| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 3/24/2005 8:58:16 AM |
I think focussing on your virginty gives undue prominence to sex
hear, hear. Sex is great. I do it whenever I can. Nothing but high regards for it, here - but on the other hand, I remember finally losing my virginity way back when and going, "what, that's it? This is what society and the media beats us over the head with day in and day out? This is what we obsess over? Wow, are we weird or what? Hmm... maybe I should do it again just to be sure... honey, you still awake?"  | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 3/24/2005 9:27:32 AM |
Ryu, funny maybe, ridiculous...I wish. I am sure I am not the only woman here to have experienced this...come on my sisters..testify
yep. some guys bring new meaning to "one hit wonder"
then, there's always "minute man." | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 3/24/2005 9:38:49 AM |
I am a virgin and will remain that way until marraige. I dont look down on people who dont share my decision...but just curious to know how you all feel about that. I think the idea of having only one partner in your entire life is romantic. Does anyone else agree?
This is by far one of the worst ideas that anyone could ever hope to try to stick to. Too many things change after sexual intimacy. How do you know if you'll be getting someone who is even sexually compatible with you before you make a supposed lifelong commitment???
There's a great many things that people should know about one another well before making such a massive commitment. Sexual compatibility and all the twists and changes that sex can bring to a relationship is just one example of those things.
I haven't read the rest of this thread. I'm just reacting to your initial post. I hope others have tried to sway your thoughts about this into some realm of rationality and common sense. | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 4/3/2006 5:14:37 PM | | I'm waiting for marriage..... What people seem to be missing is that being a virgin..... really you don't kown what sex is supposed to be like... So how can you not be compatible? I find that our society has no morals. If you relate this to marriage .... sex isn't the only thing that marriage is ... marriage is about commitment .... a promise between two people to God. God Created us ... and said one man one woman..... he didn't say multiple partners...... So i think most peoples views are just based on what other people tell them... Our bodies are temples to God.... Why abuse youself. | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 4/4/2006 8:37:25 AM | Waiting for marriage......
I wouldn't marry anyone who i hadn't felt that immotional and intimate "attachment" to.
If im going to share my life, body and soul with someone, then i want to know that we can both share ourselves with eachother.... Freely!
You can actually see the look in her eye's, you can see if she loves you or just "wants" you. For me its the ultimate test. | |
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K-5
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Joined: 11/21/2004
Msg: 57 | |
| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 4/4/2006 9:04:50 AM | Well............unfortunately I'm not a virgin, I dipped in the cookie jar, but I've abstained from sex for about 3yrs now, and I'm trying to hold on till I get married, but honestly speaking.............IT IS HARD AS F**K!!!!!!!!
It was easy at the beginning cause I ended a very strong relationship that kind of took out everything I had, so from yr 1 and 2, it wasn't a challenge (never had been in love this bad), but mid 3rd yr, the urges started getting to me, I'm going into yr 4 and I can't say I'll be able to stay like this much longer.
I don't know if there is anyone who has been in this situation before.............
But I do say, maybe when I get engaged and are close to the wedding date I think I'd like to get some n00kie....................... | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 4/25/2006 10:41:17 PM | | You know, in a perfect world, saving yourself for marriage just might work, but unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world. Would you go to a car dealership and buy a car without looking under the hood or even giving it a test drive. Would you put your hard earned money into it with an as/is warranty, only to find out that it's really a lemon, and breaks down after only a couple spins around the block? What you buy clothing that you were not sure would fit perfectly if there was a no refund policy? That's what you do when you don't have sex before marriage. What if you build this person up, look forward to the sex after marriage, and find out on your honeymoon night that they are terrible in bed. You are now stuck with a terrible sex partner "For as long as you both shall live". However, if you had sex, and found out that they were El Lamo before hand, then you could have saved yourself 50 million headaches, a big chunk of change on the wedding, and an even bigger chunk of change on a messy divorce, because believe me, I know that sex is not everything, just 98% of everything. And anyone who says they don't think it's important in a good relationship is lying, well, at least lying to themselves. | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 4/26/2006 1:31:20 AM |
thank you klocutie...as for that sexual compatibility crap, me and my wife will have a whole lifetime and marragie to work on that! Love conquers all my friend...that may sound sappy or cheezy but I really feel that way! - ryu979
It's neither sappy, nor cheesy. It's sad.
I came from a religious subculture that preached virginity until marriage. Many of us bought that whole "You'll have a lifetime to work those things out!" and "Love conquers all!" and all of that crap.
And I'm sorry, it WAS crap. I've seen friends of women mine with rabid libidos married to guys who had sex maybe once a month. I've seen it reversed, where the woman called the guy a pervert for wanting sex more than once a week. Or he's a two-pump chump, or a three-stroke joke. The only reason you find those labels amusing is because you think people are kidding with you. They're not.
My friend, go out and get laid. Don't piss away your youth waiting for some mythological sexual bliss that awaits you on the other side of a wedding ceremony. Your first time, whether you have a ring on your finger or not, will be clumsy and you'll wonder what the @#$#@ing big deal was. You'll might even find yourself asking, "This is what everyone is so obsessed about?"
In one sense, you're right: it does get better with time. And practice. But, basically, when you enter marriage as a virgin you are rolling the dice. And the odds are stacked against you.
I'm waiting for marriage..... What people seem to be missing is that being a virgin..... really you don't kown what sex is supposed to be like... So how can you not be compatible? - farmgirl21
I couldn't help laughing when I read that.
That is a statement that ONLY a virgin could make.
Trust me, honey. You'll know a lot quicker than you think. | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 4/26/2006 1:36:32 AM | So stay a virgin. It's nobody's business what you do with your sex life. My question is what if you fall in love with someone who has had sex? Are you willing to sacrifice your desire to marry a virgin to be with her? It's a lovely idea that "love conquers all" but the reality is - it doesn't. Love doesn't put a roof over your head or food in your belly. You need to be realistic about marriage and realize that most men/woman your age have had sex. I'm not saying it's right. I'm not saying it's wrong. I think what your looking for will take time and an open mind. If you want to wait for Mrs. Right just remember that Mrs. Right may not have been waiting for you. Marry someone you love because you love them. Not because they are a virgin. | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 4/26/2006 6:51:48 AM | I disagree....I believe I was faithful because I waited for my husband. I was not curious at all! He WAS sex to me. It was great...he's been gone now for 6 months and I've had one experience since....I wish I hadn't lost my husband for a million and one reasons, but one of them is that I planned on sleeping with him and him only.....but things happen. I am super horny now and it's driving me crazy..... | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 4/26/2006 8:34:37 PM | I to am saving myself. Maybe not for after I get married, but for someone that I have a strong connection with and a shrong and serious relationship. When I am with someone I want to have them on every level. I don't want sex, I want love, and the passion that comes with love.  | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 4/26/2006 9:44:21 PM | I say more power to you...if that is what you wish to do. It is your choice….
My future wife and I waited until we were married. Personally, as far as I am concerned, it was a mistake. I passed up a lot of opportunities with other women before I met and asked my wife to marry me. I was very religious back then and did the whole religious guilt trip. All I can say is I wish I hadn't waited... For that matter I wish I had not married my wife...but she was the same religion as I was and both of us were pretty naïve as far as sex goes… and it didn’t get any better.
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 4/26/2006 11:32:14 PM | | would like to think that it is possible to save one's self for marriage, but isn't the sexual connection important too? What if you get married and find that sexually, you two don't click, that would just suck! | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 4/26/2006 11:39:55 PM | | Well, I always wanted to save myself until marriage, although the urge and desire has always been there. However, I did lose my virginity, but only after I fell in love with a woman who I planned to be my wife. We got engaged and things were fine, but then all of a sudden, she up and left me. So the moral of the story is that even though you may think something is right, that may not always be the case. Infatuation is easily mistaken for true love as I found out the hard way. However, my point is that your desires ARE controllable, and they only take over if you let them. I think that staying true to yourself, no matter what you believe in is the right thing to do. For me, it is only committed relationships that I see a future in, and that is what I will do from here on out. | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 5/5/2006 10:13:55 AM |
I disagree....I believe I was faithful because I waited for my husband. I was not curious at all! He WAS sex to me. It was great...he's been gone now for 6 months and I've had one experience since....I wish I hadn't lost my husband for a million and one reasons, but one of them is that I planned on sleeping with him and him only.....but things happen. I am super horny now and it's driving me crazy..... - brandyjan
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Although I'm going to disagree with you about one thing, that should in no way be taken as disrespect either for your late husband, or the glorious relationship that you two shared.
Far from it.
But there are two misconceptions I believe you hold:
1. You were faithful because you waited.
2. Sex was glorious simply because you'd never had sex with anyone else.
I don't think faithfulness has anything to do with lack of experience. Quite the contrary, I know MANY people who get married early, and reach their late 20s or early 30s and regret experiences that they missed out on, and begin to wonder if they made a mistake. Ever heard of the 7-year itch?
From what you've described, what you and your husband had was chemistry. That has nothing to do with how many partners came before you met each other. It's a rare experience where your bodies mesh perfectly. As a friend of mine once said, "Your souls are touching." I have that with my redhead right now. Both of us had sexual partners before we met.
The good news is, you may experience that again someday.
My future wife and I waited until we were married. Personally, as far as I am concerned, it was a mistake. I passed up a lot of opportunities with other women before I met and asked my wife to marry me. I was very religious back then and did the whole religious guilt trip. All I can say is I wish I hadn't waited... For that matter I wish I had not married my wife...but she was the same religion as I was and both of us were pretty naïve as far as sex goes… and it didn’t get any better. - Halfevl333
Yeah, I did the whole religion-guilt thing, too. I hear you. I got married young, and missed out on a lot of life experiences that I am only making up for, now. | |
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jg65
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Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 70 | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 10/2/2007 9:51:16 PM | I think if you can save yourself for marriage,that's a great thing.
But if for some reason you can't,don't feel discouraged.
Statistics show that only 9% of people are virgins when they marry. | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 10/2/2007 10:31:01 PM | I commend any person that saves themselves for the person they marry :). I truely believe that is something well worth holding out for. I decided I was ready when I was 21 and returning from Iraq. For me it was a conscious decision based on the fact that after a near death experience I sure as heck wasn't going to die a virgin  . Still, I have no regrets as it was a long term relationship with someone I did love. Not all things work out though as we want ;). Chalk em up to experience  | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 10/3/2007 12:13:40 AM | It's not just that sexual incompatibility can occur. People get divorced for a whole range of reasons, even if they were in love with eachother at one point in time. Sure, some people do have only one partner for their whole life, but it's becoming increasingly common that marriages end in divorce, you won't love eachother anymore, and then you'll find someone else. There's a heck of a lot that can go wrong to prevent you and that one person staying together forever.
I don't mean to sound like a pessimist, but just trying to provide another perspective on the romantic notion of only having one partner. | |
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| Saving yourself for marraige!
Posted: 10/3/2007 12:25:41 AM | I have one thing to say here... what if he is not good in bed?
You have to test drive the car first:P | |
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