| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 9/26/2009 9:44:56 AM | I woke up one morning and thought wow!!! This sucks !!!
I went to her and said "Ya know it's not always about you and left . "
It wasn't dynamic it was as if I did not exist .
BTW this is the marriage that I don't take 90% of the responsibility for..
My part was being around her I felt brain dead | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 9/26/2009 11:30:15 AM | Marrying someone I knew deep down inside I wasn't compatible with, just to "please" both our fathers......
Not fair to me, not fair to him, not fair to the child we brought into the world together. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 9/26/2009 1:46:31 PM |
Think you missed the point - WHAT DID YOU DO WRONG ?
As I tried to say, the list in the OP did not take into account how a guy may see the same issues. All you have to do is read the posts to see the differences. For the most part, men leave because the women are too controlling. "Communication" is "agree with me all the time" yet virtually every married man I know says that is how to stay married and almost every divorced man I know says the marriage ended because they got tire of the "yes dear" game.
the bit about the mother-in-law not liking her
Not what I said. I said she predicted her behavior if the income stopped otherwise, she liked her. I said I felt I had chosen well except for that point my mother could see that I could not.
Trusted him - yes that is what I did wrong!
So how do we differ? I actually continued to trust but came to understand her priorities did not put our relationship ahead of financial hard times. I would suspect your case was typical of so many. You relied on emotional "chemistry" and no matter what clues he may have left, in your "chemically" altered state, you could not read them.
An old college room mate was the most successful player I have ever known and from him, I learned a lot of lessons I will never implement. In simple terms, all he had to do was manipulate a girl's "chemistry" and he could do no wrong. When a "one and only" in a nearby college dorm found out I had played a joke on him by doctoring a picture of his girl, she was ready to kill me. When another girl told her the picture was that of a fiancee of his, she was mad at him but still ready to kill me. He talked his way out of it. The next semester, that fiancee moved into that dorm and everybody was waiting for the explosion. On the first night, while he was studying "biology" with yet another "one and only", the two girls ran into each other and the fight was on. He lied his way out of it with both girls. As long as he manipulated the chemistry, he could get away with anything. As for the "quality" of the girls, all were top students academically and very attractive. He didn't bother with anything less. Having the various girls over to clean the room was a side benefit of his "playing" but I had to keep my detergent hidden or they would borrow it to do his laundry. The most common characteristic women on POF want is "chemistry".
Should I be more sympathetic to these repeat victims of their own actions as they reward those who squander their chemistry driven trust and give the rest of us guys a bad rap? These same victims are the quickest to reject those of us who don't manipulate their chemistry. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 9/26/2009 3:11:01 PM | Mr. Willow
All I can say, is I was a fool.
Stand up for your life.
Teach your kids that happiness comes first.
Sometimes there is no “part” to admit to.
If you wish to teach your kids the secret of happiness, you have to first of all find it within yourself.
Bravo! That was exactly what I was thinking when I ended my first marriage, I noticed I kept trying to relive my life thru my kids...wanting them to do things that I hadnt got to cause I wanted to make sure they ended up happy. I then realized it is better to teach your kids if you made a mistake how to go about making it right vs just living thru it. At times it would be so easy to just run away...but if you handle things in the right manner you can still leave on the high road. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 9/26/2009 3:26:48 PM | This is in reference to the two year relationship that ended more than a year ago, not the shorter relationship that ended last week.
I gave him my heart way too soon, and opened myself up to hurt as a result. He was always clear on his feelings for me...and never said he loved me...just that he cared for me and my wellbeing. I infringed on his solitary time quite often, and made him feel like I didn't honor his right to that alone time. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 9/26/2009 3:49:06 PM | thinking that when "I" changed, he would change too
I will always remember a light bulb moment listening to the old Dr Laura show when some wife was biotching about her hubby etc. and I was beyond trying and talking
Dr Laura's response "Well what was he like before you married him? Is he the same? Who changed?" and realizing it was 'me' who changed
Sad but true, not his fault, not mine....just not on the same paths anymore with too much distance | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 9/26/2009 4:20:24 PM | Ah Dr Laura isn't a Dr. Listening to her will end the best of marriages.
As for me we hit some problems in our relationship. I suggested we get some marriage counseling she said it wasn't worth it. That was the biggest F You I ever heard. So Here I am oh but wait I'm in a relationship now. | |
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| What led to the downfall...?
Posted: 9/26/2009 4:21:43 PM | Being widowed at 38 and now 55 I have a problem with saying the downfall of my relationships, or the absence of them, is the death of my spouse.
For a long time I just did not have the desire or energy raiseing teenagers to deal with dating, a relationship, and that it probably meant I had to also put up with blending his and hers families and probably and ex-wife in laws. I knew the odds for those relationships and didn't see it as a good bet.
While twenty something children should not rule over a mother anymore than two year olds trying to cope with the emptying nest alone was harder than I expected. Greif sat aside as a luxury hit with both barrels.
As the time slipped by dateing seemed more and more to be something younger people did. The music changes dressing like a "hottie" sounds kind of ridiculos. Playing sports you worry more about and injury than the score. The boss figures you are glad to work weekends.
That many men were interested often only wanted friends with benifits with no committment didn't seem wortht the effort. Because it is often available I figured let someone else get saddled with a late in life kid or left behind when they saw what they really wanted. I didn't fall for that baloney at twenty why would I at after forty. Not that at times it wasn't very tempting. Seeing little parts of my youth melting away I wonder if what is left is still enough. In some ways I feel more woman but it takes a wise man to see that. Wisdom does not necessarily come with being single at a mature age. Sometimes there is a reason what is out there is. I am sure that is true in reverse. | |
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