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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/31/2006 9:24:11 PM | Hey studly23, nice to see you again. Well!! lets see, I really didnt have problem on who's paying when asked for a date. I really didnt care who ask for a date or to see a movie. I always offer to either I do pay or we split the bill, and if he refused I do take care of the tip and I 100% insist on that. I dont order expensive meal and I dont drink, I am a cheap date lol. My drink ussualy water, I love water I eat healthy so salad is a meal for me. Lets not make this forum such a big deal. We as men and women should be treated equally, specially if we both work. Most women would disagree with me but hey!! we all have different opinion in this world, to each its own.   | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/31/2006 9:31:55 PM | well...I could say...just look at the "do women fake (orgasms)" forum and maybe it would only seem fair that a guy should give her something in return 
But then perhaps the common sense answer is: If a woman wants to be newaged, she should date a guy who is frugal, and the oldfashioned, romantic women should find men who like to spoil their ladies. Rather than trying to figure out what is right or wrong. At the end of the day there really is no right or wrong way to do things, just different values. You have to find someone that fits your values best.
Is that not why there are places like POF? | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 10/31/2006 9:35:08 PM | Hi lucilou,
Thanks for the comment. Sorry I've been in hiding, lol!! It's nice to see your smiley face and sense of reality. I saw the post a guy from Canada made about how beautiful you are for being nearly 60....I would have to agree with him. Quite attractive you are for your age! ; ) | |
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mizbex
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 155 | |
| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/1/2006 2:56:51 AM | Mygirl, I am curious why you are on a dating website if this is how you feel about men, although now you have removed your profile. A lot of men and women have been hurt in their lives and everyone chooses to deal with it in their own way. However, at some point you need to get past it if you ever want to engage in a healthy realtionship.
I am sure I am up for some more verbal volley from you, but there has been a lot of good discussion and food for thought in this post, yet you resort to attacking anyone who might show you a different opinion or constructive criticism. We tend to judge ourselves based on our intent and others on their behavior, you might want to consider this going forward as a lot of people here, including myself, had the best of intentions towards you and your situation. Take care of yourself and your girls. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/1/2006 3:34:55 AM | When I ask a lady out for the evening, I ALWAYS pay for everythang.. always have and always will with no expectations.. In fact we have already discussed this in an email with the lady that I am "after" on here.. She says she wants to pay the airfare so I will pay for the rest.. IF it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out... BUT, IT WILL WORK OUT CB...  | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/1/2006 4:07:29 PM | | News flash to bill200: women usually do all the cooking, cleaning and other housework! And that is usually the case whether they are staying at home full time or working full time and THEN coming home to do all the housework. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/1/2006 7:54:14 PM |
women usually do all the cooking, cleaning and other housework! And that is usually the case whether they are staying at home full time or working full time and THEN coming home to do all the housework.
I'm not sure if it's as prevalent today as it was in the past... My mom certainly did more cooking and cleaning than my dad... but you know what I think about it? I think it's crap! I could see somone doing most of the cooking and cleaning if they stayed at home and didn't work (and I'm not talking about house-moms or home-business people... those are both jobs if you ask me. I'm talking about house-wives or house-husbands... they come off as gold-diggers to me, but hey, if they're happy then... whatever).
But for those of you who are (or were, rather) sick of doing the majority of cleaning and cooking for your partner when you both have jobs outside the home (especially when you work equal hours), I would just stop--after discussing it repeatedly without seeing an actual change, anyway. When he comes home hungry asking what's for dinner... tell him how stuffed you are from what you cooked for yourself real quick or ate. When he starts having to wear dirty underwear and cook for himself he might gain some appreciation for all the work you do.
Note: (Use the word she and he interchangeably... I'm not trying to generalize.) | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/1/2006 10:06:01 PM | My sad story is I never had a chance to pay even when I was the one who ask for the date or even when I told them in ahead I want to pay. To fight for a bill payment in public is embarrassed. When they insist to be generous, my least respect is let them. They would usually received small gifts from me later, like special brand of yummy beef jerky etc.
What I talking here is about casual dating or frequent dating whatever you call it but not meaningful b/f relationships or such.
Now about boyfriends, not the casual dates, about material things other than entertainment costs, my questions would be:
1) Does he love me enough to let me use his money without giving a damn I am taking
advantage of him OR not taking advantage of him, and be regretted later???
2) Do I trust him enough to use his money without even thinking he would see me as a gold
digger? Don't think it is easy question to answer!!! It is not.
If I cannot answer this questions confidently, then I will not accept any gifts without giving the same value of gifts in return. When this happen I would say the relationship is a little bit serious than casual dating, but for sure it would not be a very serious relationship because the lack of trust to each other. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/1/2006 10:20:20 PM |
A cup of coffee is a free ride
I mentioned in a previous post that I wouldn't sweat the small stuff. I didn't feel the need to repeat myself, that time anyway. Unfortunately, it seems I have to, to make my point clear.
And if a cup of coffee isn't a big deal, why couldn't you pay for it yourself?
I really don't want to get into the living together debate, because all I'm talking about is the first few dates. Depending on what you decide to do, there may be a decent amount of money involved. If you're living together and you still haven't worked out chore responsibilities and finances, you have way bigger problems than what this thread is discussing.
As for the off-topic thread of a woman meeting a guy at his house or vice-versa for the first date, that's just dumb and careless. Meet somewhere public and be safe. | |
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mizbex
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 166 | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/2/2006 5:02:10 AM | i don't know why so many people want to make this so difficult. it's simple
if a man asks a woman out to dinner, movie or whatever...he has invited her out and should pay.
same thing applies to a woman. what i have noticed is that when i do ask and pay the good ones seem a little uncomfortable but appreciate the gesture. same with the good women
to invite someone out and not pay is tacky and cheap. for either gender | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/2/2006 5:26:08 AM | again this is an easy fix,........use your profile to express your ideas on first dates,.make sure they know you expect them to pay half,. simply say,
"how do you feel about going dutch"
.....your dates are not mind readers,..
Hey to the guy talking about having some one over for dinner on the first date,....
its very nice you would show off your skills and williness to cook,.but it lacks the caring of some one who knows its not safe for some one to do that,....one thing is you bring them to your house,.do you really know there not a stalker and now can drive you crazy coming around,.. it can be hard to tell how some one is, even seeing them a long time much less
the first time. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/2/2006 11:13:00 AM | Hey to the guy talking about having some one over for dinner on the first date,....
its very nice you would show off your skills and williness to cook,.but it lacks the caring of some one who knows its not safe for some one to do that,....one thing is you bring them to your house,.do you really know there not a stalker and now can drive you crazy coming around,.. it can be hard to tell how some one is, even seeing them a long time much less
the first time.
Ok, but tell me something: What are you going to do about it if they are a stalker or whatever? You said it right,"it can be hard to tell," even if you know someone a long time. You can worry, plan, take precautions all you want, but in the end it is just like people who worry themselves to death about being killed in a car wreck. What are you going to do about it? If your date is a serial killer, what are you going to do about it? If your date turns out to be a stalker, what are you going to do about it? I'm serious, think about it, what are you going to do about it? Remember awhile back the girl who got herself killed leaving work at a Wal-Mart when the big dude followed her out to her car? Tell me what she could really do about it. The blunt, straightforward, harsh truth is *nothing.*
There are hundreds of self defense type messages out there telling people various precautions to take, but if you listen or read further, they all tell you in the end that there is really little you can do. If you keep up with such things, you probably know Jean Claude Van Damme frequently gets his ass kicked in bars. Likewise, it is mostly fiction about 98 ound women whipping up on big dudes. In short, there is nothing much you can do anyway. Even the Secret Service will admit there is really not much they can do *if* someone *really* decides they are going to take a shot at the President. The only thing you can do is lock yourself up in your house with drawn window shades. But wait, even that won't help, will it? Not if someone really decides they are comming in.
What if you get a stalker? Again, what are you going to do about it? Nothing, that's what. One day, maybe today, maybe tommorow, might be 75 years from now, we are all going to die. Nothing we can do about it. Oh, wait, yes, we can take a bunch of precautions, right? Never meet strangers, never talk to people we don't know well, never park in a dark parking lot, never walk home alone at night, carry a gun, etc, right? Whoops, that doesn't always work either, does it? Not if someone really targets you.
We can worry about all this and it is smart to do so, isn't it? I'm sure I will get many solemn replies to this by ernest people telling me, "yes, but you are so, so wrong. You never do this or that, 'cause you can get hurt or raped or killed, it's insane."
Whatcha gonna do about it?
You can do whatever you want about it. You say, "yes, but you can increase your chances of getting hurt by doing dumb things." True, but how do you know you are not going to wake up tonight to a stranger standing in your bedroom? How do you know your longtime boyfriend/girlfriend is not going to hurt you tonight? How about the person you have known and trusted for years? What are you going to do about it? Keep your car keys in your fist and stick one between your fingers? Yeah, right, Grasshopper.
Worry all you like. Take every precaution known to man. Stay home the rest of your life. Whatever. I notice people don't like to be confronted with much truth these days, makes them uncomfortable. Better to sit around with like minded folks and reassure one another and attack a heretic like me with everything you got.
P.S. My house is very tricky to get to. I have to meet them in town and let them follow me there. Then, I have to let them follow me back out. Haha, it takes several trips for anyone to get to where they can find their way around the maze of roads on their own. Never had a stalker yet. They would get lost. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/2/2006 11:46:23 AM | I won't quarrel with the point that we can't prevent every bad thing that could happen in the course of our lives.
But I for one would not go to a man's house for a first meeting. If he PUSHES for that, we are done.
I would not INVITE a man I didn't know to my house either, and if he PUSHES for that, we're done.
Granted, nothing guarantees that someone won't break a lock, or a window and get in my house, or that someone won't pounce on me in a parking lot. But I don't worry unduly about it.
My own opinion, no more no less, of a woman who would go to the home of a man she'd never met in person, or invite a man she'd never met in person to HER house, is that she's not very damn smart! That's MY $0.02 worth.
Cindy O | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/2/2006 12:14:44 PM | rollergrrl said it best...
if the man asks, then he should pay and if the woman asks then she should pay. The best is to discuss at it at the time of the asking out... alot of couples going to dinner and a movie will say i'll pay for dinner, you pay for the movie. Or I'll drive and you pay and next time you drive, i'll pay.
If I'm sitting at the restaurant after asking him out and all set to pay the bill, then he takes it and and gives his credit card to the waiter, then who am i to argue with him in a crowded restaurant about the bill and who pays for it. Obviuosly he wanted to pay or he wouldnt have snatched the bill away so fast.
Another thing is that dates don't always have to be about the bill. Perhaps he makes more than she does, so when he takes her out, its a fancy restaurant and a movie... but because she can't afford that, she'll cook a great meal at home or pack a great lunch and have a romantic picnic in the park and then a coffee and a slice of pie at the cafe for dessert.
If the dates and the time spent together are all about the money for you, then there are definatly going to be problems ahead... If you enjoy spending time with the person and think that they may be "the one", then please dont let the matter of who pays ruin it for you. Just have a good time and be blessed that this wonderful person has come into your life!!
.... my .02 cents worth | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/2/2006 12:45:55 PM |
i know not all women are like that but what on earth possesses a person to think they are that special they dont have to contribute to the financial cost of going on a date ?????
What on earth would possess you to expect all women to contribute to the financial cost of going on a date???
The relationships between men and women are unique and individual experiences. Romance is is a dance where you find the partner who is in step with you. You often have to change partners early into the dance to find one who is in step with you.
Many women prefer to date men who are capable and can manage things well. This has more to do with confidence than with money; however, a portion of it does depened on how well a man can manage his money. A capable man is one who can manage situations confidently. He can manage to take care of himself and the woman who is with him.
This is often demonstrated by the man providing for all the expenses of the date. The amount of money spent on the date is not the object. It can be a very small amount of money on a very economical date. The object is that the man is capable of managing the evening's expenses.
Many men enjoy this capable role and many women enjoy men who are capable. The women in these roles are seen as contributing in other ways - they provide companionship, attention, moral support, conversation, respect, etc.
There may be some men who don't want to appear capable and there are some women who are willing to pay for everything and take care of incapable men. It is all a matter of personal taste. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/2/2006 1:00:21 PM | This is not a discussion of capable versus incapable. It is more a matter of what is fair and equittable in a relationship.
Just because a man if financially capable of covering the expense of a date does not mean that he should be required to do so to prove his worthiness. In return for this you say the capable man is given by the capable woman companionship, attention, moral support, conversation, respect etc. But does not the man, in addition to his financial support provide these same things back to the woman?
I am more than capable of financially supporting any dating situation I find myself in. However, I think it is a sign of respect that a woman should offer to share some of the cost of a couples entertainment.
The goal of a relationship is to find a partner you care share you life with, that you can build a fair and equitable relationship where bith partners are allowed to grow, respected and appreciated. How can you build a fair and equitable relationship when from the start the entire financial onus is placed on the man?
I am sure after reading my posts in this thred many of you would get the impression that I am some kind of cheap *ss and that I insist on women splitting dinner tabs etc.. That is far from the case. In the four years that I have been single I would say there has only been a few situations in which a date has paid for anything. In those cases, they offered and I accepted. It gave me a really good feeling inside to have shown to me the same type of attention given to me that I had been giving to my dates for all of these years.
I am not suggesting some anal retentive 50/50 split of the costs of a date. What I am suggesting is that it would be a wonderful thing if a woman would step up to the plate financially and offer to pay some times. I think once you make that step you will have a greater appreciation for what you are recieving from the men you date. And every one likes to feel appreciated. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/2/2006 2:55:52 PM | I agree with the poster above.
Many men enjoy this capable role and many women enjoy men who are capable. The women in these roles are seen as contributing in other ways - they provide companionship, attention, moral support, conversation, respect, etc.
That's funny. You know what I look for in a man? "they provide companionship, attention, moral support, conversation, respect, etc." I need a man who is "capable" of those things.
Okay ladies. If you think a man should pay, then I think you should quit your jobs and give up your right to vote. I understand this point of view among older ladies, but women who are my age???? Get with the times. It's ridiculous. You can't fight for equality and then expect special treatment on top of it. I wish men would just stop paying and show you women what it's like to be in their shoes.
and rpburnusa: you sound like a predator. ANd your rationality is flawed. Of course the world is dangerous. It's dangerous even when we take precautions, MORE dangerous when we don't. Gee, a kidnapper might kidnap our kids no matter how much we teach them and no matter how much they know. So maybe we should stop teaching them to take candy from strangers and getting into strangers' cars because, hell, if someones going to do it... they'll find a way. Right? And if a rapist is going to rape someone they're going to do it anyway... so women shouldn't worry so much. Go ahead! Walk down a dark alley, naked, in the middle of crackville. Have no fear! If it will happen it will happen anyway. In fact, why don't we let people board planes with guns?! They'll find a way to get one on if they really want to anyway.
I could do this endlessly, but I think--I hope--you get my drift. There ARE ways to lessen our risks, duh. So why not do it? Sorry, but I would never risk my safety for some dumb@ss, disrespectful, overbearing, brainless guy. How you convinced those women to come to your house I don't know. They must've been pretty desperate. | |
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| women and why they think men should buy everything ????
Posted: 11/2/2006 3:07:42 PM | Here's a suggestion.
Pick a park, or a parking lot, for all I care, centrally located so each person travels an equal distance. Each one brings their own sack lunch and beverage. The date is all about conversation. 2nd date, same deal except you trade lunches.
If each person gets an equally nice lunch on that 2nd date, you might have the makings of a relationship.
Cindy O | |
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