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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 12/20/2007 9:23:52 PM |
I will help..I won't exagerate . Outfit $100 shoes $100 Hair $80 Other $100
Are you really suggesting that a significant number of women will buy new shoes for every date? That's the most bizarre thing I've ever heard! | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 12/20/2007 9:42:05 PM | | I thinkit's a generational characteristic. When I was young men made a lotmore money than women and it was customary for the guy to pay. Old habits are tough to break. I could count the number of dates I've been on where the woman paid on one hand! In marriage or live-in relationships, it's always worked out that our incomes were kind of a communal chest though. So then, everything was proportionate to how much we both made. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 12/21/2007 2:06:50 AM | just don't go to the "most expensive restaurant", that's all.
there are many men who try to impress the woman by taking her to a luxury place. that's bad for 2 reasons:
- shows in fact he wants to "buy her love"
- not natural. the focus is on the event, and not on the people.
better to date under "normal circumstances" | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 5/23/2008 3:05:21 PM | Hey I think for the first few dates.....going Dutch..................50/50!!!!!!!!!! Then the tables can turn here and there........ As its only diplomatic way of doing things, if they think otherwise, dump them.......for someone with no issues and problems. Otherwise these are red flags already if they don't agree.  This is my last post on the system, as I have met a awesome woman....best luck to all!!! | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:04:59 PM | in most situations men are happy to pay, -if we asked you out -there's obviously some captivation, we want to impress her, shower her with affection, warmth and gifts. however being EXPECTED to pay just of our gender really puts a damper on the situation, as well as his feelings to question her real intentions. (does she think im a warm blooded person -or just another swinging d!ck with a gold card, she cozied up to for this evenings food and entertainment)
its been beaten into our heads the party who asks one out is usually the one who gets stuck with the tab (which is usually the man) -since a fair number of women expect the man to do all the initial calling, asking, paying, opening doors, pulling out chairs, giving up his coat if she's cold, run downstairs with a fireplace poker to fight the strange noises that go bump in the night... (-so much for equality in the sexes) not that we dont love fawning all over her, -we just want her to feel like we are doing it out of pure emotion, love or infatuation -not just cuz some frustrated archaic ladies dating manual damand its our soul responsibility as the male.
leaves the female species looking a bit two faced when they march for equality and fairness, however fall back and demand to be treated like the weaker sex (whenever convenient for them).
-but then again who doesn't want to have their cake and eat it too. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/8/2008 10:37:18 AM | I believe in reciprocity for sure....however, I do expect to be treated extremely well. I would also expect to treat soemone very well in return.
Depending on the type of relationship, monetary exchange is one type of contribution-Genuine generosity is a character trait..not to be taken advantage of. If you have good energy....you usually have a good flow with these things.
I have an old fashioned streak for sure.....if I am going to adore you, cook, clean, entertain your friends and family and trapse around doing the things you (and we love) then I think it is pretty difficult to put a price tag on that.
I can't imagine breaking down my salary and producing a bill for what I am currently paid at work...if I did, then my man would have to be doing well to afford me, lol.
You give what you get...in a healthy relationship, platonic or otherwise, you need to be aware of a balance.
I am wary of a man who fears being taken....I would guess he is cheap in areas that go FAR beyond his wallet.  | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:10:08 PM |
I don't think a man should pay for everything. When I meet a man for the first time, all I want is 'coffee and conversation' to see if we are compatible. Coffee is not that expensive, so either could pay. If we continue to date, it works out equally over time. Sometimes, the date is my treat. Other-times, I cook for him at home, which can be expensive. And if we go on a picnic, I pack the lunch basket. If a man is worried that he spent more than I, or vice-versa, then it's time to stop seeing each other. I don't think dating should be a financial burden on either party.
Best response I have ever read EVER. Men and women are equal but different and most men would enjoy something like a dinner/picnic more. It ensures both are planning dates, and works out pretty evenly money and effort wise. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:53:02 PM | just don't go to the "most expensive restaurant", that's all
That is not always possible. With my last partner for the first date I chose a small restaurant with reasonable prices that I could cope with if necessary, he took one look at it and decided he didn't like it and preferred the one next door which was far more expensive.
For this date I felt uncomfortable and worried about the cost of the food as it seemed that money was no object to him ... but it certainly was to me! I needn't have worried, in the year that we dated I never had to pay for a single meal out, or anything else for that matter - he would insist. I would cook for him, sometimes buy him chocolate, he never brought up the financial imbalance of the relationship - sometimes I would mention it to him and he would say that he really didn't care about it at all. You don't when you love someone. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:59:57 PM |
That is not always possible. With my last partner for the first date I chose a small restaurant with reasonable prices that I could cope with if necessary, he took one look at it and decided he didn't like it and preferred the one next door which was far more expensive.
For this date I felt uncomfortable and worried about the cost of the food as it seemed that money was no object to him ... but it certainly was to me! I needn't have worried, in the year that we dated I never had to pay for a single meal out, or anything else for that matter - he would insist. I would cook for him, sometimes buy him chocolate, he never mentioned the financial imbalance of the relationship - sometimes I would mention it to him and he would say that he really didn't care about it at all. You don't when you love someone.
Of course not, its always the man getting the worse end of the deal. And women generally don't make up for it other ways either so it matters to those who aren't chumps. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:03:59 PM | man getting the worse end of the deal
What do you mean by this?
Do you mean that by having a year's loving relationship, an aspect of which I was not expected to pay for a single thing made him a 'chump'?
Of course I would disagree. We had a wonderful time together. What I was trying to say was if you love each other, these things really don't matter - you find a way. His way was that he felt happy doing what he wanted to do, when he wanted to do it, and part of that was paying for it. Not only did he feel that this was right, the lifestyle he expected could not possibly have been funded by me, even at half the cost.
On his birthday I secretly booked a hotel for us to stay, my treat. He didn't want to go and I had to obtain a refund after this dismissal - I remember feeling a bit hurt at this as I wanted it to be a nice surprise. He took me abroad instead, his choice. Part of my 'deal' was that I just had to go along with his wish. He was extremely fussy and particular about things and felt happiest when things were under his control.
Not all men are the same, but there are many men like this - they don't tend to crow about it - which suits me. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:27:58 PM |
Not all men are the same, and there are many men like this - which suits me.
You mean chumps who cater to women. Must be nice for you. Wish there was a female equivalent though.
-since a fair number of women expect the man to do all the initial calling, asking, paying, opening doors, pulling out chairs, giving up his coat if she's cold, run downstairs with a fireplace poker to fight the strange noises that go bump in the night... (-so much for equality in the sexes) not that we dont love fawning all over her, -we just want her to feel like we are doing it out of pure emotion, love or infatuation -not just cuz some frustrated archaic ladies dating manual damand its our soul responsibility as the male.
leaves the female species looking a bit two faced when they march for equality and fairness, however fall back and demand to be treated like the weaker sex (whenever convenient for them).
Smart women realize that if he gets sick because he gave up his coat she will have to deal with man flu. Many women don't want a man's coat, not because of equality but they don't want to deal with a sick man which can be very tiring. Both going downstairs ensures the safety of both parties.
There is no reciprocation is male-female relationship. Never has , never will be. Women "love" (although they probably only have the capability to like) based on what you do for them , while men love (real love) based on who a woman is. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:32:57 PM | Apart from being very much in love with him, I certainly did not control him in any way, and he in no way fawned to me.
I was never permitted to choose my own meals, he always chose the timing of things, sometimes horrendously difficult, he would spend up to an hour looking at the winelist refusing to talk, he could be incredibly fussy, particular and pedantic ... everyone has their own foibles. He really disliked me to take the initiative with anything that he felt was his responsibility and this included the financial direction of the relationship. In fact he would make me feel uncomfortable if I tried to reciprocate.
I can't really see this turned on its head and a man submitting as I willingly did. I chose to. I wanted to. In a year we never had one argument and the sex was frequent and fantastic. Who cared if it wasn't 'politically correct?'. We looked for approval from no one except ourselves.
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/26/2008 1:07:38 PM | This refers to an old post in ‘06 by Settler. Here’s a sample and my reply follows:
When I was young, there were many role traditions. One was that women do not play hockey. One was that women never approach men to dance or go out. Another was that "good girls " do not have sex before marriage. Why have these traditions been dropped and some women feel that situations around money should be maintained?
Some women feel that if a male makes more money then he should pay. In todays world, women have equal opportunity for education, for the most part, job opportunity. If a women directs her life, be it the result of her choosing to have sex and becoming pregnant, and does not earn a sufficient income, why should the male shoulder the financial responsibility?
I was young before you were young……..not by that many years, however. Therefore, I too am familiar with the timeframe of which you write when lottsa journalists were of your gender. Reflecting how typists in the beginning were male and, oh my, how things change s l o w l y.
In my opinion, if a womyn lets a man buy everything, she might as well mortgage her future, given the ability of the male ego to respect one particular womyn for any length of time and be monogamous. Independence can be a handy thing to have in your pocket, girls.
Lest we forget, women did play hockey when I was young. Ever heard of field hockey? The high school I went to had Sadie Hawkins’ dances when a girl might approach a man to be her date, or for those more adventurous souls, ask if different men wanted to dance with her; ohmygash.
And yes, plenty of “good girls” had sex before marriage and did the “right thing” and married the father of the child. Gee, could that have anything to do with the high divorce stats from our generation do ya maybe think?
For your information womyn today still do not have equal opportunity to earn as much as men do. I even question your statement that a womyn has equal opportunity for education because if she’s barely earning enough to support herself and chooses to remain single, then how the hay is she gonna pay for an education, or have the time to fit it in?
You sound a bit like part of the poor white male syndrome that’s popular as a backlash to the burn ur bra ladies. May I suggest that y’all need to smarten up and see things for what they were and are? How womyn historically have not been treated equally. And this is why young womyn today are aggressive/assertive – they’re not wanting to wind up like their mommas did – dependant on a man who may not treat her very well, or dirt poor. You go girls! But do try to watch your manners, eh javascript:smilie(' ') | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/26/2008 4:48:58 PM | Wow, I don't even know how to answer this one. I've never had a problem with this issue. No man has ever asked me to pay or nor has any ever brought up the topic before. In the past, I have taken who I was dating out for a birthday dinner and paid for it cause that is what I planned to do, but in dating someone when they ask me out, I'm scratching my head on this one, cause I've just never had this as an issue before. Gee's, this makes things so much more complicated.
Has romance totally gone to politics now? A new age thing perhaps? | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/27/2008 10:11:28 AM | This is a slippery slope..especially when so many "first meetings" are over coffee, tea.....
If I invite someone out, I pay. If it just "happens" and we go Dutch", OK too.
What bothers me is a sense of entitlement...either M of F.
Actually, on first meetings, the benefit of the doubt is given. Yes, some are nice, fair and the like. Others are really not so nice and maybe that's why many of us (M and F) feel that we are wasting our time. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/27/2008 1:29:19 PM | Okay, this argument always stresses me out, and I typically end up tossing the rest of my drink in my friends' faces and/or facing possible jail time.
Aren't women and men equal? I've always wondered that...why DO men have to flip the bill on a date as a prerequisite? We always boast about our independence and self-awareness...is there some reason our money won't work in said restaurant?
Further, what's with women who want to be "financially supported" (that is the correct term these days, yes?)?? Someone please...PLEASE explain this to me. I promise, I'm not trying to offend anyone. But please, for the love of god, tell me why a man's salary figures in to a relationship at all. What about YOUR friggin' salary? Why can't you take care of him?
Is it because women want the 'finer things in life', but don't feel they should have to work for it? Is it some 1950s fantasy ideal of the man working and the woman staying home with the kids? And why do men go for it? Are men gullible? Is this a perfect solution for men who refuse to seek a more genuine relationship?
Oy vey. Do blood pressure pills come in pez dispensers? | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/27/2008 1:37:23 PM | | I am one of those women that thinks that no one owes me anything when dating. IF the man asks me out and he makes the arrangements, he pays. IF I ask him to meet me somewhere and the place is of my choosing, I pay. First date, second date, 10th date...I just don't want a man to think that dinner and/or drinks will "buy" me. Some men are very opposed to this arrangement and some actually take advantage of it ONCE. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/28/2008 4:14:46 PM | | I actually insisted I pay on one date and the guy was offended. I have been told that (maybe this is a southern thing) it makes them feel good, like they are showing the women that they can "take care" of their woman. i am just getting used to letting them pay for the first date.. it actually makes me uncomfortable for a guy to pay all the time, so it must be the girls you are going for. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/28/2008 5:25:54 PM | As a woman who earns a decent wage and has no children I always go Dutch on dates. It would be different possibly if my earning potential was affected by having children.
When I was younger there was an assuption from some men that paying for a meal meant payment in kind at the end of the night- stories from female friends Men can be gold diggers as much as women too. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/28/2008 6:33:23 PM | | I was reading a great dating article on datingbetter.com which explains that question...it goes deeper in the phyc. SOme are materiastic, but some believe love means that you are fully provided for. Also, different cultures. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/27/2008 9:43:46 PM | Recently I dated a lady I met on POF three times. She waited for the door to be opened, invited me to a place and nicely waited as I picked up the tab...no effort or offer.
I was uncomfortable about seeing her again but I did invite her to my place for dinner. I had mentioned that I was planning pasta and she said" oh, no carbs please". I didn't truest my judgement to cancel the dinner.
During our dinner I was a bit annoyed especially when she talked about or income difference and how, to paraphrase, I would not be able to keep up. I thought, "especially when you don't open your purse". What bothered me was her sense of entitlement and we discontinued our "relationship". At once I removed her from my speed dial, email etc.
I should have bailed sooner but I am an optimist. Well, that won't happen again. A woman like that ,to me is petty, selfish and delusional. Better off without that person. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/28/2008 11:13:56 AM | Wow, this thread is like politics, isn't it? People are very volatile about it! I guess my opinion is that it depends. I'd have to play it by ear. I guess I'm kind of old fashioned and kind of expect the guy to pay at least on the first date or two. If he asks me out. I would definitely offer to pay if I asked him out. I would let him choose the place, and also agree that coffee or something simple is good for the first date so that isn't too much of a hardship. But I am always willing to pay and will offer, except that sometimes this feels awkward or might insult someone, it just depends on your feelings. But once you've gone out a few times, I definitely would split or take turns or whatever, work it out between us. Just as I do with my friends, I offer to pay sometimes, or if you know one of you is shorter on cash or whatever. I had a boyfriend for a long time that made less than me and I would pay for trips, etc. he would pay for some meals, that was fine with me, I cared about him and enjoyed doing it. Was just happy to have him with me. I'm not a person who needs a man to take care of me, but it's nice that they want to sometimes.  | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/28/2008 1:30:41 PM |
id suggest making it clear on your profile how you feel about the dates,.
and the first date.
ditto!
There are women who have absolutely no problem with Dutch arrangements and then there are those who have an old fashioned idea of courting. You want the former. Advertise for it. Plain and simple. And you will never again have to get tied up in knots over this issue. | |
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