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| The most ambitious profile review yet!
Posted: 10/28/2006 7:07:28 AM | nona32
Hey, great photo! That hair is awesome...it's like begging for someone to come over and run their fingers all through it! wOw... the excitement of it all…just imagining it gives me a peaceful , easy feeling, and some tingling sensations in various areas of my body which causes me to feel flush with excitement.
OK...I am over the shameless flirting...so over it..darlin!
OK…here we go……and we’re oooooff and running…xxxx -? what is THIS?
Interests: ! -Salsa Dancing , Eating, Walking from the car park to the shops and back.??
That’s IT?! That is all you are interested in?!!!? Everything?!!??!!-?Really glum and boooooring! BUT ? I don’t believe you…you are holding back, aren’t ya? ?---list at least nine (9) interests which are most interesting to you…if you want more…make them in multiples of 3. as in : …9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, 27, 30,33, 36, 39, 42…and so on and so forth….this gives symmetry to the thing.., aesthetics…it’s a beautiful thing.
Do you like Golf? Yes? Put it down…Cricket? Yep, List it! Be sure to Capitalize each one!
Uh, O ! Here we go into the real problem areas.
…What…! is this:::! !!!@*&%!!!!!#$(&!@$()##***&*&#)*(&@&*&&%@*^%& MESS!
About Me
Full of fun and laughter, and more i cant write all about me in here, so if you want to know more about me, do send me a mail ( i like reading and typing, lol please dont send me any poems it'l takes me months... years to digest them, honest lol. As long as you a Male, i dont mind if you are a female But nothing fancy, please.. as i dont look for that kind of fancy you might have on your mind, i am as straight as a lampost) i do work out alot --->washing up, ironing, cleaning, cooking,hoovering, etc etc .... imagine how much calories i burned?! lol thank you X nona32
This looks like a catastrophe!!! !- first of all…Please remove those unnecessary and obnoxious --? “lol’s” ?----this has been way overdone…You want to stand out from the crowd, how can you accomplish this when using such trite and cliché remarks/ exclamations which do nothing for the integrity of your descriptions and observations of your interests and personality, while distracting from it by appearing elementary and borderline retentive…? scheechh!!!
And here: you say:
” i cant write all about me in here, so if you want to know more about me, do send me a mail” -? very much first of all…ummmm…well, this is what’s all wrong with this…
you CAN write all about you !- in here…well, maybe –you may be right. Not ALL…but certainly much more than you have. Not only that…
the spelling is atrocious, you failed the simple task of Capitalizing the “I”, missed an apostrophe and the period at the end. At least you placed commas precisely in the correct placements.
So, you do have it in you to have this correct. Again, it is not that you can’t…it is that you won’t and that is just Wrong on so many important and necessary levels.
Let’s look at the content, shall we?
“please dont send me any poems it'l takes me months... years to digest them, honest”
Missing apostrophe, missing a “L” (lowercase) in it’l…s/b “it’ll “…which is the abbreviated version of “I will”
And what’s all the prohibitive statements about sending poems? What is that? Hey, someone takes the time to write a poem; maybe you could consider it considerate to read them? Read them in a timely manner, and be done with it...
It’s not an obligation; it is simply considerate and part of the normal course of being a thoughtful, grateful human being, skilled at proper etiquette and goodwill.
Next item of interest and what a dozy!
--? THIS! “As long as you a Male, i dont mind if you are a female But nothing fancy, please.. as i dont look for that kind of fancy you might have on your mind,”
Just what is this saying? In writing gobble goop…you may at the least use better sentence structure. I mean, the verbs are all wrong, this looks like it is trying to be a prepositional phrase, but where are the pronouns, and,…
On top of every thing else, no apostrophe in “don’t” no capitalization of the subjective personal pronoun “I”. Another case of apostrophe absence, ya know…you clearly need a lesson in apostrophizing..But there is no time for that here at this particular juncture…
-?off to the more important matters at hand, namely; what does this mean?
“As long as you a Male, i dont mind if you are a female But nothing fancy, please.. as i dont look for that kind of fancy you might have on your mind…”
Huh?
Ya know…I’m just leaving that alone. There is simply not so much as context to put it into as to decipher it. You are just on your own with this one darling. The only recommendation I can reasonably make is to scrap it.
And, that’s it. Conclusion:-------???>> ditch the entire thing and find a blank sheet of paper.
Nothing fancy , as you may have on your mind -? Premium almond cream 100% cotton fibers 90% brightness Acid-Free Paper manufactured without acid in the pulp, to prevent chemical deterioration…with Royal –Crest Watermark, and security threads running diagonally and horizontally with gilded edges is not necessary with this endeavor. . No.
Just a plain sheet of off brand ink jet paper will do… even better…tear out a sheet on college ruled notebook paper from that spiral notebook you purchased last year to begin your journal in and never followed through with any consistency.. Just yank a sheet out of there. …
Grab a pen and do the following:
1. Make a list of things you are interested in doing.
2. Read a magazine to help jog your memory. You may see a picture of a sailboat. You excitedly remember that you have a 22’ Columbia Sailing vessel tied up at the docks at Port of Folkestone Kent. There you go. You recall that you have an interest in sailing. You have one thing to write down at the top left corner of your paper. That’s great; you are off to a fine start.
3. Continue with this exercise. You may come across a picture of a lawn fertilizer ad, and there pictured in this print ad is people enthusiastically playing a game of horseshoes, and you like horseshoes. The meaning is clear. Jot down this interest….You may recall an interest in biking, so on and so forth.
Keep it going a bit…get about five strong interests and write them all down. We will use this information later.
Right now, it’s time for a well deserved toilet break, and we will se you back here in 5 or 6 minutes.…
Or 9 minutes… (If you choose to make a pot of coffee), in that case…cream and a bit of sugar for me.
OK…Now that you have the interests down…we need to disburse this into an interesting, entertaining four or five small paragraphs, that will compel the reader to be pulled in, and fully focused on you. Now, it is all About You,
You will put together some words less haphazardly as before…creating a little story. A tiny story, mind you…you just want to present the idea of the boat as part of your life, that sailing is a little adventure you partake in occasionally. As in:
“I often travel down to Folkestone Kent where my 22’ Columbia Sail Boat, “The Wounded Soul. I troll out slowly powered by a 9.9 HP Johnson ™ ? outboard motor, until safely out of the traffic of other boats in the harbor.
At the mouth of the waterway which leads out to sea, I hoist the sails, and tie down everything that requires to be tied… I am not only already running late, the Royal Norwegian Navy are participating in exercises with the British Navy and blocking me in. I just hope no one is around within earshot to hear me cursing.
Finally freed from this bottleneck, I sail over to the mouth of Portsmouth Bay, where a slender spit of land, a sand bar, really…I anchor down, and proceed assuming my task of setting up the Diamond Pointed Horseshoe Stakes precisely 37 feet from the foul line on the other end.
I await my friends who are expected to arrive on their Jet Skis (Mine, lent to friend Scottie…)
I was skeptical of lending the vessel to Scottie this time, considering the last time Scottie borrowed my jet ski he did not fill the tank up enough prior to leaving for the 12 mile journey (the tank was on empty) , we had to send out for fuel, which as luck would have it, was contaminated with not only seawater, but a trace amount of algae, which clogged up the fuel pump, and the fuel lines…
Although, fortunately I worked as a boat mechanic, the special tools required for this job were on the Caledonian Macbrayne ferry as I had left them there accidentally when headed over to take my English racing bike for a spin on The Island of Anglesey last week. I guess when it rains it rains acid rain and I am sore...
We had to hoist the Jet Ski onto the sailboat, because that Jet Ski was not going anywhere on its own power, the best we could get out of it was a whimpering sputter.
That more of less would have ruined the afternoon, but we were able to play a little horseshoes after all.
While listening to Joe Walsh on the CD player ….We fired up the fire pit grill for some special marinated Steelhead Trout stuffed with basil, onions, mushrooms, and bacon fat rendered from the bacon fried crisped up to be used to crush on the fresh salad with crumbled blue cheese.
I have always loved to cook, getting my new recipes from the Food and Wine Magazine I have subscribed to for 21 years…
The outing was considered a huge success, despite the problems, and everyone was anticipating a smooth journey back to the harbor, some were looking forward to the Play Mitch had written, and dinner after, some were simply looking forward to going home to their spouses for some red hot lovin. The exhilarating salt air, some say Positive Ions, have that effect.
Ok.---? See how this all works out? You’ve got a little story. Now need to simply edit it as to make it sound as if you are simply describing what you like to do with most of your time, and some of your free time…in an abbreviated, outline form. It should resemble a real profile when you are completed.
Now, just mention a few qualities you look for in a mate, mention a few optional dating activities, and you are done.
Please feel free when completed to stop back by for final review…or go see Riley, as she is very good at tweaking otherwise perfect profiles, as your’s , as you have taken this direction, will be near perfect | |
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Posted: 10/28/2006 8:33:00 AM | nice_girls_finish_last
campingcottagingfishinggreat foodtattoosmotor sportsreadingspending time with friendsfamilyhockeylearning new thingshome renosgardeningpaintingpoetryall that life has to offer
OK…these Interests need to be capitalized. This is a must. I suppose I neglected to remind profile writers coming into the shop to make this change prior to coming in for a tune-up so I do not need to be bothered with such trivial matters.
To simply read a few of the others reviews, you’d think cognitive process reasoning would dictate this necessary requirement, and not come stumbling in all unprepared. I, though accept the responsibility on this as it was I who did not make clear the obvious.
On to the meat…well, well, well…wOw…such an attractive woman you are, nice_girls_finish_last wOw, WoW, wOw…zoom, zoom! And you are 5’ 10” Oh., my…6’2” in heels…? Oh, please take me out and sling me around…dance the night away till our bodies become a sweaty oily slippery sensual musky heap of flustered and crazy restrained passion, breaking at the seams and ready to expolde in a flood of unrestrained pleasure...
Primary PhotoYour picture drives me crazy with passion…with the plunging, heaving full and lusty cleavage…only to be accented with those legs so lovingly wrapped in those crazy-sexy fish-net-stockings…and those go-go boots! Talk about workin it like 30 acres of cotton, there darling. Smmmoookkkkiiinn and sizzling HOT !!! And that is your primary photo. Fine job!
Photo#2 Oh, love the tat. Just was wondering, that looks similar to a logo of a favorite tee shirt I wore as a kid. Hang Ten™ Is it ok to have a tat of a copyrighted and Registered Trademark? It just very well may be. I have often toyed with the idea of having a Rolling Stones Classic Red Tongue tattooed on my left bicep. I always faltered when preparing to go through with this, for fear of being sued by either John Pasche, who designed the tounge, or ™Musidor BV who holds the trademark. If I put a Rolling Stones Classic Red Tounge tattoo on my left bicep, will I be in trouble? Will I end up owing a bunch of cash to the Rolling Stones, and a hefty fine to the World Intellectual Property Organization for out of compliance in industrial property, protected by intellectual property rights? In short…will I be in deep s h i t? Do you have any knowledge of this issue? Does anyone? Anyway…I need to get away from the idea that it’s all about me. It is not. It is, and as it should be…all about this beautiful smoking hot woman.
Photo#3 Oh, those lips…those kissable…biteable..soft, full sexy lips O passionate woman….and what a dazzeling smile, those white teeth…I have this urge to kiss those puffy-full-soft lips. And I can almost taste her taste ummm…mmm…
Photo #4 Those must be her kids. She must be very proud of herself that she had those kids and still looks that good…wow. Amazing. Some say having kids in photos on the internet not a good thing. Why? And they state that with fear…a bunch of paranoid mis-informed goofs, that’s all I’ll say about that. Great picture..
Photo#5 I am speechless looking at this photo. Here we see this devastatingly voluptuous sexy woman all sprawled out on this bed, and seductively lying there and I have this vision of just crawling in next to her, wrapping my arms around her and whispering in her ear…”I just want to cuddle” To which she turns and looks me directly in the eyes and says., ”you know, sometimes I want to be pampered, and other times, I just want to be taken mmmmm…
OK This will conclude the photo commentary descriptive spectacular…moving right along to the: (Note. she appears to have made all the areas requiring, based on proper composition rules Capitalization. all lower case, in this case appears intentional, but in my opinion would look better in the proper form. Capitalize the first letter in each sentence.
About Me
nice girl looking for a nice guy. …
YOU:
give me butterflies when we kiss
give me goose bumps with your warm breath on my neck
reach for me in the middle of the night
make me smile simply by thinking about you
view relationships as teamwork
have no fears of commitment
ME
sarcastic
generous to a fault
wear my heart on my sleeve
sensitive
funny
energetic
easy to talk to
amazing cook
makes hand made specialty chocolates
loves a good laugh (even at MY expense)
level headed
educated
grounded
up for an adventure...
I do like this. Not on my profile, but this sexy beautiful woman is poetic and romantic. Fine job!
IM's freeze my puter..... <-----Take this out; it is unnecessary, and annoying.
First Date
ME~ I can’t stop sneaking glances at you....You can hold a decent conversation. (And hey you’re cute)
YOU~ she just may be the last normal girl out there! (Wow she has amazing blue eyes and a great smile)
I fixed some grammatical problems, punctuation, and some capitalizations.
I see that she continued the “romance/poetic theme…consistent. Muy Bueno!
My hats off to you O spender of the Northern Peso! | |
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Posted: 10/28/2006 8:40:53 AM | Excellent work Bill,
I can honestly say that the reviews that you have posted are amazing; they make me want to spend more time working on my own (it is still in its infancy). I was hoping that you might critique my profile, any insights would be appreciated. | |
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Posted: 10/28/2006 8:55:55 AM | I am only going to say this : Kiwi is unique and all the normal rules of grammar, word usage, punctuation, etc., do not apply…she is above all of that, and because she is extremely SMART…I have to ask her the proper spelling of words, and she knows all there is to know about these things…and that is why we get along so well and she is my dear friend. She uses Kiwi-isms…and these wonderful expressive, and unique phrasings supersede the English language…she has a way of using “letter art” and word art” and she brings to the table a personality that is uniquely hers and hers alone. Those icons and Emoticons I frown upon normally …she has a special talent to arrange these in such an order as not to offend even I…I think she uses them simply to add color and a festiveness to everything.
So, with that said, let me comment on her photos…Primary Photo What a lovely tall , classically beautiful woman…this photo is incredible and tasteful..
The other photos are examples of her art in action, all perfectly in tune with her personality.
About Me
**ok time for an update**
yes....i have found that special someone...... my heart belongs to Dave.... and though i love all you peeps out there who make this a fantastic and interesting place.... i have given the key to me to a certain lad in Toronto.... soon we can be together.... and that soon can't come around quickly enough.... a lifetme without the man of my dreams is an eternity.... and eternity is something i want to share with STONESTONGUE.....so there....now you all know.... don't give up people your special someone IS out there for you....TRUST kiwi on this **wink** be still my beating heart.....*sigh*
but there is always time for forum banter with all you groovy peeps i am proud to call my friends
HA HA HA here's a funny image... couple of drinks more than a couple too many!
I am 28 and a real ! Ilike to have a :and I tell a really good story.
There is currently room in my life for FRIENDS and more::l and did I mention I like to and drink ?!!
I live in New Zealand and am looking for people to share a laugh and of course a virtual !!!
I like to read, lift weights, talk about the affairs of the world, drink and wreak havoc on the world!! HE HE HE
I love to make people and like to hear from people the world over! A stranger is just someone you haven't met yet!
Travel, languages and art are three major passions. are 3 more!
Great Job, Kiwi, babe! | |
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Posted: 10/28/2006 9:25:15 AM | Corvalis ~~~First, thanks for the kind comments. Those are most appreciated.
Thank-You!
You need to capitalize each interest in your list of interests. It just gives everything a very clean look, and with an almost perfect profile (see comments below), you will want that clean, tidy, kempt, and coifed look to max it out to total perfection.
At first glance your photos all look the same, and will still suggest a change or two there. However…I have seen photos lined up like this before, and I enjoy the cool effect of having the images “move” when clicked in succession. I would not change that or the order you have them placed. I would add a few more photos over in the five, six, and seventh position. Take some pictures outside wearing jeans and a tee. Maybe with winter coming up you would prefer a scarf, and a jeans jacket, or leather jacket…be sure to get a full body shot for one of them…the others, maybe just out and about, with some local scenery surrounding you.
About Me
I’m a fairly laidback and down to earth guy. I spent most of my early years moving about Ontario, so I adapt to change easily and have never had a problem making new friends. After secondary school I attended university for two years, but left partway through to pursue a job; currently I am completing my degrees via distance education (Human Resources Management, and Labour Relations), while working full-time.
I was very heavy when I was younger, but I am taking care of that now, I’ve lost about 100lbs and am fairly active. I would like to find somebody that can keep pace with me on this front. I have recently started back into karate, it has been a few years to say the least, I run and swim fairly regularly, and I weight-train at least three times a week. While this might make me sound a shallow person, I exercise for better health, not better looks (although, looking better is kind of neat too!)
Between work and school I’m very busy, but in what little free time I have I enjoy reading, writing (I would like to publish a fantasy novel in the next few years), spending time with my younger sisters and family, hanging out with the guys, playing my guitar (which I am rather terrible at, so there won’t be any serenades, sorry), riding my Harley, and running around outdoors.
I am the veritable Renaissance Man. Most of the time I look a little rough around the edges, the kind of guy you don’t bring home to Mom and Dad, but I look damn fine in a suit if I say so myself; you’ll usually find me running around in jeans and a t-shirt. I have a very sharp intellect and biting wit and am comfortable discussing everything from religion to engine maintenance. I enjoy dancing (yes, I said dancing, not that clubbing crap either, I mean the tango/samba/waltz/etc. variety, the kind that takes passion and drive), traveling (I lived in England while attending university, traveled much of Europe), hiking and camping, and teaching (I used to tutor ‘special needs’ students for the local school board).
As for what I am hoping to get out of this site… I could be like all the other guys on here and tell you how I am a ‘great catch’, ‘nice guy’, ‘fun’, etc., but the reality is that what I type here and how you perceive me are fundamentally different; we all look good on paper. If any of what I have said interests you, why don’t you send me a message, cause ladies, and trust me on this one, every once in a while a man would like it if one of you would pursue him (It’s liked getting checked out and getting the nod, very flattering). Sure, I might message you, but unless there is something in your profile that is worth spending the time to write, I won’t be sending you anything. To all the women out there who are hoping to get by on just their looks, you will have to work extra hard to get my attention, your beauty will fade, and unless you have substance, by the time you are old and grey you’ll just be another wrinkled skin-sack (kind of like you were just another pretty face when you were young).
To everyone out there, personality is everything; don’t get hung-up on the superficial.
Later,
T.B.
First Date
If I tell you then it would be rather boring, wouldn't it? The little surprises and joys in life are the things we carry all the way through.
You have done an excellent job describing yourself. Excellent! Most excellent, you Renaissance man…
OK. So this is irony. The profiles which are the most interesting and require virtually no editing whatsoever are the profile reviews which are the most uninteresting.
My creative juices crave disorder; thrive on horrendous and blatant disregard for tastefulness, pride in workmanship, and general sloppiness. …
Again, you’ve done a very fine job, and best of everything to you!
--Bill
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Posted: 10/30/2006 5:02:15 AM | Dear Bill,
I would be interested in you looking at my profile and tell me where i am going wrong??? I am not an ugly guy and have a lot to offer but ppl read or delete my mails without responding why is this.
Thanks
lex | |
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Posted: 10/30/2006 10:36:37 AM | Mayladybug62
Oh, did I certainly blow it terribly? I am so sorry! Your name will appear on my Christmas card list with two gold stars beside it --meaning you will also receive some exquisite homemade fudge...
I'll have a little time for some writing this evening, so I will take a closer look and let you know what I think in more detail later...
for now I'll just say, you have the very pretty thing down pat. That seems to be a natural talent you possess
fine job!
To the rest of you ... I am in a very fine mood today...so don't expect anything particularly dark.
I'll get to each of you in proper order.
In the meantime, here is some great music to entertain yourselves with.
http://www.billreveles.com/inside.html
enjoy.
--Bill
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Rador
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Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 87 | |
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Posted: 10/30/2006 12:06:03 PM | I await your reply....and your fudge. Maybe we can exchange treats and do a comparison on them? I love to make fudge and caramel and cookies and breads...and enjoy partaking of them also. :)
Mayladybug | |
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Posted: 10/30/2006 1:18:09 PM | hi bill
could you review my profile for me please , a bit (or a lot) of constructive critisism / advice would be much appreciated .......gavin
p.s i know the pic mings but its the best i have till i get me a new camera lol | |
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Posted: 10/30/2006 6:49:21 PM | Localized
Rador
Thanks for stopping by and sorry for the delay in getting back to you...
I'd like to start with
the good
First Date
Well first off I want a through background check! Then a blood test and medical records.
Seriously though I would like to go someplace we both would feel comfortable going to. A relaxing setting where we can talk and get to know one another. After that mabye a game of pool or someplace for a few drinks and continue our conversation. I love seafood and also steak.
This is very good. I see a lot of profiles that fill this part out with something like "A romantic candlelit dinner in a quaint little French Bistro...then talk for hours under the full moon with chilled champagne on the beach."
Which is ok..I guess. Nice imagery, and a very great plan for a date...But on a dating site, you need to have your profile stand out from the rest. Be Bold! The idea of using humor is an excellent choice. Where women are concerned, you simply cannot go wrong. But the important thing to remember with humor, especially in this context is be yourself. Be uniquely yourself, and be funny. You have done very well here with all of that.
If I were to make a suggestion it would only be to maybe consider being more specific...If you are making a localized search, it may be good to be a little more descriptive. You stated you like seafood and steak. What are your thoughts on this: "After c o c k t a i l s and a little conversation, we'll head over to PJ's Porterhouse Grill as they have the most incredible steaks on the planet..."
The Bad
Ok I am the kind of man that knows who he is and where he is going. I am comfortable with my life but would like to meet someone to share it with. I am kind hearted, strong willed, funny, interesting and fun to be around. I can be shy at first but once I get to know someone watch out! (the flood gates will open lol) Love to make people laugh no matter what it takes. I have a wild side that shows once in a while. Also a soft side that makes me who I am.
Someone that is kind and likes to talk. Someone who will be fine with going out or staying in and watching a movie. Walks are nice as well as a quiet evening just getting to know one another. I am fun to get to know!
I am looking to date at first to get to know someone and we can go from there.
This is not good: "Ok I am the kind of man that knows who he is and where he is going."
This may require a little thought and effort, but it will be worth it, trust me. She may take this at face value and think to herself..."Great, a man who knows himself, and has goals and a future."
Question: Do you think it might have a greater impact on her if you described the kind of man you are, mention what some of your goals are, and what you are currently doing to get to where you are going?
It might be a good idea to sit down and write down some of the things which are important to you in your life, what things you want to do in your life...and use that information to create a brief and concise (two paragraphs, max) description of yourself and your goals and have her draw the conclusion that you "are the kind of man that knows who he is and where he is going."
The Ugly Your pictures.
NO! stop! Keep reading...you look fine, you just need more. Take some additional pictures and get them posted ASAP...
Take some outdoor pictures and at least one showing you doing something interesting or exciting. You may want to go sky diving next weekend. You could get some excitement in, and have a cool picture to post!
I don’t like the way the emoticons mess up the text formatting. I don’t care for icons period, and that’s no reason for you to consider not using them, because that’s just me and my tastes, but you may consider playing around with where you position these things.
There is a misspelling in the word “Maybe” in the First Date paragraph.
Also the following has a bunch of incomplete sentences
I have a wild side that shows once in a while. Also a soft side that makes me who I am.
Someone that is kind and likes to talk. Someone who will be fine with going out or staying in and watching a movie. Walks are nice as well as a quiet evening just getting to know one another. I am fun to get to know!
You could: a.) hook em all together and make a big Ol run-one sentence, or b.) You could take each idea and expand on it, and by doing this you’ll come up with not only complete sentences, you will also have a more complete profile.
Good luck!
--Bill
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Posted: 10/30/2006 7:28:09 PM | Mayladybug62
Your screen name: Mayladybug62: I love it…beyond sounding good, the word “cute” comes to mind, I do not know why I am filled with good feelings when I see this, clearly you know what you are doing here.
This headline: There is always room for improvement
Yes, there is. And we can start with this headline…I have a few suggestions I’ll email to you later.
I love your pictures and it is great that you have a couple outdoor shots showing you doing something fun. I especially like the one where you are holding your fist up in the "I have conquered this mountain” gesture.
The other one with the tent in the background is great, as well as the bungee jumping one.
Ideally, considering you have these three photos, you will want at least three more…and that‘s what will lead me into this next suggestion, which is to get rid of those other two pictures.
I can see from them that you are a very beautiful woman, which naturally causes me to think, why you have pictures that are out of focus posted?
What you want to do is have a friend take some pictures…a bunch of them, and select from those one close up shot, showing your eyes and smile, another full body shot, only closer up than the one currently shown, and another wearing a bright red sweater…
Why a bright red sweater? Well, it can be a bright red anything…Why? Red is my favorite color, and I think you would look great in it? Yes…
True and the other reason is that color attracts. Bright colors attract. Any situation you can use color to attract is a good reason to use color. This is a good example to use color in that way.
There are a few things to think about. I have a few suggestions about your “About Me” and I will give those to you…
Later…
because I need to run out right now...
I will finish up with Part II soon to come…
--Bill
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/30/2006 8:07:47 PM | Bill,
Darlin... I am scared to ask this, but yes, please review my profile when you get a chance... i have read through those you have given others and I must say I am impressed my dear... so give me your best and tell me my worst.
Oh and don't worry I will go and put caps on all my interests before you get there.
Talk to you soon,
Me | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/31/2006 12:28:00 AM | Mayladybug62
Part II
OK.. MayLadyBug...I hope you like what I have done here.
When large blocks of text are all scrunched up together, it makes it hard to read.
I think I am getting a general idea of why people do this scrunching words together...they think it makes it looks like less to read...and the fear being if it is too long, people will not read it.
This is not true. Especially if it is interesting, people will read it, and if broken into small paragraphs it can be read very quickly and easily.
When I can't even look at the content without making my eyes strain and my head hurt, often what I like to do is break everything apart in a word processor.
I did this with yours and after I took each idea, and separated each idea into a little paragraph, I immediately saw where switching the order of a couple of the paragraphs made it flow a little better.
I then decided to take the liberty of spending a few minutes editing, adding a little, taking away a little, but retaining the ideas and points you are making.
What you see below is the result of that, and I hope you like. You may want to copy and paste into a word processor, and do some editing changes of your own, and put things in your own words that may sound closer to the wording you would use, although I tried real hard to understand you a bit, and did my best to state things the way you would say them.
--Bill
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About Me
My beauty comes from my heart...and shows up in my eyes and my smile. The most important things in life to me are my relationships with God, my family, and my friends.
As a very healthy and strong woman, I enjoy hard physical labor. I know that nothing in life comes easy, but rather hard work pays off in the end.
I have strong morals and values that guide my actions in life, and I am proud of that. I enjoy the outdoors immensely.
You will be pleased to know that I am a tomboy at heart, plus all the wonderful desires and qualities that make women the mysterious sensual creatures that we are.
I love getting dirty working in the yard or out camping. I also enjoy getting gussied up and showing off the best things God gave to me.
My life is such a blessing; I just know I have an angel or two watching over me at all times, and when I am in danger, maybe a whole army of them!
I'm pretty easy going most the time, but like most folks, I have my moments. We all have those moments, don’t we? It would be nice to have someone special around to share all of life’s moments with. That would make life’s fascinating moments, just that much more fascinating, scary moments, less scary, and a lifetime of memories that looking back will be all good.
I am loving, caring, giving, and trustworthy and hard working. I have a pretty good sense of humor and love to laugh.
I love taking long walks on the beach; feeling that fresh ocean air blowing through my hair and breathing it all in makes me feel so alive and filled with gratitude! Taking a drive on an old road on a lazy afternoon or a bike ride along the river, these things give me peace and security in a fast moving world.
I'm open and honest. If you want to know something about me...just ask. Did I already say...I am passionate about my family? My dad and step mom are incredible examples of what I would hope for in a relationship. And my kids....well....they are just a part of me that continues on.
I have a real soft spot in my heart for those that are connected to the Armed Forces.
These are our Hero’s...those that serve and those that hold up the home front. They sacrifice so much.
Who I'd like to meet:
I love to meet people. That's one of the great things about my profession. I meet new people every day. I enjoy older people because they have a lifetime’s worth of great stuff to share and learn from.
I'm kind of reserved in getting involved in a relationship right now. I want to finish up some of my life goals. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to meet new people, and take life as it comes. If I were to meet the right guy...I would be open minded about it.
But, the right guy would have to be something pretty special. You would accept and encourage my own life goals.
Yes...I'm old fashioned...I would LOVE to be courted and wined and dined. I enjoy many activities and am always willing to try something new at least once. Similar morals and values are important to me.
First Date
Well...coffee always works. Or maybe meeting and tackling a dance lesson together...I have no doubt it would be worth a few laughs at least. A drive to the snow (when it gets here) with an inner tube, a thermos of hot cocoa and some goodies to snack on is always fun. What do you like to do? | |
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Rador
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Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 97 | |
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/31/2006 1:41:47 AM | kiki314
This looks great! I am not sure what you need me for! OK...I am not complaining. I'm glad you stopped by!
And there is always room for improvement, right?
Here are a couple ideas. Your pictures are great; you have a very good variety of them!
The order in which you display them is very important in your particular case…and please don’t ask me why.
This would involve some highly technical mathematical equations, measurements, color assessments and please don’t give me that look…
You know, that “oh, this guy’s from California, and this type of thing is so typical of them” look… Yes, my dear, to explain why I would also have to go into a little bit of Feng shui.
Let’s just say; its intuition and leave it at that…ok here we go…some simple math as will be required, so follow me on this.
You current arrangements of pictures are going to be listed below as in the order they currently are which is ( 1, 2 , 3, 4 , 5, 6 , 7, 8) --wow that advanced algebra class taken in Jr. High finally pays off!
Ok, What I’ll do is under each of these numbers I will place the number which will represent where that photo should go … to create a better look , and according to my calculations, increase your overall POF success by 27.8735% …
I’d wish to give you a more precise figure, but I’ve nailed it down to a thousandth...Anything more we’ll be getting into quantum mechanics, string theories…superstrings..…and I think this is good enough, and a bit much wouldn’t you say?
You are right on. B u l l s h i t meters never lie, and this is no exception so let’s get on with it, shall we?
Here we go:
Current order of line up ?1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
3 6 8 2 4 7 5 1
3, use in position 1….6 in position 2, 8 in position 3 and so on..
NOW…everything will look great once those photo rearranging takes place..
There is just another small editing change. You have a huge block of text that can be split apart for easier reading as well as more aesthetically pleasing. Not to mention, dare I say... that all important Feng shui thing.
About me
What am I looking for? Good question! Right now looking to hang out with someone new and see where it goes. Something casual at first and take it from there... If things don't happen to work out between us on a higher level, just being friends works for me too.
I'm very outgoing and am told I’m a goof (I like to do/say stupid things to make people smile/laugh) but don't worry I can be serious when the situation needs me to be.
I have a few extra pounds on this tall frame of mine but I'm confident with the way I look and feel, and those extra pounds are sexy pounds, not to be confused with the ordinary ones. Important to clear that up a bit.
I love the outdoors, fishing and I love camping. Rollerblading, shopping and movies, oh yeah!
I am definitely a daredevil. Have done the white water rafting 2X and skydiving in the summer of '05, skydiving is the ultimate rush... bungee jumping is next!
(I’d planned do it again this past summer, but an auto accident in June resulted in a back injury and it didn't happen. That killed the bungee jumping adventures, too, but I’m healed up and there is always next year!) ... Want to know more, send me a msg.
I have pics, so please if you message and you don't have a pic up in your profile, send one along with the message. Thanks!!
Oh and no I don't and have never worked at Hooters... It was a costume I made for Halloween '05 (a plus-size Hooters Girl).
p.s. I’m not a picky person but I do ask that you are at least 5'10" because I'm just a smidge under 6' barefoot (yes I'm a giant I know hahaha!)... The taller the better: :D
See how the paragraphs make things work better?…I made a few grammatical improvements as well, and I think the most significant being I added a “ha” to your “haha”
I just really think it is important if you are going to ha at all, don’t just “haha”..just adding an extra “ha” makes a world of difference….it amps thing up quite a bit.. from haha
To hahaha! The exclamation mark was added, and is optional. I’d go with the whole package…at no additional cost, you can turn your haha into: hahaha!
All my best,
--Bill
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/31/2006 3:17:58 AM | lexwntsu
The main problem is your pictures. Yes, women are very turned on with the kind of physique you have, and kudos to you for being healthy, and taking care of yourself so well. We should all take a lesson from you on that.
Here is the deal. Yes, although you are attractive, that is not the problem. The problem is how you present it. I would keep all three of those pictures. But do not have them on public view.
Get someone to take some photos of you, one: Wearing cotton sweatshirt, and some jeans. Take a full body shot wearing this …and then another-same clothing but a close up face shot, smiling and showing your eyes, and then choose a picture in a nice dress shirt. Conservative. No tie, but no gold chains either.
You will put the close up face shot as your primary picture. The full body wearing the same next, then the dress shirt picture as the third …
Why? Women love mystery…your physique will not be as clearly defined as with the shirtless pictures, but it will be clear you are in very good shape.
Keeping in mind, women like a little mystery…can you imagine after her swapping emails for a week or so, and her constant curiosity as in “Gee. I know he’s in good shape…but, how “in shape” is he, really?"…soon she will often wonder that to herself. You may have the urge to blurt out something like, hey; I got some sexy pictures you wanna see, hot mama?. No, No, No!!!
I promise you. delay this as long as possible, and one day, casually mention you have some additional pictures, you ...
“thought it might be in bad taste to post them publicly because they are with my shirt off…Would it be ok if I sent one to you? “
(It is very, very IMPORTANT that you say this. If you don’t know why, it’s not important to know why, just that you say it. And use those very words.---AND--No sooner than one week after first contact!)
You will simply blow her mind when she finally sees one of those other pictures,
she may figure out a way to suggest getting together that very day with you. If you can wait, and schedule something a few days out…this would be a much better idea, but, just follow your…uhmmmm - heart on that one.
Here are some other problems:
This is what you listed as your interests: All
I will take a few educated guesses, and list three of them here...you will try to think of six more for a total of nine, OK?
Why is this important? This should be obvious, and it will be to you once you make this change. Just use these three, add six more to the list and remember the commas.
When you type these into the box on the page where you will type these in, put a comma after each one. ( comma = , )
Circuit Training, Body Building, Self Improvement,
About Me
I am a fun athletic male that has worked too much and wants to have fun.....lots of fun
You can do better than this...at least write two paragraphs. Four sentences each. What do you like to do with most of your time? How much can you bench press? What food do you like?
Once you start writing, the ideas will begin to flow.
First Date
Wine and Dine a Beutiful woman...
OK. Here's the deal. I am going to cut you some slack. You may have come in here completely unaware of my growing reputation for being indefatigably and savagely brutal in ripping apart people using poor grammar, and gross spelling errors.
You have succeeded in coming up with a single sentence, an incomplete one at that, and although you did manage to remember to capitalized the first letter of the sentence, you capitalized a word that should not be, and on top of all this, you managed to misspell a very simple word, in this…a sentence which contains only six words!
With all the restraint I can muster to suppress my wrath …I need to say this quickly and say over and over and over and over…in my own mind, because I want to believe this to be true.
You are not from the UK originally, are you? You live in England right now, but you just arrived from some non English –speaking maybe Slovak (I’m guessing) country right?
I thought so! Great! I live in America. Did you know the Governor of the State Of California is not originally from my country?
He was a body builder from Austria? He did eventually learn to write. He still has trouble speaking well; he does ok, but through a very thick accent.
Before he was Governor, he was a Movie Star.
I am not making this up!
So, my dear friend…oh, and , by the way, Our Governor who I speak of did very well, very, very well with the ladies.
My dear friend, there is not only hope for you; I’ll expect you to do very, very well, indeed.
Here is the sentence in question with corrections.
Wine and dine a beautiful woman...
You need to clean up this sentence up a bit.
Example:
I love to wine and dine beautiful women...
Then expand it a little more:
Good Luck!
--Bill
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| I'll review your profile and offer helpful suggestions
Posted: 10/31/2006 4:13:41 AM | silverrock
OK, first and foremost, instead of using the "Intimate Encounter" designation use "Dating" instead.
Why? Good question! "Intimate Encounter" is highly specific, while "Dating" is rather ambiguous.
There may be many women out there who want an intimate encounter, but not willing to admit this to themselves. Therefore being in denial, they will quickly pass you up. They would rather call it "dating". When in Rome... You just need to learn to speak their language.
"Intimate Encounter" can only mean one thing. "Dating" can mean several things. Some want to date just for fun, a social thing. Others may want to date to maybe find a girlfriend/boyfriend. Some may be dating around to see if possibly the "love of their lives" is out there. And some like yourself, have simply the sexual experience in mind, which will likely also include food, wine, merriment along with the hot monkey sex, of course.
You will need to make clear your intentions very very quickly. This is to be fair to those who want to define their dating experience at one of the other various mentioned levels.
Please do not underestimate the importance of doing this. The last thing you want to do is hurt someone's feelings.
You may want to leave some very clear, yet subtle clues embedded in the text of the "About Me" section. I have seem some women use this. Sometimes also, look for obvious clues in other ways, as well. Sometimes what is not said speaks louder than what is stated explicitly
interests: capitalize these:
golf reading shopping
landscaping antique collecting
About Me
A very discreet professional with a wonderful smile and great personality. Stay in shape by jogging daily and watching my diet. Extroverted,romantic,caring,vasectomy safe and passionate about life and all that it entails. Financially secure and emotionally mature and know the difference between work and play. Looking for a self-
confident,romantic, passionate lady whose life and relationship are not fulfilling
her needs and expectations. Not interested in a one night stand and I will never violate your confidence. Sex should always be a hands-on activity. You will find me to be loyal,trusting,giving and expect a woman to respond in like manner. I will do everything possible to please a woman because that is what makes it satisfying for me. Being discreet is so important. I am the sould of discretion and decorum in public,however,will learn the ways to rock your world and give you the best mind-blowing moments of breath-taking lovemaking. I take great pleasure in satisfying the
one I am with and am more than willing to devote the attention you desire to make the moments we are together a most wonderful experience.
This is a mess...break each idea into a paragraph. I found at least ten
"paragraphical possibilities" for you
Also... You sound very cold in your description of yourself and that is for very good reason: The lack of personal pronouns. What a simple concept, yet without it the difference between night and day, hot and cold...or in your case sizzlin hot..vs cold.
Do it! " I am a very discreet professional with a wonderful smile and great personality.
or:I'm a very discreet professional with a wonderful smile and great personality...
and maybe continue with something about your personality that is warm, etc.
And do this with all "I'm not interested in a one night stand and I will never violate...
The "About Me" description you wrote are littered throughout with the glaring absense of lask of personal pronouns! Why do people do this?
Hey, you are not the only one I have seen doing this. Not to pick on you! Why, O why the big attraction to do this? icky.
It is always the case, once you break each single idea down into a paragraph, it will be very easy to add more content, and thereby making your profile more substancial, easier to read, more interesting/entertaining to read.
First Date
Meet in a nice restaurant for lunch and have a very relaxed conversation. As our nervousness subsides and we become more comfortable with each other we may want to let our hormones take over....
To be honest, I have no idea about how the best way to proceed when you are developing this kind of relationship.
Is it really this explicit?
Don't answer this (rhetorical question) Have you done this before? If not, then maybe consider being a bit more romantic?
Not necessarily like 'An Officer and a Gentleman" romantic. But something a bit smoother than what is stated here.
Or, what do I know? This may just be precisely how the "Intimate Encounter"/"Dating" subculture operates. | |
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........ Thank you Bill xx take care
