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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 4:41:39 PM | | I had a few like that, PIGS. THERE IS NO WAY TO AVOID A MASTER PLAYER. So for those of you that say women should have known better, OR there was no way we could have seen the red flags, there is NOT. There is no real way to know if you have a player in your life. Its a chance I will not take again, been burned too many times. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 4:47:21 PM | | Funny Girl: You put it so well. I'm of the same mind. If I did commit myself to someone, I might very well still want to continue on here and having made that known to my sweetheart I would offer her my password so that she could look in any time she chose to and read anything I've posted and any private POF-mails I've received or sent... | |
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| To close or not to close
Posted: 10/17/2006 4:47:41 PM | | To me if a guy/or gal ISN`T willing to either close his account or add.. "found a great gal/ guy . not looking" .. then he/ she`s got to be still looking. My heart goes out to any who have been used or burnt by online daters who use the sites as an avenue to cheat. I am lucky.. My guy chose to remove his id and has agreed not to advertise " as a single" I didn`t threaten or try to control what his choice was concerning this . I simply told him how i felt and he had enough respect to remove it. I had decided if he didn`t volunteer on his own .. he would only be confirming to me that he wasnt able to offer what i wanted. I kept this to myself and was willing to be true to myself. anyone using the site to keep their options open.. is NOT ready for a long term commited relationship and seriously needs to rethink their own motives. | |
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| To close or not to close
Posted: 10/17/2006 4:56:14 PM | PS.My account IS open but unable to be viewed or recieve emails . I confess .. I`m hooked to forums. BUT I AM taken.. and I have found the greatest Guy. Wish me LUCK fellow fish!!  | |
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| To close or not to close
Posted: 10/17/2006 5:53:58 PM | | I know people who got married from here & still have the profiles here for the forums. This is probably the best forum I've been on. If I did get in a relationship I would not give up my profile. Would change my profile to state that and put not looking. I would even give my signifigant other my username & password just to show that. I definately be concerned about all those other accounts on other sites though. Haveing his profile removed is not really going to change who he is. He will find someone reguardless of where he has to look, if thats what he wants to do. Trying to negotiate certain conditions for sex is not very good in a relationship, in fact, may drive him away. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 6:04:01 PM | whatever player! so you are saying that PIG men that **** girls and use them, fish them along with bullcrap lies is OKAY? come on now , grow up. So us women that get used , that is OUR fault? LOL
WAKE UP
Gee lets, see THORN...I can blame myself for getting used, check ya RIGHT. I can blame myself for guys who are master players, yep blame myself for that too! LOL
WHATEVER
And I see you like to slam women here, no wonder you are single AT YOUR AGE. A sports car will not bring you back to your 20's .
How many ex wives do you have? Looks like your wife got ahold of that car and smoked it!
LOL | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 6:34:04 PM | This is a nontypical female reaction to a woman who feels she's being played.
I'd LIKE to think the typical female response would be to leave. Quietly and drama free. But no, UGHH..some stay and try to figure what card they can play, how they can manipulate and figure out how to keep their man. 
It really is almost comical, if you have to deny a man sex to keep him, you never had him anyway. When men and women play any card, the sex card..any of it. The result is both are losers. People know when they're being manipulated and played, most do and all don't like it. If you want to find someone and have someone that you can love and be happy with, this is SO not the way to do it. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 6:59:25 PM | bucsgirl
I AGREE,
I don't stick, around and put up with any crap. Not sure why women do that either. I don't like drama as all. Once I realize what the dude is up to I am OUT. NO one ever gets an answer as to WHY they were mistreated. I do however NOT like how some say we KNOW when we are being played or used. Some men are VERY good at the game.
And I agree with the deny a man sex thing. Why should a woman have to do that for, just because a girl "holds off" don't mean shit. Does she need an award now? It means nothing at all. I had a guy wait and respect my wishs to "hold off" and he [i found out later] still fucked other women on the side. NO guy will wait round to see if he gets laid or not. That just does not happen in the real world. Its pretty simple, you either get a good guy or a bad one. It's a change you take when you open up your heart. Something I have chose not to do again for some time. Not worth the risk, too many games. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 6:59:28 PM | I don't know if I would delete my account or not?
I would certainly make it clearly known to anyone who
sees my profile that I'm in a relationship.....or maybe
hide my profile. I'm sure I would have much less time
to spend here......but the bottom line is.....I'm NOT a
cheater (cheaters suck!).....and I will not be treated
like a cheater or be in a relationship where my SO
doesn't trust me or I her.
At any rate......it doesn't seem to be anything I'm going
to have to worry about anytime soon!......and maybe
some "special lady" will change my mind!
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 7:10:23 PM | enough Exactly, and she reacts by crossing her legs? Yeah, deny him sex....a suspected cheater, that's the way to handle that...If he IS screwing around on her, he knows how to screw around and is probably good at it. I don't deal with it or condone it at ALL, I'm just being real. Why not just ask him...confront him with her suspicisions and let him answer. Seems simple enough. And if her suspicions aren't put to rest or she still has doubts, handle it like a classy woman. Pack your stuff, pack his stuff and just calmly walk away. Drama free, dignity intact. It's just sad that's so often not done or not even considered.  Throwing his/her stuff out, burning it, cutting it up...why? It's the anger and passion of the moment and people have gone to jail for a long time for less. Ahh yes, thinking and self control, always the way to go. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 7:45:59 PM | In response to Enough
Thank you for stating the reality of being played! My ex bought a house in my hometown, an hour away of Toronto and was moving to be with me. He would drive an hour every weekend for an hour to visit me. To me, these are the actions of a commited man. How was I supposed to know I was being played.....Tyranasaurus Rex is really rude. LOL! So what, now I blame myself because I was played? Good attitude enough!
Also Bucs,
I think you are misinterpreting my thread. I did not give my ex an ultimatum. I did not threaten him or tell him that I would not have sex with him until he removed his profile. I did not cross my leg to force him to be faithful. Instead, I left his home. Within 3 weeks I was packed, moved and into my own place. I am not suggesting manipulating any man to get what I want. My point of view is, now that I am single, I will not enter into an intimate relationship with a man until we both agree to leaving online dating. That is it. Not manipulation, not a bargaining chip, just an agreement reached through open an honest communication. I hope this clarifies things for you, as it seems that you have a poor opinion of me.
Cheers
Stella | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 7:56:28 PM | Just to add to my previous post...
A few of you seem to be taking my subject line out of context, which is fine, it makes for good conversation, but please let me clarify one thing.
Some of you seem to think that when I caught my ex, I gave him an ultimatum and crossed my legs until he took his profile offline. Well, please let me clarify this misconception. This is not the case. I was packed and left him within 3 weeks, no ultimatums, it was over. In no way did I try to manipulate or bargain with my body. He was history! I am a classy lady..READ PROFILE! I am simply promoting self respect and suggesting that when you enter into the online dating world with the intentions of finding a meaningful relationship, that you remember to respect yourself!
Cheers
Stella | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 8:18:36 PM | Op...Sorry that happened to you..it was unfortunate....I'm not here to bash anyone for falling in love and being blindsighted by the light...BUT...I do have to say and this is just my opinion...before you uproot yourself to move in with a person you need to know him inside and out..which wasn't the case here...It's honesty..loyatly and respect to each other that signifies a good relationship!!! He obviously did not prove that to you!!!
I too met someone on the internet over a year ago who lives 3 miles from me..we finally met..started a wonderful relationship....NO.. neither of us removed our profiles from here....he was very honest about the people he spoke to...also showed me the emails he received from women...I did the same with my emails..he actually gave me his password since he thought an email he received was so funny..he wanted me to read it....NOW this is honesty...I trust him with all my heart...one thing he didn't mention was that he deleted his profile the other day...When I questioned him.. he said it wasn't necessary anymore and didn't mind me on here since he knows that I love to write and I really like the forums.....What a guy...and I would never do anything to jeopordize this relationship...I make sure I tell everyone that emails me that I am in a relationship...I'm not here to play games with anyone's head..neither was he.....
So in reality..what I am saying is that you need mutual trust and understanding before you pack up and move in with someone or even have a relationship with....there are alot of good liers and players out there who are addicted to fantasyland..you learn to spot them in a heartbeat....
Unfortunately....all the good men/women suffer for their behavior....you need to know how to pinpooint them!!!!
Good Luck to you OP....there a plentyofish in this big pond!!!!! keep fishing for the right one
NYP | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 9:19:24 PM | BUCSGIRL
I once had aloser who I found out had a coke problem and no not the drink. He also ripped me off my stealing my ID. I never got my $$$ back nor do I care. I moved on, I now lock my ID and other valubles up OR keep them on me whereever I go. AND this guy I knew for some time. He knew my family and my mom worked with his aunt. It don't matter these days. I had a few goofs think I was cheating, when they confront YOU and get all violent and shit if you ask THEM if THEY are cheating, well there is your answer. Violence is a RED FLAG. I see it once and I am OUT. I find men just don't get it, a strong willed woman ends up dealing with MORE shit. They just don't like to be dumped. I found the best revenge is simply to ignore the guy , change your # if you have to, if he shows up don't answer to door etc. If kills guys that mess up , {the not knowing}. Funny how I have had men destroy MY property, damage my car, rip me off/use me etc. NONE were ever charged, the cops thought it was a joke. How very sad is that. Unless you get shot they won't do shit. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 9:23:41 PM | STELLA,
I have had a loser destroy my credit, it's taken me years to get it back. Besides use me and play me. Some men are not that smart upstairs. The cell bill came to my house, i confronted him with the #'s on the bill. He became VERY abusive, I knew right there my answer. I ended it. He was BUSTED, & for sticking up for myself & not stay in an abusive relationship, it got worse. To "get back at me" LOL , now that's a good one. He ****s up and gets ME back, he was nice enough to assult me and destroy my credit. Again like mentioned above, cops did nothing but laugh.
They infact stated, "its like buying a car miss, buyer beware" how ****ing nice. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 10:06:00 PM | You have made so many completely ridiculous assumptions here that it is difficult to know where to start debunking this blather.
** So-called 'players' are ONLY on the 'net..? I don't think so.
**Judging the NEXT 'player' by how he handles an internet profile is some MAGIC formula for AVOIDING liars, cheats, etc..? WTF...!?!?
**"Crossing your legs"... i.e... using sex as a weapon & manipulative tool, will get you EVERYTHING you ever wanted. Pure Hogwash.
Now that you've got your groove back, you ought to try BUYING some BRAINS and a LIFE. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 10:15:17 PM | BRADPALMBAY, bet you use those palms too, look at you! Don't insult, NOT NICE. Sex as a weapon, men have done it for years buddy, WAKE UP. Nope, pretty sure none of us said the players are ONLY online. They are EVERYWHERE. So why is it when a ****ing girl gets USED, played, whatever SHE is bashed? MMM , what a joke. Well now, she has brains! if she did NOT she would have taken his sorry ass back. I never take a dude back. Funny how they all end up beggin on some girls door step. Had it happen to me a few time. Can we say pathetic. If a guy can get laid any time any place as many have told me, then WHY do they beg an ex back that they ****ed up or used ?
WAKE UP, if you have YOUR groove back, perhaps go buy some HAIR.
WTF is a 50 yr old man doing on this site anyway. Give me a break! Looks like another old trolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Thank god you never spread your sperm around and made any kids that turned out to look like you. A grown man insulting a woman. SHAME ON YOU | |
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Anno41
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Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 44 | |
| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/17/2006 10:32:42 PM | "No, I won't. It's not about singles, it's about people. I came here when I was looking to date (the short road to insanity that eventually ended happily) and in the year I've been here, I've found a place I fit in and enjoy myself. I won't be looking for some other place to discuss things when everything I like to talk about is right here, as are the people I like to talk about these things with."
Amen to that FunnyGirl! If by the grace of God I actually get involved seriously with someone, I will change my profile to reflect that. I love these forums and I also go to another forum oriented website where I have made a lot of wonderful friends from all over the world. In fact a group of us are planning a trip to England and Ireland next Spring. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 3:12:13 AM | Hmmm.... lots and lots of reading here.... yet still, the simplest and most intelligent answer is: IF YOU HAVE TO LOOK (and i know u just happened to *snoop* op while getting a number for him) THEN IT SHOULD BE TELLING YOU SOMETHING! 3 weeks it took ya? Big deal, I'da been gone same day. Respectfully, thanks for "warning us", but hell, let's get real here. The signs were there, you chose to iggy them, and hey, we're all guilty of that at times. But your *close your legs* 101 class, for me? is falling on deaf ears, 'cuz, YA SHULDA FIGURED THAT SHIT OUT BEFORE THIS HAPPENED!
Bucs stated it best, and she can, because she is in the very position to do so.
Stella, how are you going to POLICE any man you meet from here on out.. online? I'll tell ya how, YOU CANNOT! SO either get off online dating, or accept that men you meet may or may not be on a number of other dating sites, and just 'cuz you went out with them, etc., NEVER MEANS they delete all their profiles.
Crossin your legs 'till they *tell* you they deleted their profiles? in reality, will give you varicose veins and a lack of sex life. Neither sound appealing. Deal with ONLINE ramifications as they are, dont jump, look for signs, ask questions, dont be desparate, take time, listen to your gut instincts, OR, pack it in, hit the delete button and deal with RL, which is same shit, diff avenue.  | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 4:49:42 AM | I find you can't watch someone closely enough to make them an honest, caring person......your experience was with a very disreputable man and I hope to never cross a similar path.
But I do completely believe that early in a relationship I communicate how I need to be treated and if he isn't inspired then I must be strong enough to walk away. Of course, the trouble enters when I'm not clear on what it is I want and perhaps don't communicate clearly. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 5:25:55 AM |
whatever player! so you are saying that PIG men that **** girls and use them, fish them along with bullcrap lies is OKAY? come on now , grow up. So us women that get used , that is OUR fault? LOL
WAKE UP
No kiddo, maybe it is you who should wake up, and grow up as well. Maybe take a reading comprehension class too. Did I ever say that kind of behavior was acceptable? The short answer is no, I didn't, try reading it again. What I did say however, is you need to look at yourself as to why you allow it to happen. If you are getting played on a routine basis, it would seem to most that the common denominator in that scenario is YOU! Would seem to me if that is the case you need to look at yourself first and figure out why you keep going for people that invariably play you. If you would rather look at your self as the eternal victim, rather then examine what it is about you that keeps attracting you to these types, then your victim persona will never let you down. You need to Grow Up, and learn to take responsibility for your choices.
Gee lets, see THORN...I can blame myself for getting used, check ya RIGHT. I can blame myself for guys who are master players, yep blame myself for that too! LOL
WHATEVER
No of course you can't blame yourself, you are perfect, you are the eternal victim. These men are making all your choice for you, and you are apparently both incapable of making choices for yourself, and thus you couldn't possibly be responsible for what happens to you. Laugh that off. These Master Players take advantage of what? The fact you are an idiot who makes bad choice? Are you suggesting that you are incapable of making good choices and that is why you continually find yourself attracted to these amazing Svengalis? Whatever exactly, keep blaming others for your poor choices. How is that working for you?
And I see you like to slam women here, no wonder you are single AT YOUR AGE. A sports car will not bring you back to your 20's . How many ex wives do you have? Looks like your wife got ahold of that car and smoked it!
LOL
I won't dignify this claptrap with a response other than to say, you keep pointing fingers, because that works so well for you. Perhaps Rose, when you grow to MY AGE, and learn to take responsiblities for your choices, make changes when you realize what the problem is, you will find that these "Master Player" Svengalis have no power over poor lil ole you. Thornism #43:
"People treat you the way you allow them to treat you, so if they treat you like sh*t, you have nobody to blame for it but yourself"
Learn it, love it, live it.
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 7:08:29 AM | Hey Stella.... so glad you got your groove back girl...!!!
I thought I'd share my thoughts on this matter - for all of those who want to know...
There's two sides to this, the way I see it (I'm a Libran, it's what we do..!!!). I agree in principle with Stella about the removal of the profile - or at least not using it, because if two people have agreed to be exclusive, or are even making up their minds whether or not they want to have a serious go of something together, using a dating site can only cloud the judgement. Temptation is put in front of us all the time on these places and it's all too easy to see the greener grass on the other side..... yea, ok... I've met this great guy/girl... but look at this one.... and he/she is so cute/funny/could be my soul mate, yada yada yada..... so it's difficult to devote time and effort to actually seeing if you can make a go with your new partner when you're being bombarded with other peoples' "sales pitches" at the same time.
Also there's a trust issue. It's not the best way to engender a mutually trusting and respectful relationship if either party is online looking for "plan B" before "plan A" is even confirmed as a failure......
However...... and this is a big "however"..... does it really matter? The crux of this is that the person you've met and are planning on spending time with, getting to know, sleeping with or whatever has to be someone you can trust. If you met them in the supermarket or club or office etc, would you expect them to not go near that place again in case they met another person....? Of course not. But what's to say that the person you've met who's never used an internet dating site is any more trustworthy than Mr/Ms "e-partner" from POF or wherever....? Nothing, that's what. They could be equally as guilty of searching far and wide for their next easy lay, clandestine affair or meal ticket...... or even searching for their next true love....! I know many people whose jobs or social lives bring them into contact with so many different people and the potential to meet potential partners is huge, they've not felt the need to use a dating site but are they any more trustworthy....? No, only their nature, character and morals determine that, not their presence on a dating site....
To me, the issue shouldn't necessarily be whether or not your partner removes his/her profile completely, it's whether or not your instinct tells you they're genuine. Too many people ignore their instincts when in truth, we're blessed with them for a reason. Personally I'd be concerned if I knew someone was actively using a dating site while getting to know me, if we've agreed that we're going to "give it a go" but I wouldn't expect it to be removed straight away. If things develop then yes, we both should but when we're both comfortable with it. In the meantime if he has female friends he wishes to keep in touch with, this can be done on email/phone etc, as my firm belief is that if you're seeing someone then actively using a dating site still is wrong...... but as I've said, it doesn't mean you're any more or less trustworthy than someone you've met in the real world either.....
I've met many of the types of people from dating sites who claim to be looking for something meaningful, want to see me again etc etc.... and then as soon as they're out of my sight, they're looking for the next one....!! One even sent me a text message by mistake only hours after he'd left me on our first date saying "can't wait to meet you tomorrow babe, you're all I've wanted" etc.... (he'd sent me very similar prior to our first meeting too) and was clearly just playing games. It makes it very hard to trust people, not the best start for a relationship, when you're expecting someone to do the dirty on you but unfortunately the experiences harden us to approaches. We need to be careful not to judge all by the standards of some of the idiots we've all encountered on here and at least trust and accept that some people are genuine.
I think there needs to be more time taken and more respect between people meeting on these sites - or in any other way. Only then can you build up enough trust in someone and know whether or not you feel comfortable being intimate.
Boy I can ramble on, can't I.....
Sassy x
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 7:18:25 AM | THORN LOL
There again, a loser blaim the women! Well goof I don't LOOK for or ATTRACT players they are out there and will search till the find women to USE. As for my age, I am more mature than you trust me. I do NOT put up with any game players, am self employed with a good income, do NOT need a man. Wow you make me laugh! I am now an idiot! LOL Thanks for that! AND for the record I don't ALLOW any man to treat me like shit. You tell me how you PREVENT a loser from steal your identity, or perhaps one that cheats. Come no now, wake up. And here you are on a "dating site" give us women advise. Have you ever used a chick for sex. Get real, you know you have. No wonder you are divorced!
-at your age you should not have to use a dating site to get laid! And you are here why? LOL.
- truth hurts don't it?
I see some anger issues inside of you, perhaps go talk to someone about it dude. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 7:41:44 AM |
I see some anger issues inside of you, perhaps go talk to someone about it dude
Well then we simply have more proof of how your perceptions of what is, and what is not, is without question horribly skewed. Perhaps your inability to see things truly for what and how they are, your need to point fingers in every direction but at yourself, your quick rush to judgement, and assumption you judge wisely is the reason you find your self in the same situations over and over again, regardless of how you deal with it once you find yourself there. You will move forward making the same mistakes over and over agian, and expecting different results. You are without question beyond redemption, and not worthy of any further effort on my part. Good luck with your take on things, I see how it serves you so well.
Have fun ;)! | |
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