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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/17/2006 3:00:51 AM | If I ask the girl out for the first date, I will expect to pay. If she insists on contributing, I will let her, but it is never assumed or asked.
If a girl asks me out I will expect to either pay my way or for her to pay. I would not like it if she expected me to pay under this circumstance.
I would pay for dates the first few times before I would think it would be nice for her to contribute. On ongoing dates I think should take turns shouting each other for things like dinner, movies, etc. More expensive things share cost.
As the relationship progresses, who cares? Contribute depending on what you can afford. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/17/2006 7:44:36 PM | originally posted by DarkTranquility
Blame the men for that. Pedestal removal time I say.
True that! Women have asked to be treated as equals. So make them equals in all accounts.
Some women say: I'm not cheap - I can afford to pay. It's just that I'm old fashioned. Yah right - women without the vote is old fashioned. Women not allowed in the military is old fashioned. Women who stay at home barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen is old fashioned. You can't have it both ways. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/17/2006 8:23:08 PM | If a man can't afford to take a lady out to dinner then he souldn't ask her out to dinner! Plain and simple. If all you can afford is a cup of coffee, then ask her out for coffee, but expect to pay. Men are susposed to provide period. Yes of course most of us work and earn an income and when we get into a marriage, of course the money all goes together, as we are now one. Fact is, that men make more money than women doing the same job and the reason goes back to they are susposed to provide.  | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/17/2006 8:30:54 PM | originally posted by migirlhere
If a man can't afford to take a lady out to dinner then he souldn't ask her out to dinner! Plain and simple. If all you can afford is a cup of coffee, then ask her out for coffee, but expect to pay. Men are susposed to provide period. Yes of course most of us work and earn an income and when we get into a marriage, of course the money all goes together, as we are now one. Fact is, that men make more money than women doing the same job and the reason goes back to they are susposed to provide.
So what you're saying is that you're cheap.
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/17/2006 8:38:10 PM | Stop dating spoiled women.
I mentioned this in another thread, but I'll say it again. I don't think anyone should ever expect anything for free. Everyone should go on a date with enough money on them to pay their own way. I always pay even if the guy asked me out. To me it's just more simple and I don't feel like I'm mooching off of the guy. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/18/2006 8:34:53 PM |
Fact is, that men make more money than women doing the same job and the reason goes back to they are susposed to provide.
now i'm sure you just said that to enrage me, and i'm not gonig to fall for it. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/19/2006 6:15:27 AM | To the OP; usually supply and demand. Obviously you don't have women asking you out all that often. You ask, you pay, at least at first anyway. When the power dynamic changes, she'll pay. Also, numerous women point out that they do go through more trouble routinely for a date. Costs of clothes, make up, stockings, etc etc are higher and more recurrent for them. You wear, what, jockey shorts, 3$ a pair? She wears victoria secret stuff, oh, maybe $40. Us, sox, 2$, lasts years. Her, pantyhose (I don't really know how much nice hose costs, but I'll bet more than that), lasts one or two dates. Our haircut, 10$. Hers, 50$.
As above, she's going through alot of trouble trying to look nice. That's what she knows men are looking for. She's looking for, either aware or subconciously, a good provider should she wind up dependent on you. That means you really should be able to afford an extra meal once in a while without it making a big dent in your wallet. If you're still in school or just starting out, make that first date an inexpensive activity, not dinner. If you go out to eat a lot, like I do, then stop complaining and pay for the fu**ing meal. No one said you had to invite her to eat at the Ritz.
And, a previous poster wrote, "Fact is, that men make more money than women doing the same job". No, we don't. It just seems that way to people who make less. In the USA anyway, college educated women make on average the same or more than college educated men (look up the 2000 census, and it's going to get worse for men, not better as more women are going to college than men are). So people who are serious about their careers make the same. Otherwise, you're comparing apples and oranges. Again, on average, men stay in the same position longer than women do (as a second earner, you are more likely to feel free to switch jobs you don't like because you may feel secure because he's staying at his job; men often stay at jobs we hate because we have no choice). So seniority gives us the edge in salary in the skilled labor as well as unskilled positions. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/19/2006 6:39:08 AM | I think that the tradition of men buying evolved from the days when women did not have income opportunities. Now women do.
I think in the early phase of dating, it puts a platonic swing on things, because of the attachment of tradition, and it is not really a date if I pay my own way, and it is more like "eating alone together, instead of eating alone alone" if that makes any sense.
Also, one should take into account income disparity. Nobody wants to be with a sponge, that I can imagine, though I know a woman that is with a HOT Boy Toy, and she is a doctor and a bit older than he, and he works as a bus boy and lives with/off her. She is getting something out of it though, even though in a sense she is paying for it. How about that? In this case, I highlighted a woman doing the same thing men have done for years and years.
If I make twice as much money as you, I am probably going to offer to treat most of the time, but I am like that with all of my friends. If you make twice as much as me, then I will graciously accept your generosity. If our incomes are equitable, then one buys and one tips, and we take turns.
I think that is just the way things should be.
Further, I believe great income disparities also create friction in a relationship~~the balance of perceived power, and the resentment of always footing the bill and feeling like one is getting less back in return. I am far too proud to sell my Soul for a life of leisure at the expense of being someone's "beck and call girl."
In sum, I think that the person that can most afford to foot the bill should be the primary, but bear in mind that going dutch makes it somewhat less than a "date" and even a bit less than buddies hanging out, because buddies will tend to do the one buys one tips thing, from my experience, or else everyone throws money into the pot. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/19/2006 6:39:46 AM | | In my opinion, if a woman hardly ever offers to contribute, she has no respect for you. She only thinks of herself. Women do that because they can. Went out with a woman like that for too long. Well, she did buy me a coffee a couple of times and a movie ticket. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/19/2006 7:24:03 AM | You should be grateful you are finding out what sort of women these females are straight off the bat (though I am sorry it hurts your wallet a bit to make the discovery).
It all depends on what you're looking for, doesn't it?
If you ask a female out for the first time, you should expect to pay. If I asked a man out and he said yes, I would pay. It's not a gender issue - it's a host/hostess issue. That person is your guest, and is due all the courtesy of a guest.
To change the eatery venue at the last minute and "take advantage" by sucking down expensive drinks and having you foot the bill, is both wrong and tacky. People who engage in such behavior are exhibiting rude and selfish behavior, and are unlikely to find themselves the "guest" of the host/hostess in the future.
On the other hand, I find it's an excellent indicator of charactor to watch and see what a man does and does not do on a date. I am by no means high maintenance (and if my dinner is paid for, I usually insist upon leaving the tip, at the least, as a gesture of common courtesy).
I also like to have several things in mind for what I'd like to order, have the man order first, and then pick something comparably priced to his choice. It's also interesting to see if he orders an appetizer, or at least offers. I never ask.
I feel sad that our society has degraded to the point that we are all so angry at and mistrustful of each other. And, even sadder that there's cause to be - on BOTH sides of the fence.
Wendy | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/19/2006 7:40:32 AM | | i met a woman online that out took out at least ten times... she never offered to pay one time... i kinda felt that she could at least take me to dinner just once you know! so now i dont go out with her anymore | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/19/2006 9:28:47 AM | originally posted by abstinent lady
I'm very old fashioned that's why.
Cop out! In a huge way! Really, you're just cheap.
Old fashioned means women don't get to vote, women don't get to have careers (except nursing and teaching) and women do all the cooking, cleaning and other housework. You really can't have it both ways. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/19/2006 9:53:13 AM | recently I got asked to dinner by a guy who chose the restaurant. I didn't know the food (new to me), or the menu, so I asked if he would order - mistake. Now the perfect time to ask someone what there budget is before ordering. I didn't even think about it (yes, I should have) and the bill came and my portion was $70.00 - a price which right now I can ill afford. I paid my portion - offered - he didn't need to ask. But I do think that when you ask someone for a date to an semi expensive restaurant that you should inquiry about their budget if you don't intend to pay. That's called manners and respect (as he knew my budget was tight).
Another time a guy asked me out to dinner, and said "order anything you want", which to me implies he's treating - he didn't. All I am saying is some people need to work on their manners.
Work it out before you go on the date so there is no confusion.
I never assume a man will pay when he asks you out, but I think it's very classy when he does. I do the same.
That said I have dated tight wads before and it's a pain in the a**. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/19/2006 10:23:03 AM | I have been on a number of dinner dates and when the bill comes to the table I always offer to split the cost of the evening with the date , having said that the men I have dated have always graciously refused which is very nice and the gesture is much appreciated,,, but I certainly did not enter the evening with the understanding they would pay whether or not it was them who asked me out...
Ding ding! Buffy1993 is correct. NO ONE is entitled to anything for free. If someone offers to help or pay and you decline, then that's different. But both should be prepared to pay for their half of the meal AT LEAST when on a dinner date.
And why would anyone go on a date with someone they haven't known long enough to know what the outcome's gonna be anyway? I say if you play russian roulette then expect the unexpected. Don't take a woman to dinner if you don't know her that well - same goes for the women. Meet for a drink or two and keep the financial aspect of it out of the equation until you know better who you're dealing with. Male and female, most of us work hard for our money, we should be more careful with it by screening our dinner dates a bit more effectively.
By the time you are going to dinner together money shouldn't be an object because you both look forward to the company you already know you will enjoy.
I'm not saying men should pay for anything, but I bet a lot more wouldn't mind if it wasn't expected of them so much. That whole "I'm sorry but if you want to hang out with me you better bring your wallet" theory isn't exactly real attractive to the male species. It does seem to attract men who feel that money is a status thing tho. Generally most men just like to be appreciated for paying - not ordered TO pay.
Added: At this point both Wendy and Angelab know I respect their posts, but I wanted to say it again - both mirror my thoughts exactly on most issues. Kudos girls. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/20/2006 2:23:06 AM | i cant believe youd let the check stand in the way of going on a nice date,.
if pick up the check dose that mean if i let you ride my horse your going to pay the hourly fee?(30.00per hr)....pick a up a bags of horse feed&hay? I mean ,HIS meals arnt free either
.........."nothings for free?"
.lol yep guess thats right,......
next are you going to argue about parking fare?......darn honey ill pay half that dollar to park if its going to get your feathers all up in the air,....
and i wont even charge you to park in my drive.
Id say with the high percentage of non replys i hear most complain about you wouldnt be worried about paying for dinner when you do get a date lol....
whats next?.who gets the out side seat at a movie,......who gets to drive?...
who puts the oil in the car?......
I think there are people who are cronic whinners,.......QQ
no matter what they get there going to find fault with it,.......
id say IF you get a date ,try just being grateful,......... | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/23/2006 3:21:28 AM | well... that started a debate and a half lol
I have been "the gentleman" for the entire span of my dating life and always offered to pay !
I don't begrudge paying for a meal or some drinks, what i object to is women who think they are that special, if you are not paying for everything on a date they are not interested.
I know we all work hard for our money and just wish women would not try to treat blokes as a bank or a free night out !
I like to look at a woman as an equal who enjoys decent company and stimulating conversation rather than a peice of cattle going for the highest price.
To all those lovely women who have asked me not to ask them out..... what on earth makes you think your that special i would want to ask you out ? beauty is not just on the outside !!!
i think Mr T said it best "I pity the fool.....!!!"
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/26/2006 3:27:38 AM | 1.If a man asks a woman out on a date then he should pay,
2.if a woman asks a man out on a date then she should pay
3.the gate swings both ways on this issue
4.it takes two to make everything work | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/26/2006 4:03:48 AM | No one person should carry the entire financial burden in a dating relationship. During the initial phases of a relationship I expect to pay for the dates. However, once we have been on several dates I think it is only fair and correct for the woman to start contributing by offering to pay for some of our dates. I don't care if it is going to dinner and a movie or if it is staying home making/ordering dinner and a dvd.
Sure, in many cases men make more money than women but there is far more to it than that. However, most divorced men have child support to pay. Try having 25% of your income taken from you and see what that does to your disposable cash flow. I am not begrudging my child support obligations at all, as a matter of fact I voluntarily contribute more to my Son than the law requires as his Mother is a Teacher and is therefore underpaid.
A relationship is a two way street in every aspect, finances included.
I am old fashioned in most aspects of dating and I will always pay for dates. However, if the relationship is going to continue building into something I need the other person to at least start offering to pay. If she does not even offer to share some of the costs I see that as a lack of respect for me and a sign of what the future of the relationship holds. | |
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