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| | Can you have male friends?Page 11 of 17 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17) | Alot of women feel more secure around guy friends compared to a bf....
And alot of them choose to stay single | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 8:39:52 AM | True enough Eman. But a guy has to also be willing to accept that she had all these friends and knew them prior to dating, and asking a person/telling a person they can or can't see or talk to them is wrong. It shows how insecure the guy really is.
Hell my gf has lots of guy friends do I care no, and I have lots of girl friends and just like me she we trust each other enough to not care about it, and let it affect anything between us. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 9:21:32 AM | PerfectFitz said:
do you ever wonder why you are single to this day? for one you made her choose... if i was her, i would have left you too
Classic, absolutely classic. So she goes over to a "friends" house, kisses him, and the boyfriend is insecure and wrong? WTF??! This is exactly the kind of immature b.s. that guys are talking about. Ladies, if you're still wondering at this point why some guys are suspicious, look no further. It's no wonder to me why she's single, either.....
jmac said:
Today's Society is messed up...cause men get so uptight to hear when we have lots of male friends...
This actually goes both ways, though it's not talked about nearly as much. Women get just as jealous of their boyfriends/husbands girl friends; I've been on the receiving end of it myself.
OldSchoolQueen said:
Basically, let me clarify - if I have male friends, they will be friends both my SO and I know together and hang out with. Any male friends I have would understand that, and any serious boyfriend I'd have should expect it, and vice versa.
This is one of the more mature comments I've seen from some of the women posting here, and a welcome change from the "kick his ass to the curb!"-comments that many seem to favor. Has it become such a foreign concept that you should perhaps take the other person's concerns/problems into account and try to reach an understanding?
Scout:
I wasn't pointing to you specifically, and I hope I didn't give you that impression. My point (I don't want to presume to speak for e-man and bikeman) is that it's A LOT more complicated. Look at this thread, where a girl actually defended the right of a girlfriend to go over to a guy friends house and kiss/make-out with him because she and her boyfriend got into a fight. I understand that most people's experiences are limited by their own perspective; i.e., I can understand a guy's perspective more easily than I can a woman's, and vice versa. So let me tell you that that kind of crap (couple gets in argument, girl seeks comfort in arms of guy "friend" and winds up naked and sweaty with him) is fairly common. And it happens to "nice girls" who had no intentions of cheating on their boyfriends/husbands.
The message I'm seeing on here A LOT seems to boil down to "I'm going to do what I want and I don't care how it makes you feel so accept it; you're just jealous and insecure and that's YOUR problem not mine, so bugger off!". It's especially difficult in the beginning of a relationship, when you're both still getting to know each other; to me it's only natural that anybody with more than two brain cells is going to be at least curious about somebody who has mostly cross-sex friendships. And they wonder why, with a charming personality like that, they can't get anybody to stick around for very long... and if you're reading this and you start getting defensive and angry, what do you think that indicates? | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 9:43:53 AM | I think a lot of problems exist becuase the lines of communication arent open. If I am in a relationship with a man I want him to be part of my life and meet and get to know my friends as I have absolutely nothing to hide. I would like to be regarded the same with him and his life.
I have always talked openly with men I am having a relationship with and I am attentive to their feelings about my male friends. I do not kiss or anything more with any my male friends as they are that - friends. I have talked to all of my male friends about our friendship and they have said that it was friendship for reasons other than sexual and that they arent sexually interested in me - the men that are my friends are witty, make me laugh, hold wonderful conversations and we come to each other with our problems when we need to call on that friendship. According to the PP should I consider these men liars? I do know of 2 of my male friends who were/are interested in me sexually and did admit it - however they are married and I was married when we first met and the friendship grew out of mutual interests and as we have mutual respect for each other - would never let anything happen.
Do I have a lot of close male friends, yes - more than close women friends - yes. Is this a problem for the men I date or go further with having a relationship with - no (if they are honest when I ask them, as I always talk to them about it). I have had men not like certain male friends I have and when they didnt want to be around them, I worked around it. There have been times in my life where a male friend has come to me and said that his new gf didnt like me being around and I stayed away - out of respect for my friend. The same has happened in reverse. My ex-husband didnt like some of my male friends and for 20 years while I was married - saw some of these my male friends rarely and am only now catching up with some of them and finding out where they are in their lives.
So, friendship and communication, trust and openness work for me. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 9:54:14 AM | Sue:
Thank you; it really is nice to see somebody who "gets it". Guys get so tired of that girls-can-do-no-wrong bullshit like in msg 251.
I'm pretty sure if it were a guy defending another guys right to make out with a female friend because he got into a fight with his girlfriend, many of these same women on here would be screaming bloody murder. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 11:35:36 AM | Bookworm;
Do you find that when you talk to a gf about their men friends they are secretitive about them or wont include you in activities? If so, there is more going on then plutonic friendships. I didnt think about it until I read your comment "girls can do no wrong" and realized that was the case with some women I know. They have f**kbuddies that they kept hidden away for a dry spell and tell their bf's that the men are just "friends" these men friends also tell the same story to their gf's - and yes these buddies do get together while each of them are in "committed" relationships. So, watch for the red flags.
I never thought about that, as I am not like that. I had a bad marriage and left instead of cheating as that is not who I am. Financially I would have been better off to remain in the marriage and cheat as so many others appear to do, (from the number of married people on this site), but I like who I look at in the mirror every morning when I brush my teeth - so for me that was never an option. I am very happy in my new space, getting my new life together and looking for someone special to enjoy life with.
I dont defend any one gender as I believe that all should play fair - and honesty is being honest to ourselves and everyone else in the relationship. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 11:48:05 AM | Sue:
Yes, I've had girlfriends in the past who've lied about... let's call it, all of the aspects of their friendships with their guy friends. Apparently many girls think that guys can't pick up on the subtle nuances of their interactions with their guy friends, just as they pick up on it when a guy is around is girl friends. Or, they'll swear up and down that "he's just a friend", and then months later say, "Hey, remember my friend I told you about? Well, there was this one time on this roadtrip....." | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 12:53:43 PM | i have more male friends than female, am one of the boys in general.
I`ve had men that have hated it, but theres been no harm done.
the green eyed types do envy it, esp if you have very close men friends, i have the odd one i can talk about anything and everything too, so its nice.
No don`t give up on them, its a catch 22, any female friends a man has , we have to put up with too.  | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 3:38:53 PM |
The message I'm seeing on here A LOT seems to boil down to "I'm going to do what I want and I don't care how it makes you feel so accept it; you're just jealous and insecure and that's YOUR problem not mine, so bugger off!".
My boyfriend is on here as well, and Him and I totally understand what/how it is with multiple friends of the opposite sex. We both trust each other completely.
Dont get me wrong, I was not justifying what had happened when she went over to his house, Not at all.
I know that if my BF (xXmentalXx) was to go over to one of his ladie friends house and that was to happen, yes, i would be quite pissed off.
But i sure as hell wouldnt give him an ultimatum!
That is probably what ran her off. No one likes to be told to make a choice.
And yes I can admit that i find some of his female friends to be extremely attractive, But I trust him, so im not worried about it. Im actually not jealous at all about them.
I think that obviously deep down there was some hidden jealousy that had just finally come forward for you to give her an ultimatum. It was a bad move.
But who's to say whether or not she would have stayed, or would have been faithful. Nobody really knows for sure. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 3:42:53 PM |
Guys get so tired of that girls-can-do-no-wrong bullshit like in msg 251.
Bookworm,
I sure as hell never said anything to do with that statement! I definately think that what you said is bullshit, girls do wrong all the time... but so do men! | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 3:51:54 PM | Im with Eman07 on this
a woman with sooo many guy friends she gets along great with - yet single - cant fing a boyfriend ?
hmmm
bad news in my books --- my mind tells me stay away | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 3:56:15 PM |
a woman with sooo many guy friends she gets along great with - yet single - cant fing a boyfriend ?
Maybe... just maybe .... she doesn't want a boyfriend at that timeframe. And, maybe...just maybe... she happens to have a lot of guys who want to be her friend if they can't have her (via her choice) as a girlfriend.
What a concept! | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 4:08:39 PM |
she happens to have a lot of guys who want to be her friend if they can't have her (via her choice) as a girlfriend
so she is happy to have them hanging around to feed her ego so she feels desired and also so she can use these guys for favours when she needs them because those fools are thinking with their penis rather then their brain and will do anything as it may mean a chance to get in her pants | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 4:11:32 PM | I just heard from a man who was in my life for over 8 years romantically (affair).....ummm.. we parted friends and have been for a while now...problem is I said no more picking me up early to go to lunch ( you get what I mean right) well after I said that I dont hear from him for 3 months, damned if I will contact him. I get an email yesterday and hes like....lets do lunch....and let me know how "early" I can come by to pick you up.....WTF?....nice huh...havent heard from him for 3 months and he expects to come over early.......someone tell me....are men for real? | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 10:52:10 PM |
problem is I said no more picking me up early to go to lunch ( you get what I mean right) well after I said that I dont hear from him for 3 months, damned if I will contact him. I get an email yesterday and hes like....lets do lunch....and let me know how "early" I can come by to pick you up.....WTF?....nice huh...havent heard from him for 3 months and he expects to come over early.......someone tell me....are men for real?
So, you used your guy friend for sex until you decided that you'd had enough, and you're wondering why he's had a hard time accepting the fact that you've changed your mind and moved on? So in other words, you're upset because your little toy doesn't like his change in status? Are YOU for real??? But let me guess, when you describe him to your next boyfriend, he'll be "just a friend", right? | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 11:30:15 PM | ummm no I was in a deeper relationship with this man for over 8 years..then it ended...we departed as friends...and on the occasion got together intimately,since neither of us was in another relationship..we actually "used each other"...it was nice to a point but then I got into a real relationship with another man (and didnt see him anymore). When it ended this friend came back into my life to be my "friend"...when I suggested I didnt need him to pick me up early at home for a lunch date ....that was the last one he invited me to for 3 months...now he is back, I guess he felt maybe 3 months was enough to get over my last realtionship and wants right back into what we had....I only want the friendship part and thats that......it was alright at the time, but after being in a relationship that was loving, I couldnt go back to being my ex-lovers friend with benefits person...I just like the friendship we have established and thats all I want now....more about my self-worth now and my boundaries and not wanting to just casually **** anyone anymore..and you are right that will be the biggest reason...thanks for pointing that out.... I did describe him to my last bf and all I got for it was....oh if we end, you will go right back to him and start all over again...I said who knows what life has in store for us....I was hoping things would have worked out with him to be honest! Hes not so ,quite this little toy considering hes 6' to my 5'3" I would describe me now as what he wants....... his little toy.. | |
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jossi
| | Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 267 | |
| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 11:47:03 PM | Lots of intresting thoughts here!
I always had male friends, two of my former boyfriends are really good friends of mine now. I love my girlfriends and guy friends the same.
Friends are for life, relationships, unless is the right one, come and go. You don't go dumping your long time male friends because your new boyfriend wants you to, I wouldn't. If he really cared about me and felt secure he would not ask me to do that. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/27/2006 11:52:08 PM | Ladybug:
Okay, maybe I'm missing something in what you're saying. But it sounds like you had a sexual relationship with one of your guy friends, and now you're frustrated because you want to transition "down" to 'merely' platonic friends, and you're asking if he's "for real" because he keeps wanting to have sex with you? Without knowing all of the nuances of your relationship with him, can you see how this sounds a little like the person who wants to have her cake and eat it too? You created this situation with him, so you own all of the ensuing complexities; please don't try to run from your own responsibility and ask if he's "for real"; you're at least as much to blame as him for creating the situation.
Just to be clear, I'm not condemning you for your choices; I'm just saying that, as an adult, you have to own them.  | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/28/2006 12:08:14 AM | | I've gone thru this a lot. I have tons of male friends and am always upfront bout them to the guy I am seeing. The last one had a major issue w/it. But, I've met a few that are comfortable enuf w/themselves to meet my guy friends. It's important to me to have a trusting guy. If u r upfront about ur friends right away, u think u'd get bonus points. Instead, we often lose guys over it. I'm still going to stick to the honesty routine. I still believe there's a good guy out there able to deal w/my friends, male or female. My friends were around b4 him, and hpefully, will b around after (if it doesn't work). I wont give up my friends for any guy. Nor would I expect them to do that for me. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/28/2006 12:10:33 AM | | Maybe she has a lot of men friends cuz they r more trustworthy than women, aren't backstabbing, etc..There r different reasons that r not sexual. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/28/2006 1:14:07 AM | My brother and a friend of mine have both been left by their girlfriends of 2 or 3 years for male friends of their x's, and it seems like they got over these guys and moved onto one of their own male friends very quickly. 
This happens, but these girls were only 18, and 21.
* If your male friends are single and have been so for a while without putting effort into dating (You're all the female attention they've got), then don't be suprised if you find out that they like you more than you suspect.
*If you need to talk to your male friends a lot then maybe your man does not give you enough of his undevided attention (his problem), or you have not committed or adjusted enough to your new relationship and are still acting semi-single (your problem). There are quite a lot of compromises in a relationship.
*Try to keep your relationship seperate from your male friends. If you have a problem within your relationship, solve it with your partner. If you go and solve it with your male friends and act on it, this will be very bad for communication and trust. Only those within a certain relationship know the full story, as every relationship is different.
*Possessiveness: A sign of insecurity, your man would hate you to leave him for someone else. If your man trys to take it too far though, ditch em.
If he trusted you enough he would not be possessive and you would be free as single.
Good Luck with this. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/28/2006 1:30:03 AM | There's this girl in my law school class, who is married, but seems to have more male friends than any other girl in the school.
My dad's interpretation: she's not that married. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/28/2006 1:38:53 AM |
There's this girl in my law school class, who is married, but seems to have more male friends than any other girl in the school.
My dad's interpretation: she's not that married.
Funny, that. Of course, your dad is just being insecure, according to some.
Yes, it's possible that she genuinely is seeking nothing but friends, but when it "just works out" that a girl gets mostly guy friends, it sure makes you wonder what her motivations really are; like maybe looking for guys that will boost her ego by showering her with attention. We've all seen this way too often to be fooled by it. But of course if you say anything, you're just being insecure. | |
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ousu
| | Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 274 | |
| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/28/2006 1:54:33 AM | Mr Bain, Bookworm,
isn't that the problem of those guys? - There have been situations when I have not seen a male nothing more as a person_no_matter_what_his_gender_is, and later I have noticed it has not been same for him. It does not tell anything about my ability to have male friends.
Below Mr Bain: I agree. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/28/2006 1:59:06 AM | | There are many women who are genuinely sincere about their friendships with men. I'm not minimizing that. These are generally the women you can talk to about anything- without of course, a hidden agenda. | |
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