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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 10/31/2006 3:38:36 PM | | I allow myself to get involved w/ men who are not emotionally available, or they just want a p/t relationship- when THEY are in the mood. I allowed it, believing they'd step up to the plate. No more. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/1/2006 8:31:53 PM | | Wow, glad to see you have no pre-formed judgments or expectations. God forbid that it was truly the fault of the "X", as then we'd all be automatically lying. For some, who bent over backwards and tried everything to make the relationship work, they will be guilty of something judging from the format of the question. Myself, being of this ilk, will admit to being an icky-bad man-thing and will quietly nod to this, and never try to shake the pillars of free thought in your head. My fault lays in trying, when the eventual result was the same. I do now know how to recognize mental instability and run from it. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/1/2006 10:31:05 PM | I just threw this subject out there because it is one of the questions that is important for me to hear answered when considering another relationship. This is not just for the women on POF, I wonder how the men feel as well?
Im glad im not the only who likes to ask that question. If they cant or wont talk about it or do the blaming game totally. ..It makes me go me go HUMMMMMM..... I wonder if he has really delt with it? We all play a part no matter how small.....
I chose not to force his hand on the drinking earlier than i did , becasue of my own fears The other 95% is his ......
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/1/2006 11:56:03 PM | Religion, simple as that. He got involved with some stupid 'sect', he called his family.....I rest my case.  | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/2/2006 12:34:47 AM | GUYS AND GIRLS!
Every response involves assigning blame to your partner.
Take some responsibility.
I dont see any adult emotinal intelligence here. I see you blaming your ex for the problems.
You might wanna have a long look in the mirror to see how to improve yourself instead of blaming the world.
KThxbai | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/2/2006 2:59:23 AM | Mr BCDream .....of course you are right, how silly of me! Damn, i should have sold the house and given the money to the 'family', then moved to the oshram where i could work to earn my keep and send my children to one of THEIR schools. I wouldn't have had to worry about sex, cause they only had sex when they felt the need to reproduce.
My ex problems stemmed from his father, sorry to disappoint you, but i was NOT responsible, and he even admits that to this day. I supported him, until it started to get out of hand, it seemed the more support i gave him, the deeper he became involved! I then grew a brain. | |
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zooom
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Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 58 | |
| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/2/2006 3:36:09 AM | It was my complete failure to walk away sooner from a situation I had no business being in if not for love. We were doomed to a short-lived relationship from the start. But what can I say, she's great and it was good when it was good. It was a surprise when she fell in love with me, and it hurt when she stopped loving me.
Now I have made the adjustment and no longer consider a lasting love possible in my case. Occasional sex will have to do. I can't be what women want for more than a week or two at a time. To try is to invite disaster.
It's something about me I can't quite figure out, that is either a defect or else an immunity, but whatever the case, the older I get the less of a problem it becomes. I am excused from romance these days on account of looks and income. If I made more money I would be attractive that way, or if I was better looking I could afford to make what I do. But thanks for asking. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/2/2006 6:07:49 AM | I think the reason that I don't take a lot of blame in the downfall is because for years I took all the blame, and once out could look at the situation and with much therapy, but the blame where it belonged. I don't believe "blame" is the proper word really, because I don't blame anyone. My ex probably had reasons for his actions, but that is not up to me to find out now. Once trust is broken, it is next to impossible to get it back.
Just my 3 cents worth, tired of the 2 cent thingy, | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/2/2006 11:26:12 AM | Glad you said that zooom. There are heaps of men who just are not marketable.
My own situation is a good example of that. Lots of people who don't look carefully think I have it going on. Plenty of money, not bad looking for pushing 50, lots of dates... etc. Still can't make the sale. I have a bad case of But-we-are-friendsitis. No cure for that yet known to science.
Like you, I decided to just fess up and live with it. It's not really so bad when you can accept things for what they are. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/2/2006 11:55:18 AM | I think long term relationships/marriages can just go stale, and there's no coming back from that. Combine that with, what were once pleasing quirks in the other, now becoming major annoyances, then that's the beginning of the end.
I also think that the balance of power in a relationship can become one-sided, and this means that frustration takes root in the one not making the decision, be they small ones, or large ones.
All-in-all, I struggle to see how relationships can survive 'forever'. But then, I'm here, so what do I know... | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/2/2006 4:52:05 PM | That woman was downright ornery and my fault was I thought I could change her. She barely glanced my way & I fell "Hook,Line,& Sinker". That's when we agreed to a catch & release program. LOL! GO FISH!
Skunk | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/2/2006 8:29:04 PM | Juliet
Well.....whats wrong with leading a religious life? It would have done ya good gal!
You know I love you long time Juliet.....you do have a point.
BUT.....do you folks not see the trend in this thread to externalize the reasons for your breakups? Thats all I am saying... | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/2/2006 9:07:43 PM | | If we are in a relationship that ended up with a downfall, we have to atleast take responsibility for choosing to be in that relationship. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/2/2006 11:00:51 PM | Here's a summary with comments:
1. failure to communicate? Communication broke down toward the end of the relationship. This was an effect more than a cause.
2. different priorities? I think she was more into having fun than raising a family.
3. I didn't really know what I wanted No problems there
4. I cheated She cheated.
5. I took the other for granted Maybe somewhat. I think she needed a lot more time with me than she let on.
6. I gave at the 'office'..lol One complaint she had was I worked too much and there is some truth to that, however I could have said "no" more often if she wasn't spending money faster than I was earning it.
7. I didn't make 'special time' for us If there was one thing I tried to do, it was go out with her (without our kids) at least one night a week. Tried to spend some time watching a favorite show together or whatever. But like I said before, I think she needed more time with me than I was giving.
Anyone willing to fess up? I double dawg dare ya.
Please remember, this is about your part..it takes courage to admit your part and easy to put the blame on the other. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/3/2006 12:46:06 PM | The "them" you refer to must be of a certain gender. Am I correct "prolibertate"?
"Goody for your side & our side too!"
Ogden Nash | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/3/2006 12:57:32 PM | Wow, that's hard to believe, coug4. How could someone not love you? Oh well, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and, as they say, get on with it. LOL
Tink, Calgary | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/3/2006 1:09:20 PM | We didn't talk.
I knew when he was overseas he had an affair with my sister. She got pregnant but aborted the child.
When I was pregnant he spent hours on the phone with my sis.
When he eventually came back home, years later, I took my 'revenge' and had an affair.
He didn't care and I was angry.
We divorced.......but that was okay, cos he already had his new lady lined up. That was 1997, he's cozy, I'm still single because I am picky. Although admit that becuase of finincial complications for 5 years I was livid, fighting to kee a roof over the heads of our sons. Now, I could care less. Been there, done that........and stronger for it. But that might make me not good material for the men out there as I know I can survive without the support of a bloke.
Damn, honesty has always been my downfall! | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/5/2006 1:20:44 PM | In my marriage, there were two people who cared about each other, but we just didn't work as a married couple.
We'd known each other decades ago, and came back together via the Internet.
Both of us had lived alone for many years, and it was harder to come together for that reason.
Both of us had our own emotional challenges that we're still struggling with.
We knew we needed to get some marriage counseling, but just never managed to do it.
Finally we agree that we cared too much about each other to prolong the pain.
So now we're "just friends," and her definition of that is different than mine... as far as how often we see each other.
But I'm learning to live with it. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/5/2006 6:22:08 PM | Would a women believe my ex if she told her it was her fault? She has even offered me references if I need them. After 22 years and the kids all grown she said she didn't love me anymore and I deserved better, I had so much more life to live.
I still love her, have times when I don't like her too much. But it wasn't any drugs, alcohol, boyfriends or girlfriends, she just didn't want me around anymore. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 11/5/2006 6:44:36 PM | | Turns out the only thing my ex and I had in common was: we both got married on the same day. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:32:16 PM | My last long term relationship ended because he was dishonest and emotionally unavailable. He told me he was married to one woman and she was killed in a car accident, when in reality he had four ex wives. I was really really stupid to fall for his stories. The story about being a widow instead of a multiple divorcee was just the tip of the iceburg. Very little of what he told me was true. I was emotionally needy and blinded by charm and an accomplished liar.
If the sex were not so good, I would have been out of there a lot sooner. Blame seven months on naivity and a high libido. I ended things when I realized you can't build a relationship on sex and dishonesty, and he was emotionally unable to give me what I needed. Without a foundation of honesty and trust it was doomed from the start.
When I look back on it, however, it was a great transitional relationship. He got me through the transition from being a lonely widow to a confident, single woman ready for a committed relationship. I don't hate him. I learned some very valuable lessons about how some men will say and do anything to get a woman in bed. He stooped pretty low, and I was prime for the picking. I am much wiser now. I won't be so easily fooled ever again.
I appreciate my current beau so much for his character after that experience. He is who he appears to be. What you see is what you get. I trust the things he says to me.
Our relationship is well rounded and I am a much happier person. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 9/23/2009 9:19:15 PM | | My last LTR ended because her neurological and psychiatric problems got so bad that she really only sat in front of the television and knitted or screamed at people. It was sad for me, but she's being taken care of, and there isn't anything more I can do. It wasn't her fault. | |
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