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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/5/2008 6:53:08 AM | People are different. Some say they appreciate a rejection so they don't sit around and wait for an email that never comes. Others would be crushed to receive a "no thanks" email and would prefer no answer at all.
Either way, the message is clear; at least with no reply, you can tell your ego that maybe they just don't check the site anymore or they already found someone else, or they might just be intimidated by your obvious charm and good looks. With a "no thanks" email, there's no rationalizing it away. For shyer folks or people with a middling self-esteem, a rejection email can really hurt.
I never got a "no thanks" message from sending a first contact, but I was ignored a few times. Ultimately, through trial and error, I was able to determine who would be a good match for me and who I would be a good match for, and I found my husband that way. I think a lot of hurt and anger comes from not understanding the playing field. Keep your expectations real and decide what matters most to you. Many people might ignore someone online who is bald or a bit overweight or too skinny or too short, but if they'd give that person a chance, they might find a kindred spirit. Just remember--if you are the one who is too bald/overweight/short/skinny, only contacting people who are physically flawless might not yield the best results. | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:43:19 AM |
Lie in bed, eat too much, wish I was dead for about a month.
Be thankful you're a woman. If men did that, we'd be bedridden our entire lives! | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/5/2008 10:05:39 AM | Get all EMO and cut my grass, stick pins into voodoo dolls, drink myself dumberer, call suicide hotlines and give them tips, etc, etc. I am sure the same as anyone else. | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/5/2008 10:14:39 AM | Can you imagine if you'd met her in person and then rejected her?!!!
You're lucky you just got a few nasty emails.
If I email someone and they're not interested, I don't even think twice about it and certainly don't take it personally. You can't demand someone be attracted to you. Geez. It's dating 101. | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/5/2008 12:39:46 PM | Just as there are different kinds of rejection, I have different ways of handling it.
If I have made initial contact, I usually end my message with.."If age or distance gets in your way , feel free to let me know....I'm a grown-up and can handle it."
If they have politely contacted me and we have been corresponding, there are often Red Flags that pop up when we are not on the same wavelength. If they are extremely quiet and have only 1 or 2 word answers....I ask if they'd prefer to talk on the phone rather than type.
At that point, I can usually tell if it's their personality or their typing ability. However, in those cases, I am usually the one to reject them.
If they have messaged me with Hi pretty...Sweetheart...Sexy, or any other inappropriate beginning, I have no problem reminding them that they have only 1 chance to make a FIRST impression and that they have blown it with me.... This goes for the ones who, if they have read my profile about no smoking, no motorcycles, no roll in the hay, but, contact me anyway. I don't feel I owe them any more respect than they gave me.
I have messaged men who have replied that they appreciated my contact but that they have met someone and are currently exploring the possibility of that relationship, preferring to concentrate on only 1 gal at a time. Or that they prefer to date within their age bracket, or within a few miles of where they live. I try to keep these responses in mind when I have been approached politely but am not interested.
I have no real problem with general rejection....It's after dating for a few months and having the guy disappear off the face of the earth...that's a wounded ego....but, if he wasn't man enough to discuss it with me, then, the smart thing for me is to realize that he was not right for me in the first place....I heal quickly....
Then again, I like to think of it as "selection", not "rejection".
KK | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/5/2008 12:47:46 PM | | i dont dont anything in particular..i just let it rides out and eventually dissipate | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/6/2008 2:23:23 AM | | I handle rejection with apathy. I really dont care. I'm sure they have their reasons for not being into me. Likewise I have my tastes in women. It doesnt really have to do with looks. It could be distance, age, tatoos, dressing style (leopard skin is a no go), race ..etc etc who cares. Example I dont date Aborigines...hey just my thing. | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/6/2008 12:18:02 PM | I generally do not make first contact just not my style but when I have and the dude is not interested....I just smile and read the next profile* NEXT* virtual people have no power to evoke emotion from me....just not that invested at all.plus this is Plenty of fish and there really is PlENTY of them out there. its all good | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/6/2008 12:29:37 PM | it's hardly 'rejection' someone you didn't know in the first place, and who didn't know you.
how can you feel that they 'rejected' you when they didn't even KNOW you?
there could be all sorts of reasons..they are not into ANY Relationship right now, they feel a little upset about their day..OR maybe they aren't into you.
why 'always' assume the latter, though?
that seems like a sign of INSECURITY to me..some people are already assuming that no-one will want them..? | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/6/2008 5:07:31 PM | Rejection is just another step towards finding the right person.
I personally have a rejection shield,I thought everyone online did!??!     | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/6/2008 5:23:15 PM | bow out gracefully and say peace out. All the more females for me. <img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>
if it's the I'm not interested rejection I move on. End of story
if it's the not now kinda rejection I wait and I get to know the person more but keep myself busy until I feel it's ready to ask them out again and if no again. I move on once again. | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/6/2008 5:44:06 PM | | You mean like when a guy writes back and says, "You are ugly; I wouldn't f**k you anyway"? I just roll my eyes, smile, and delete his message. I let him have the last word. | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/7/2008 9:18:12 AM | I'm not sure its a level of maturity so much as its an ability to embrace the
rational and very liberating notion that not everyone will like you, that you
won't like everyone and that its OKAY. Hence the "He's/She's just not
that into you" school of dating. If you can call it a 'school' because its really just
the statement itself.
Interpreted quite literally; if a person isn't writing, calling, messaging you back,
not making the effort, not making dates, whatever, they're probably just not that
into you...so let go and move on...because after all don't we all want someone
who's really into us? Don't we all really want someone who'd swim oceans and
climb mountains to find us?
Here's the best part; its not personal. No matter why a person rejects your advances,
its still not personal. They don't really know you, they aren't making a statement
about your worth or your deservedness.....its just THEIR personal preference and
ultimately it has nothing to do with YOU. Bring it full circle and remember that what
we all want is someone who is really into us, right? So if they're just not that into you,
why are you bothering to give it any more of your feeling or attention. You don't have
to try to figure it out, you don't have to rearrange yourself or your profile, you don't even need to ask them why because it doesn't matter. If they were into you you'd
KNOW it. Let go, move on, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Maybe he's/she's just not that into you?! | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/9/2008 9:29:24 PM | Hmmm like actually getting rejected?
I mean message wise guys just rarely write back, and that's fine. I mean I WISH people would just be honest and be like... 'Eh no thanks'. But whatever.
But yeah I recently got thrown into the friend zone. I was kind of ticked about it, because he put me there for no really good reason. Like he just came out with it out of the blue, after only hanging out once. And when we hung out he was VERY into me. But I got over it because I treated him like a friend and now he's pursuing me.
Like I don't mind being rejected really... depending on the guy. And if it's legit. This guy in particular wasn't hot enough to be rejecting me [I should have been rejecting him!]. I can say since he threw me in the friend zone right away it makes him look less attractive to me and I have no interest in going further with him. | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/10/2008 8:40:05 AM | | Personally if I am rejected it doesn't bother me at all...if there isn't an interest or attraction then it is what it is...it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you if rejected, just means that person didn't find anything appealing about you from the bit he/she read about you or from your pics. I have sent out emails and either gotten responses or I haven't, its an "oh well" when I get nothing back and move on. If I do get a response then check it out and see what happens. Sometimes I try to be polite and say "no thanks", "good luck", etc...other times I don't reply not sure if they even want me to say "no thanks". I will say the one thing that does make me wonder why or whats the point is when in the past I have said hi to a guy and I get no response, which doesn't bother me, but then he continuously looks at my profile...which makes no sense to me at all lol. | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/10/2008 11:10:49 AM | I think that the problem with this women is that she took what you said and turned it into an issue. It sounds like a low self-esteem problem. obviously you were right on about feeling that it wouldn't work.
I have never understood women or men who react like that. To me life is too short to worry about why another person didn't think it would work. I appreciate it when people are honest because I hate to waste my time. Just move onward and upward!
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/14/2008 6:22:19 PM | | Well, I just found out there is a mathematical equation to finding a mate! A mathmatican figured out it takes at least 100 dates to find a suitable mate and most find their mates by the 37 date! Do you know how much rejection you have to face to get to a 100 dates? Quite a bit, if you think about it. So date as much as you can and look for that 37 date! | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/14/2008 6:27:53 PM | | i shrug and then i wish them the best and brush it off and walk away...that simple....not everyone is a perfect match for everyone and just because someone didnt feel good chemistry with me doesnt mean i am any less of a person. | |
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| How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 12/14/2008 7:57:05 PM | I don't seem to have a problem with rejection at all. I'm just not interested in a guy if he's not into me. All interest evaporates thank god. I'm not into unrequited love. Yeuch. All I can think of are his flaws and that there is another one just around the corner just as charming and handsome as he and maybe with a bit more character. Some kind of fail safe mechanism. But I don't react nicely to being jerked around and I don't feel guilty about not being nice under those circumstances. I just don't have the energy to bottle up indignation. Anyway why should I. But that's not the same as polite rejection.
However, if I'm disrespected or treated unkindly or have an ego trip played on me then I turn the tables on them and they find out I'm not at all cool or easy going and I'm perceptive so I've spotted all their weaknesses and can bring them down a peg or three but I never do that unless provoked. Fair is fair. | |
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