jeyre
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Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 351 | |
| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:40:44 AM | I am new to the forums and this discussion is very surprising. I always thought that men are supposed to pay for the first few dates. It's actually something my brother told me. If a guy really likes you, then he would WANT to pay. The advice was not to sell myself short and have the guy pay. Yes, I come from a traditional family but is this really bad advice? I don't expect to go anywhere really expensive on the first few dates. Coffee and conversation usually. Plus, if the guy takes me out somewhere expensive I'll reciprocate by buying something nice that he'll enjoy like a good bottle of wine, concert tickets, etc.
It makes me so sad to hear words like "dinner whore" because I guess I would fall under that category. I don't pay or even offer to pay on the first few dates. Yes, I make a decent living but still I find it a turn off if the man ask me to split the bill. However, I know this sounds like a contradiction but I DO feel guilty about the man having to pay. That's why I usually make date plans according to what I think my date can comfortably afford when asked what I want to do. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/5/2007 5:56:39 AM | Personally i always pay. I don't care if its a date, if im going out with friends, anything i always pay. Why? cuz im the nice guy and i try to be as nice as i can. I never asked a woman to pay i always insist on paying BUT if she offers to pay she gets bonus points in my book and if somehow she manages to hold me down , tie me up and pay then its extra points all the way. Jeyre you don't even offer? then i don't think any one should go out with you. People say men and women should be equal yet when it comes to dating were living in the medieval ages. Men have to impress women...WHY. Im never gonna go out with a woman who only goes out with me because i pay. They should like you for you not for your money. And its not about the money its about the thought. Frankly i don't need to impress women realy i just pay cuz im nice but if they dont even bother to say oh ill get this one then yah i might get pissed. And ill never call them again and ill end up with 99 messages on my answering machine being like WHY WOTN YOU GO OUT WITH ME.
I used to be kinda shallow at one point in my life. Once i got to college i came through a revelation. Why have my past relationships failed? besides the fact that i was a kid under 18. Because i picked em all on how they looked so i decided no more of that. Went out with this girl she was a bit overweight... about 10 pounds on me probably ( im 180 and 6'5) well boy was i wrong... she told me " i want you to sweep me off my feet"...why cant guys get sweeped off their feet? WTF IS UP WITH THAT. Well im not speaking to her any more. I had a relevation tho. No more generalizing im done, just because they are fat or ugly doesnt mean their nice. Btw the thing about the sweep me off my feet wasnt realy anything and it wasnt the reason i stoped seeing her, theres another reason which i will not discuss but its something she did. The point is WOMEN THINK THEY SHOULD GET SWEEPED OFF THEIR FEET NO MATTER HOW MUCH THE GUY IS OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE. Thats my point, they always think they should be impressed by the guy, he should have to go the extra mile. Why?
Now it gets interesting because i found out why. If men didnt this many hormones we would be much more relaxed , much more " chill " , much less horny etc. All of those things worked against us. If i could press a button right now and make men twice less attracted to women i would. Why? because it would realy cut down on the men actually approaching women. And women would get crap attention to what their getting now. For a guy to actually get attention he has to be one of those " brad pitts" as they call them ( super hot basicly ) what does this prove? WOMEN ARE SHALLOW!
Wow who knew? oh well. I said i wouldnt generalize... I LIED! lol. So see if guys wouldnt be interested in women any more or at least pretend they arent we wouldnt be doing the approaching, the paying the anything. Ah paying for the dates, guys actually thing they have to impress the girl/woman they go out with. FALSE. If she doesnt try to impress you then dont try to impress her period. What makes her worth more then you? NOTHING. So my point is if every guy was a jackass then our world would finally be balanced and everything would be equal. And have the " asking out " would be done by women. So basicly this is all the fault of nice guys. 95% of men are nice and they make 95% of women ****es. 5% of players are ***holes which put the 95% of women in their place after they rejected the good nice guy who wasnt realy looking to sleep with them, he was rather looking for a seriously relation ship which could lead to marriage. Point is? well there is a certain balance. If we could get more guys to be players then i think women would be less picky, ****y or any other word ending in y. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/12/2007 11:35:14 PM | So worried about money and the pomp of faux equality.
No flexibility.
What kind of "relationship" are "you" going to foster?
EQUALITY QUESTION...
after agreeing to split the bill, we find out it is a odd amount. nither is willing to pay that PENNY more than the other and the cashier refuses to pay a penny out her pocket....
so the question becomes...
are BOTH *EQUALLY GREEDY* PEOPLE willing to go to jail for theft of services?
Really sound pretty rediculous doesn't it?
Makes me wonder how anyone can expect to ever become a couple, much less actually live a entire life together.
You know.... if the man is paying for the dates and the women are keeping their equality intact, then just what/where is the womans investment?
smelling good, being soft to the touch and pretty to look at, HOPFULLY
Oh yeh, she gonna pay 1/2 the bills that have nothing to do with dating.
What the hell is left?
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/13/2007 5:49:48 AM | | Most of the men I have dated would be offended if I tryed to pay. I guesse I have good taste in men. Cheap is definately a turn off. (to me it says money is more important than me) No I am not a gold digger. I personally do nice things for them also. (suprise them with favorite cigars, cook for them and their family, try to make their life easier, pick up great bottle of wine on my way over.) Some weeks I give more than them and most weeks they give more . Not really into keeping score. But what ever I do,I do it with out expectations and am thankful for any thing that is done for me. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/13/2007 6:47:36 PM | BINGO!!!
Some weeks I give more than them and most weeks they give more .
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Not really into keeping score.
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But what ever I do,I do it with out expectations and am thankful for any thing that is done for me.
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"to quote myself"
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+/- and all that goes with it :)Þ
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/17/2007 11:39:51 AM | | i have encountered the type of woman who expects everything payed for and ultimatly it makes you feel used i belive myself to be fairly giving but ultimatly i belive that a relationship to be two people working together for a better future not one being a parasite to the other | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/17/2007 11:53:00 AM | well you must be dateing the wrong women Hun... Ive been on a few dates where yes the guy did pay how ever I also contrubuted whether it was Buying him a few drinks, leaving a tip or paying for treats at the movies etc.. so it all depends on what both people decide to do, but I never expect any man to pay my way in etc.. if they do, its because it was their choice.. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/17/2007 11:53:34 AM | If a man approaches me and asks for a date then yes I expect him to pay. But as a relationship progresses then it seems to even out. If the woman is a single Mom she may not have the money to reciprocate. A nice home cooked meal or a video rental may be all she can handle.
If you think you are being used then you probably are, if the woman cares about you and shows it in her actions are you still going to insist on going dutch? Are you cheap, frugal or broke? There is a difference. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/17/2007 12:40:16 PM | | i think my last posting was ill expressed i know there are women out thre who are happy to pay their way or reciprocate in some other way(please do not read sex into this statement)which is fine.i can also accept that parasites can be found equaly in both genders.as to who pays for first date maybe we could resolve in a similar manner as the gay community though i dont know exactly what the dynamics are and would apriciate input on this matter | |
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bosoxx
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Joined: 1/6/2007
Msg: 360 | |
| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/22/2007 12:26:23 PM | Oh Please! In todays society w/women in the workforce as business owners and ceo's I often wonder why we have to cling to this dinosaur of a thought process.I will pay for the first few dates because I think it's the "gentlemanly" thing to do.Why is it a man's lack of financial responsibilty that bothers you.The fact that YOU seem to think we are "blessed" with a womans presence shows your sexist mentality.Could just be that both parties on a date are blessed w/ each others presence?
As men we put up w/ reverse double standards and sexist crap like this too.It's not a perfect world we live in but woman have come a long way in improving their situation.So it's about time they stopped sticking it to men to compensate for crap that isn't all our fault.It would be nice verboten if you would ust stay home and shut your pie hole! | |
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bosoxx
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Joined: 1/6/2007
Msg: 361 | |
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bosoxx
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Joined: 1/6/2007
Msg: 362 | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/22/2007 1:00:24 PM | There are some women out there who do expect everything to be paid for them. There is a name for them- Gold Diggers. Perhaps they should get themselves an "arrangement" on one of these millionaire dating places.
Splitting the bill down the middle is a little embarrasing. If it's a fella you like and he insists on paying for the meal or whatever, just say my treat next time always a good line to lead to potentially another date.
I personally do not like to beholden to anyone, as much as I do not like my generous nature to be pressed upon. As one poster said, as a relationship progresses it will even itself out- dinner, movies, drinks, days out etc | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/28/2007 2:58:13 AM | lmao
hit a nerve
i dont expect a lady to pay for the first date..... i would feel awful if she didnt let me treat her if i asked her out.
To expect the other person to pay tho is just a little mercenary and i wont be asking out that kind of lady :) | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/28/2007 12:27:24 PM | The person who asks you out should pay for the date, unless it's agreed up front that it's dutch, or just meeting up somewhere with friends, whatever.
For example, a man asks me out to dinner. I expect him to pay, but I'll always offer to pick up the tip. I ask him out, I pay. If I say "Would you like to meet me and some of my friends for drinks and karaoke?" or something like that, it's not a date, therefore dutch.
I've been known to say that I don't want to eat alone, but I don't have enough money right now for both of us, so would he mind meeting me and going dutch. Usually, that's not big problem. Separate checks, and its understood upfront. I mean, people have to eat, right?
As far as going to events, whatever, when I ask someone to see a movie with me, it's assumed it's dutch. Concerts, unless I say "I have two tickets", is assumed to be dutch. Same for theme parks, road trips, whatever.
It's the simple difference between "I'd like to take you to Disneyworld this weekend." and "I'm thinking of going to Disneyworld this weekend, wanna ride along?" It's all in how it's said, really, IMHO.
I don't get this thing today of men asking women out and not expecting to pay. I'm not talking about younger men, either, I'm talking about men of my generation, who should have been raised that way. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/28/2007 12:44:19 PM | Every time a guy asks me out on a date that is gonna cost money. I will tell them up front if i'm broke, I cant go. 99% of the time, the guy will tell me not to worry about it, it's my company they want.
I was raised that if you're going to accept to go on a date, to at least bring enough $ to pay for your own way just in case.
With that said. Whoever does the asking should pay. Whoever doesnt pay, should cover tip.
But if you cant afford to pay for a date. There are plenty of things that you can do for a first date that dont cost money that are way more personable than dinner and a movie.
Just my .02 | |
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h1j5z
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Joined: 1/12/2007
Msg: 369 | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/28/2007 1:01:48 PM | | i will always pay when i invite someone out ... but i will say im more selective in who i ask out ..if your a dater look else where 4 a free date ..but when it comes to a chance to find someone special the last thing she needs to think about is the check..... | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/28/2007 1:45:25 PM | Ok, I have several female friends (non-romantic), that I go out with from time to time. Since we're buddies the whole "who pays" question is moot. The inviter invites, the invitee expects to pay their way, and if unable to, informs the inviter and begs off. If the inviter offers to foot the whole bill, it's a date. And since everyone is short from time to time, everybody just does what they can, when they can. No problem with who's the man or who's the woman. This system even works fairly well in casual romantic dates.
Now for the elephant in the forum no one's mentioned.
sex.
After the relationship becomes intimate, a large percentage of women I've dated, or just discussed this subject with, demand the man pay for EVERYTHING. Not just the date, but other things like the woman's clothes, nails, hair appointments, toys for her kids...
Sadly, there are far too many women who see men as nothing more than walking wallets. That to me is far more "objectifying" than a man admiring a woman's looks.
So why does all this nice intelligent, adult fair attitude go right out the window when sex enters the picture?
On the other hand I have had relationships that were fair. Not indentical (bill splitting, 50/50 and so on), but fair, I did what I could, she did what she could, and we both took care of each other. Those are all too rare.
Tim | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/28/2007 2:01:55 PM | Dates are one thing ^^^^
But to expect a guy to pay for my nails, hair, kids toys? UMMMMM NEVER!
That is just beyond unbelievable if a woman does that!!!
Oh and if I ask a guy on a date, I typically cook for them instead of taking them out to eat. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/28/2007 7:24:12 PM | Actually I'm a pretty good cook, which a lot of women I meet like, but I've gotten mixed reactions if I offer to cook dinner for them in the early dating phase, some feel like I'm trying to get out of spending money on them. Of course, that tells me something about them and usually dating them is no longer an issue.
Oh, and I left something out of my earlier post; what about women whom I invite to dinner (out), and who then want to order 1 or 2 extra meals to take home to their kids. That's happened to me twice (obviously 2 different women).
walking wallet sydrome.
An ugly thing. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/29/2007 5:13:20 AM | I always offer to pay on the first date... If we're just having a couple drinks then they are paid for as we go. If it's dinner I pick up the check. I've had some women offer and I refused, some left the tip which is fine.
That being said if it's dinner the restaraunt is discussed on the phone. I'm not made of money, I do ok but if I ask someone out I certainly wouldn't expect to get a free meal out of the deal and don't expect her to pay for her half either, it's common courtesy in my opinion. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/29/2007 5:44:40 AM | | I think that each should contribute. Why is it the man's job to pay for everything? Women piss and moan about being treated equal and independent, well here's your chance. Also I feel much more comfortable paying part of the bill because then if the date doesn't go very well the man won't expect that the woman owes him anything. It's not a matter of being fair, it's just a matter of being responsible and respectable. Things would be totally different if the man or the woman was taking the other one out for their birthday or something like that, but if it's just the two of them wanting to go on a date, the decent thing to do would to pay for part of the bill, or at least offer. | |
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