| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/3/2008 9:28:48 PM | | Never shall I utter obey in a wedding I preside over. I feel that is is archaic and sexist to both individuals involved. I never want to hear it spoke at my wedding either if I ever choose to be wed that is. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/3/2008 10:07:20 PM | Never shall I utter obey in a wedding I preside over. I feel that is is archaic and sexist to both individuals involved. I never want to hear it spoke at my wedding either if I ever choose to be wed that is.
You will bow to me!!
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:46:34 PM | To love, honor, and obey, to me mean to respect the covenant, and boundaries, of marriage.
I have no problem with that at all. If I can't commit to that I ought not to be getting married.
Besides if my woman is right I have no problem obeying, it's a yin yang thing in realtionships, neither is right all the time. It has never minimized me to be equal to my woman, or to follow her lead if she knows a better way. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/5/2008 1:35:52 AM | My wedding was in an Anglican (Episcopalian) church that was very old by Canadian standards. We had (still do) 'kneelers' for praying in the pews which is not usually the case in Protestant churches. And a number of stained glass windows, which although not 'The Stations of the Cross,' may have been mistaken for such at first glance.
The ceremony was from 'The Common Book of Prayer' written in 1662, and therefore did include the word obey. Although it would take far to long to explain how the ceremony may have been called 'The Sacrament of Marriage,' marriage is not a Sacrament in the Anglican church -- not in the sense it is in a Roman Catholic one.
Still, my mistake was marrying someone who was not on the same page as me when it came to any of this. It didn't matter that he wasn't Baptised -- although it did preclude us from taking Communion at our wedding. What did matter is that he was ROTFLHFAO for the whole three weeks he was asked to attend prior to the wedding. Should have been big clue I was making a mistake. Shoulda, woulda, coulda....
The only thing missing was a bottle of Jack Daniels in his jacket. It lasted about 18 months if I include all the months he simply wasn't home and was off on the road somewhere. That's one month for every year old I was when I decided this was a good idea. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/5/2008 6:07:39 AM | I like saying "love honor and obey". There are some things that should remain sweetly and unapologetically free from politics and modernization, and the age-old words at a wedding would be included in that.
But reactionary feminism has caused many women and men to view the wording poorly. I would never change the wording of the vows because I personally find that fairly transparent and unattractive (the omission of the "correct" words draws attention to what you've changed and ultimately injects an air of politico into the proceedings). | |
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DonQ
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Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 81 | |
| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/5/2008 6:39:14 AM | back in the 60's when my mother got married, she refused to say "I do" at her wedding because the minister, despite her wishes, slipped in the "obey" part of the vows. Caused quite a stink and maybe my father really should've took the hint there and then.
personally, my ex and I wrote our own vows and by mutual consent, that word was never in there. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/5/2008 10:57:45 AM | The word obey doesn't mean a dog/slave/master relationship. The word is from the Latin (oboedire) and it means "listen to".
Traditionally, the bride's vows said to her husband were were "Love, honor and obey" because men have a greater need to be respected and listened to as the head of household, the breadwinner, the protector of the family.
The groom promised his bride he would "Love, honor and cherish" because women have a greater need to be cherished, adored, and treated with kindness
It's just another example of how men and women have different basic needs. This isn't to say that women shouldn't be listened to or men shouldn't be cherished. It just means that while men and women are equal, we are different. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/5/2008 11:39:15 AM | I agree with the sentiment that "obey" as everybody understands it is a bit archaic.
Next time I get married we'll use the words "promise to love, honour and perform fellatio every once in a while." | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/5/2008 2:06:13 PM |
It just means that while men and women are equal, we are different.
Now that is some common sense I can support. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/5/2008 2:42:35 PM | Ephesians 5
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
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For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
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Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Actually a website that sells t'shirts for those of us who may be interested in getting our a$$e$ kicked for the clothing we wear...  | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/5/2008 3:00:24 PM | I agree with Sabinee's post message 82.
If I were to get married again the bride to be would have to say "obey" in our wedding vows or there would be no wedding. It is too important to me that my wife recognize me as head of the household. She and I would be equals, but because I am the man, I wish to be recognized as the one "in charge" and thus I am ultimately responsible for everything that goes right or wrong in our household. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/5/2008 3:07:00 PM | re the Opost
I agree. Instead they should read out and then sign a Partnership Contract (including provisions for case of future divorce aka prenup) in the presence of their lawyers. Like they do in property (real estate transactions), the Notary presiding! O tempora, O mores!
Thus: Obey ... the contract! | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/5/2008 6:54:00 PM | I agree. You know I have a problem with the word "obey." We use it in our society with a concequence attached to it (ex: Obey the law or else). I suppose its the sentiment behind the words that matter.
However, the word comes from the latin, oboedire, meaning TOWARD and oedire TO HEAR.
My belief is that it was originally put in the roman catholic vows so people will "listen" to one another and comply with their mates wishes. We all want to be heard. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/5/2008 7:04:46 PM |
piano4te wrote: In every marriage......each is supposed to
SUBMIT to the other....that is the only way it works...
Two people submitting to each other is logically impossible
because in case of an irreconcilable conflict only one person,
if they choose to press the point, can get their way. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/5/2008 7:23:47 PM | | My ex husband and I compromised. We took out the obey for me, and I added Corinthians 13 as a reading...we both liked that definition of love..... | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/5/2008 7:44:05 PM |
What is wrong with "To love , honor, and cherish..."
nnaaaaa too bland... with no snap to it ......gotta have that "OBEY" in there so you know they mean business....!!!! | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/5/2008 7:53:20 PM | Wasn't that changed awhile ago to "cherish"? "Obey" to me includes a collar, leash and sitting and barking on command and recruiting the Dog Whisperer if necessary.  | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/6/2008 7:10:45 AM | The word is from the Latin (oboedire) and it means "listen to".
Traditionally, the bride's vows said to her husband were were "Love, honor and obey"
because men have a greater need to be respected and listened to as the head of household,the breadwinner, the protector of the family.
I thought obey came from the greek word kephale which could can mean..source.. or..origin? (You know.. man came from God.. woman came from man..the best way to come if you ask me!)
But no dyed-in-the-wool patriarch will ever accept THAT.... because they don’t want to. Their entire worldview depends on keeping women subordinate. So all you other women obey damnit!!
I am sure that there must have been some translation problems from the greek to latin as they didn't have babelfish to turn too..ha! And...since men were the ones doing the translating ..can you hear them thinking???? "We better get this obey thing in writing because those women will take over the world and withhold sex ...maybe even run for president someday!"
The way I understand it...man is the head and woman is the body...together they become one unit!!! There is a certain kind of honor and dependence of the one on the other.
Because of my love of units I can obey ...sometimes! | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/6/2008 8:59:19 AM | 
OBEY is actually a transcriptual error,
from the ancient Aztec word 'ebay' -- to buy or sell.
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/6/2008 9:05:43 AM | | it seems everyone has there own version of what they want to do on there wedding and what vows they will make ,,but nothing beats the real old fashioned wedding complete with all the trimmings and worded exactly they way its been worded for a hundred years .. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/6/2008 9:10:50 AM | ebay!!! lmao
moi? non je ne sais que'ce que ca "obey"
je nais pas une PUPPY DOG! lmao
(Does the language really matter?)
A.S.is
IMHO: Marriage is a silly human ritual. JMHO!! >>ducking now<< | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/8/2008 10:36:33 AM | ClassifiedTMI wrote: I don't mind the 'obey' part if
BOTH groom and bride say it.
Pragmatically, obedience can only be pledged to one person.
The leader can be either the husband or wife, but it can't be both
on any given issue. For example, if husband and wife both work,
and the man gets transferred to another city, only one of them
has the final say in who's going to give up their job. | |
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| To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/8/2008 10:41:40 AM | "obey" doesn't belong in a wedding vow.
cherish, honour, respect..any other number of words fit much better..
lots of people write their own wedding vows. not a bad idea..but here's a better one: write the vows for the *other* person. then you know what they really want and if there should even be a wedding.. | |
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