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Posted: 10/17/2006 1:23:37 PM |
Teusweet and John... You are the two most reasonable and understandable people with compassionate enough responses to my post.I didn't ask for an ass kicking or to be mocked for decisions I made. I asked for simple advice or reasonable answers. You two are the ones who seemed the most accepting.
Actually YEA...yadid! When you post here you subject yourself to feedback positive and negative. Why ask for advice that we know DAMN WELL you have heard before and not listened to? come on now
Yes I have made my mistakes. I know I am 26 and young with 4 kids or soon to be 4 kids.
Your making the same mistakes now that you were making at 18 obviously. Its not rocket science...just STOP.
The legal system sucks... So before you go judging someone, maybe think twice about that. Stop analyzing things from a one sided view.
huh? You posted here bud...not your ex's! This 'one-side' is all we have to go on. | |
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Posted: 10/17/2006 1:29:20 PM | oh one more thing. dont turn it into a game esp when kids are involved. they will pick it up and learn it and cary it to there generation. they see u do it and they will think its ok. just do things that make u happy. leave the jerk alone and concentrate on your happyness and your children. when u have them do things that will take there mind off things. dont show anger. its the worse thing u can do. show them your a cool person and happy.
when they saiy" dad or daddy said" tell them, "take it up with him" but you still have the rite to make the decisions while they are with you. u also need to sit down and have a talk with them saying that. when there with u there are rules and when there with there father there are his rules. but if there are physical evidence of abuse keep a log of what u heard from the child, the date time and what was done or said.
believe me it works.
let the father piss moan and stuff dont let him control u. his g/f will see it and she will see its a pattern and you can believe his g/f will pick up on it.
equalizer3@hotmail.com
if you want to talk or if your in the area sometime and if u like lunch or something. or keep talking here.
dosent matter.
but again dont turn it into a game. your just bringing yourself down with him, and u dont need that. your self esteem will be so bad you wont be able to make sound decisions. well i guess ive rambled on enough. keep strong and plow threw.ms west jordan utah | |
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Posted: 10/17/2006 1:43:42 PM | maybe the "man" should let the legal system work for him. and get an attorney that is smarter than a box of rocks. and quit your whinng about u got the shaft. its "your" shaft that put u in this problem in the first place. if you had some smarts it is the legal system that works for the women. if u men would stop being control freaks u wouldnt need a divorce. it drives the wife away. they are not domestic engineers. they have the same rites as you do. they work hard to take care of your children. even though they dont work. whats wrong to when u come home from work to give her a hug and say those 3 magical words and after that great supper she made or the supper u brought home from work, u have some family time. instead of stopping at the bar. tell your friends that you have a family and you have plans. if they are your frinds they will under stand. the good part of a marrige is communication. so the legal system has nothing to do with it. make the system work for you if it goes that far.
thats being a real man. | |
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Posted: 10/17/2006 2:05:00 PM | | you might regret getting snipped..you are so young but i understand why..hey you don't have to lisen to me right but i would really think about it...hey who knows what may happen lets think about hmm 10 years from now..and those woman..hmm maybe its just me but i see a patern? look for different kinda woman thats for sure.. | |
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Posted: 10/17/2006 2:51:43 PM | I for one am tired of listening to the whiney men who feel as if they are only sperm donors and women are evil creatures just out to get your money.
GROW UP and stop blaming the other person. I am sure it felt good at the time you decided to lay with these women. Remember you decided to think with your little head. God forbid you be a man and step up to the plate and pay your fair share of your child without a court having to demand that you pay.
First of all, let me speak from experience. My son had a dead beat dad. I got sole custody and glad I was the responsible one in my sons life. Do you men ever think that these dead beat dads ever consider how their children feel? My ex used to play some cruel game at my sons expense.. He would tell my son that he would pick him up on Sat or Sun around 1 PM and never show. Then call up at around 5 and say I can't make it today. I think it was to get even with me and try to ruin my day. Shows how spiteful someone can be. Yet I never put my ex down in front of my son. I solely supported my son with no help from the father at all. Not one bit of child support from him. Another one of his promises that he would give me money. Well, my son is now 31, and I am glad I didn't hold my breath to get any money because I would be dead by now.
To the OP, fight hard to stay in contact with your kids and support them with money, love and guidance. They need that from you. Especially if these moms are not providing the best care for these kids. Someone has to be strong.
To the others who like to put all women in one catagory, I say stop being bitter to all women for what one or several women did to you. Just like not all men are the same, not all women are the same either. | |
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Posted: 10/17/2006 3:07:36 PM | GEEZ.... I wonder if the men that complain about paying their share of child support ever think of what a single mother goes through...
I am not even a parent but I can tell ya that when the dad is not in the picture it is the mother that has to take care of the children and that is equal to 2 full time jobs... So all those jerks who say that their babies mothers sit around and do nothing.... don't they wake up early in the morning to tend to their child, prepare meals, play with the kids, take them shopping, buy them clothes, clean up after the kids, find good childcare, etc....
And how about that childcare costs money and if she works that you have to subtract the child care costs from your paycheck and see how much there is left over.... not much...
pfft... sometimes child support is only enough to cover the child care costs so that the mother can work, otherwise yeah, maybe they go on welfare... At least they are responsible... | |
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Posted: 10/17/2006 3:08:10 PM | You have got too chose your women more carefully
you seem like a very nice guy but you seem too let
the women rule?
I feel sorry for you but I feel more sorry for the kids..
They have no stability and crazy momma's..
Have you tried getting custody?
Just be a good dad and stop getting married
and yes get clipped 
Judy  | |
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Posted: 10/17/2006 3:18:55 PM | OP Why does the x have full custody of the kids? Why not joint or shared? Yes it is expensive to take her to court for contempt of court but you seemed to have the money to support a 2nd wife and have kids with her.
There is much more to this story then you are telling us. The courts do not just give full custody to a mother without a reason. Why would child protection services not step in if she is not taking proper care of them. | |
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fuzzle
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Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 34 | |
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Posted: 10/17/2006 3:53:44 PM | Women cannot get pregnant alone.... you were equally involved so don't complain about having to support your kids now, accept responsibility for them and for your past choices.
Good idea to get snipped if you can't keep it in your pants.....
Also, you are twenty-six years old and already have four kids. Maybe you need to NOT be on a dating site, spend some time on your own, getting to know yourself, so that you can make better choices for yourself in the future.
As far as everyone "picking on you" ... well, you asked for opinions but don't want to accept any ideas that are not sympathetic to you - I think that says a lot about your attitude, your character, and why your life is in the mess that it's in.
Instead of accepting constructive criticism that is offered and trying to make your life better you'd rather whine about how women are always using you and how everyone here is picking on you - gee, what a coincidence that "everyone" is so mean!
Until you grow up and accept responsibility for your choices and make a real effort to improve your life, your life is not going to improve. It's up to you to make your life better, not anybody else and you can start doing that taking the good advice you are being offered, by getting to know yourself and what you want out of life and by making better choices. | |
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Posted: 10/17/2006 4:00:36 PM | message 31
mother can work, otherwise yeah, maybe they go on welfare... At least they are responsible...
Welfare and responsibility should not go in the same sentence here. Repeatedly having children out of wedlock, that you cannot support is NOT (in any form) RESPONSIBILITY.  | |
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Posted: 10/17/2006 5:40:06 PM | hey message 35
If you go to work and pay for someone else to watch your kids while you are at work you have to pay them... sometimes people don't make enough money for it to be worth leaving their child with someone else...
That is one of the main reasons that I think that a father of the child should take responsibility and pay his share of the child support so that a mother does not have to go on welfare...
Yeah, repeatedly having children out of wedlock is not very responsible. but it takes both parents to make the children and both should find some way to become responsible... | |
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Posted: 10/18/2006 10:16:59 AM | Interesting that we haven't heard from the OP since we started asking questions about child support, why the ex has full custody, etc.
Yes I know that the court CAN tend to lean toward the mother, but that IS changing.And I personally know any number of men who live in extremely low standards in order to pay child support AND retain an attorney to help keep a slightly psycho ex from running them out of their kids lives.
OP, you need to set aside seeking another relationship until you regain at least some measure of control over your life( right now you make it sound like everyone is screwing YOU; your exes are ****es, the militaruy put stress on you, the courts are rigged against the male parent, and you can't do a damn thing about any of this except worry about finding ANOTHER relationship? You've had 2 go smash already, leaving 4 little kids in a messed up life, and all you can think about is finding a relationship with a "good woman" who will not cheat or lie?
All I can think is that you must be getting SOMETHING out of setting yourself up to be a victim all the time. Otherwise you'd back up, take a good hard look at WHY you are in this situation, and correct those issues instead of worrying about finding yet another relationship to get screwed over in...
Cindy O | |
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Posted: 10/18/2006 10:26:42 AM | | Ever look in the mirror and wonder how your life got so screwed up and how you failed 2 marriages, and had 4 kids maybe you are part of the problem it takes 2 in a relationship, giving and receiving to keep that spark going! | |
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Posted: 10/18/2006 10:28:57 AM | msg 4:
Where is your empathy my hell! The guy is obviously having some bad luck why dont you kick him a little more while he's down? Sheesh! What about empathy for the 4 kids who are growing up without a dad in their lives, for no fault of theirs? Let us keep the eye on the ball!!! OP.. you are doing the right thing by getting snipped. If you really need to be involved in your kids' lives, then do whatever it takes. Stop whining about the money it costs in the courts. Before you even get to the courts, here is what you can do to begin with:
1. If the oldest is in school, get involved with his/her class/school. The teachers welcome parents' involvement and kids love it.
2. Perhaps you can talk to your ex-in-laws and have them mediate between your exes so you can start seeing your kids.
3. There is free legal assistance available depending on your income. Research locally about it. Stop complaining about the unfairness of the legal system. Yes, it is biased against dads. Stop complaining and DO something about it.
4. Forget about dating for the next few years, preferably until the youngest is out on his/her own. Based on what you have posted, it appears you have messed up big time. Anything and everything you do should revolve around the best interest of these kids you have made. You own comfort and happiness ranks a distant second after the happiness and welfare of your kids.
5. You will need adjust your work life so you are able to involve yourself in the lives of your kids. If it means you have to work nights, so be it. You will have to just suck it up from your exes.
6. Keep a record of what you do and what they do. When you go to court, you will need to convince the court that you are indeed adjusting your life around your kids and not vice versa.
To these kids, right now you are nothing but a father. Do you want to remain a "father" or become a "dad"? The choice is entirely YOURS.
Just my 98 cents | |
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Posted: 10/18/2006 10:35:19 AM |
repeatedly having children out of wedlock is not very responsible. but it takes both parents to make the children and both should find some way to become responsible...
What is the keyword in the FIRST sentence??? | |
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Posted: 10/18/2006 10:42:23 AM | | Best idea you could ever come up with. Not seeing your kids is your fault. As long as you help provide for them there's not a judge in the country that will keep them away from you unless your unfit. Get a lawyer, and fight for the right to see your children. Can't afford a lawyer? Legal Aide will provide one. | |
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Posted: 10/18/2006 10:44:49 AM | | Man that sucks, first thing first dude nothing would stop me from seeing my kids there is no way in HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it wont happen. forget about that "TRAMP" be glad it happen sooner then later. I myself would work on seeing my kid's if I taking care of them , and is of no dager to them there is no reason why I shall not beable to see them. Next be sure you know the one WELL dont jump so fast if she loves you it will show , you dont have to get married so soon good luck. | |
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Posted: 10/19/2006 1:58:01 AM | | Dude, you need to wake up and wise up. You're so wrong in so many different ways, it's hard to know where to begin. If you're the father of your children - you have the right to see your children. Even if you're a scum-bag - you still legally have that right. The bottom line is that you don't 'get' to see your children - it's your choice - you do or you do not see your children. Your blathering pity-seeking reveals that you do not. Shame on you. Doing it to yourself is bad, but what you're doing to children is dispicable - Be a man, then be a dad. Think about it. | |
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Posted: 10/26/2006 3:09:11 AM | Ok all the reason why I have not replied is because I have been overly busy. I am trying to get my life on track. Not with any of your advice so please don't think your advice had anything to do with it cause it sure hasn't. If anything most of your advice would sink someone in the happiest mood to the lowest place on earth. But who cares.
Anyways, I have been trying to juggle around my life to fit accordingly with what has been happening. Since that post, my soon to be ex has forced me to lose my job. So, now that I am jobless I can receive legal aid. Unfortunately, I am still waiting to hear back from that damn place. Go figure.
I am also trying to finish out my semester of college right now if it matters to any of you people??? Probably not... So yes I have been busy.
During the meantime I have reviewed everyone's comments. So be it... Say what you want to say, but some of you who judge me on the basic information I gave you on the fact you don't know me and I don't know you... is wrong. I don't judge you and don't expect to be judged. I asked for advice... and for those of you who have given it to me. THANK YOU!
Anyways... a couple of you asked why I haven't responded. Well I attempt to respond to those questions asked to the individual person cause I am tired of answering the questions in here when this is not a downgrade the OP festival. I didn't ask for that.
AGAIN I ASKED FOR ADVICE!!!
So, if you received a response then you did. If not, then there are reasons why you haven't received a response. 1.) You don't have a profile. 2.) Your profile is set not to accept messages from people with a certain criteria --- OR 3.) Maybe I just found you not worth my time to respond to.
I am sorry if someone is reasonable towards me, then I will respond... But, if not... then why waste my time. That is like handing over the world to my ex's and that is not going to happen.
So, with that said.... That is the final word you will hear from me on this topic.
Thank You!
P.S.- If you want to bash me some more... Go right ahead... I don't plan on checking these messages any more. I am leaving this thread as is... Mock me if you wish. I got bigger and better things to move on to, then to sit here and listen to the garbage. | |
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Posted: 10/30/2006 8:22:07 PM | Well put...what else can I say
phish | |
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Posted: 10/30/2006 11:05:47 PM | | I have to agree w/ great_lady & ladyc4. It makes me wonder when the OP sounds like he's saying "its all them". Any relationship ending is never "all" anyones fault. Makes me wonder what his part is in it, and why he keeps getting involved with women like this... methinks he needs to really take a look at *himself* and stop blaming it all on them. | |
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Posted: 10/31/2006 9:57:14 AM | Thinking you need to grab a brain  | |
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fuzzle
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Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 48 | |
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Posted: 11/17/2006 2:18:15 PM | Since that post, my soon to be ex has forced me to lose my job.
....And of course once again, somebody else is to blame for the OP's misfortune... POOR OP!
Lif is hard. It's harder if you're stupid! | |
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Posted: 11/17/2006 2:37:36 PM | Life is extremely hard for most people, some deal with things better
than others.
We don't know what the women have to say about what you did
in the relationships.
Not being able to see your own kids is awful.
I would die. | |
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Posted: 11/17/2006 2:51:52 PM | | The secret to a good relationship is two houses. If you do not live together everything works out much better. The problems usually start when you move in together! | |
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