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| Will you give up the personals if you find one that sticks??
Posted: 11/28/2006 12:14:32 PM | when in the past i've met someone that i find very attractive and want to see if there is any potential, i've either hidden my profile or deleted it. that's just me, i tend to be very cautious to ensure there is no misunderstanding. then when it didn't work out, i'd open up a new profile.
However, since joining again this fall I've started to enjoy the company of great new friends thanks to POF and the functions and patio nights. so now i would keep my profile regardless as a means to keep up with these people. if it really bothered him, then i would take it off. so depends on the person on his worries...i know i have my insecurities at times and i would hope that he's as understanding as i would be. I mean, as much as i like POF and the people I've met i wouldm't let it jeopardize a long-term relationship because of it. | |
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| Will you give up the personals if you find one that sticks??
Posted: 11/28/2006 4:40:03 PM | If I find that special someone and take it to the exclusive stage, I would change my status to not looking but I would still participate in the forums and continue to communicate with my POF friends, this is still a great way to socialize and help others! And, like our wise aussie friend, would let her know.
POF rocks!
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Ahhh!
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Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 82 | |
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| Will you give up the personals if you find one that sticks??
Posted: 12/19/2006 11:28:09 AM | Immediately. Why? Because after perhaps months or years, the one that sticks for ME will be a guy who makes it clear he wants a one-on-one relationship. Never mind if he logs on to this or any other site because it beats Playboy Magazine when he's in the mood for a hands-on fantasy.
I'm not going to go off the deep end because some broad has an online road show of sex toys and a demonstration that leaves the Filter Queen vacuum salesman's equipment severely wanting for attatchments.
All I care about is what happens when he wants a real live person and whether that person is going to be me or not. | |
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| Will you give up the personals if you find one that sticks??
Posted: 12/19/2006 11:54:20 AM | On the question posted- YES I would leave the personals sites in the dust without a second thought. It's not right to keep fishing around (moraly) and just helps to create an air of mistrust. I'll stick with whoever I'm with. If I started to date, I would stop looking then too. The purpose of a date by my definition is two people that think there might be something there. Now on this same Idea, I would let anyone who talks to me that I'm dating somebody, but there's still plenty of room for totally platonic friends- assuming that whoever I'm dating isn't psychotically jealous and knows that a date doesn't mean that I'm suddenly not allowed to have friends/ know other people.
On the issue of the dating site that makes it's self obsolete and un needed- It's always needed because of all the shy people and all the people that don't really like clubs or other known environments that are conducive to people meeting. Sites like these are always in business because there's always a fresh supply of people new to the dating scene- not to mention that this isn't a perfect world, and not every date turns into a mariage. That's the purpose of a date I think, is to get to know somebody better/ on more of a personal basis. | |
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| Will you give up the personals if you find one that sticks??
Posted: 12/19/2006 12:10:01 PM | Its really sad that this is even a question.
Ofcourse you should give up the personals once you're in a good relationship. Its sad that not everyone does.
Even though I like the forums...out of respect for my man, I'd stop coming here. | |
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| Will you give up the personals if you find one that sticks??
Posted: 12/19/2006 12:26:19 PM | Absolutely.... I use the computer so much with my work that I equate surfing on here with work. I do get caught up reading the threads on here, but would definitely forego them in a heartbeat to have found someone to connect with!
Problem is on here, I agree with alot of these posts that both men and women keep coming back......maybe it's to feed the ego of people writing to you? Clueless on that. If I'm interested in getting to know someone, I usually stay off the site. I don't have time writing to a guy I have no intention of meeting because I don't have time to have a bunch of guys in a dating pool at once. Of course, I've got friends on the site that are only to happy to tell me they saw the guy I'm seeing online.....everyday, it makes me wonder if he's fishing and I'm only a distraction for the time being and I will definitely back away. Too many people have dating ADD. They can't stay focused on just one person, even if the chemistry and attraction are there. Personally, when I come across someone that everything seems in line, I get really excited about the prospects of getting to know them and I lose interest in the maybe's that are in the mailbox.
When you're getting to know someone, all you have to judge them on is what they say and what they do in the present. So if they're telling me they want to get to know ME better and take it to the next level with a physical relationship, then they best not be indicating they are still fishing. My time is way to valuable to deal with that kind.
Just my spin on things. | |
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| Will you give up the personals if you find one that sticks??
Posted: 12/20/2006 8:25:55 PM | From what I've observed there have been several people who have found their special someone and continue to participate here - making it clear in their profile that they're NOT looking. It seems to work for them and I don't see why it shouldn't.
This is a little different from a strictly dating site IMO, it's almost like a virtual community. I don't really consider it a straight personals ads site. There are a lot of people here who have stated in the forums that they're either here for the forums or just to make friends. | |
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| Will you give up the personals if you find one that sticks??
Posted: 12/20/2006 10:24:00 PM | | Normal people would not continue to search the *personals* if they found the one. If they are active in the forums and state on their profile they are involved, there is nothing wrong with being here. If you have to delete your profile because of supposed temptations or suspicions then the relationship isn't a relationship at all. There are more than a few people here who are in long term that met here that continue to participate in the forums, because they are solid in their relationships. | |
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| Will you give up the personals if you find one that sticks?
Posted: 12/21/2006 5:57:07 AM | I see it as nearly impossible to have a decent relationship, if one or both parties are still presenting themselves as available to the masses, keeping an open profile up, or cyber-flirting with supposedly other unattached singles in chat rooms or what-not. I know of online dating "success stories," but I consider them as an exception to the rule.
The thing about this site, though, for me, is that these Forums are educational and entertaining, and there are many who are here to simply learn more about human nature, relationships and even the world, in general -- not to necessarily meet someone. Yes, there are other Forums and sites available, but many, including myself, have made some very good friends with "kindred spirits" and already bonded through this site. So, for me, I opt to keep a hidden profile, simply to stay on the Forums and chat with friends.
And, yes, OP -- I agree with you about the "Friends with Benefits" garbage becoming more proliferate. I consider it to be decadent, disgusting, pathetic and immoral. I do think that if one is in an exclusive relationship and is platonically chatting with members of the opposite sex, being open with your partner about it and doing whatever it takes (e.g., introducing/including them in the chat, PERHAPS) would go a long way to demonstrate that nothing on the sly is going on.
It's really sad that this is even a question. Msg 89 ... TRUE -- but this IS a salient, topical thread, especially considering how online dating sites have enabled predators to exploit, use and abuse others.
I have learned, through experience, that a man who has to be asked to give up his internet dating site, is not a man who is seeking long term ... What I learned from this experience is that if a man needs to be given an ultimatum to leave a dating site, then he is not worth it. Unfortunately this experience was very hurtful. I still believe there are honest people out there, but I will not be intimate with a man until he proves he is worthy! ... As for the ex ... He will never receive true love because he uses women and takes their love, with no remorse ... All the best Girls, I hope you never encounter this terrible person. Good men out there, continue to shine your greatness on us so that women like me can continue to believe! Msg 22 ... Right on!   
^Msg 94 ... Excellent post (as usual, by you, a/k/a "a voice of reason"). 
There are many other excellent posts made on this thread. To me, it seems that if you WANT a relationship to "stick," common sense dictates that keeping yourself "on the market" is counter-productive and will ensure that it most likely will not. The key factors are the levels of honesty, trust and commitment that have been established. One's depth of character, integrity level and what he/she ultimately desires are equally relevant.
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| Will you give up the personals if you find one that sticks?
Posted: 12/21/2006 6:22:01 AM |
To me, it seems that if you WANT a relationship to "stick," common sense dictates that keeping yourself "on the market" is counter-productive and will ensure that it most likely will not. The key factors are the levels of honesty, trust and commitment that have been established. One's depth of character, integrity level and what he/she ultimately desires are equally relevant.
^^^excellent post! I whole heartedly agree.
What I learned from this experience is that if a man needs to be given an ultimatum to leave a dating site, then he is not worth it.
Again, I agree. When I meet someone I like and want to see where things will progress to, I suspend my profile (hide it, write in it that i'm not looking etc.), but the onus is on the partner whether to do the same with theirs. If after a period of time they are still actively seeking/accepting new contacts by being visible and/or not altering their profile, i'll just move on, it says something about their character, and it tells me that they're not into me enough to respect what we are trying to build. But when the time comes that we are both in agreement, we are not looking anymore, we want to see where this will go, you bet my profile's gone!!   | |
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| Will you give up the personals if you find one that sticks?
Posted: 12/21/2006 6:23:22 AM | I have my fish in the boat and am rowing for shore.  I will eventually get off this pond completely but for now it is a good place to research what others think and how they react to real life situations. My profile is clear that my line is out of the water and I am just here for the forums. I have met a number of interesting fish here and run into some pond scum as well. As some of you know my fish is on the far side of the big salty pond and we are working on rectifying that situation. As things progress with my fish and we start building our own pond habitat I will not have the time to be here but for now it is an educational experience in more ways than one. I wish all the other fishes and fishers the best of fishing and a to all. | |
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| Will you give up the personals if you find one that sticks??
Posted: 12/21/2006 6:34:29 AM | First off I don't believe in no strings, and 2ndly I don't give tha milk, so If he wants to get it elsewhere, fine w/ me, not like I gave him all of myself, and I would give it 6 mos. to decide weather I wanted to give tha site a break or not. | |
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| Will you give up the personals if you find one that sticks??
Posted: 12/21/2006 6:39:55 AM | Hell yea I would and have done it. Too bad it did not last lol. As of now I am not looking at this point in time. I get on here for forums and to learn about relationships. I seem to need alot of help in that area.
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