| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/21/2006 6:03:50 AM | By the time you bring yourself to ask the question about whether you should end a relationship you already know the answer. People in satisfying relationships don't spend their nights dreaming about how much better they wish their lives would be - though they have been known to pinch themselves because their lives are so wonderful that they find it hard to believe it's not a dream. That's not to say any relationship is perfect, they still take work, and they still have their problems, but yours seems past the point where you can take it anymore.
Your only choices are 1) fix, 2) tolerate, or 3) leave.
Everyone else has recommended leaving, and that would be my recommendation as well. However, no one except you can understand all the circumstances, and you are the one who will have to live with the consequences. Once you've made that decision you can't turn back, so you should at least think about the other two possibilities.
As far as fixing the situation, you've already had a year, is there anything you could try that you haven't tried before? In general when you try to fix someone, even if you're successful, they'll resent you for it. It's better if he changes himself. Does he seem genuinely willing to change? Another possibility here is relationship counseling. Frankly, you seem too dependent on this relationship for your own good, so talking with a counselor might be a smart move in any case. It could help reduce your stress and help you make a clearer decision.
The last option is just to tolerate the situation. It may not be perfect, and it may not be fair, but if it works for you that's okay. If things continue the way they are, how will you feel about it a year from now? Can you forgive and forget, or will this continue to gnaw at you and grow worse? If it does grow worse, will it be harder or easier to leave him a year from now?
Good luck to you. | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/21/2006 9:03:23 AM | This guy is afraid of getting close, and until he makes a decision to work on his issues regarding intimacy, you will not get him to love you. In fact you can't make people love you. The question I pose to you is why are you putting so much energy into a guy that is NOT interested in you? And why in God's name would you ever post your 6 year old son on your dating personal ad, are you that crazy and stupid? There are so many molesters and perpetrators everywhere. Single mothers are VERY at RISK for these types of guys, and here you are letting all these sicko’s know that you have a little son and that you are single. They look for women like you! Don't expose your son to any of these men until you get to know them for a LONG time. Women like you NEED to be in therapy and get a grip on reality and learn Who You Are. You clearly have so many issues that you need to address before you will ever have a healthy man in your life.
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/21/2006 9:08:08 AM | | you love him? you don't love him, he treats you like shit. you are the one that has the problem here with your co-dependency issues, addicted to men that treat you poorly. Bet dad treated you poorly too, and or other people in your life. this is what you think you deserve. how about getting a therapist to sort things out, at least your son would maybe have a chance at having some sanity in his life. do you ever stop and think what type of mother you are being right now So Self Centered? | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/21/2006 9:26:02 AM | Hey teddy bear,
The thing about not calling. You should try it, and see what happens. You want to keep calling him b/c that keeps you, on his mind. But if you stop calling, believe me, you will be on his mind, and he will wonder what happened, and he will be calling you and wanting to know why. You need to be stand offish with him and give him a piece of his own medicine. The guy i have been seeing calls me everyday, but sometimes he gets a little distant, and all i have to do is not answer the phone ,or his texts and wait a little while, and you can reel in right back in girl. Your letting him treat you like this though, and he knows it, and he's going to keep taking advantage of it, and you. You need to respect yourself. Go ahead and try that for a little while and see what happens. If it doesn't change, then kick him to the curb!! | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/21/2006 12:47:33 PM | Any person who says it is ok for them to date other people, but not for you to do the same, is a control freak, and to be frank, not a very understanding person.
I could understand if he said, "Each of us should continue to date other people", but to say "just me" is selfish and cold hearted. While it would be fine for you to make that choice on your own, and hope that one day he sees you as his one and only.
He probably knows you love him, and is taking advantage of that knowledge. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but if he can feel that its ok to date while telling you to stay home alone, what would happen if you were married to this man?
If he does not call you for days on end, and complains when you do, I think you realize what this all means. Do yourself and your son a favor and find a man who is more interested in doing things WITH you, then complaining you call to much. Maybe you did move to fast for him, especially is he does not have kids himself, but thats no reason for him to lead you on.
Steve | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/21/2006 1:07:50 PM | | WOW RUN RUN RUN sorry to say that BUT if he wants to see others and u cannot = piss on him u will regret keeping him down the road ///// LOVE is the meaning of two to enjoy life together NOT WITH SO MANY OTHERS on ONE SIDE no no no !!!!! | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/21/2006 3:01:49 PM | | thats not right for him to see other people if he dont love you the way you want love him..i'd callit quits and get someoneelse to share things with...i wish i could find love but i cant find it no1 can give me chance | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/21/2006 9:59:52 PM | Hey Teddy Bear, you define this guy as "wonderful"???? I don't know, he may be a great guy, but he certainly isn't "wonderful" TO you. You've been dating him for 11+ months. He wants to continue to see other people and you CAN'T fault him for that, that is his choice.
However, he does not want you to see other people? WRONG, WRONG and dare I say again, WRONG. That is NOT his decision to make. Please, please, please do not allow him to make this decision for you.
It would seem to me that if he had ANY regard for YOU, he would be there for you when you needed him rather than just seeing you at his whim. After 11+ months he'd welcome hearing from you rather than using it as an excuse to disapear from you for "a few days." And one last thing to indicate his total lack of regard for you. When you're at his house he spends time messaging other people?? Regardless of whether he's messaging a man or a woman this is just utterly rude and most disrespectful and a great indicator of what he thinks of you, which, unfortunately, is minimal.
One of your own posts indicated that you must be an idiot to fall in love with this guy. Dear lady, I would not think you an idiot. But, you do come across a little thin on self respect to allow him such control.
Come on now. You're a vibrant, wonderful, considerate person with a fabulous six year old.
Pull yourself up, stick out your chin, throw back your shoulders and repeat after me until there is belief in your heart. "I do not deserve to be treated this way by anyone!!!
Your son needs someone to look up to, someone who will fight against those taking advantage others. Here is a great opportunity to show your son what self respect is and that one need not be bullied by others.
Good luck to you.
As always, just one man's opinion.
Dave | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/21/2006 11:50:02 PM | Hey Teddy Bear
He can see whomever he wants and you can't?? Take off those rose-colored glasses and get rid of the loser!! I married my ex right after high school after being together for only a year. In the 10 yrs we were married, this control freak stripped me of my self-esteem; confidence; and independence, only I was too dumb, (or too much in denial because I had the same glasses on), to realize it. I ended up with no friends because he wouldn't let me see them. When our third child was in the first grade, I went back to school. He left me because I became "too independent" for him. That was 15 yrs ago and even though my world was crashing down around me then, it was the best thing he could have done for me. I have a good job that I've been at for 14 yrs, awesome friends, (mostly male), and have regained everything that was stripped from me.
Now, when I start dating someone, I make sure that they know and understand that I hang out with a bunch of guys that are like my brothers and that we all meet up once in a while on Thursdays. As things start moving along, they eventually meet my friends as I do theirs, and they become part of our group. Sometimes it works out and they're okay with it and sometimes they're not. The ones that are not always try to keep me from my friends by either playing the guilt trip card or accuse me of sleeping with them, (even though most of them are married). Once they start playing that game I kick them to the curb because I know that they'll only get worse.
By you stating that your world is crumbling, that is the small part of your brain trying to tell your heart that this guy isn't so wonderful. Just ask yourself...is he really "everything you've ever wanted"?? Do you really want a guy who is basically making you choose between him and your friends, but it's okay for him to do whatever he wants? Honey, he's got you wrapped around his little finger and all you're doing is feeding his ego. He probably loves the fact that he's able to control you and you keep running back for more. He'll never commit to you, and why should he? He's got you right where he wants you...waiting in the wings for when it's convenient for him to spend time with you.
Take off those rose-colored glasses so you'll be able to see all of the red flags that tell you to run the other way. Then, if you still want to work things out, talk to your guy and see if he'll go to a counselor. If he doesn't want to go, then go alone. You can always sit down with him, tell him exactly how you feel about the situation, and tell him that you're not going to tolerate this kind of treatment. But if you do, make sure that you're prepared for the worst while you're hoping for the best. Or finally, you can just tolerate it, but you may just be setting yourself up for a giant heartbreak later on down the road.
I know the whole dating scene is scary and the thought of being alone really sucks. I just started dating again a year ago after taking a 10 yr hiatus so I could raise my kids. But remember, you're not alone. You have your friends to be your support group and by the amount of responses you have for your inquiry, you have quite a support group on this site. Try to keep in mind that you don't need to have a man in your life to make you happy. Only you can control your own happiness. I don't have one in my life at the moment, but I'm very happy because I already have the things that I need. I want a man in my life to add to the happiness that I already have, not to be the basis of it.
I'm sorry if I was too harsh and that this was so long. I'll get off of my soapbox now. Good luck and if you need a shoulder, I'm just an email away.
DeeDee | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/22/2006 3:25:50 AM | I agree with lives.... after talking to this girl yesterday-the one with the issue- she needs to move the hell on! But she wont! Heres a girl who puts this guy in front on everything, herself, her kid, just about everything! I don't get it, but hey I don't have to live her life either! Good luck though | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/22/2006 6:49:46 AM | | well sweety all i can say is you are being played and as long as you put up with it then the longer he will keep doing it. if he is going out with other people then he shoulds accept that it is o.k. with you also.. sounds to me like you guys both enjoy drama. so as the old saying goes either deal with it or accept it. you are probaly too nice of a person to put up with his b.s. so find a good man and stop dealing with all the drama unless of course you enjoy it... take care and best of luck..lewis | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/22/2006 11:03:35 AM | lets see you say you have a man and have been seein him for almost a year. he is still playing the field but you can't. You can't go out with your friends and he doesn't take you when he goes out with his. you can't call him everyday. then when you are there with him he spends alot of time text messaging his friends......it hurts to be in a relationship like that and i know that hard it can be when you are the type of person that gets attached to quickly to someone. You can try putting your foot down and laying down the law by telling him that you are not going to take being treated that way anymore but it won't do you any good. it hurts it will hurt but if not for yourself then think of your son he should be the priority in your life not this guy...to him you are a btn (better than nothing) the only reason he sees you or spends time with you is because at that moment he doesn't have anything he thinks is better going on. You don't give him money do you. if so thats another reason he is still around. this is just a guess but he has probably forgotten dates that had been planned days in advanced or canceled them at the last minute or didn't even bother calling and ignoring his phone when you called for a few days when he was suppose to do something with you. if i am right then congratulations you are being officially used as a door mat!!! sorry don't mean to be rude or hurt your feelings but its the truth. Let me know when he is there next and i will call you every fifteen or twenty minutes and see how he likes not being the center of your attention.
it will be fun and my pleasure to do it. but you really are better of if you dropped him like a rock. He won't change for you. He might tell you he will but it will only last for a short period of time before he starts doing it again. | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/22/2006 4:12:36 PM |
a real man? where? do real men even exist??
Yes they surely do, but you will never find one until you ditch the weinie you are with now!
Cindy O | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/22/2006 6:50:19 PM | | DUH!!! HE IS NOT WONDERFUL! HE IS AN ***hole! DUMP HIM AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!!! | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/22/2006 10:32:41 PM | Sounds like you answered your own questions.Believe me ,any guy that wants his cake and eat it to is not worth all the hurt. Been there done that. You sound like to nice of a person to put up with what you are putting up with. In fact you sound like you are afraid of him. Been there done that too.
I have been 5 years without a steady guy in my life and the first 3 were rough. But I made it and so can you. Life is too short to be unhappy. Wipe your tears ,stand your ground and get on with your life. I know that sounds easy to say but hey is it really worth it? You have only one life to live . Mr. right may be already watching you looking for the chance to sweep you off your feet. Are you going to pass that up?
Good luck and be careful. | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/24/2006 5:39:27 AM | | Give up,and Grow up! Stop being a big cry baby, you need to get on with your life! Don't let your hair get all unraveled by a guy who might just be using you! Good luck. | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/24/2006 7:26:04 AM | | maybe u need to get a pet to love that much and start dating some other guy. a pet will be there for u and enjoy it too. and u wont be as alone either. start dating its only right u do too and some people call whats going on as swinging or controling either one. | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/24/2006 7:54:32 AM | I agree with the others who have already posted.... this guy is NOT for you. Just the simple fact that he wants to see other people yet doesn't want YOU to see anybody -- you know what he's doing honey?? He is playing the field and holding you in reserve, that way in case he can't find anything better he has you fo fall back on. Come on now..... there is NOTHING fair in that to you and for him to do that is just plain-out BS. And if he won't let you have even just male FRIENDS? You need to throw this fish back and hook another one. I married a man that would not let me have any male friends and yet he could have whatever female friends he wanted and I was not allowed to say anything about it. Screw that noise....we are over now because of his infidelity, and it was probably one of those females that started out as a friend!
Trust me... you deserve so much better. I know how it feels to lonely and afraid to be alone and all that, but it's better than being continually hurt by one that you love when they obviously don't feel the same about you. | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/24/2006 1:08:22 PM | rapture594 you are getting on my last nerve, how dare you say im putting him in front of my son !!! that is not how it is, my son is my whole world,im not putting anyone in front of him!!! you do not understand the whole situation   | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/24/2006 4:02:30 PM | | Hes playing still and you are ready for a commitment. Better seek a different mate;) | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 10/24/2006 7:19:00 PM | | Your right, I dont know your whole situation! So I apologise about the son comment! | |
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| HEY GUYS A QUESTION FOR YOU
Posted: 11/11/2006 4:05:39 PM | ok, for those of you who are confused, hey teddy bear got lost and oaklandcountysweetie07 is even more lost lol
latest news: he wants me to do a list of things before he will even think of marrying me,but yet he said its all up to me to make this work, what about things he needs to do and change????  | |
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