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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 9:29:05 AM | mygirl4 you really need to chill out with the fellas and stop judging us all by one persons actions.
mizbex you sound really cool and any man would love a woman like you as their partner, easy on the eyes too 
there are loads of decent human beings out there (both sexes) all the nicer ones need a place to meet other nice ones without all the vampires and predators that you seem to get on here !!!
mygirl4 your in the vampire and predator group incase you were confused...
To the lady who called me a pig....... build a bridge and get over the bugger, beauty isnt skin deep and if you remain shallow you will never truly discover it will you ???!!!!!!
I have decided to stay single and put my energies into my three wonderful kids, dating "dinner whores" comes a poor second, fingers crossed i will meet someone wonderful one day and have my own "princess" to worship...... 
peace 
chris xx | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 9:37:49 AM |
1. if the girl asks me out, why should she expect me to pay? i always insist on paying anyway, but if you ask me out, you should at least volunteer to pay. after all, it was YOUR idea. also, i met a girl last year and we made arrangements to go to a casual place to have a few drinks and get to know each other. after i got there, she changed her mind and suggested we go to this other restaurant. i had no idea what it was, so i said ok. after i paid for our $100 dinner, i was so pissed i could not end the date quick enough. that was very rude and i shoulda insisted on separate checks since hers accounted for 3/4 of it (4 glasses of wine, etc.).
You needed to have a spine when the bill came. Simply pick up the check, and say, "looks like it's about $50 each", and throw in your $50. When she makes a fuss, simply and honestly ask her if she expected you to pay when she asked you out. If she never calls you back, you're ahead of the game. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 9:45:42 AM |
The girl wants to know that she's worth the effort.
Her "worth" is translated into a dollar amount.
If you had a really bad crush on a girl, you would be willing to put in the effort, right?
Don't open your arms to show a woman how much you care...instead open your wallet.
If you're not willing, then it seems like you are not all that into her.
Next time, check the price tag before you walk all the way to the register.
I usually offer to pay after the first few dates, but if the guy isn't willing to pay the bill on the first date he comes across as cheap.
There are other men who are stupid enough to buy at the asking price. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 9:47:53 AM |
Okay ladies. If you think a man should pay, then I think you should quit your jobs and give up your right to vote. I understand this point of view among older ladies, but women who are my age???? Get with the times. It's ridiculous. You can't fight for equality and then expect special treatment on top of it. I wish men would just stop paying and show you women what it's like to be in their shoes.
....
The problem is that there's a terrible double-standard as applies to men these days. There are many unstated expectations of us, and depending on which woman you talk with (even from the posts on this thread!) you'll hear different expectations of what a man is supposed to do.
Whenever I ask someone out on a date, I expect to pay. If we're going out in a way that isn't strictly dating (getting together with a bunch of friends after work), I assume I'm not. If she earns a lot, or if she suggests a particularly expensive place for dinner, I'll actually ask up from if she's ok with splitting the bill (I assume we've already had some conversation and gotten to know each other), if I would feel taken advantage otherwise.
But I have gone out with women who earn more than I do who also expect me to pick up the bill for a date, and, while I would like to do this, I also feel taken advantage of when I do so. It makes me feel like a John. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 10:40:23 AM | | Please Kevin....it sounds like you are arguing why you shouldn't have to pay at all for a girl you supposedly like. I've always heard that guys like a chase. Am I wrong? If the guy wants to chase, why should I sit there and pay for his dinner? Wouldn't he make the effort? I'm sorry, but in my experience if you pay for the guy they seriously take advantage. I'm not going there anymore. If I sound nasty, then so be it. Don't date me then. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 1:01:45 PM | what has happened to the ole fashion way, did it go to the way side like so many other things? i for one still like to asked out, the man pay for the meal and treat me like i am a lady not a piece of paper standing in line....i dont expect alot out of a man at all, altho they are just men but i do enjoy flowers, a hug, and a nice word.....some women do not expect alot , just to be treated like someone either single or married...as i recall women are to be treated like a lady not like a piece that is standing on a corner....women belittle theirself and some just have no idea what they do want, money is all there is to alot..well sorry to tell ya that is NOT all there is. i had rather be with someone i love and be loved than to have all the money in the world, but some come very high maintance and will never get over it and what a shame for them..someday it will come crushing down,, just a ole country girl here that enjoys little things in life and it dont take alot of money to enjoy alot of things in life....just smile cause someone does care about you even if it is your pup............ | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 5:18:28 PM | Seems that those women on here that have such strong beliefs that the woman should pay their share are also saying they have always offered but have never been taken up on it. It goes back to the dropping hints part of this post. Maybe when you’re offering you’re doing it in such a way that he picks up the hint you really don’t want him to accept the offer. I think that if you actually believe so strongly as to what you’re saying you should not ask, therefore insist on paying.
So ladies, if you believe in something so strongly, don’t ask, but insist! Don’t be a hypocrite. You are saying we should give up our right to vote if we don’t pay and fact is you’re not paying either. I think those gentlemen that are in agreement that things should be split equal would agree that they would want you to insist on it so not to seem you are putting them on the spot to pay anyways.
Then you go on to talk about the date with the gentlemen that made over $150,000 yr and the $200 dinner you enjoyed with him without contributing to cost. Then for drinks afterwards, which with tips for dinner and drinks could have ran him another $100. I’m just wondering how you knew his income on the first date. Most people in that income bracket don’t go around telling first dates their financials, due to they aren’t looking for gold diggers. I understand that some people who are very persuasive and have a way of getting that kind of information by the questions they ask. But being the lady you state to be, you should have insisted on taking care of your half of the bill. I’m thinking you enjoyed being wined and dined that night and being very well taken care of by a gentlemen. It’s no wonder he thought he had bought you by the end of the night. The thing is, he went home thinking you took advantage of him and you’re on here talking about how he took advantage of you.
First dates should be nothing more than lunch or coffee. The lunch specials are very affordable. Even a date at the park with a picnic lunch would be appropriate and a very romantic setting to get to know each other. (Just my opinion)
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A muse
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Joined: 8/17/2006
Msg: 234 | |
| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 5:35:43 PM | I never assume men should pay for anything. After all, this is the 21st century, so men and women should be on an equal footing. When a man asks me out for coffee or something to eat, I still don't expect the guy to pay for what I have eaten, or drank. Personally, I think it is better to keep it even especially if it is a first date, or meeting.
Some men have insisted on paying for a first date or meeting. And some men are very traditional about paying, so I think it is better to go along and not offend them by insisting on paying. In this case, I simply accept the offer, say thank-you, and offer to pay the next time we go out together. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 6:38:51 PM |
OMG....please stay home if u cant buy dinner ... ...lol
I don't know if this post was meant for me or the hooker dater!
I can pay for my dinner. I just refuse to pay for dinner if I am invited to dine out.
It is the principle of the thing with me. I have paid for as many as 6 people when I invited them to go to dinner. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 7:14:22 PM | Seems that those women on here that have such strong beliefs that the woman should pay their share are also saying they have always offered but have never been taken up on it. It goes back to the dropping hints part of this post. Maybe when you’re offering you’re doing it in such a way that he picks up the hint you really don’t want him to accept the offer. I think that if you actually believe so strongly as to what you’re saying you should not ask, therefore insist on paying.
maybeubaby, you're assuming too much. How do you know how it all plays out? I was taught never to offer something you can't give, and to never offer something in hopes that the person you're offering to will not accept. If you make an offer, do it wholeheartedly and expect to be taken up on it. The only thing I ever expect in return is fairness. If I don't get it, I get rid of him. I'm not looking for a gold-digger any more than I'm looking for a sugar-daddy.
I'm not anal about my approach to paying. I will take the check and whip out my card without asking. If he insists on paying, I'll suggest letting him tip (becuase I rarely have cash on me to do it the other way around). If he still insists on paying, I figure he's trying extra hard to impress me, just like I am, and I'll promise to pay for whatver comes next, and then follow-through on that promise. Some guys do make it rather difficult to pay, and in those cases I'd rather accept than argue or fight about it--as another poster said. With those guys, I try to find ways to make them feel it was appreciated...as well as unnecessary. I've been known to slip my guy a twenty or two into the pocket of his jeans when he insists on paying for everything. Or if he buys me flowers, I'll bring him a a bag of his favorite candy or a six-pack of his favorite beer. (BTW, if you think my reaction was cheap... just remember flowers aren't always expensive. I don't care to have big expensive bouquets. They could be ten dollar bunches from Acme, and they usually are.)
The point I was trying to make is that it's unfair and outdated to think a man should pay for everything. I strongly dissagree with those women and am very dissapointed by their thinking. They really need to grow up. And if men will stop aiding them in their behavior, they might come around a little quicker.
First dates should be nothing more than lunch or coffee. The lunch specials are very affordable. Even a date at the park with a picnic lunch would be appropriate and a very romantic setting to get to know each other.
I'm very much in agreement here. I've learned that when you're trying not to make money an issue, it easily becomes one. | |
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mizbex
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 237 | |
| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 7:46:35 PM | Maybeubaby, I think you would be surprised at how men talk about their income and how open they are about it. Let me tell you something about wealthy men, I have a lot experience in this area due to my career, I work for C level executives and have for many years. They like to talk about their money, power and achievements, for them it is part of who they are and consider those attributes about themselves powerful tools in getting what they want. I have been out with maybe 5 wealthy man and every single one of them on the first date if not in the first phone call have told me everything they could do for me or get for me, it all had to do with material items or taking me to some grand event. Rarely if ever, do they ever talk about what they are willing to give you of themselves, because in their mind all their value is in what they are worth. It's really very sad and really if you think about it a waste of time since this woman is not for sale.
As far as insisting on paying the bill, how about actually placing the cash on the table and having it stuffed back in your purse by your date? I shared an expensive meal with a man, his treat yes, but I don't consider that being taken care of. A man who was interested in taking care of me would not have tried to feel me up in a parking lot.
I am sure I will get slammed for this, but that is ok. The company that evening at best was adequate, there was pleasant conversation, nothing intriguing or out of the ordinary, that very special chemistry was not there. Regardless, of how much money he spent that evening, there was not sufficient reason for him to believe that his actions were justified, yes there was clearance given for a kiss good night, but nothing else.
As far what a first date should be, that is different for everyone, maybe a $200 is not appropriate to you, but I go out to dinner with girlfriends and the bill comes to far more than that and sometimes I pay it sometimes a friend picks up the tab and not one of them have ever tried to feel me up. The point is this, differnt income levels dictates different dates, the restaurant was his choice, as was the club. That is what he chose to invite me to and yes I accepted, dinner and drinks. Now, had he invited me to the Four Seasons up to his suite for dinner and I had accepted that would have been a different story, I could see where you could try and justify his actions, but that was not the case.
I think one of the points that has been stressed here is this, men would like to see women contribute more, make an effort and not expect them to do everything. I think there are very few men who take a woman out to dinner and actually expect her to sleep with him afterwords, that kind of thinking is out dated and frankly I think this situation would probably pi** most men off. I am agreeing with the men, it is time for women out there to step up to plate and show their appreciation and their willingness to contribute to a date or a relationship in the making if you will. It is all about give and take and about men wanting to know that they are worth more to women than just what they can spend on her.
(Just my opinion  ) | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 7:59:57 PM | I'm sorry if I offended you Michelle, not sure I was referring to you as I did read though the posts rather quickly. I didn't take down names as I was reading thru the posts. Maybe for all those that this seems to be an issue to, this should be discussed prior to any date plans. That way it's all up front and there are no hard feelings for anyone involved and you can do something that is affordable for both parties. Yes, there are men that would insist on paying. It is those men that would earn your respect more if you insisted and paid your share even though they did not want you to. If that means stuffing it in their pockets at the end of the date, then do so. But like I stated, if you believe in something so strongly, you won't take no for an answer. No offense intended but if you go out with a co-worker and you say there was no chemisty with this person and it's a friendly date then you should definately pay your way, especially if it's a $300 date. Maybe he felt chemisty toward you and you didn't feel the same. That's no excuse to take advantage of him by letting him spend that kind of money, especially when you had no romantic feelings toward him. And what was the kiss for? Was that a thank you for dinner but I really don't like you kiss? No wonder he thought you were interested in more than a kiss after you had let him spend that kind of money on you, no matter what his income level was shouldn't be an excuse. (just my opinion)
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 8:45:28 PM | I just wanted to expand on a thought I left at the end of my last post.
In my last post I said that sometimes when you try to make money not be an issue, it becomes one. This happened to me and I learned a lesson from it. The last guy I dated worked as a chef at a restaurant. He made less per hour than I did, although he brought home as much as I did (due to the fact that I pay union fees, parking, expensive health insurance, and toll for my job). Anyway, our dates were usually inexpensive. I had told him that I don't expect a guy to pay for everything and that I feel it should be a more equal split. I placed a lot of emphasis on how I'm not like most women in that respect--that I trully don't mind paying for a date and feel that I should pay as much as he does.
This guy started taking advantage of my generosity. I often pick up the bill no matter who I'm out with...dates, friends, family (except when my dad eats because he has VERY expensive taste, so I usually just throw in some cash as I just can't afford to pick up his tabs completely.) Everyone else I do this for will throw me some cash if I pick up the bill or else will take me out next time. Well, that guy I was seeing became accustomed to me picking up the tab and would offer to pay next time, but always just let me pick up the tab... and because I never wanted to fight about money or make him feel like it was all about money, I usually paid. Until the last time I paid. It was his turn and he chose the restaurant (which I warned him was expensive). He complained that the only thing he wanted was the most expensive item on the bill. I suggested that he pay for my dish and I'll pay for his since I'm vegetarian and my meals never cost as much. He also ordered a plethora of appetizers that he proceeded to chomp down. Then the bill came, and of course after the bill sat there for a little bit, I just picked it up. I paid $100 (which is a lot to me). When we got back to my house he offered to buy a bottle of wine. The wine was $12 and he drank almost all of it.
I got fed up and broke up with him the next day. I felt like most of it was my fault because I had made such a big deal about paying. If I had let my actions speak instead of my words he might not have taken advantage of me as much.
I guess the point is that money isn't everything. We're all equal. If two people are in love both should be WILLING to give up all that they have to be with the one they love, but NEVER should that be EXPECTED. It's like that story, The Gift of the Magi by O Henry )if you've never read it you should. It's a beautiful story. Read it here: http://www.auburn.edu/~vestmon/Gift_of_the_Magi.html).
The money isn't the issue, it's the willingness... and the willingness needs to come equally from both sides. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 8:57:26 PM | "I think one of the points that has been stressed here is this, men would like to see women contribute more, make an effort and not expect them to do everything. I think there are very few men who take a woman out to dinner and actually expect her to sleep with him afterwords, that kind of thinking is out dated and frankly I think this situation would probably pi** most men off. I am agreeing with the men, it is time for women out there to step up to plate and show their appreciation and their willingness to contribute to a date or a relationship in the making if you will. It is all about give and take and about men wanting to know that they are worth more to women than just what they can spend on her."
VERY well put mizbex!!!!!!  A successful relationship is all about reciprocity and appreciation....NOT how much one person can spend on the other person. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/6/2006 10:05:52 PM | What's going on here???? I thought you couldn't post more that twice in a row????
Mrgee.... sheesh. Chill out dude. With your attitude, you should feel lucky to get even a gold-digger.
Can't we ban this guy? | |
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mizbex
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 242 | |
| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/7/2006 2:28:56 AM | maybeubaby,
Regardless of the kind of money he chooses to spend on a date, there is no excuse of trying to take advantage of a woman at the end of the date. A kiss can mean many things, from thank you to I am madly in love with you, the later was not the case. If a man or woman for that matter, wants to spend $300 on a date and that is what they are used to that is what they are going to do and they are partaking in the meal as well and treating themselves, on this particular occasion he chose to bring along a date, if he felt that very special chemistry towards me, he certainly did not show it. What he showed was his interest in getting something else that in his mind should have been paid for with a piece of salmon and a couple of glasses of wine.
You seem to be indicating that if a man spends enough money on you, he should expect to get whatever he wants, that is sad and the last time I checked illegal, at least in the state I live in. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/7/2006 2:22:10 PM | | Actually, what I was trying to say is you should have, being the woman state to be, insisted on paying your share of the date. Some men are pigs and do think that if they spend alot of money on a date that they have bought you, and obviously this guy was one of them. That being said, you should have paid your way especially once you realized there was no connection with him. You seem to have such strong beliefs as to women should pay their own way, but yet you never have and I find that being a hypocrite. Regardess of the fact that he wasn't willing to accept, if you would have put even half the effort into insisting as you have put effort in this thread, you would have convinced him to accept the money to pay your own way. | |
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smyllz
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Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 244 | |
| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/7/2006 2:35:15 PM | | I am a woman. And I dont think that men should pay for everything. In fact, I think its fair that it's equal. I think it should come down to whoever asked for the date and whoever planned it. If a guy asks me to dinner, I will offer to at least pay my part but if he turns me down there is only so much I can do about it, except ask him out again and catch the bill then. | |
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mizbex
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 245 | |
| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/7/2006 5:45:01 PM | Maybeubaby, he did not show his true colors until the end of the date, as I said the company was pleasant enough and that is why the kiss goodnight. Do you really think had I know his intentions I would have had a lengthy dinner with him and the went to a second location? I was as surprised as anyone by his actions. But I will make a note of your suggestions and tie the guy to his chair until he takes my money and the run out of the restaurant so there is no chance he can give it back. How's that for effort? Better yet, I am going to save this thread and email it to all potential dates so they know I am not a cheap chick.  | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/8/2006 5:19:25 PM | I don't believe a man should be expected to pay when going out. Especially when you are just getting to know someone by hanging out. Its less ackward and simpler to go splits or pay your own way through the evening and if he offers to treat you then great. I never expect it and that's my personal thought... | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/9/2006 6:53:14 PM | " As for Equality, never was the goal It was always about better than. If a bill was presented that guaranteed that every thing was equal, the draft, child custody, alimony, it would go down in flames so fast your head would spin."
You could not be more wrong!! Women have been paying their own way (with less money for the same jobs for years and years and years) and also doing all or most of all the work at home, give me a break. My personal feeling about the first date is: the first time you meet someone is not a "date", it is a meeting and should be split and it should be something simple such as coffee or a drink. However, let me also say that one of the characteristics I look for in a man and in my friends is generosity: with money, with love, with compassion etc. I was in a very ltr with one of the cheapest men who ever walked the face of the earth and everything that should have been a joyful experience was always tainted with his fear and fretting over money. I will never date someone like that again, if I feel that the guy isn't generous in all the ways I have mentioned, I won't be going on a first date with him. Generosity goes to the very soul of the who the person is, male or female, the issue is not about who pays in my opinion, it is about what kind of person you are. And if women really do expect men to pay, they should be upfront about it and not play the coy little woman game, that is disgusting. Wake up, it's 2006, we don't need a hunter/gatherer society any longer women. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/13/2006 10:30:34 AM | Many very masculine men like to provide everything on a date and many very feminine women like this in a man. Dating protocol is dictated only by the two people who are out on the date.
Men and women bring different strengths to a relationship. For men it is frequently material things, for women it is frequently mental, moral and loving things.
Whatever possesses anyone to think that men and women should not have a preference in what they like? If a woman likes for a man to be a provider of material things, that is her choice. | |
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mefein
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Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 249 | |
| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/28/2006 6:45:01 AM | | to florapost. the first word you spoke was the correct one "sorry" and you should be too. as for planets, honestly, what planet do you some from.????? get a grip honey. its called GROWING UP... me fein. silks perfumes etc etc etc ha ha... | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 3/2/2007 11:46:13 AM | I guess i am old fashion
I like it when a man opens the door for me
and i take it for granted the man will pay the bill (i am a lady and he is a gentleman)
I have old fashion values ...i have always respected men and they have always been respectful to me ...dating in the 2007 .....bring me back to the seventies ..
 Sam | |
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