which you've so profusely lamented, I and just about everyone on POF suffers from #2 through #5 during the course of their life. Point #1 of child-rearing is the only difference between the two of us and that was a conscious decision on your part at some point along the conception.
That alone does not entitle you to play the grieving single-mom role for the rest of your life, independent women worthy of respect suck it up and deal with it. 
Going back to how this all applies to dating?
No one likes a whiner, I know I don't. You have clouded yourself with the perception that you are the only one with hardship, and thus should not be asked for any effort on your part until the man proves himself worthy of your adoration. This is a fine approach provided you don't mind waiting atop your pedestal for a while (say the next 18 years until your child moves out on his/her own), but if you're hoping to land yourself a decent date before the next decade is out, you may want to loosen up and just try to pick somoene that shows you that basic respect you've been seeking... And that doesn't equate to the dollars and cents on the bill at the end of the night
Best of luck in your search and life  | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/21/2006 4:09:49 AM | | You seem to want to have your cake and eat it, you want your rules and yet don't want people to think badly of you. At the same time though you don't say what you'll invest in the realtionship both time and moneywise. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/21/2006 4:49:00 AM | hmm, i would think spending money on a woman would make her a whore. after all, isn't that what you have to do with prostitutes?
if a guy likes you, it's not about how much he spends, but how he treats you. if he doesn't care about your day, your thoughts, what you want to do, or to spend time with you outside the bedroom, then obviously he doesn't care about you.
any woman who associates money spent on them with their worth and how much a guy likes them is just a gold-digging whore. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/21/2006 7:39:46 AM | Interesting topic you have going here!
I think the first thing I would say to you is that a guy treating you like a whore isn't okay. Whether he has money or not, has invested time or not, it just isn't right. It shows a complete lack of respect for you and I'm guessing will lead to problems down the road.
That said, I'm 'newer' to the internet dating scene and have noticed a few things. I'm coming back into dating after a 12 yr marriage and a long-term (5 yr) relationship.
The dating scene, especially internet dating, has changed things quite a bit. On here, where you have the possibility of meeting quite a few people but none of whom you have ever met in real life, it seems less important to go on a 'real date' for several reasons. First, it isn't so easy to walk away in the middle of 'dinner and a movie' if you two aren't clicking. Second, when you meet someone in real life and develop a relationship you will hopefully know what they like and will be more comfortable spending time with them and money on them. A 'first date' on the internet and you may find your date hates the expensive restaurant you are shelling out big bucks for, so you have not only wasted money but you haven't made much of an impression either. Second date possibilities at that point? Minimum probably.
The other thing I have noticed, and some things I have heard recently support this, is that the bulk of the folks here are single parents. Now, I don't know about the rest of you but raising two kids on a single income while paying the ex child support puts a pretty good dent in my dating budget. I have no problem taking a female clone out on an actual date (dinner, movie, drinks, something like that) but it is enough of a financial decision for me to do that right now that I want to know I'm spending money on a clone who is interested in me and some type of relationship. If I feel like she is just having fun at my expense I probably won't want to spend the money. I hate to say it, and will likely get flamed for it, but it seems there are a lot more females out there now (more than I remember when I was younger) who love to go on actual dates as entertainment with no real thought of a relationship. Almost seems like they can't afford to buy themselves dinner and a movie so they use 'dating' as a way to pay for their entertainment.
That said, I hope to find a female clone in whom I can invest time. With that time, I hope she would see that the relationship is important to me and that when we go on actual dates they mean something. And if I ever made her feel like a whore I would hope she would call me on it and kick me in the a***. I do think you have a point though, being that if a guy gets to know you and doesn't take you on a real date sooner or later something isn't quite right. Like maybe he is after one thing?
As always, the psychologically distorted ramblings of a failed cloning experiment!
Clone | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/21/2006 8:56:37 AM | A date should be with no expedition on either side.
I don't date if I can not offer to pay for my share.
Now if we are talking about a relationship it goes both ways. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/21/2006 9:27:46 AM |
I fugure if a guy doesn't think I'm worth at least one decent date he probably doesn't like me that much.Am I wrong?
No. You are not wrong. I have one more sandwich to go before I get all 12 holes punched on my subway card. After that, its all yours. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/21/2006 11:42:19 AM | | People treat you the way you let and sometimes even teach them to. It doesn't matter how much money people have or how much time is on thier hands, they'll still treat you poorly if you let them. Asking for more time and money won't solve anything. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/21/2006 11:51:35 AM | | People ask themselves "what's in it for me?" You have to ask yourself "If I want a guy to pay this much attention on me what can I do for him?" If your expecting a he give all/ I take all kind of relationship where he does ALL the work and all the financial burden is on him then why is he going to choose you over the girl who at least offers to pay her half of the date? I'd dump a girl who is a potential burden for a girl who pulls her own weight in a heartbeat, and alot of guys are like me when it comes to this. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 11/5/2006 10:08:05 PM | for tigerwoods newsflash I was living with the guy I had the baby with and I was doing it all on my own.He was a sorry motherF#$er and thats why I got smart and kicked him to the curb.I like how you put no responsbility on the man I guess you were just trying to proove me right GOOD JOB.as far as being pro life I take no objection to women who have had abortions. personally it was never an option.I had a kid on purpose becouse I got conned into thinking I had a partner to help.
Its pretty obvious you don't have a clue what your talking about so I thought I'd set things right.There is nothing cool about a women working her ass off 25/7 while her man sit on his ass. If you can't see that your hopless.hopfully this was all a big missunderstanding. so you know if you get a girl prgnant you are responsible for that baby and if you didn't want it you should have thought of that before you got your peace wet.
oh and as for being treating like a sex object that was not the problem I was haveing.Sex is wonderful it's the disrepect some losers treat women with after that I have a problem with.
Where are all the men who can pull there own wait?I don't know why I asked that I'm totally seeing the coolest guy ever.love and happiness to all | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 11/5/2006 10:30:43 PM | congratulations! Everyone deserves to be happy no matter what they've endured in the past.
Good luck and may he always treat you well. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 11/5/2006 11:31:19 PM | Ari..
You are confusing, to say the least. Maybe you should work on expressing yourself more.
my.. Oh my... | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 11/6/2006 3:47:46 AM | LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.....You would rather take the " gold digger " route , bc if you DON'T, you get treated like a hooker ?
Ah, JESUS F*CKING CHRISSSSSTTTT.....No wonder men are running away from women these days. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 11/6/2006 5:21:25 AM | so what are u saying there all men do not run a way so what are u saying 2 link up | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 11/6/2006 7:20:31 AM | hello F just to fill you in on my expierience I just started seeing this guy he in not rich but he is responsible. he is a really nice guy he wanted to impress me so you will never guess what he did, he spent like an hour going to different stores looking for my favorite candy not becouse I asked him to(I didn't)he just wanted to do somthing nice for me.The candy wasn't expensive but the fact that he didn't care how much it was took all that time and new what I wanted without me saying a word ,said mounds about what kind of man he is.If he will go through all that trouble just for chocolate I can't imagine what he would do in more seriousy times.
I'm sure there will be people who still don't know what I'm talking about so to put things in simple terms flowers and candy may be old fashion but I would take that over " you want to come "hang ou"t so I can try and F@#k you".If you can't afford the candy Do somthing that doesn't cost money but Do Something.
As for what a guy gets in return for all this effort and affection I can't give away all my secrets.Lets just say the happier a man makes me the more I try to make him happy. | |
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