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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/18/2006 1:13:43 PM | | I have to say, that someone did that to me this week. Same message twice and I was totally put off by it. I like it when a message is personalized and unique. | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/18/2006 1:18:27 PM | Well, here are a couple of (I hope) different thoughts and responses.
First, to DarkTranquility, who wrote:
i'd rather the girls message me after reading what i'm about. And I do think it's about time men start adopting this approach and letting the girls message them, allowing the balance to SHIFT. Because even if you're GOOD at getting responses, you are still working way too hard.
Seriously, I think you need to re-read that. Do you realize how that sounds? I think what you are trying to say in reality is "I'd rather take the more passive approach, because I fear rejection."
But what you wrote basically says "Let the chick do the damn work, I'm sick of it." Not very appealing.
Also, unless you happen to be amongst the most attractive men on the site, not likely to attract a lot of attention. As Greyymatter and others have pointed out, the odds are stacked against the men in two ways:
1) Men are under the social expectation to "make the first move". This certainly isn't always true, but it's pretty common.
2) There are roughly (by my estimation) twice as many men here as women. How do I estimate this? Simple. Do a simple search in your city with your zip code. Narrow it to 25 miles radius. Pick an age range of 10 years. I did ages 29-39. Do a Male searching for Female search. I got 279 women.
Now reverse the search, same stats, but Female searching for Male. I got 600+ results.
Ok, end of math section. :D
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Here's another scenario verging on the old "lies, damned lies, and statistics"...
Let's imagine there are 150 people in a room, 100 men, and 50 women. They are all at keyboards and can message each other. A bunch of the men are looking at the profiles, trying to pick out the ones that look special to them, write individual notes that are carefully crafted. They spend an average of 15 minutes per message. Let's this accounts for 85 of the guys. The other 15 guys quickly work up a little opening message, and send it out.
Now let's say of the 85 guys taking their time, only 60 of them even find a girl or two that they are interested in. And on the AVERAGE, let's say these 60 send out 1.5 messages each.
That's 90 total messages for the 85 "thoughtful" guys.
Now let's say the other 15 guys are evenly split between "spammers" and "selectors". So some maybe 7 of them are sending the same exact message to every girl in the room. We'll call these messages "SPAM". The other 8 are sending out similar (slightly edited perhaps) messages to about 20 girls. We'll call these "Semi-Spam", but to many girls they may look just like SPAM.
Now let's look at the average girl's inbox, shall we?
Average contents:
SPAM
Semi-SPAM
SPAM
SPAM
Semi-SPAM
thoughtful email
SPAM
SPAM
Semi-Spam
SPAM
SPAM
And there you have it. Are most guys SPAMming, using a big trawling net? No, only 7% are in this example.
But the actions of the 7 "SPAM" guys, and the 8 "Copy-paste" guys make sure that the girls see a box that looks to be 90% Spam.
So, how long would you need to see a 90% spam message rate before you started not even looking at messages. You'd probably start deleting them, too.
Just a different perspective. I am not advocating right or wrong here. Just saying that the most common actions of the few on this site will reflect as though they are the majority. It's all in the eyes of the individual.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Another, unrelated thought (as I try for the world record longest post... :D) - in my brief experience so far, there is another problem that is invisible to the message sender.
The REASON for a read/not replied to or read/deleted message.
I thought there would never be a reason to get a message and not reply, when I first started. But I soon got a message (first contact) from someone who just simply was not interesting to me. And I realized that there was no polite way to say this that I could think of.
But for me, I just went through a breakup early this year. One issue was that I wanted kids, she decided she didn't. One area that is particularly difficult for me is the "kids" issue. And while I have nothing against nice women who have kids but are looking for companionship - it simply is not what I want at this time. A person with a child / children and a separated father has a whole set of concerns and responsibilities that are at best outside my realm of experience, and at worst imcompatible with my future concerns.
Now, I could simply ignore this at the outset, and not put such weight on something that wouldn't matter in a casual dating circumstance. But then what happens if there IS a spark? What if...
So while I am not reading a profile looking for the "perfect" woman (far from it, I am very open-minded in general) - why even start talking to someone when you believe there is a "deal-breaker" on the list? And I can hear people saying "well, you could be great friends with someone" - but most of us aren't here for "friendship" as the PRIMARY outcome. This is a DATING site, first and foremost, right?
So long story to say I didn't respond to the message, because how can I say what I've just written here, without unintentionally making the person feel BAD - that she's being rejected because of being a single Mom? When it's not about her child, it's about my personal situation and mental processes.
So in short, guys (and girls) - don't worry about WHY someone didn't respond. It probably has less to do with them rejecting YOU (they don't KNOW you, anyway, they just have a little tiny electronic facsimile of your profile) and more with what's going on in their world at that moment.
Whew... sorry about the length of that. It's hard to explain sometimes without a lot of detail.  | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/18/2006 1:21:30 PM |
Posted By: wanttolicku69 on 10/21/2006 4  30 PM Subject: Why do men copy/paste Message: 100 % correct so many of you ladie's just delete our messages it gets tiring so thats why try repyling to your email sometime!
oh my god ... dude!! how can YOU even expect any respectable woman to reply to you AT ALL? I mean, seriously, look at your USER NAME and PROFILE ?!?!?
wanttolicku69: looking for a neglected milf !!!
"Want To Lick U 69: looking for a neglected MILF" ?!? MILF being "Mother I'd Like To F.U.C.K.") ... uh ... yeah ... ok.... hahahahahaha!!
SERIOUSLY !!! dude I am sorry but I think that the only EMAILS you are likely to get are the SPAM BOTS from XXX porn sites wanting you to go watch their naked asses on webcams ... geezzzz LOL | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/18/2006 1:36:13 PM |
Posted By: sandtownlady on 11/18/2006 3  09 PM Subject: Why do men copy/paste Message: The "copy and paste" thing just may the guys' way of using the "more bait, the better" approach. Maybe, if he gets a bite, then he gets creative? But, why is it that regardless of the subject of the thread, the posts become a bashfest between the sexes?
sandtownlady, your 1st sentence would actually be a fair view on why men do it (certainly that is 1 reason why I myself do it - again, only my 1st contact emails TEND to be (not always) a copy/paste job, because it's been tiring in the past ... )
but I read a response back on page 3, just a bit ago by "Chris_KC" who pretty much wrote a message that I think is very fitting in answer to what you said:
Quoting "Chris_KC" here:
Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 10/21/2006 5:06:14 PM
This thread and the many similar ones that came before it are perfect examples of polarizing generalizations that do nothing to further the real purpose of this site; that is to help men and women connect.
Bigfish needs to install a filter to auto delete every new thread that starts like:
Why do men .....
Why do women ...
How come men .....
How come women ....
...on and on...
The existence of these threads seems to be at cross purpose with the reason we are all here. The purpose of such threads seem to be the airing of rants and frustrations, rather than real discussions of dating issues.
So that I'm not totally off-topic, people who resort to canned contact letters and canned responses are simply showing their general lack of creativity. The recipients of this "date-spam" should delete the rubbish the same way they do spam for viagra, work at home, ink-jet refills, or any of the 1000 other pieces of crap that clutter our regular inboxes each day.
I dont "play the numbers," and as a result, the very few first-contact emails I do send always seem to get responses.
and I think he makes a good point. I have ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT of issues with (and AGAINST) women IN GENERAL ... And I am TOTALLY STRAIGHT (just so you know LOL) And I ACTUALLY DO LOVE WOMEN .... despite the incredible amount of frustration I get from them LOL
So, I do realize the truth of what he said. BUT!! I also believe that MEN and WOMEN ALSO need to hear each other's side of the picture when we DO "rant and rave" OUT LOUD so that we can SEE EACH OTHER'S SIDE and try to "step into someone else's shoes" and I believe that it also fosters a better opportunity to LEARN FROM EACH OTHER about not just the hardships we all encounter but also to create thinking amongst ourselves where we can try to improve the situations that cause us hardship. | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/18/2006 1:39:53 PM | Quoting "greyymatter":
Posted By: greyymatter on 10/21/2006 5  41 PM Subject: Why do men copy/paste
... --snip--
The general message on this thread is that if you son't cut and paste, you write more genuine letters and hence, get better or more responses.
But like I said in an earlier post, for some guys, they are driven to cut an paste because the genuine letters don't get read anyway, and after awhile of trying different writing styles, etc with no sucess, they are tempted to "play the numbers."
...
Even though I OFTEN use a general copy/paste framework for "1st-time-ONLY emails" that I later on customize before sending, it is never all the time. MUCH of the time I still do compose original unique letters that truly do more honor to someone whom I feel or think deem me a real chance of communication. I also (usually) LOVE partaking in the conversations that later ensue, as long as they love them as much as I do, to keep it going ... if possible :-P | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/18/2006 1:45:09 PM |
Posted By: pokerman40.2 on 10/21/2006 6  42 PM Subject: Why do men copy/paste Message: ^^^I'm assuming you meant me, but perhaps not. Until you mentioned that, I didn't see it in my user name. It refers to the card game. Maybe I should put a space between the "r" and the "m." Or perhaps the ladies who respond don't read it that way either. Anyway, thanks for pointing it out.
no, no, man! KStufff was talking about that "wanttolicku69 person", he just did not DIRECT his reply by naming who he was talking to. ugggh
so no it was NOT YOU... you have had nothing but very nice and thoughtful replies on here! take it easy man ...
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/18/2006 1:47:41 PM | | Prophet, were you planning on personally replying to every single message on this thread? | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/18/2006 2:25:06 PM | answer#1THE SIMPLE ANSWER IS ,AS A TRANSEXUAL ESCORT I CAN TELL YOU, THAT MEN ARE LAZY.THEY WILL NOT DRIVE EVEN TWENTY MINUTES TO GET LAID.ONE HAS TO BE PRACTICALLY NEXT DOOR OR SITTING AT THE VERY NEXT TABLE IN A BAR TO GET A RESPONSE.UNFORTUNATELY,ON THIS CONTINENT,THE MAJORITY OF MEN ARE WORKER BEES,MINIMALLY EDUCATED AND UNSOPHISTICATED AS IT WOULD BE ECONOMICALLY DISADVANTAGEOUS TO HAVE THEM NOT BE SO.VERY FEW ARE THE ALPHA MALE.SO THEY CUT AND PASTE AND MASS MARKET AS THE HAVE LEARNED FROM MADISON AVENUE.HORMONALLY MEN ARE DIFFERENT FROM WOMEN AND AS BOTH I HAVE EXPERIENCED THE DIFFERENCE.HORMONES CAN CHANGE YOUR WORLD VISION AND ITS A LOT MORE IMPINGING THAN MEN ARE FROM MARS WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS.I INVITE WOMEN TO TAKE SOME TESTOSTERONE SHOTS AND GET SOME REALITY ON WHAT A HORMONE CAN DO TO YOUR PERCEPTIONS OF YOU.MEN LIVE IN A HELL OF HORNYNESS WHICH WILL NOT GO AWAY NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.IT DISTROYS YOUR ABILITY TO GET ANYTHING DONE BECAUSE THE PRESSURE JUST KEEPS ON GETTING WORSE AND OCCUPYING YOUR MIND AND I MEAN LIKE THE GERMANS OCCUPYING PARIS.
answer#2ANTHROPOLOGICALLY,IN OUR PAST, WITHIN A SAVAGE OR NOMADIC SOCIAL STRUCTURE,MEN COULD NOT BE SURE OF WHAT CHILDREN WERE THEIRS.ONLY WOMEN KNEW THE CHILDREN WERE THEIR OWN BY BIRTHING THEM.THIS CREATES A SURVIVAL SITUATION FOR THE MALE GENES ONLY IF HE SPREADS HIS SEED AROUND ALL OVER THE PLACE AND HOPES OFFSPRING ARE BORN SOMWHERE SOMETIME.WE NOW CALL THIS "SOWING HIS WILD OATS."THIS IS WHAT WOMEN IN THE WORLD ARE RUNNING INTO WHEN HE DOES NOT CALL YOU BACK.A MAN DOE'S NOT KNOW IF THERE IS A ROMANTIC OR SOUL CONNECTION UNTILL AFTER HE CLIMAXES.THE FIRST KISS AFTER THAT HE WILL KNOW,AND LADIES IF YOU THINK THAT IT IS NOT A SOUL CRUSHING MOMENT FOR A MALE WHEN HE KNOWS THERE IS NO "LOVE CONNECTION"YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN.THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS MEN LEAVE IN A FLASH WITH NO EXPLANATION MAKING YOU FEEL LIKE YOUVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG.YOU HAVEN'T,HE NEEDS TO DEAL WITH HIS LOSS(OF YOU)ALONE BECAUSE THIS HAS HAPPENED MORE OFTEN THAN HE WOULD LIKE TO OR BE ABLE TO CONFRONT.
THIS BEING I CALL "RUN AROUND GUY" NOW ANY RUN AROUND GUY CAN BE TURNED INTO "RELATIONSHIP GUY" AND MEN ARE WILLING TO DO THIS(SUPRISE)!
THE WILD CARD HERE IS WOMEN WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN BY THE ALPHA MALE(OF COURSE)A HIGH QUALITY SURVIVAL MOVE BUT HE "AINT STICKIN AROUND"BECAUSE HIS SERVICES ARE WANTED ALL OVER THE PLACE.NOW SHE NEEDS RELATIONSHIP GUY TO TAKE CARE OF HER CHILDREN AS THEY GROW UP.RELATIONSHIP GUY DOES NOT WANT TO DO THIS(OF COURSE) SO ACROSS A TIME PERIOD MEASURED IN MANY MANY MANY THOUSANDS OF YEARS,HISTORICALLY,WE HAVE THE DEVELLOPMENT OF MARRIAGE AND THE ENSLAVEMENT OF WOMEN AS ECONOMIC UNITS OF INCREDIBLE VALUE LEADING UP TO THE CLASH WE HAVE TODAY BETWEE OUR BARBARIC PAST AND THE "AGE OF INFORMATION"ELKE HESS ADVICE FOR THE LOVELORN" | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/18/2006 5:02:01 PM |
Hmmm...maybe I should compile a database of first contact responses, and automate sending them out based on keywords found in profiles scraped from an automated trolling of the forums. I could write a program that determines the relative good looks of a picture, and send a message on a sliding scale basis of the calculated result. Then I could just sit back and let the babes roll in, all without lifting a finger (if you don't count the ten years spent writing the software) -muahaha-.
OMG you won't believe this... I just googled for something like that and found a software out there that does just that (minus judging of the pictures) - written explicitly for online dating it customizes a generic email template with bits from a profile. Depending on the "template" I think the emails can sound very convincing.
Man, has it realy had to come that far?
BTW: On the website the author of that software sugested that he will write a software for woman next to sort incomming dating-emails by how interesting the prospect sounds. Seems there is a technical solution for everything.... | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/18/2006 5:30:47 PM | I feel like I should be at a meeting..."Hi, my name is Joe and I copy & paste..." 
But seriously, while I do sometimes use a message "template", I have never copied and pasted an entire email, word for word, to someone. I do usually have a basic email with facts about myself (which as one post here stated, don't change) that I use as a starting point. I always mention something specific when talking about why I wrote to that particular woman, whether its her picture, or more often, something she wrote in her profile or a post that was thought provoking and caught my attention.
It has been my experience that taking the time to write a longer and more personal message is best saved for a second message, once a woman I've written to has expressed her interest in getting better acquainted. If she takes the time to get to know me, she will know exactly what it is about her that I think makes her special as well as what makes me unique. I'm not someone who emails lots of women on a regular basis, but it can be frustrating to take the time out of a busy schedule to write to a woman only to see the old read/delete deal. I used to let that bother me, but I don't sweat it anymore; if someone can't find the time or interest to get back to me, for whatever their reason, thats outside the area of something I have control over. In the meantime, online dating IS a numbers game, but in the long run, the only number that matters to me is one, as in the one woman I want to find. Until that day comes, I'll contact people in the way that best suits me and she can gauge her interest from there. | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/18/2006 11:28:11 PM | honeynubbin:
I just think that maybe a few extra keystrokes would make it less likely to land in the "Read-Deleted, Unread-Deleted" pile. Would it be too hard to insert the recipient's username at the top of the note? Or a mention of some small thing he/she said in his/her profile to give them the idea that you might have actually read it
Hmm, that advice might be relevant for the "Read-Deleted" category, but how would it make it less likely to end up in the "Unread-Deleted" category, since those who deleted it without reading it would never see the things you recommend putting in? | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/18/2006 11:31:28 PM | | Actually, I have a serious suggestion that I think would help a lot. Its a feature of some other dating sites. I'd like to see information in the profile listing about what percentage of emails the individual has actually bothered to answer over the last 90 days. This would give one a good idea of whether its worth the effort to write a well thought out, personal letter or whether its very likely to be a total and complete waste of time. | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/19/2006 11:15:39 AM | | they copy and paste because, now matter how original they think they are, it's all been said b4. | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/19/2006 12:33:57 PM |
what about the guys that copy and paste exactly wahts in their profile into an email and send it to you(?)
Thats just lazy...but I like his method! lol
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 11/19/2006 12:47:43 PM | | I am turned off totally when a man does the copy and paste thing. I have a descriptive, unique profile ( I think), and if a man actually reads it and sends an email about something that I have mentioned in my profile I am assuming he might be interested in getting to know me. But then, if men send so many email to women maybe not since I am just merely one woman in a thousand. Maybe most women on POF get 30 email a day, not me, I might receive one every few months. | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 1/19/2007 9:15:09 PM | | WELL TO COPY IN PAST SHOWS THAT U ARE JUsT GOIN THREW A LONG LIST FINDING SEVERAl u and dropping them a line me for one i hated forewarded email and copy and paste because that is not personel at all just as soon run an add inpaper ,u got to take time to at least write 5 or 6 words of ya own different for everyone because every one is different if we werent we all be borin and it wouldnt matter who ya got hooked up with because they would all be the same , me i want someone different not just another cute face | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 1/19/2007 9:38:52 PM | I've never copied and pasted. I haven't even bothered to read the thread on how to copy others posts into mine in the box because I would rather spend my time talking to real women than fussing with technology.
Back on the first page of this thread BILL posts a lot of stuff I disagree with. I don't even know if you will read this but feel compelled to respond anyway. I think your genericism IS the problem. PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE a little and grow a little thicker skin. My experiences SO DISAGREE with your statement that if men didn't email women we would all be sitting around twiddling our thumbs. About every other day I get an email from a totally new woman telling me they like my opinions on the forum. Another stranger added herself to my favs today without even an email... I can only guesstimate it is something I said on the forums. She looks cool/funny, intelligent, and attractive. The only sad thing is so far they have all been from other states or other countries. | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 1/20/2007 6:00:01 AM | jamesntn47, punctuation is your friend! 
Now back to the topic: About 2 weeks ago, I wrote a very thought out email, taking time to address the things she mentioned in her profile. I come back a few days later to see it read, with no reply. It just makes you feel you did all that work for naught. Had she replied with "Thanks, but I'm not interested" it would've at least shown some consideration. Then there's the mail you send that doesn't even get read, just deleted.
Yeah, you shrug and move on, but you can't help but feel you've wasted your time. I'm starting to think that a well thought-out form letter might be a better way to go. | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 1/20/2007 8:16:53 AM | Sending the same copied/pasted email to several people will never get a response and I don't know whey anyone does this.
I admit I have 'partially' copied/pasted. By that I mean each email was edited to fit each profile. I make certain that I respond to a thing or two in particular that I see in the profile so she knows I acutally have read it.
Just recently I came accross a profile that intrigued me so much I immediately TYPED out a well thought out email to her reflecting some of the things we had in common. And I got a response! We exchanged a few great emails but then, like many other women, she took the cowardly way out and ignored me.
I've typed out a couple of emails just like the above only to recieve a one or two sentence reply. Such as "Thanks for the email. I'm 38 and live in Hooterville" or something like that. Now that, in my opinion, is more insulting than not replying at all. Why do some women do that? If a man's email interests you let him know by reciprocating. If it doesn't interest you don't reply.
There are also women (yes women do it too) who are playing with 4 or 5 guys at once. Keeping them all on the line til they decide which one to meet.
Just a few reasons for the copy and paste method. For some men it's come to the point where they think why put in all that effort for just one email? | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 9/20/2007 5:28:48 PM | I hate copied and pasted messages. I have actually written back to the goobers who do this and told them that what they were doing was idiotic. I much prefer someone to send a personal note that is unique, and shows that the man has read my profile. I like a comment about a forum post or something in my profile that the man liked. It is also an insult to the receiver's intelligence . It also shows me that the person does not have enough interest in me personally to bother writing an original message to me directly. I don't understand why anyone would be so dumb as to mass email messages.
It is a turnoff to get such an impersonal message. In fact, I would like to see POF make it impossible for anyone to send the same, multiple message to people because let's face it, it is just another form of spam. <img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>
I do feel that a couple of original sentences is a nice way to break the ice, and a better way to attract someone than an obvious paste and copy. A short, original note is much better. Guys, PLEASE be original!! | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 9/20/2007 6:20:20 PM | | Have to laugh at this post as it just happened to me minutes ago. In late August I recieved a message from a guy and after a few e-mails back and forth I never heard from him again. Then just minutes ago I recieved a message from him identical to the one I recieved in August! Word for word. My intitial reaction was to respond and after a moments thought decided to save my breath. Just shaking my head. | |
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| Why do men copy/paste
Posted: 9/20/2007 6:20:49 PM | | Have to laugh at this post as it just happened to me minutes ago. In late August I recieved a message from a guy and after a few e-mails back and forth I never heard from him again. Then just minutes ago I recieved a message from him identical to the one I recieved in August! Word for word. My intitial reaction was to respond and after a moments thought decided to save my breath. Just shaking my head. | |
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