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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 5:19:15 PM | NYP, once a player ALWAYS a player. And if you KNOW he mistreated women in this PAST why the heck would you want to be with him. So it was OKAY for him to treat women like shit cause he was young and in his "heyday"?. How nice is that? And again, once i SEE the flag I am OUT. PRO players will NOT show redflags!!!!!!!!
PRO have real jobs, own homes, are not in debt etc. You think we all date losers who just got out of jail? Come on now
If a dude has to piss test, SEE YA. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 6:32:09 PM | Well said...a pleasure to read. Now my thoughts...I think crossing our legs initially is indeed a good idea, both parties need time to get to know eachother. And what's wrong with that? Most of us are here searching for that one fine connection, does that transpire apon meeting, I think not. Hopefully chemistry does which will lead to another date and then the exploration of eachother..without hands..lol. How long have we been alone? Why not take the time to truly know a person..to see if it's right. And that shouldn't take 12 months!
Sometimes there are those who become blind in their desperation to be with another, fatal mistake. Ladies we have power...gentlemen you have power...let's use it wisely and fairly. You know the expression...do unto others...
Make each moment the very best it can possibly be and then each hour...day...week...will reflect that..
Most importantly...smile..enjoy life...you are your own creator of your reality and if you aren't happy then you need to change.
Be well be happy all. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 7:22:15 PM | QUICK,
agree! Why is it that WOMEN are told to keep our legs shut OR are called whores if we PUT Out too soon. Perhaps MEN should respect women more, maybe keep their**** in their pants till THEY get to know the woman as well. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 8:18:21 PM | Smiles...simple fact is...we are all human and so prone to err. And you're right if we give out too fast many times that can be misconstruded...yet...with that said ...if a lady decides to give out fast ...there's got to be damn fine reason...or human error...lol.
Let's face it...nothing is ever cut in stone...each person we meet is a unique individual...and worthy of an open perspective and a chance...unless there's no chemistry...smiles...then...blame it on Einstein...smiles....and no second date...Einstein's rules.
I personally think...we all need to take a bit of time...this from a lady who lol hasn't been intimate for 18 months...not for lack of offers...just I won't settle and with that said...I think that's the most important thing...I would rather be alone than be with the wrong man....PERIOD...good thing I like me lol. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 8:24:29 PM | Biker_Man.. I thought you were an awesome person..great personality...and of course I didn't forget what you did that night
thank you NYP I don't remember exactly what i did that March PoF get-together, but I remember that the evening was lots of fun, and it was great to meet you, Unzipped, butterfly, and CJG.
enough, I think the point that lots of PoF ladies who posted here negatively about male players is WAY off the mark. There is just as many female players lurking. There is absolutely no possible way for anyone to completely avoid being played. Just use your common sense. Moving into someones home, or having them move into your home, without real commitment, is just a HORRIBLE idea.
Any guy dropping his trousers to play a lady for all she's worth, or a lady manipulating a dude with the supposed prize between her legs, in order to manipulate the relationship to his or her advantage, just isn't capable of understanding the true value of a significant relationship. IMO. If you follow Dr. Phil's advice to the letter, your missing out on a bunch of good things. Folks, use your common sense, ask your partner questions. That's a totally legitimate dating strategy. If he/she can't answer your questions without sarcasm, or if he/she can't give you a str8 response, that the red flag of a lack of a fundamental understanding of the majority that is necessary to sustain a substantial relationship. Communication is definitely the key. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 8:34:06 PM | Total agreement communication is the key and even more importantly HONESTY....with it...communication holds no true value.
And with that said...why lie...why decieve...even here without meeting...why on earth would a person once interested want to meet and immediately have to deal with a lie of their own creation....makes no sense to me.
We ALL need to be real if we want something real...PERIOD. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 8:40:05 PM | | Lol...I proved myself to be human...and prone to err...without honesty communication holds no true value...I do have my moments...lol and am laughing at myself...oh...and blushing I can't believe I posted such words... | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 9:29:55 PM | Parts of this thread were a real tough read!
Two things really stand out to me from the origional post,
"Keeping your legs crossed" or witholding sex until your SO does
something you want them to do....IS manipulation. At some
point the issue will come up and it will be discussed and whether
you state it as an ultimatum or not, it will be. Removing the
profile will be the "obstacle" to going further with the relationship.
You have every right to do that, but the big problem with it is my
second point........it simply will not work. A "player" could just remove
the profile....he likely has many others anyways.....and if not, he can
just create a new one......didn't you already learn that? Even if he
deletes EVERY profile, it won't stop him from cheating or playing you,
if that's what he wants to do. You also risk losing a relationship with
a good guy if he mis-interprets that whole situation.
as for Enough......you seem to have a whole lot of anger there darlin'!
Some of the things you say really make little sense. I won't go into
most of them......I don't think you'd listen anyways........but just as
a somewhat lighthearted example.......
once i SEE the flag I am OUT. PRO players will NOT show redflags
If the PRO players don't show red flags.....how will you be out of there? | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 10:43:51 PM | | WELL DOUG you must not read up there. I SAID PRO players. There are 2 types, DUM ass players that get caught OR you realize up front. AND the PRO ones. YOU have not read this thread from the beginning . Hell ya I am pissed , that is MY right to be. How would you like it if some **** stole YOUR identity, ruined your creidt? I am sure you would NOT BLOW IT OFF. Takes years to re-gain your re-established credit. I do make sense if you read it. POINT is sometimes you can see the red flags. 80% of the time I assume you can. ONCE i see a red flag I end it before it starts. AGAIN there are PRO players that do NOT show signs or red flags. There are BOOKS on how to play a women like a pro. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 11:26:43 PM | | I fear you may be stuck in your groove of finding people who are out to use you maybe because deep inside you don't want commitment or there are alot of ***holes where you live I'm not sure which. Either way I hope you end up seeing the people who are out to screw you coming no sexual puns intended. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/18/2006 11:54:27 PM | Let me share a thought with you OP. I am as loyal as they come. When I am with someone and in a committed relationship that is it. But I am also very good friends with many folks on the site. Some men, and many women of course. I also enjoy forums and features such as the poetry threads, and of course I have a very popular review thread. I work hard on those threads to either entertain folks or in the case of the review thread to help out others ( regardless of gender even though I tend to review more women than men ) so the thing is,... When I am 100% with someone, why should I or they, be suddenly made to stop enjoying past friends or forums on this site?
Both myself and the lady I am interested in a far more mature and self secure than to think for a second that either would fool around on the other. We do not feel insecure with eachother's friends, or worried over silly jealousy.
I am sorry that you have been burned, but I will say this,... being burned means you act more carefully and make the incidence a learning experience. It does not mean that when you find a person you are committed to and who you deem "worthy" that either you or he should be so distrustful that you have to set aside friends and vanish because you are in a relationship. That seems a bit silly to me. Also very extreme. It's a strong indicator of much more serious emotional problems!
If this site that brought you together is the cause of your seperation, you have deeper issues than the site and perhaps need to look inside and let go of some of the anger and distrust. The problem seems to be in who you choose. For if you find the right person,... whether they remain on the site after you are together or not will not be a fidelity issue. I wish you a lot of luck.
- Erik -  | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 12:36:17 AM | | I here what your saying enough. I know you will continue the good fight helping these nievetists (?) to pull their whiney miss-manners off the trophy shelf and let it slip gracefully the cement floor of common sense. Oh thats right, schools and most other organizations don't teach or promote common sense... and the games continue. Thanks for hang'n in! | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 3:55:22 AM | Stella....Your Quite Welcome!!! You seem like a very warm loving person..and your beautiful too!!...your bound to find that special man!!! Just keep watering that garden...lol You have a good attitude and I know you will be fine!!!
Enough...You took what I said totally out of context...I never said he was mean to women...I said he liked to PLAY...as in play the field...he would never think of hitting a woman including his ex-w...who I also know and is a b-itch.......He's quite a gentlemen..We're together a year and I have never heard him raise his voice and is well liked here on the Island....and very well known...no one has ever said a harsh word about him....So I think you took that wrong!!!
I think you should be a little more Optimistic about life...this can mean a whole big difference in ones life....get over all the jerks that were a part of your life..they are HISTORY...move on to the new...there are many really nice guys out there who are looking for good strong women like yourself...stop looking on the dark side of things....there is a light at the end of the tunnel....
In time you will see that things change...When I was your age...I was married to a physically and mentally abusive jerk...a real BADBOY...thought he was all that and more...today he's this big fat loser with no balls who recently told someone that he was sorry for what he put me through...YEA RIGHT!!! he thought money could keep me in the marriage...since we had many businesses he thought for sure no matter what he did to me that I would never divorce him...WRONG...I walked away and never looked back...well..with exception of divorce papers...shocked the s-hit out of him and he actually cried when I was signing the papers..go figure....did I mention he was a cocaine dealer & addict too!! I found that out after the divorce...he kept that hid well too!!
He blew all our money and ran my credit to shit that it took me nearly 10 yrs to clear...
I had to start my whole life over from scratch and got myself to where I am today with no child support and I put myself and my 2 boys through college and another one next year....so nothing is impossible when you dump the jerks in the trash....and move on with a possitive attitude!!! It got me everything I ever wanted!!! You can do that too!!
Enjoy your Day
NYP | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 8:11:18 AM | Well ~enough~ I actually DID read the whole thread!
Since you've chosen to direct your anger at me now.....
There are 2 types, DUM ass players that get caught OR you realize up front. AND the PRO ones.
actually, there are MANY types of players who play people on MANY levels!
Hell ya I am pissed , that is MY right to be.
OK.....you have a "right" to be pissed......does that make it ok to take
your anger out on the people who post in this thread? Is it productive
for you to address ALL men with the anger you have for the one or two
who have caused so much damage in your life? Does that make sense?
Someone stealing from you, or ruining your credit, is not necessarily a
player.......they may be liars, theives, and lowlifes.....AND may or may not
be a player too.
I think that the point others have tried to make with you is that you should
accept SOME of the responsibility for being repeatedly played......IF you're
being played repeatedly because of the type of guy you CHOOSE to date.
*PART* of the problem *MAY* be in the *TYPE* of guy you date!
I know some "players" personally, and the signs (or red flags) are there,
they're not that hard to see, but women overlook them constantly and
then whine when they get hurt. I know there are books about "playing"
women, and there are a few guys that are VERY good at it. Most of the
time women are in bed with these guys before taking the time to know
who or what they are because they fall for the lines and BS. The more
time you take to get to know a guy, the less likely you'll be "played"! | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 9:16:23 AM |
Well ~enough~ I actually DID read the whole thread!
Since you've chosen to direct your anger at me now.....
Doug you are a nice guy so I feel compelled to give you some friendly advice. Let that one go, and pay no further heed to her. She is no more than a woman with a vendetta big enough to choke a mule, as stubborn as one, and looking for another wheel to grind her axe upon. You can't make changes to concrete once it sets, and that one is so rigid in her thinking, she will invariably crack at some point, the prelimary fissures are already apparent.
Stella, sorry to hear about the groves, always nice to know when you are handed a few lemons you can make lemonade. Lemonade being a wonderfully refreshing way to celebrate getting your groove back. Hopefully the bitterness will subside, and some poor gent in the future won't be punished for the behavior of this one in the past, and you will find what you are looking for this time around. Lessons learned, with open heart, and eyes wide open, is always the best way to move forward. Good luck!
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 11:00:16 AM | NYP, hey,
I too was once married to a abusive man. I LEFT him years ago. I also support myself and NOT on welfare nor do I rely on anyone else for that matter. I no longer am interested in "dating". Too many games. I am a nice girl who treats others well. Many men see that as a tool to play them. And its kind of hard to "get ahead" when my credit was also ruined and banks deny me.
These guys are pathetic on this tread. NOT every girl gets red flags. Like the poster of this thread. Love how the male are bashin ME LOL. I am a strong women who DOES NOT PUT UP WITH ANY BULLSHIT. Of course I have been played, that does not mean I look for it, go after BADBOYS, or a certain TYPE. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 11:06:16 AM | DOUG,
LOL
First off how is some guy that ****s you over, dates, you and steals your ID NOT a player? I have only insulted men here with dum ass comments LOL. I did not say I have been repeatdly "played" did I? I hardly date for that matter. AND love this one.
"MOST OF THE TIME WOMEN ARE IN BED WITH THESE GUYS BEFORE TAKING THE TIME TO KNOW WHO OR WHAT THEY ARE"
Thats just bullshit buddy. Is there a TIME LIMIT before you **** them?
AGAIN for the 10th time on this thread, a MASTER/PRO players will GET TO KNOW the girl for as long as it takes, he will HOLD Off and not **** her for AS LONG AS IT TAKES, he will STILL use her. Soooooo now the heck is THAT the womans fault? YOU tell me? LOL have you ever played or lied to a girl to get laid. BET YOU HAVE. Double standard DOUG. Men lie to them, play them and get laid and no one says SHIT. Now a woman , ....if she gets PLAYED, she is dum, an idiot [as I was called here], a whore etc.
WHATEVER
THORN
Now you have got to be one of the rudest guys out there buddy. HAVE you ever used a girl for sex? mmm HOW long would you "hold off" of bangin a girl for? Get with it~ | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 11:26:08 AM | Interesting thread. Of course, I can only speak for myself ~ but I learned a LONG time ago that I am the victim of a player ONLY if I allow it. Unless we are deaf/dumb and blind, it's not all that difficult to realize things aren't quite right. Be aware, be pro-active in your own relationship and when you get the feeling something isn't right ~ it's probably not right. I quit being the victim long ago, simply because it was just an excuse to overlook the reality: I dated jacka$$es. I made myself a promise: no dating until I know someone very well. That means his lifestyle, his interests, his routine, his home phone number, etc. ~ basically it means you actually KNOW him before you get involved, especially sexually. If a man isn't willing to take ample time to know me, he isn't wanting to be with me, he's wanting to be with someone. I don't want a man who is willing to settle with just anyone, I want a man who wants to be with me. I don't withhold sex, I make it perfectly clear there will be NO sex. If that isn't OK, he's free to motivate on to the next person. I'm certainly not afraid of one getting away simply because I won't get naked when he thinks I should be getting naked. Having sex with a player and being used is my fault, not his. JMO  | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 11:40:26 AM | VERY
Yep most due give off red flags BUT SOME DON'T is my whole point here and no one is getting it! Of course if you hold off from sex till you get to know someone will let ya know what type of guy you are dealing with pretty fast BUT who is to say he is not bangin other women on the side till YOU give in?????
ANSWER you DON'T.
I therefore have no time to date, too busy with my new career.
Now we have women blaim themselves cause a man used them for sex. HUH? sad, now that's just sad. All that says is its OKAY for a guy to be a player. Men need to stop this useless shit. I am sure if they had a female friend or maybe a sister be treated this way they would think different. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 11:44:30 AM |
THORN
Now you have got to be one of the rudest guys out there buddy. HAVE you ever used a girl for sex? mmm HOW long would you "hold off" of bangin a girl for? Get with it~
You are more than welcome to your oppinion of me, as it has absoultely no value whatsoever, you clearly know nothing about me. That notwithstanding, you my dear are a ticking timebomb, and the only thing I pity more than you, are the men unfortunate to encounter you. You seriously have issues which no forum can possibly ever address. Seriously, seek help. There is no way anger of that nature, regardless of the cause can be healthy for you or anyone around you.
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 12:23:52 PM |
VERY
Yep most due give off red flags BUT SOME DON'T is my whole point here and no one is getting it! Of course if you hold off from sex till you get to know someone will let ya know what type of guy you are dealing with pretty fast BUT who is to say he is not bangin other women on the side till YOU give in?????
ANSWER you DON'T.
LOL ~ I think most of us get it. Just because we don't agree with you doesn't mean we are the ones missing the point. I don't subscribe to the theory "If it happened before, it'll happen again." I choose to view each person as an individual ~ if and when he exhibits traits that I find destructive to me and my well-being, he no longer exists to me. It's over right now. It's really very simple: Be responsible for yourself. Played once, that is his fault ~ played twice, it's my fault. JMO  | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 1:36:16 PM | OP
I love your post. Thank you for sharing! I agree so much.
The day I find someone that lives close by and I have the potential to move forward with, is the day I will pull my profile. If that doesnt work out, I can always create a new one!
There is no way I would risk losing someone terrific over an issue like this. And besides, if I meet someone great, theres no more need to look.
Lavalife, I am sad to tell you, is more about sex than relationships. Its where single men I know post to hook up for 3somes etc.....a good female friend started posting there to spicy up her love life and ended up inviting guys to her house for making whoopee. So if hes on Lavalife, chances are 9/10 he's keeping the sexual door open. Dump him like a sack of potatoes and thats what you had the good sense to do. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 1:46:07 PM | | And this site is NO DIFF for people pickin up. ANYONE include women should NOT be use anyone, that includes for sex, or anything else.BUT to BLAIM a woman cause she did not "SEE" the red flags is WRONG. THAT Is why I am pissed people. Calling ME names like an idiot cause I did not see the "flags" is not called for. Trust me, any bashing is not helping you with the ladies guys! If i saw you bash girl in a forum , NO way would I ever consider emailing YOU. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 2:08:10 PM | Stella--thank you very much for your post. I am so sorry that this happened to you; however, I am touched by the way you've shared your experience with others and offer strength and inspiration.
That, and you are also taking us to task with our own behaviours that can lead us into such pain. The part about acting with the grace of a woman rather than the innocence of a child definitely struck a few chords.
I had a very similar lavalife experience and although I did not move in with the guy, I did give him my heart, and well, let's just say a few other goodies.
Sex is a sacred act that should only be shared by two people who love and care for one another and I whole-heartedly agree with and support the "cross your legs" policy. Simply put, it prevents needless pain.
I am so glad you've got your groove back--and I'm getting there too (right Buscgirl! )
BC Dream--I had no idea lavalife was such a dive. Needless to say, I'm not on there anymore. I do really like this site because it's so transparent in that women can communicate with other women. In fact, although I haven't met the right guy yet, I've made some wonderful female friends. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 3:06:48 PM | In actuality, it doesn't make any difference if he is online or not. It just makes it easier to 'catch'. He could just as easily be having an affair at work or with the neighbour. I totally get how you feel Stella, trust me. I just ended a relationship for the same reason, however, I DID have suspicions of his lies and cheating quite a while before I actually got proof enough to end it. I went into the relationship with mistrust so it was my own doing and in actuality would probably never have worked anyway. He had dating sites set up claiming to be single and available...so I simply made it so haha!!
I don't hold grudges though, we're still friends. I still talk to him just like all of my exes. I almost pity him because it's quite obviouse that he NEEDS more than any ONE woman can provide. I don't do needy well so it worked all around.
It's so much easier as a woman to get the attention and the compliments. Men flirt with us at the drop of a hat. Compliment our looks, hair, how we dress. We even get it from other women. I can have my quota filled in one morning at the office. It's harder for men. They need the same things we do, but unless we, as their partner are willing to constantly be hyping them up - they look online sometimes where it's 'safe' for the most part. Yes there are some that get carried away and make promises that they may not be able/willing to follow through with and unfortunately some women get hurt in the process.
Trust is not always easy regardless of past experiences but when you have one like ours, everything seems to be a sign. I've had an exe create a bogus profile and (knowing me as he did) contact me and cause interest. It only took me a few converstions to call a halt to that (knowing him as I did lol). Though I don't shun correspondance from guys, phone and meeting is important before I pour my heart and soul out now.
Live and learn I say...and you, Stella, seem to have done just that, good for you girl! | |
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