| | What does my children come first mean to you?Page 8 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | This is for you to READ Kiashmiah When a man is dating a woman with kids And is Getting SEX from the woman AND not living together thats a PRETTY GOOD DEAL for the MAN.. like having your cake and eating it to. He SHARES no responsibilities Its FANTASTIC. So if you have a crisis at home like Johnny is sick or Suzy has to go some where or Sally has a doctors appointment . The MAN in your LIFE that is there for SEX and shares NO RESPONSIBILITIES SHOULD understand. If he DOES NOT KICK his sorry ass to the CURB.. If he had any brains KNOWING hes on a good thing he should NOT act like a jerk Now when a MAN is living with a WOMEN cohabitating things change HE is NOW paying the bills and doing his manly duties (LIKE I DID FOR YEARS) If the woman ALWAYS puts her children first then their is ALWAYS conflict. Speaking from past experiences little children especially girls like from ages 3 to 12 are fantastic boys are a little more than a handfull I admitt that. These were the BEST times in my relationships. (I never had children of my own) Once these Kids grow up then ALL hell breaks lose TEENAGERS . Thats when TROUBLE arrives. Its awfully difficult for MALEs living with women that have children MAINLY when the child does some thing WRONG. And you try to correct them verbaly NOT physically. And the little RUG rat says. You are NOT my real dad why should I have to listen to you??. Many many times this was said to me. Me being the adult had to control my emotions. SINCE NON of the women NEVER EVER got child support or aligmony . It was me paying for everything giving them a better LIFE STYLE ( I earn a dam good living by the way) many of time I just bit my tounge and never said anything back because I did NOT want to hurt the child like your daddy is a dead beat father. As usual eventually the MOTHERS of the children RUIN the relationships. NOT ONE TIME it was the childrens fault. I got unconditional LOVE from all the children I have supported and live with in my life. But yes its difficult being the man raising children that are NOT theirs. But to sum it up in my EYES it was worth it. I better those kids lifes enrich them. I even paid for their college long after me and the kids mother parted. I myself did NOT go to school much. But I preach to ALL those KIDs go to school because if you dont you will be sorry. I do a VERY DANGEROUS job high death rate but the money is fantastic. I hope I have given you some insight from a man who has walk the walk and talk the talk. Have a nice day | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/11/2009 11:41:13 AM | Kiashmiah look sweet heart.. YOUR CHILDREN SHOULD ALWAYS COME FIRST .... FIRST AND FORMOST... IF A MAN CAN NOT UNDERSTAND THAT KICK HIS ASS TO THE CURB... MEN WILL COME AND MEN WILL GO.. BUT YOUR KIDS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU. I NEVER HAD CHILDREN OF MY OWN SO MAYBE THATS WHY I WAS SO COMPASSINATE TOWARDS THE CHILDREN . MORE THAN LIKELY THE MOTHERS WERE JEALOUS OF ME BONDING WITH THEM ALWAYS TAKING THEIR SIDE. BECAUSE I NEVER HAD ANY OF MY OWN BIOLOGICALY.. MAYBE ITS DIFFERENT WHEN A MAN THAT HAD CHILDREN IN A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP.. I CANT ANSWER THAT ONE BECAUSE I AM NOT A BIOLOGICAL FATHER. I MYSELF EVEN PUT THE CHILDREN BEFORE ME. I THINK ITS ONLY NATURAL. MY ISSUES IN A BREAK UP WAS WITH THE MOTHER. NEVER EVER OVER THE CHILDREN. SO IF A MALE IN YOUR LIFE CAN NOT EXCEPT CHILDREN FROM ANOTHER MANS PAST. SCREW HIM DUMP HIM. YOUR KIDS COME FIRST ALWAYS. AS FOR YOUR YOUNG DAUGHTER TELL HER YOU LOVE HER EVERY DAY. AND HOW WONDERFUL SHE IS AND BRINGS SO MUCH JOY INTO YOUR LIFE. WHICH IS TRUE AND YOU WILL SEE WHAT A BIG DIFFERENCE IT MAKES. I DID THAT TO ALL THE KIDS I LIVE WITH. AND I NOTICE A BIG CHANGE IN THEIR WELL BEING IN ABOUT 3 WEEKS. YES NOTHING BEATS THE FELLING WHEN THEY ALL CURL UP AGAINST ME AT NIGHT ON THE COUCH AND THEY FELL ASLEEP IN MY ARMS. THATS PRICELESS. NO BETTER FEELING IN THE WHOLE WORLD. I WORK OUT OF TOWN IN THOSE DAYS .SO WHEN I CAME HOME I OVER SPOIL THEM AND BOUGHT THEM ANYTHING THEY WANTED LET THEM GET AWAY WITH MURDER.HEHEHE LOOKING BACK I GUESS THE MOTHERS HAD A HARD TIME WHEN I WENT BACK TO WORK BECAUSE I OVER SPOIL THEM WHILE I WAS HOME. SO ACTUALLY WITH ALL MY KINDNESS AND LOVE. I WAS TOLD YOU ARE THE BEST FATHER A CHILD COULD HAVE BUT A LOUSY BOYFRIEND. I SPENT TO MUCH TIME WITH THE KIDS AND NOT ENOUGH TIME WITH MY MATE. ITS A NO WIN SITUTION I SAY. BUT THOSE KIDS BROUGHT ME MORE HAPPINESS THAN THE MOTHERS EVER DID. I AM NOT PERFECT BUT LOOKING BACK I CAN NOW SEE THE MOTHERS POINT OF VIEW. OH WELL THE KIDS WILL NEVER FORGET ME. HEHEHEHE | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/11/2009 1:11:48 PM |
many of time I just bit my tounge and never said anything back because I did NOT want to hurt the child like your daddy is a dead beat father
Thank you for your contribution to society, Sir. It's enablers like you that prevent these thankless children from learning the concept of consequences for one's actions at a young age.
I got unconditional LOVE from all the children I have supported
Wow, your idea of love is really quite sick. | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/11/2009 4:11:17 PM | | im a single mum so i understand and appreciate the difficulty balancing the two, i tend to sum it up in my profile by saying that my children and i are a team that come together as a package, i think its easier for others to understand my position that way, as if u get involved with me, at some stage u will potentially be involved with my children, i dont think u should have to make a point of saying they come first as any guy with gd intentions will understand that and for those who are not fathers ,ladies please dont take this the wrong way, but unless they r total jerks go easy on them, its a whole new world that they r unfamiliar with, just like we were when we first became mums xx | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/12/2009 10:20:24 PM | | I have dated guys with kids and I know that the kids come first. That's the way it is and the way it should be. I am not a parent but I understand. You have to have a little bit of patience especially if you are into the person. It can be a delicate situation but well worth the wait, if that is the case. | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/12/2009 10:29:57 PM | In order to have a successful relationship time must be sorted out to have a personal life as well as a life with the children. Time management may not be your best gift in the world but I do believe that if someone is serious about a relationship they will do almost everything in their power to make time for their significant other especially in the beginning of a relationship.
It's not that people can't understand you dissing your appointment for your children but it can be a turn off if it happened very soon into the relationship. Reason being is well they aren't getting enough attention and well being a partner in every relationship needs to feel at some point valued. Early on it's ideal that you spend as much time as possible with the person to make sure time isn't being wasted. Also, when single and having no children of their own, people tend to think of not being ready to take on the responsibility of being a father figure. It can be very hard to turn a grown man into a father or role model when they aren't ready to be one. It's also easier to diss someone who just started a relationship than it is to have actual feelings involved and then parting ways. In other words, you might be jumping in a little early to a relationship and not building those feelings. If a person doesn't have this crazy attraction towards you, it's much easier for them to move on to something more convenient for their needs, and desires. It's much harder to separate those when in love or in a long lasting relationship built from friendship. | |
|
| |
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/16/2009 8:02:29 AM | I think my son said it best.
"Mom, we have been together for a lot of years..... all my life actually, naturally it is going to take a new man in your life a little time to become the most important person in your life, but that time will come if he hangs in there. | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/16/2009 11:15:27 AM | | sounds like you dont have the time for a relationship...im sure you would get a bit upset from time to time if a single father you were dating, had to break dates at last min..and couldnt call when he said he would...maybe try again when ya kids a bit older.. | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/16/2009 11:36:26 AM | | To me it's a tired cliche like " no player, liars, cheaters" . Once I see the "my children come first" I stop reading because 99% of the time the rest of the ads reads the same as the other ads just like it. | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/16/2009 11:51:35 AM | Most men aren't custodial parents and for good reason as they already proved they don't put priorities first. Wait, I say men I really should say guys, can never go without a partner. It is a need to have someone, when women, and I say women since women aren't in NEEDING, can fullfill their time with other things. Find yourself a man, and it won't happen right away, who will respect you and all your crisis's...:) Only a true man will understand, love and respect you and your priorities.  | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/16/2009 1:33:23 PM | Really you have ZERO importance in the life of a women with children until she lets you meet her children. Up until that point...she can and will write you off like the alphabet.
Some men without children just don't understand and really you can't expect them to either.
At the same time things happen that can make a guy think again before dating someone with kids. A women should always put her children fist...very true...at the same time she should not cripple her social life or education either. Because the children will grow and take to flight...and live their lives and then you will have more time for dating when you are say in your middle to late 40ies.
Just today I called a girl I had met recently...to find out what her plans are for the weekend. She never said hello...just in a rush said, "hey i'm feeding my kids, i will call you back" and then hung up. She won't call me back for sure and she has no idea who I was. Me knowing how it is feeding kids can understand and I will call her another day. But for a guy with no kids...chances are he wouldn't even bother to call ehr back because he probably thinks that if she did this on my second time calling her...it will only get worse. | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/16/2009 1:49:28 PM | I think it means the guy comes last.
And how many of us can deal with that ranking.
OP you have a lot on your plate, what with the teen drama and the ex fading out on his responsibilities.
I don't envy you your position. | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/16/2009 2:06:54 PM |
At the same time things happen that can make a guy think again before dating someone with kids. A women should always put her children fist...very true...at the same time she should not cripple her social life or education either. Because the children will grow and take to flight...and live their lives and then you will have more time for dating when you are say in your middle to late 40ies.
I agree with you here, but coming from the standpoint of having a few single moms as friends, I can tell you many of them don't see it as "sure I'll wait".
Many of them are fearful of men seeing them as "old" or "over the hill" when they reach that point they are more free to date. Some are scared they will miss out on the possibility of that nuclear type family and to have more kids...so they are out running around trying hard to find what they call "a good man" in as quick a time as possible.
It's not even a search for a meal ticket, but just the need to not lose what they think is precious time and youth by waiting.
Still, I think if said single parent has such a busy life of work, parenting, etc...that they can't make time for a guy (and yet the woman wants to date) then maybe she should put it all on hold for a while until the kid or kids become less "high maintenance". | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/16/2009 3:09:36 PM | There are alot of single parents these days both men and women......and in my opinion.......any good parent will understand what children coming first means.....and if they dont.....they can keep fishing..... | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/16/2009 4:25:50 PM |
here are alot of single parents these days both men and women
That's a funny thing in that the single moms I know, some of them are seeking out a single dad...simply so he understands her life as well as a hopefully guaranteed man who loves kids and family.
However, they go on the dating sites and notice there are loads of single moms, but not dads. So they ask "where are all the single dads? it takes two to make a baby after all!"
Do you think that a lot of the single dads in some ways hide that they have children, since most of the time the children are living with the mother? | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/16/2009 5:31:34 PM | It's hard for men that want a woman and not a parent.
This goes for the opposite for single fathers.
People do not understand when you have that love for your children, you place their needs above even your own. It seem quite a few people want to click, then go in the bedroom and do their thing.
Love takes time, it's an emotional roller coaster. Some people just don't want to invest in 2 schedules (The one they are dating and their child(ren)). They want to be the primary focus. If life was that easy, great. But it is not. We have responsibilities to our children first to nurture, raise, teach proper morals and bring up outstanding people that reflect us. That is our goal and achievement as parents.
It's horrible though that people cannot respect that and actually love someone for who they are when their dinner date or weekend getaway gets pushed back a week due to something with a child. | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/16/2009 5:46:35 PM | Why date if you can't put a reasonable amount time into and invest it into someone. It sounds like the original poster wants a boyfriend on paper. She wants to be able to tell her firenda and family she has a man but she doesnt want to carve out the time to be in the relationship. She said it her self that she has all these things going on in life, so what's in it for the guy who accepts the kids and everything else.
This debate is getting blown out of proportion. One doesnt need to have kids to "understand" I'm sure we all have emergencies whether it's related to kids, other family/friends, work etc. | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/16/2009 5:55:44 PM | "Why date if you can't put a reasonable amount time into and invest it into someone"
Don't be so naive to respect that she is not dating for herself but for her children as well. The other person has to RESPECT that and UNDERSTAND what she can and cannot do.
Understand that single parents do their best when it comes to relationships but unlike single people, they cannot just go out on a limb and disappear for 2 weeks on a country-wide romp. That would happen after a good relationship has been established and then some. Sometimes they can find someone in similar backgrounds as themselves and it just works because of understanding. That is what a relationship is about, understanding, talking and respect.
This isn't high school and getting upset because your girlfriend / boyfriend doesn't want to go out a night or weekend. This is just how life is.
Personally, if I ever met a parent that didn'tt put their kids first is a HUGE turn-off. | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/16/2009 9:04:40 PM | Ok maybe I can give you an unique veiw here.
My parents divorced when I was young. Both always told their partners "my children come first". Both meant very different things by it.
My mother meant "you have to be worth introducing to my daughter and understand my $$ goes for her needs first". This meant if I was sick, having a teen crisis, or needed new shoes, that was her priority. She used it to screen dates( she had primary custody).
My father used it as an excuse to not spend a lot on his dates but spoil me on our visits. He used it as an advertisement for his "good guy" status. He used "my kid comes first" as an excuse to buy nice things for the kid, but not go overboard or spoil the women(not a typo) he was dating. He used single parenthood as a lure(he only had custody on school vacays).
Now not saying most or all single parents do this. Just saying that since there is such a difference in how this term is used....... could be why some are ok at first and are not so ok when it effects them personally. If you share custody w/ your kids, they may think you put them first and are shocked when the kids are home and they take second fiddle. Or may have past experience w/ a single parent that has done the above. JME | |
|
| |
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/17/2009 9:39:13 AM | | Its a simple answer.Children come first if its needed.Say you have date and your kid gets sick.The dates off.Now if you guys are in love and you get sick.I would say you come first now..Its just a saying that the kids will not be put on the back burner for a relationship.Anyone that would do that i would never date.Just remember kids are your blood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/17/2009 9:49:24 AM | "My children come first", means to me:
They have a controlling attitude, any person they dated would only ever be second, third, forth best in their lives. And it means the writer is still holding baggage too heavy to carry. And it would depend if I want to take second best or I am worth more than that?
If a person has family, then they say "I have family". Now thats a whole different attitude, same thing different attitude. | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/17/2009 10:38:57 AM |
They have a controlling attitude, any person they dated would only ever be second, third, forth best in their lives
"not_a_nurse", I agree with you 100%. | |
|
| What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 1/26/2009 6:44:08 PM |
Really you have ZERO importance in the life of a women with children until she lets you meet her children. Up until that point...she can and will write you off like the alphabet.
Yoooooo-hoooooo! I've never considered meeting Brattney & Pissany to be any great honour, and typically avoid broken homes at all costs. Ewww ... | |
|
Home
login 
