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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 3:25:19 PM | ~Enough~I don't think Doug is bashing you in anyway..Doug really doesn't need my help here...he did a good job in explaining it to you... since he is seeing this from an outsiders point of view...I feel he was clearly trying to enlighten you to the fact that you seem angry about what happened to you!!
Your not alone in that...many of us have been there...we have since put it behind us and moved on!! You just seem stuck on that redflag theory..I still have to disagree with you since I have dated many from this site...I figured it out early that I didn't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out the players...even the so-called good ones...the signs are there..you just need to be focused and in tuned to it...which is what you learn after the first time your burned...like someone posted previously...1st time burnt shame on him..2nd time burnt shame on you!!
Remember I told you about my ex...he was a womanizer and big time player..when I found out I served him with separation papers he turned the tables on me...we had 4 businesses..he swindled 3 of them from underneath me all worth over a million $ each by selling them to his family members before the divorce..I was only his partner in one..the others he had close friends as partners..he sold his share to his family.... Judge said there was nothing I could do..granted me the entire business I was his partner in....
So when you talk about measly credit cards and ID theft...it's menial compared to what I experienced and I walked away and never looked back...mind you this was my husband not some wing ding boyfriend...so you can imagine how I felt....NOT SO GOOD..but I moved on with a positive attitude and started over and was rewarded with a wonderful life...
I think what your doing is the right thing...take a break from this...clear your mind as well as your thoughts...this will allow you to see things in a different light...I wish you well with whatever path you chose...that'll be for you to decide!!! It's your vehicle and only you can drive it to your destination!!!!
WOW Stella...this was some post...LOL...this has to be the most I've written on here...thanx for that and for all the lessons I learned from this!! Everyone gave great advice...this will put shrinks out of business...LOL....Boy did I air my laundry here!!!! geezzus....lol...
Enjoy your Evening all
NYP | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 3:26:59 PM | BC Dreams
Great minds think alike! I am glad to hear that you agree with my point of view! You are a quality man, and I am not sure if you are single or not, but I wish you all the best in your search!
Cheers
Stella | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 3:31:05 PM | HI Pretty Picky,
Thank you for responding to my post. Time heals all wounds. Pretty soon you will get your groove back and you woun't even remember his name! Johnny who? LOL! Remember, what is for you in life woun't pass by you! I am waiting for the one who stops!
Cheers
Stella | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 4:00:12 PM | NYP
YOur welcome for the post. Thank you for sharing the dirty laundry! LOL! Reading about your misforturne makes me happy that I didn't marry the dude! I am sorry that you went through that. It makes me feel that my situation was just a pebble on the pathway of life. It could have been a boulder!
Thor..
Lemonade anyone?
Cheers
Stella | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 4:05:12 PM | Stella, that's a reasonable expectation for the person to delete all their profiles from every dating site if its progressing. I've never tried it, but there also appears to be nothing stopping anyone from putting in a phone postal code.
I heard once that a third of the people on your average dating site posing as single are married.
p.s. How's Brantford these days? My hometown, but haven't lived there since I was 18. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 4:18:05 PM | That actually is a good idea, pertaining to keeping your legs crossed!
It is a shame that this happened to you, Stella, I feel bad for you.
There is something very wrong with anyone who is addicted to lying. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 4:25:44 PM | NYP
Well I don' t date very often, when i do i DO SEE THE RED FLAGS AND END IT. I of course HAVE been played before but that does NOT mean I saw the red flags in THOSE cases. Like I said not everytime do you see them. And it was not measly credit card theft. It was over 50 thousand in unpaid bills, and other debt etc. It was indeed a boyfriend who was not only a cheater but also ruined my credit. I don't see how 1st time shame on me and second time shame on ME? HUH. I have been played more than once by some master players. So how is it shame on me? LOL
-Being played comes in MANY forms. How bout the losers who claim they have no kids, and do. Or how bout the ones that claim they are SINGLE and are NOT? How does one KNOW for sure? YOU DON'T. So if a dude lies about such things,is that shame on ME? I don't think so. I once met a guy, dated for a while, he started havin calls to his cell. He was pissed at the constant calls. I asked whats up , he THEN tells me its collections. The loser had told me he had just sold his car. I THEN find out the bank repo it. What a loser. That put an end to that one. I have met guys who have lied about the dumbest shit for example, their career, height, weight, kids etc. Who does that shit? YES I see the red flags, I don't continue to date the guy. No one can control a guy from being dishonest. SOME are tricky at how they play you, tell YOU that you are not trusting him enough. ONE guy actually broke down and CRIED to me, he was all "upset" due to me not trusting him, Of course I ended up trusting him in the end and got burned. So.... is that a red flag? LOL | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 4:31:14 PM | The red flags are many and easily spotted:
Are they putting you off for a get together ?
Are they frequently cancelling or changing plans?
Can you reach them at home?
After a few dates (not the first one of course especially if you've met them on a dating site) is their life still a mystery to you? | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 4:59:59 PM | Ok I've seen people defend both sides of having a profile or not while dating.
Stella I feal for you on your bad exp. My one and only marrage turned into a nightmare.
But everyone is different, you can't go into a relationship with any preconseaved(spell check) notions. My ex started checking up on me, I completely left the online personals, they never had been much luck, so i basically ignored them, forgot about them, what ever you want to call it. My ex found them in my favorites and had me delete them, I had no problem with that. I then asked her to delete hers and change her yahoo profile. I don't know if she had any but i did watch her change her yahoo. She was still listing herself as single while talking to me about profiles that i forgot about.
The checking up on me got annoying real quick, but I loved her and thought she would get over it.
She was the love that I always wanted, everything was perfect, except the checking up on me and other various things that others have done to her and she was checking to see if i was doing the same. Even though I gave up my apartment for her, moved in with her, married her, put her on my insurance and so forth.
After a while I lost intrest, it hurt me so much to see it happening and not being able to do anything about it. I told her my problems, but it still turned out to be my fault no matter what.
Her bagage ruined our marrage, I'm not saying I was perfect in anyway. And for a while she did try. But she ended up quiting, I think mostly because of what happened to her in the past made her give up. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 5:04:24 PM | ~OP~ I was meaning to tell you thank you for posting this here. It's difficult to understand why some act as they do ~ I do believe that there are far more good guys than jerks. I'm sure you'll have no problem meeting someone who will respect you for who you are. That is the glory of being positive about a negative situation.  | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 5:31:11 PM | ~Enough~ What I said was "1st time burned..shame on HIM...2nd time burnt shame on YOU..not you for both...
Sorry this happened to all of us..but we learned from out mistakes and from this post...boy did we hear about everyone's dirty laundry in here!!! LOL...
Stella...Kudos to you again for this post...and it will go on and on and on!! This was one of the best post I've seen so far!!
Who the hell needs a shrink now...we all saved $200 bucks by reading this post...
NYP | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 5:46:06 PM | Everything takes time. Consider how long we have been alone. Certainly availablilty after the second date should be more attainable, yet we all have lives, professional and personal commitments which may have absolutely nothing to do with going on other dates. Anything of true merit takes time PERIOD.
Yes changing plans is indeed a red flag, I agree. If I make plans and someone defaults well he should be in hospital or someone in his family died...kidding...yet the excuse has to be reasonable and of merit.
As for reaching a person at home, yes of course one should beable to yet not expect to always find he/she there and be understanding if the situation warrents it.
We all...HOPEFULLY...have lives beyond this site and as such that should be taken into consideration. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 5:52:04 PM | NYP YEP, I GOT IT! holy....... Who the heck is stupid enough to stay with a dude that burns her? NOT ME.
YOU just don't get my POINT. AND I never said YOU said shame on me for both.
QUICK, I agree if someone breaks plans REDFLAG , I am out. Less he is in some accident or REAL emergency . Another redflag, "my cell phone died" YA RIGHT!, another one, "forgot to call", any guy that "forgets" to call , well see ya! Takes 2 min to call someone. I therefore do NOT deal with any crap. YES we all have dealt with some players. I DO learn to spot the red flags. Being married for years THEN entering the "dating world" I had NO CLUE what it even was to be PLAYED. Just because some girl gets played does not mean it's HER fault. Some girls leave a sheltered life, have no clue to the real world. I WAS one of those women. I only started "dating" in the LATE 90's. Things have CHANGED since then, SOME men have only got worse. Marriage it seems means nothing to anyone this day in age. This is very sad. IF men did NOT play women, everyone would be better off. Who gives the right for a man to mistreat a woman? HIM? Don't think so. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 5:52:44 PM | Lol what a great response...thanks for making me laugh and smile...Stella is a very good friend of mine...and YES ...we do need to learn from our mistakes...smiles...I am an avid learner so much so lol..I don't make mistakes anymore...ok fingers crossed...lol.
We do need to learn...and meet each person on a new page...forgive through understanding those who hurt us...lose the baggage and start anew....and with a smile! | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 6:06:06 PM | Marriage...don't even think it. Take that word out of your mental vocabulary. What you need to seek is a man you can actually have fun with and what I mean by that is a man who makes you smile and you him, you do fun things together...truly enjoy spending time with eachother no matter what you are doing.
Let's face it...botten line is...we need to smile and be happy..that's what creates an amazing union with anyone.
Lol...I think of marriage and blow my lips...it will take one extremely amazing man to make me even think of it. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 6:14:57 PM | Oh, dear. I feel bad for anyone who's been hurt, but this obsession with people being "players," by both women and men, is strange and sad.
What the heck does "crossing your legs" have to do with a con artist stealing someone's money or ruining someone's credit? Or, for that matter, flirting online or having sex with someone else. Someone who's determined to do that is going to do it to someone who is wanton or frigid. They'll find a way, I suspect, whether they're having wild sex with you or have only had a peck on the cheek.
We seem to be talking about completely different things. Sex. Thieves. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 6:51:07 PM | DAWN, well the thief crap happened from a guy that also played me yrs ago. So it does all tie into each other. YOU are correct they WILL find a way to screw you over one way or another. I was ONLY stick up for Stella in this thread. Seems to me we have alot of men here who think its the woman's fault if she gets played. Nope I don't agree with that. YES most give us signs to warn us , YES most women see them, NOT always will you see them.
OUT OF THIS THREAD,
BORING | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 7:08:25 PM | Dawn, I believe we are talking about sex-thieves. They lure women into having sex with them under false pretenses and lie and deceive to get it.
The "crossed legs" policy is like a home security system--one that protects our most valuable assets, our self-esteem. | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 7:11:29 PM | i am selctive enough in my play dates , i also am not in search of my soul mate , just friends and nothing more at this time , whereas i admire not only your dedicated self respect but your openness and pride along with it . claps to u . good work .
take care
xxxooo | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 7:43:15 PM | Quick2smile...I'm laughing my A$$ off here...lol....so true...NEVER say the "M" word....it sure as hell is not in my vocabulary...unless we prove our love to each other... then he needs to knocks me off my feet...well...just say...I'll be staying SINGLE...and loving it....lol....
~Enough~ I did totally agree with you...I was basically talking about how hurt you were by this ordeal..and you needed to move on with me saying that you are carrying it around with you!!...HEY..I tried....lol...you know what I think is that you came off so strong that the men used that against you...not realizing your very outspoken and upfront....I say Kudos to you for speaking your mind...Not sure if your coming back to read this...you said you were outta here...
See you all in another thread...I will come back to keep reading...this was fun!!
Night Everyone and thanx for the laughs!!
NYP
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 7:52:23 PM | I am dating someone I met through this site. I updated my profile to indicate as much. I discussed with my boyfriend that I would like to remain on this site for the forums, and he indicated he has no problem with that.
I told him that I could care less what he does with his profile, because I trust that he will not be dating anyone but me. Neither of us are possessive or jealous people, and we trust that we will be faithful--whether we have profiles on POF or not. Mistrust is not a happy way to live.
OP, I understand that you have been burned and you are now wary. I've been burned before too (yup, my former husband left me for a woman he met online). While it's important to learn from past mistakes, it would be sad if our past experience results in our being jaded and unable to trust.
Best of luck to you... | |
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| Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2!
Posted: 10/19/2006 8:03:57 PM |
Dawn, I believe we are talking about sex-thieves. They lure women into having sex with them under false pretenses and lie and deceive to get it.
The "crossed legs" policy is like a home security system--one that protects our most valuable assets, our self-esteem.
Prettypicky, that's funny! Sex-thieves! Oh, I wish that kind of thing wouldn't happen to nice people.
I hope this doesn't sound awful (though I'm sure it will, to some), but I thank goodness this luring thing will never happen to me. I can't be lured. I only have sex if I want to, and no matter what the man's problems or motivations are, I've made my choice and I own it. My life is so simple. | |
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