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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:37:13 AM |
nicky2tone wrote: Imo, the men aren't speaking up because
they know that no matter what they say, or how they say it...
the perception by most women, is that they are trying to
control them... and the ensuing argument begins.
I agree totally. When my GFs defy me, I shrug my shoulders
and say, "OK. Do whatever you want."
She ends up catering to my whims because she doesn't feel
she's being told what to do, and she knows from experience
following my instructions is going to make her better off.
Her perception is that she's making the choice, and every time
she obeys or goes out of her way for me I make it worth her while. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:09:27 PM | David........Although I think I know what you are trying to say, defiance and obediance are probably fairly harsh terms with today's way of thinking between men and women. These are typically terms used when dealing with children, who are lacking in knowledge and experience until they reach adulthood.
Yes, I do see it a lot in today's society where men in relationships can't or won't take the lead on certain issues in the relationship. I am not sure if they are lacking in skills or it is easier to let her do everything........and point the finger in blame when things go wrong. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 5/21/2008 2:46:37 PM |
Darrr wrote: Yes, I do see it a lot in today's society
where men in relationships can't or won't take the lead
on certain issues in the relationship. I am not sure if they
are lacking in skills or it is easier to let her do everything
........and point the finger in blame when things go wrong.
Men often acquiesce to women's terms because they're afraid
they'll lose the relationship. The paradox is when a man knows
who he is, has strong boundaries, sticks to his guns and doesn't
back down for anybody -- not even a woman -- he projects masculine
strength, and women subconsciously assume if a man can protect
himself from her, he should be able to protect her from the world. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:55:41 AM | David....
Men often acquiesce to women's terms because they're afraid
they'll lose the relationship.
I agree that men need to set boundaries in their relationships with women as well. I would not be comfortable in a relationship where a man let me walk all over him at the expense of his feelings and/or his better judgement. I would begin to wonder who else he lets walk all over him.........it's about maintaining respect and dignity for himself, which reflects upon his family as well. If men fear loosing their relationship, then maybe it wasn't worth as much as he thought it was. JMO | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 8/7/2008 4:44:46 PM | Good point Indydude : .... on almost all sites ,, almost all ladies ,, required that they be treated like a lady ........ quote unquote ,, looking for someone who knows how to treat a lady . mmmmmmmmmmmm sounds familiar .
Get under that there truck and change my oil .. if you want me to do dishes . .. lol . oh ,, i see its minus 20 .. mmmm bit nippy .. well i am an equal opportunity husband .. you can change the oil .. i can do the dishes .. whats that ,, you feel your being mistreated .. oh i am sorry .. well why dont you do the dishes and i will change the oil .. in all the cars ,, mine ,, yours ,, my truck ,, the kids cars ,, ...... and of course the yacht ..
still feel like your mistreated ....... ? .....I think ,, if women stop trying to be men ,, and just be women ,, we wouldnt have this problem .
Problem exists as women are always trying to be better than men ,, and excell in all .. whether police officers ,, or army types ,, or customes officers .. heaven forbid .
NO breaks for guys who encounter a women on a mission in those positions of ultimate power .
IN short ,, if all you guys let your women be women and all you women let your guys be men .. love each other unconditionally and communicate ... we would all live happily ever after . God made men and women different for a reason .. .......i will leave it at that . | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:10:20 PM | blimey , just when i thought we had left the dark ages behind,
ummm david, does the word manipulative even register on your radar???? lol | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 8/13/2008 9:40:22 AM | If he's not worth obeying, he's not worth having.
If anyone, whether man or woman, thinks they are "worthy" of having another adult obey them, then they aren't even worth listening to, let alone worthy of having someone obey them IMO.
The very notion that a full grown adult needs to obey (or be obeyed) in a relationship sickens me.
But that's me and yes I know - to each their own. (thank gawd). 
JMO | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 8/17/2008 8:35:14 PM | Obey ??!
Sit boy, sit...... good dog.
Now roll over..... good boy !
Who's a good boy ? Who's a good boy !
Who's gonna get a Scooby Snack for being such a good boy ?
( grrrr woof woof)
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 8/18/2008 7:53:50 PM | | A lot of social rituals are just form because they are rituals. No one really takes that stuff seriously. Don't worry about it. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 8/20/2008 9:45:55 PM |
gjay1 wrote: blimey, just when i thought we had left the
dark ages behind, ummm david, does the word manipulative
even register on your radar???? lol
If any of the women in my life, who have massive choice of
exceptionally desirable men, perceived the least amount of
manipulativeness on my part, they wouldn't stick around. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 9/13/2008 12:14:33 AM | I know this thread has been quiet for a while. Maybe this will revive it.
I can only speak for myself when i say right now i am a divorced man because of a wife that wouldn't obey. In my experience in my married life my X was always doing something that she shouldn't be doing. If she had obeyed me and done like i asked her to do she could have avoided a lot of trouble. Trouble that i had to get her out of. That grows tiresome after a while. When you have a woman in the relationship that wants to ware the pants and do as she sees fit to do as if she is still single instead of listening and doing what's right for both. The relationship is doomed to fail. Some women may not agree with this but the man was meant to be the leader of the house. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean iron fist or keep his spouse under his thumb type thing. I mean step up and be the man. If the woman in the relationship refuses to let you lead then maybe you need a new woman in your life.  | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 9/13/2008 12:46:44 AM | OP
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
I have no problem with that marriage vow as long as it is said to the guy. Actually, it might even turn me on if the guy promised to Love, Honor, and OBEY. I can tell you this, if a guy did promise to obey I would make sure he kept his promise.
In all seriousness, what does it matter what vows a couple takes provided they are happy with them? They are ones that have to live with their vows, not us. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 9/13/2008 12:57:34 AM |
The relationship is doomed to fail. Some women may not agree with this but the man was meant to be the leader of the house.
Though I agree in a way...here's my problem..or two...just being male does not make one smarter or wiser or better...trusting someone to make the best decision for you too, can be a problem...especially when most men and women don't see things the same way to begin with...
I cannot tolerate being told how to behave, especially from someone who sees things differently than I..my opinions and values are not any less valid...joint decisions and compromises, yes..and I'm willing to listen...but, if I disagree...I won't be forced into doing anything that I don't agree with...
I am not a stupid, clueless child...I can actually make intelligent decisions..and in my case...I was actually better at some things than the guy was... | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 9/13/2008 3:17:43 PM |
zangie wrote: ...here's my problem..or two...just being male
does not make one smarter or wiser or better...
Why would you want to have a relationship with a man who
isn't wiser than you? | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 9/13/2008 8:32:33 PM | I kind of agree ...disagree... I guess eddie27 the way you say this it sounds kind of offensive to me ..but I can see by reading the rest I agree.
Just maybe the man's pants can be jeans and T shirt instead of military uniform. And instead of him taking the lead and saying do it cause I am the leader ...the man could say walk beside me, and with his arm around her tell her " I will show you the way."
Depends on what the issue is for some things women are better at handling than a man so he also needs to have enough wisdom to let her handle things he knows she is better at doing. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 9/13/2008 8:42:57 PM | RE, MSG, 367,
I have no problem with a woman having part in the decision making process in the family. The only problem i have is when the woman pushes her will on me when i know i am right. A
Another problem i have is trying to tell my significant other that what she is doing is going against the whole family. And when she screws up after i already told her what was gonna happen, She runs to me to fix it. Some things can't be fixed. Some screw ups last a life time and when your a man trying to tell a hard headed women what she is doing is gonna blow up in her face and she goes on anyway , Well, No man who values his man hood will live with a pushy woman like that. I didn't, Most men won't. Again, There is nothing wrong with a woman taking part in the decision making process. But when it gets right down to it, If he is the one who wares the pants in the family and he is head of his house and not some Lilly livered, spineless moron that wants to pass his responsibility over to his wife, then the final decision is his. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 9/13/2008 8:58:05 PM | RE, MSG370.
I am not a hard man. When i was married i considered my wife my best friend to. I included her in everything. If there was a problem i went to her with it and would try to let her be part of working it out. Thing was she was a problem maker. I was the problem solver. A man gets tired of that. There are some women that will not let you let them walk with you. There are some women that will push a man out of the way so they can lead and let him walk behind them. I am not that kinda guy. I would love to find a woman that would walk with me. But in this day and time that is almost impossible. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:19:52 PM |
If he is the one who wares the pants in the family and he is head of his house and not some Lilly livered, spineless moron that wants to pass his responsibility over to his wife, then the final decision is his.
I find it kind of ironic that my 88 year old father has just been called a Lilly livered (?) spineless moron by some anonymous male on a dating site when my mom and dad have been happily married for close to 50 years?!?
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Love yes. Honor sure. Obey? I think not.
I want a partner and NOT a father. I already have a father and although he was and still is a great dad, I stopped obeying my daddy a very LONG time ago.
And I'd say that started happening around the same time I became a full grown mature responsible ADULT.
JMO
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 9/14/2008 4:13:58 AM | I guess it is a matter of personal preference ... but I would think it would be extremely rare to find a truly harmonious relationship based on equality and fairness.
My take on it is that when in a relationship you work together side by side. Sometimes he takes the decisions and sometimes I do, but I do tend to look to him more for advice because he has more experience, is more intelligent than me and it is important to both of us that we are working towards the same goal in life ... which he has set out and I have accepted - as this is how most relationships work actually.
I know that most people don't like to talk about the taboo of gender inequality but sooner or later you have to admit that this has to exist if a relationship is to work in the longer term.
No I don't hanker after a division down the line of responsibilities and decision making. He leads and I gladly follow. I don't even desire to be on top in bed - he does most of the 'work' in that respect. I always get him a cup of tea afterwards. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 9/14/2008 4:34:25 AM | i dont know man,
i read the once,
dogs come when called,
cats take a messege and get back to you.   
so there.... | |
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