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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/25/2006 6:08:26 PM | charity10
Your pictures are great, especially the one{s} with the bunny. Cute.
Replace "smarta$$" with "feisty" --same meaning, better word.
You have several misspellings which are:
NewFoundLand should be Newfoundland
Canadas should be Canada’s
Bungy should be bungee
beauiful should be beautiful
outod should be out of
quite should be quiet
visits should be visit in the context used.
Below is your profile as is, and below that some suggestions.
About MeHi I am looking for a man that knows how to treat a women and will accept them even with a child. Great with kids and loves going to the movies, dinner and a walk on the beach. I am 27 single mother of 1 child 10 years old. I am looking to meet someone new and see where it goes from there. I love to do different things with my daughter. I enjoy being outside, and love to try new things. I am someone who is shy upon meeting, but I open up once I get to know you. I am looking for someone who is honest and down to earth. I am independent, down to earth, honest and not into head games. I get along with anyone. I am pretty easy going, smarta$$ at times, but I will always treat you right and want the same in return.
I am someone who listens to all kinds of music (hip Hop, country, heavy metal etc.) I like going to the movies, hangout at home, going to the beach, sitting by the fire. During the summer I like to take a trip to Newfoundland and visits some family members there. It is all the trees and fresh smell of the water, going out on the boat fishing, hiking up the mountain. One thing I would love to do some day is jump outod an airplane (always wanted to do that). I did bungy jumping at Canadas Wonderland twice, but want the real thing.
If you would like to know more drop me a line.
First Date
Go for a coffee, quite place get to know each other and see what happens after.
Great with kids and loves going to the movies, dinner and a walk on the beach. women and will accept them even with a child. Great with kids and loves going to the movies, dinner and a walk on the beach.
I would change the wording of this and express it in some other way further down in the profile.
“Great with kids and loves going to the movies, dinner and a walk on the beach.” Is an incomplete sentence.
You used the word “women” where in context should be “woman” singular.
I am 27 single mother of 1 child 10 years old. I am looking to meet someone new and see where it goes from there. I love to do different things with my daughter. I enjoy being outside, and love to try new things. I am someone who is shy upon meeting, but I open up once I get to know you. I am looking for someone who is honest and down to earth. I am independent, down to earth, honest and not into head games. I get along with anyone. I am pretty easy going, smarta$$ at times, but I will always treat you right and want the same in return.
I am someone who listens to all kinds of music (hip Hop, country, heavy metal etc.) I like going to the movies, hangout at home, going to the beach, sitting by the fire. During the summer I like to take a trip to Newfoundland and visits some family members there. It is all the trees and fresh smell of the water, going out on the boat fishing, hiking up the mountain. One thing I would love to do some day is jump outod an airplane (always wanted to do that). I did bungy jumping at Canadas Wonderland twice, but want the real thing.
This is how I’d begin your profile as illustrated above. (as you see I did not correct spelling errors as I have already mentioned them.) It may be a good idea to use a word processor with spell checker when writing.
This sentence “I am 27 single mother of 1 child 10 years old.”
I think this sentence would look better spelling out the numbers like this
“I am a twenty seven year old mother of a ten year old.
You have two big blocks of text with various ideas contained in them. With each idea, separate into paragraphs.
After making these changes, you may want to further expand. You also may want to sit down and think about all the things you are interested in, adding to your list of interests. It would be great if you have an interest which is extraordinary, as there be someone out there who has that particular interest and that would stand out for them, likely prompting them to contact you when otherwise they would not.
Good luck to you!
--Bill | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/25/2006 6:55:03 PM | OK Bill, take a peek at my profile, new and improved. I used some of your suggestions. Understand where you had the "problems" and I think I improved it. What do you think???
If you get there......  | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/25/2006 7:15:37 PM | writer59
This looks really great, Fine job. Except...
where is the "plunging clevage" photo requested?
Just kidding of course.
You are very attractive and seems like you did a great job describing yourself.
I think listing as many interests as possible and prudent (without getting out of control)
is very important as these are very telling and a clues into your lifestyle and other aspects of your life, and you have done quite well with that.
--Bill | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/25/2006 7:52:35 PM | thx bill
there was alot i had to fix. I guess next time i should type slow. Anyway thanks for your help. I fixed everything (I think). I don't think i missed anything,could u please take a look again and let me know what you think.
Charity10 | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/25/2006 8:37:44 PM | Charity10
That really looks awesome! You've done a great job!
I still think the first paragraph could use a little editing and would be a good way to end your profile rather than having it at the beginning. | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/25/2006 10:05:02 PM | rdnck_chels
Since you are looking for friends, describe a little more about what you'd like to do with your friends.
Since some may not know what a rig camp is maybe describe that a little bit more.
You have a nice variety of photos and that puppy is very cute!
--Bill | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/26/2006 1:52:53 PM | PlaynWithDummies
fukk no, I couldn't get past the first sentence of your profile, why would I want you to critique mine?
You have a misspelling here which should have been obvious, clearly a typo, but my suggestion is to slow down a bit for enough time to proofread.
I am not sure if this is a request (it should be as you need some serious work...)
Maybe a cry for help?
OR simply a trouble maker
either way, thanks for stopping by. | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/26/2006 8:28:41 PM |
You have a misspelling here which should have been obvious, clearly a typo, but my suggestion is to slow down a bit for enough time to proofread.
Nope not a typo but a deliberate act. I often spell it that way, from years of experience in getting around chat filters.
Carry on. | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/26/2006 10:08:13 PM | Kimicat
Your profile is perfect. You could have at least given me a misspelled word or two to harrass you about..
The only punctuation error is very minor. Glaringly obvious to me, but rather than pointing it out to you I will instead allow you the challenge of finding it yourself.
A fine job. | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/27/2006 12:03:11 PM | xbeautifulsoulx
Your pictures are great, I suggest maybe a few more, at least a couple, maybe one outside doing something like walking in the forest or something...and a full body shot of you posing playfully for the camera...
As far as everything else, just a good idea to capitalize your interests listed, add one more so they are evenly distributed.
Your "About Me" is clever and entertaining. Please see spelling errors corrected below. This only took a sec so cut and paste from here if you want...
lLooks great otherwise.
Interests
Art Music Clubbing
Swimming Dining out Reading
Long walks Talking to interesting people Socializing
True life dramas Animals
About Me
Hi I’m the type of person that is really easy to get on with (so my friends say). I love talking and being around all different types of people. I enjoy painting, but also like playing music I play piano (pretty badly though) the flute and the saxophone and also sing (but only if no one can hear me) lol.
I like all types of music from the 60's right through to present day. A few of my favorite bands at the minute are Scissor Sisters, James Blunt, and the Kooks.
I love long walks along the river with my dog especially when he drags me down the river bank get soaked and covered in mud and then have to walk through town looking like the beast from the black lagoon haha! I also enjoy romantic nights in cuddled up watching a DVD with some pop corn, but also meeting up with friends having a laugh and a few drinks
I would love to travel the world, explore different cultures and experience life to its fullest. And maybe help out a few people along the way! (Not sure if helping a granny in blackpool counts?!!!)lol
I would like to meet a genuine down to earth guy who knows how to treat a lady, and knows what he wants out of life. He must have a good sense of humour and be able to look at the funny side of things, laugh at himself from time to time and not take life to seriously. I like men with nice eyes a warm smile and a big heart
Anyway that is enough of me rabbiting on. If you would like to chat feel free to drop me a line if not I will just keep
- SHE'S SO HOT! WRITE HER! -
This is my dear friend and she's ultra hot!
She's cute and she's sexy and also a Scot!
That means sexy accent boys if she should speak,
One nice phone call from her would make your week!
But though she's mega hot, cute, and so flirty,
Best treat her right! And don't you play dirty!
She'd like to hear from you so guys don't fail
Send my sweet friend here some outstanding mail.
And who knows boys she just might take a liking
But if you're scum, you'll deal with this Viking
Look at her face, at those eyes, and those lips,
She said she beat me if I brag about her hips!
- Erik -
This is for my dear Scottish friend. If you guys out there cannot tell what a great catch the woman is, check your pulse, because you have been dead for a while! Hahaha,... seriously guys the girl is mega excellent. Write to her. You might hit it off!
First Date
A nice quiet country pub would be nice then a walk in the hills (knowing Scotland it will probably be raining) so plan B. would be sitting with a take away in the car watching the rain hit the windscreen. I’m one of the last of a dying breed of hopeless romantics. lol | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/27/2006 12:19:46 PM | danielhbk
Good Looking, huh? Ya think? Well, ok, let's just go with that...You will need to get some close up shots there casanova!
A shot of your to -die for- eyes and beautiful smile that will dazzle them... to be unable to resist writing you. You want to see "hey, fancy a chat?" often in your in box...
OK...Mr. nice guy..rough it up a bit. Don't use "nice" Scares em away...sort of ironic, huh? well, get used to it...be a gentleman, but a man. Class and manners, but not come across so "gooey" (oh, thanks to a fellow fish who taught me that word.)
Do not use "I'm a hopeless romantic" Sounds so...well, hopeless..Make a statement as describing something you will do with your date that is romantic, and allow the reader to conclude you are romantic.
OK...then the standard "capitalize your interests." Looks cleaner, orderly, neat.
That's about it, except...get a second opinion after making these changes. Track down Riley...she is one to get a female's perspective on things for you.
Be well | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/27/2006 3:29:43 PM | squarepeg
You have a great main picture...the picture with the cub scouts is fine, but you really need a few more pictures to round it all out..maybe one with your bicycle.
as for the general look of this , it is helpful to capitalize your listed interests, and if you can think of a couple more add those to give symmetry.
The word usage could be improved upon:
As you can see, I'm a fine looking fellow. I am independent, ambitious, polite, faithful, honest, sincere and expect that in others. There's nothing fancy about me, I'm just wanting to be your friend first. I keep busy with work but would not say that I'm a workaholic. The activity I enjoy most has to be riding my bicycle. Other interest include flea markets, thrift shops, music, hiking, camping or just being on the water. I work with alot of young people so that keeps me on my toes to try and keep up.
MY 10, will be wonderful and I, wonderful to her.
What about: (you can come up with your own words, but you can get the idea here :)
--also breaking it into little small paragraphs makes it easier to read, and more likely to be read, even though you will use more words.
"I love my work which is rewarding and interesting, but it does not completely define who I am."
"I enjoy bicycling and love to get out and ride in the fresh air. It's an activity I enjoy most. "
"I love to browse through flea markets and thrift stores. It's always exciting because I never know what I might find there."
I love all kinds of music especially ______________"
"Camping, hiking, anything near a body of water is relaxing and fun."
"My work involves lots of young people who keep me thinking young, and always on my toes!"
I am independent, ambitious, polite, faithful, honest, sincere and expect that in others.
As for this first part, instead of stating this statically, try to put it into action with describing how you may have these qualities.
Best of luck to you! | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/27/2006 3:40:24 PM | zingadoon
With me you won't have to suffer tedious conversation ad nauseum about my job-career and I won't try to impress you about how rich and successful I am in the workaday world
explain why, because it is not clear. If you are simply independently wealthy, state you are an investor, as you are...instead of the very vague "Independent"
Break this block of text apart and go into more detail on each point.
Add a little more insight into your personality.
Give the reader something to anticipate when dating you.
List in your interests, for example your favorite towns, resorts, beaches you frequent. This will also give some clue into your personality.
Your pictures are great.
Good luck fishing; I'm sure the lucky woman you choose will have a great time with you. | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/27/2006 3:55:10 PM | elly66
I am grateful you asked...Pictures: your main one is fine..the one next to it is not good, you look bored. the third one is blurry...get someone to take some better pictures..NOT with a low rez phone cam, or web cam... have someone take pictures with a decent camera. The resolution is diminished as it is when you upload to POF...why use a low rez to begin with only to decrease quality even more when it is uploaded...I see people all the time using these low rez photos..it's goofy to see..
Ok, sorry to be so blunt, but your profile needs a lot of work. In fact, you could just scratch everything and start over. Keep some of the ideas you have here, and incorporate them somehow in your profile less explicitly
About Me
KEEP:---> I am an attractive, intelligent, independent woman with a bubbly personality and a great sense of humour! A sense of humour is essential! ---> mention the type of humor you like, what makes you laugh
..be creative, but be positive.
Sit down and list a bunch of stuff you like to do..just list them first...then take a few and describe yourself doing these activities..
GET RID OF THIS{{{Like to meet a nice guy who doesn't think that chatting for a week means you want to jump into bed with them!!
Am not interested in sex chat....if you are please pass me by!!}}}GET RID OF THIS
Have fun! Be creative...take your time...it will be well worth it!...you are welcome to email me if you want further help!
best,
*´¨)
¸.• ¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´
--Bill | |
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