| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 7:56:44 AM | I used to think it was all good to leave a profile up while being with someone, I figured, whats the harm in still yacking with people, talking on a forum or receiving a compliment or two every now and then.
I'm not so sure now, cause temptation is everywhere. Pretty much it just puts you into situations you don't need to be in. I totally believe a person can just be there for forums like the one on this site, but u really have to not cross the line.
Cause even if I was to say, I wouldn't message woman (which I barely do now) I get lots of women messaging me...start getting more compliements coming your way etc, its going to cause u too slip up....even if u don't hide your relationship you'll have the few that will convince u it doesn't matter anyways...
Although before when I was seeing that person on Lava, I didn't cross the line, but I found myself looking back at some words I may have exchanged with people and would have hated it if it was the girl I was seeing in that position.
I'm a little more skeptical of it now....so I think if I was to get into something serious, for my relationships health, I would take my profile off. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 7:58:12 AM | | I'm sorry to hear of your negative experience; there are a lot of guys out there who are "online players". When it comes to meeting men online; I try to be cautious and take things one day at a time and one step at a time. A man can talk about how wonderful he is in his profile, but I have the final say in that; talk is cheap, actions speak louder than words. Take care and continue to be vigilant and safe online. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 8:21:32 AM | Aloysha, bucsgirl, they have given very good advice. I am here for friends, perhaps more - I would gladly change my profile to reflect availability. I would share passwords, this is a small thing to offer as trust placeholders. My belief is that the founding cause of the painful repetitive, abusive relationships the OP has described has not been addressed yet.
OP, you are attracting users. These are insecure, needy men who need much ego boosting from multiple women to feel accepted. Even then, they are restless, always looking for new adoration once they have succeeded in the thrill of the chase - they are addicted to this game. They are also cups that wil never fill; they will always thirst for more. Remorseless, these player types (men and women) have unhealthy attitudes towards the opposite sex and the concept of partnering.
Look to yourself, your personna online, the image you project. If you are played repeatedly, is there a pattern? Perhaps. Players are not the dominant type on-line; they are a minority. So it is not mere chance that you choose this type as potential partner.
An analogy from self-defense: if you see yourself as a victim, so will your assailant. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 8:32:34 AM |
Look to yourself, your personna online, the image you project. If you are played repeatedly, is there a pattern? Perhaps. Players are not the dominant type on-line; they are a minority. So it is not mere chance that you choose this type.
THANK YOU! You have just stated what I have been saying all along in this thread. Perhaps coming from another woman, it will be less likely to end up as fodder for bashing, and more likely to be heard, understood, and put into practice. Albeit some people will undoubtably ignore the message and lay the blame away regardless of who delivers the message, or so it would seem.
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 9:35:02 AM | WOW...a lot of bashing going on here!! thought we were all grown ups on this site...what I will say is that we do attract what we project to the world..I have to agree with Thorn on that one...I learned it first hand when I first joined this site!! It was a quick lesson learned..I have to say doing a quick reverse did me wonders...I now know how to spot a player from afar..I learned early on to jump in here with eyes wide open....Evenutally meeting a wonderful man on here...who use to talk to many until HE decided that I was the only important person in his life.....we both went through a lot of players and gamers until we found each other...
I didn't try to change his behavior on here...I shouldn't have to ...he's a grown man with intelligence...he deleted his profile...this was his decision...not mine to make..I wasn't looking for a relationship that I would have to change someone or myself....I haven't deleted my profile since I enjoy the forums and talking to many...made lots of friends on here both male and female...HI TO ALL MY GOOD FRIENDS UP IN CANADA...LUV YA....
My point on this is you can spot a player..it's your choice to accept the behavior or ditch him/her right away before the relationship starts...which is what I did....taking a break from all the nonsense made room for this man to come into my life....There are many people on here looking for a serious relationship with no games!!!
BTW...As for 50 year olds being on here...I'm 53...I wasn't aware there was an age limit for dating...I'm not on here looking for sex as someone suggested us 50 yr olds do....we're just as single as you are!!! Funny thing about this is I found the man I was looking for...have you???...He's Tall..Extremely Handsome..Intelligent...knows what he wants in life and went after it...yes ME....very smart man...lol...and I'm happy he did......he's my life!!!
Talk to me when your my age...I'd like to know how far you really got in life with your ways of thinking..assumptions and pointing fingers at the world!!!
Ciao
NYP | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 10:08:22 AM | NYP
WRONG,
you can NOT always spot a player. I have spoted plenty and ended it even before I met them or went on a date. BUT SOME are pro's at it, you will NOT see ANY red flags. There are even BOOKS on how to play women. Do you think they will SHOW a red flag if they are trying to play a women ? DUH ,....NO.
-Dated a teacher once, seemed nice, good job, caring etc, till he stole from me. MMM, dated one loser who infact who had a girlfriend, how did I find out? cell phone bill! & I called the #. If a true player wants to play a girl he is VERY careful in doing so. I do NOT accept any "player" behavior. Those who do are the idots not me as I was called in this forum. How bout those drug users, you think you can spend every wake hour to see if a dude is a coke head? NOPE. Once I see ANY drug use I am out. Druggies HIDE their addiction, AND they need $$$ to support the habbit as IN THEY HAVE A JOB. Don't assume a redflag will just show up in your face. If a girl gets PLAYED she does NOT ask for it. And BTW, no one really truly knows what the heck their partner is up to. I was married for a few years before I realized , he then got served. [I ended it]
Players are NOT only online, who said they are only found on dating sites? They are everywhere so how are they the "minority". I just don't get that one LOL
Just because a woman gets "played" does not mean they bring it on themselves! nor look for "player" types. YOU tell me how to spot a player, you may be played right now and NOT KNOW. YOU have NO clue if you are the ONLY ONE.
As for so called patterns , now that's a good one! The PATTERN is there are alot of losers who use women, thats the PATTERN here. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 10:34:52 AM | It's sad but true. One has to be a bit devious in this online dating thing.
Seems everyone is hiding something and sometimes a little detective work goes a long way towards getting peace of mind regarding the people you are giving your heart to.
But until you know them better, you have to take new people at their word. You have to. Otherwise your past experiences can prevent you from properly connecting with potential mates.
What has worked for me is that I let new people I meet know about my detective, researching, and journalistic nature in early correspondence... and back this up by revealing some basic info I dug up about them (i.e. google their name, or something).
Sometimes pointing this out to people causes them to balk... but the vast majority will understand your need to be careful. Many will respect you for it.
After it becomes monogamous, I've even gone as far as creating a bogus profile who approaches the person you are seeing if their profile is still active - using the knowledge of their likes and dislikes to make them want to correspond with this new bogus persona. Then I know for sure where I stand.
When I reveal what I have done and let them know it was all a little prank... well... it tends to sour them on doing the online thing... I mean any new person they meet might be you playing a prank again... so why bother?
In the end, I think that showing new people that you aren't some clueless, trusting, hick will make you much more undesirable to players... and may even work towards reforming people who are just beginning to garner player tendencies as well. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 12:36:55 PM | I have been dealing with the same thing. I caught my boyfriend(that I live with) emailing two women and saying he really would like to meet them. I find that very funny cause he can't seem to satisfy the one he has. He doesn't have time to take me out much less meet anyone else. I have kept my profile here because he has his here. I put a tag in his testamonial letting women know he is taken( for now) I told him if he wants someone else go for it. I wish him luck finding someone who will stay home and keep his kids(including a 2 year old) and take care of his house and cook and buy groceries without asking or expecting anything in return. If he wants someone else MORE POWER TO HIM! | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 12:41:04 PM | I find that very funny cause he can't seem to satisfy the one he has.
Maybe he's still looking because he knows "he can't satisfy the one that he has"?
Pardon me... but if I knew my girlfriend thought I couldn't satisfy her, I'd still be looking too! | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 12:45:29 PM | keep your legs crossed until he cancels his POF account. Hmm that would make it real messy when you have to do #1 or #2! 
Ok now I'll be serious.
Stella I'm sorry you got played like that.
I have to defer to wisdom contained in Bucsgirl and NYP's comments.
First, you cheapen yourself and all women by stating that you won't "put out" until you get A, B, C, etc. To me, sexual intercourse is WAY more than having sex, it's making love, and that is a two-way communication, not something that is coerced.
Second, moving in with your partner is something I NEVER recommend. If finances dictate it, that's one thing, otherwise it probably won't work. Usually what happens is communications get squelched by the immediateness of the interpersonal interaction. One of the two starts assuming that there is a bond that really isn't there. Often there are power plays being made.
Not that every player can be found out, but I think it's important to gradually build trust. Never assume it is there, and always work on the communication between you and your partner. If two people do this, it becomes much less likely that one person would transgress out of the relationship without first discussing that with their partner.
And for removing the dating site profile: maybe, but here at PoF there are informative forums. And how would you really know someone removed their profile if you didn't have one active? That's a Catch-22. If you are in a committed relationship, simply state that on your profile and that you aren't entertaining new romantic correspondences. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 12:55:45 PM |
I am single now, I really did get my grove back!
So did you use Miracle-gro to get your "grove" back?
When I logged on to these 5 websites, all of his accounts were active and he was talking to women from Toronto, to London, and to the US. He had covered the golden triangle. He had been maintaining online cyber relationships with women while dating me. He was promising many women that he would marry them and move them into his new home, which I was living in.
That pretty much says it all. People can disagree and dissect how you went about leaving and ending the relationship, but what does it matter? It's done. But people like drama . . .
Enjoy that grove. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 1:40:48 PM | I tried to read all the posts, but those damn "Warning! Explosion Impending!" sirens in my brain started going off.
here are my thoughts, in no particular order;
Understand that I am coming from a mature viewpoint, someone who became single by death, and one who values "roots" and stability.
I really wonder about people who will upend and uproot their whole life because the only person in the whole wide world that is "right" for them lives 1000 miles away. I'm not saying it's ALWAYS wrong or stupid, but sure seems to me like a mighty big risk to take for something that has a better than 50% percent failure rate( which is what the current state of marriages, and I assume similar if not WORSE, stats for nonmarriage LTRs,is at)
Again, I'm coming from a viewpoint of someone who has no need to have a relationship to PROVE anything to anybody, so maybe I just don "GET IT" and I'm willing to concede that possibility.
The decision to resign from online dating sites, to quit going to the singles dances, to cease frequenting certain social/entertainment venues unless in company of the SO. is a decision that needs to be talked out and agreed on by BOTH persons.
Do not leave anything to assumption or presumption, 'ought to', or 'should have'! and be fair! Sauce for the goose is indeed sauce for the gander. But attempting to isolate the person you are involved with from ALL their friends and independent social/recreational activity is just ASKING for trouble, somebody's gonna get resentful and bored! Very little good is going to come of THAT!
Personally, with the amount of lowstandards women out there, 'crossing your legs" to force a guy to meet some requirement, is probably THE definition of an exercise in futility. I'm not saying become an "instant sex" dispensers( those women are sad) because you are certainly entitled to preserve your self respect.But don't count on "holding out" to provide much leverage these days...because it doesn't!
OP I'm sorry you got screwed over by a rat b*st*rd, learn from your experience but don't let it curdle your soul.
Cindy O | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 1:45:29 PM | Hi Orange juice blues..LOL...no, I didn't use miracle-gro, instead I joined the gym, hired a personal trainer, built muscle, danced, sang, lost 35 pounds, landed a great job and ta da......I got my grove back!
Point well written, yes, I am single, the relationship is over and now I ready willing and able to receive a good hearted man into my life...with no baggage or luggage! LOL!
Cheers
Stella | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 1:51:04 PM | Enough...I agree with somethings your mentioning not all...I tend to disagree that you can't spot a player...there are many ways to see red flags..if you can read between the lines as I can you can pick it up in their profiles...that's a dead give away...Da Hitman gave a good one..play dectective..make up a fictious profile..see if they respond...
As for knowing what my partner is doing...I do..he's sitting right here reading all this...he also admitted that in his heyday as an immature kid he did some of those things...he's since grown up and wants a serious relationship..I wouldn't say this is a guy thing either...woman do this all the time...I saw his emails...all I can say is wow...
Another close (male) friend of mine is on here as well...his stories are unbelievable...now here's a great looking guy who owns his own business...very family oriented..is very intelligent...and can't find a decent woman on here..he meeting all losers...he said no one is serious...go figure...so I look at this as not a gender thing...it's all over.
It took me a year of being on here before I met anyone decent...no one ever got passed the first date with me...strange but true...I read people like books!! you can disagree with this but I have great instincts...When I met someone I didn't like it was over at that point...I knew eventually the right person was coming into my life...I have patience and a positive attitude...I think this got me through this...
Biker_Man...I agree with what you said....Communication is the Key Point in a relationship...and yes you can check to see if someone's profile has been closed...check my guys out Phanthom3760...it'll tell you...account closed....This is with his approval since he's right here!!!
I appove..LOL>>>the Phantom <<< and hey she's right, you need to look deeper into situations before you jump in. I'm glad NYP did, she's one awesome classy lady, I'm glad I have her in my life. That's all that matters to me!!
When is our next POF Party??? We all had a great time..as a matter of fact I didn't meet any losers there either and there was about 100 people....everyone was there to have a good time and possibly meet someone!! Biker_Man.. I thought you were an awesome person..great personality...and of course I didn't forget what you did that night....that was super of you to do because you didn't have to do that....I saw it came from the goodness of your heart...thanx again!!!
NYP | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 3:33:19 PM | stella I have no bad nor good opinion of you. I just think it's wrong to use sex to get what you want. And that's manipulating, Ray Charles could see that! 
If I were you, I'd be more concerned what I thought of myself if I were using my body as a lure to get men to do what I want. Don't think that's showing respect for yourself. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 4:05:16 PM | NYP, sorry I don't agree with some of what you said. NOT everytime will a girl KNOW or see the red flags. I can assure you that. As for men playing round till they reach that age... LOL what age is that? Men my age are worse with the game playing then some younger ones I know. Most men **** around till they want something real or can handle a real deal.
MASTER players will NOT show ANY red flags, they KNOW how to play the game, they read up on it, **** some are readin this right NOW takin NOTES. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 4:37:34 PM | Thor
Groove back......It was a spelling error. I didn't loose my grove, I lost my groove, but now I got my groove back because I don't own a grove, never did, never will. LOL
Stella | |
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nucor
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Joined: 9/16/2006
Msg: 71 | |
| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 4:40:15 PM | Sorry to hear that you had a bad experience. I have been cheated on by an ex-girlfriend while we lived together. You are not alone when it comes to dating cheaters. I'm glade that you seemed to be able to move on and improve yourself in the process. In any relationship, you need to respect yourself and if you ever feel that the other individual is violating that respect- move on. Anyone who have found a relationship worth working towards will ultimately leave the dating sites or at least clairfy their profile on this site. I love looking at profiles in which people have found someone and now posts a picture of both of them.
It reminds others that there are healthy relationship in cyberspace!
Good luck! | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 4:57:24 PM | Enough~~~I'm sure they are taking notes..LMAO...oh well...at least they know they won't get over on US...lol...I haven't come across any Master players on here...but I will say the Novice ones I did..I read...delete...block....Most men/women come their senses when they meet "THE ONE"...my guy is 46...he was in a relationship 10yrs prior..so possibly 36...you still have some time yet..LOL....BUT..then again I have a 36 yr old son who is totally faithful to his wife...and they're very much in love...so I don't think you can pinpoint an age here!! It's when they decide to grow up!!
Funny thing about Red Flags...all 3 of my kids can vouch for this...Red Flags pop in my head when something is not right...they question me constantly...how do you know these things!! It's RED FLAGS popping in my head...that's how I was able to raise them with no problems...I always knew...like I said I have very good senses when it comes to these things...and I have 3 awesome and very talented kids....with no thanx to their dad...oppss am I male bashing here...sorry guys...lol....
OK I'm off topic here....my suggestion to Stella is UNCROSS YOUR LEGS...PICK YOURSELF UP...BRUSH THE DUST OFF...AND MOVE ON!!! LESSON LEARNED.... which is what I see you are doing by telling us this story!!! Good Luck to you Sweetie...the right one is out there and most likely emailing you already after this post...LOL...
NYP | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 5:04:43 PM | I would never open my legs for someone who is still on a dating site. I don't give out free samples and I don't want any. Either it is mine and all mine or you ain't getting any!
BTW: for all those Dr. Phil's out there. It is working for me. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 5:07:39 PM | I think I got that message "Wow, I think you are a beautiful women maybe we could do something casual like go out and play pool. Headline..I would love to take you latin dancing."
Think I'll stay clear of the Latin dancers..... | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 5:12:10 PM | Ny Princess,
Thank you for the kind words and encouragement! I do believe that what is for you will not pass by you. So, wherever he is, when he arrives, I will know! Until then, I am planting my own garden!
Cheers
STella | |
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