| | Can you have male friends?Page 16 of 17 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17) | I absolutely believe so (reversing the sexes as appropriate). Of course all my friends tell me I'm dead wrong. I don't know. I think it's possible. I also don't think that the sexual aspect is something that can be completely overcome. I mean hell, it's hard not to notice it. But it is something that you can minimize to the point where it doesn't matter.
What I'd be concerned about is the 'sudden, close, opposite sex' friend that emerges within the space of a few months. I been there, on both sides of the fence, and it can be dangerous - when you move fast of course emotions have to play catch up, and often it's tougher to get things sorted out. I don't know what to do in those situations, but they happen. | |
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Ron9
| | Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 377 | |
| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 3/28/2007 6:10:46 PM | Sure ...... sometimes it is fine.
The overall concept - of male/female friends is a VERY BAD IDEA - if one is in a relationship or not. It is even more of a bad idea if one is in a relationship.
This needs to be included in the girls night out thread - in that thread I got to watch many gals say - if they go to bars and drink too much and not come home - SCREW what their male SO at home thinks.
It is often (no I did not say always) being very inconsiderate to your SO.
For those that like to push the envelope all the time - I say "you go girl" - and take all of your insecure / controlling azzhole / immature / trust - babble with you.
BOTH sides of a relationship should be VERY considerate of the other ones feelings - regardless of “trust”. It is a matter of caring - not a matter of “if you don’t like it screw you”. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 3/28/2007 6:56:34 PM | I finally for once agree with Ron9 lol
I have male friends and when single was closer...I either introduce and he becomes BOTH our friend..If by chance my SO doesnt like or he thinks it's too close for comfort I will back it up a bit with my male friend for respect of my SO because in the end what matters most is the two of us right? Id expect the same in return if reversed..Sometimes others see what you can not. I did try the '''ask your male friend if he would sleep with you''' ,that another had posted above...I just did it and called
heres how it went
One response was........THE WINE IS CHILLIN HOW FAST CAN I COME OVER,,Finaly .he says....
Shocked the chit out of me I tell ya!!!!!!!
after i talked myself out of that one and explained he said we friends but yes he would if push came to shove..
Second call----response:
If you were serious and because I love you as a friend Id make sure you werent drinking when we do do it!!!!!! Then he went on and on asking me if this was a joke....and not to play with his head because he said he dreams of it ..another shock!!
Ive known these people many years and never dreamed of this...So guess I was'' wrong' .
From now on I will respect the wishes if i have a serious SO from now on...I still gunna keep my friends and make more. But Ive learnt this.....If I can t talk openly like I do with my male best friend to my SO think I with wrong man.....My SO should be my best MALE friend | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 3/28/2007 7:15:07 PM | ron9,
I have to agree but with only some of it...I have a male that I have been friends with for years and we have an understanding, when or if Istart dating someone he pulls back and stays in the sidelines, but is still there for me if i need him and i do the same for him. It is called respect for the friendship. So for me it has worked. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 3/28/2007 7:22:39 PM | NO U shouldnt have male friends hanging around throwing salt on your new relationship, most male friends are bitter cause u got someone and they want to be that special one always around, the half of your male friends want to sleep with u and the last thing is that men are territorial by nature, they are the LION>>> and everyone else is a possible enemy... thats just how it is sweetheart,. but the male friends u had for along time is ok as long as they dont play like their your daddy.. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 3/28/2007 7:31:00 PM | its not jealousy u got to understand that some people just want too much attention and being inconsiderate of their mate.... ive seen women get jealous of female friends but for them it's ok.. i recently had a girl come to a club mad at her boyfriend and started kissing her male friend... whew i think it's just more pressure when your trying to fall in love... but i do think male friends have to show respect to the new partner and not interfere with jealously but its ok to have friends. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 4/2/2007 8:41:59 AM |
I'm probably going a bit off topic here, but I'm always suprised when I hear women saying that they do not have female friends. Why do you think is the reason for you not having female friends?
The reason some females dont have female friends, cause they probably have stolen other females men. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 4/2/2007 9:06:28 AM |
BOTH sides of a relationship should be VERY considerate of the other ones feelings - regardless of “trust”. It is a matter of caring - not a matter of “if you don’t like it screw you”.
I totally agree! | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 4/2/2007 9:16:12 AM | Personally, I get along better with guys than I do with girls, so I tend to have a lot of male friends. So yes, it is possible. It sucks when your s/o has a problem with it, but so long as you establish boundaries with your male buddies and make sure that your man gets a chance to meet them and see what they're about, it really shouldn't be that much of a problem.
I know both guys and girls who sometimes feel a little threatened and insecure if their s/o has a large quantity of friends of the opposite sex. But if this is an ongoing problem, you should have a heart-to-heart; he should be able to voice his concerns without appearing controlling or psychotic. And you in turn should never brush off his concerns as "I've always had guy friends, get used to it." Listen to what he has to tell you, then reassure him that you have good judgment and he should trust your abilities to pick your friends.
However, if a guy you're seeing acts really jealous and tries to control who you can and cannot be friends with, then you should probably get rid of him. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 4/2/2007 9:26:42 AM | Women are a lot of trouble for me to be friends with - I just don't have time to "girlfriend around" with people. I have a couple of very close male friends and other male friends who aren't that close, but are good friends. It has nothing to do with gender, nothing at all.
Except that I can say, "Aw, sorry. I'm busy, can't go" and that's the end of it. It seems harder than that with my girlfriends. I don't know if that has anything to do with gender or if it just so happens that this is the way those particular people are. | |
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raisor
| | Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 387 | |
| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 4/5/2007 7:41:24 AM | Its all about time and place. You give a guy ANY girl... at the right time and he will try to have sex with them. Plain and simple. It's being able to control this thats tricky. But, this is not only for men, women are in large the same way.
Basically what it breaks down to is if youre not getting what you want at home... you're going to get it somewhere else.
And of course a dancing bananna...  | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:13:48 AM | I have the opposite problem in that most of my friends are female. And it does have a drag on any relationship Im in.
I tend to cool things with my friends when Im in a serious relationship. Because the relationship means more to me than the friendship. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:35:53 AM | this is a silly question:
naturally you can.
the problem arises in that men and women are different when it comes to "friendships".
Women are far better at keeping their cross gender friendships ...non sexual. Its not that men arent capable...im sure all men are...its just that as men we are pretty good about seperating sex and emotional connections. In most cases where the boyfriend get jealous...its becuase he sees the "male friend" as someone who is waiting in the wings to "pounce".
But most men, if they really think about it, know that if you are a man who is in a "womans friendzone" he really aint going to get outta that role...these are the men who listen to a woman complain about the last "bad ex" and the like and are the "male buddy" who women turn to for emotional support.
there is nothing to fear from a man who is in the friendzone...most of the time...there simply isnt any "sexual tension" between them...so reguardless of how close they may be ....that man aint stepping outta that zone.
Personally I could really care less if a woman has close male friends...it certainly is her choice....though there are always exceptions to the rule. there are many women i know who simply have no female friends...and more often than not...there is a very big reason for that...and usually not a good one...so personally im more concerned with a woman who has no "female" friends ...rather than one who has alot of male ones..
In most cases i think a healthy person has friends and pals of both sexes..its the ones who exclusively relate to only one gender that usually have me thinking.."wassup wit that?".. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:48:29 AM | | Rubbish. Most of my 'friends' are men, simply because I relate to the way they think better than I do with other females. I'm friendly with two of my ex's. Had the relationships, now have the friendships and have the added bonus that they are two male friends who know and understand me better than some of my closest, female friends do. As long as you respect the boundaries involved, there shouldn't be problems. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:49:05 AM | I completely disagree. Men and women are equally capable of getting frisky with a friend. Ive had gfs that have mostly guy friends and they will swear up and down that nothing would ever happen and they have no feelings toward any of them. They will call you insecure for not trusting them. They will keep at it right up until they sleep with one of their friends. 
I do think that women are fully capable of having nonsexual friends but I do agree with gonzofanmel if a girl says anything along the lines of "Ive always had lots of guy friends youll have to live with it" that just means "Im going to cheat on you its just a matter of time" | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 5/28/2007 9:42:34 AM | Yea. I have alot of male friends, they look out for me and personally there better than having chicks as friends its just less drama. They are always happy to see me happy with a guy, always willing to keep my head up.
peace,
Sparkey | |
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libbyv
| | Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 394 | |
| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 5/28/2007 9:46:58 AM | | I don't mind having male friends, We have a friendship and no more than that. I wouldn't be interested in dating him, just a companion to go places with. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 5/28/2007 10:59:44 AM |
It's simple........ALL your male friends want to sleep with you.
Here's an experiment......... ask them at random if they would like a night of fun and each and every one of them would say yes. Witchypoo, I don't want to sleep with my friends. But I will agree, that most would. I find that the rule is:
A hound dog is a hound dog, his friends and to strangers.
If he'll take advantage of another woman, he'll take advantage of his female friends, given half a chance.
I don't care if she has male friends or not.
But I will expect to meet them, all of them.
And I will them exactly what I will do to them if they fool around with her:
I'll slip a mickey finn in their drink, bring them outside, and stick a nice big thistle up their backside, and break it off, and shove it up so far, that they won't be able to pull it out.
Those who never wanted to fool with her, will stay friends.
Those who are just friends so that they can fool around with her, will leave, sharpish.
Sorts the friends from the jerks, and the men from the boys.
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 7/26/2007 12:16:47 AM | It should definitely be okay for you to have male friends while you're in a relationship with someone. But what you need to be careful of is giving off any sign of your friendships being anything else. (i.e when you go to hang out with one of your guy friends, tell your boyfriend where you guys are going, what your doing, how long you'll be out, etc.) Basically, I wouldn't recommend anything like a long walk on the beach with any of your male friends.  Don't give him a reason to think there's something else going on, and you'll be fine. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 7/26/2007 12:20:06 AM | | if you want someone who can't deal with your friends, and are willing to give up your freedom for your beau then go ahead... if your the friend hugging, back rubbing, physically warm with your friends type you might back down a bit, it could cause your beau confusion.... | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/9/2007 3:04:54 AM |
I have the opposite problem in that most of my friends are female. And it does have a drag on any relationship Im in.
Had this, then lost them as a previous g/f went to great lengths to push them out of my life, and was continually jealous. So this works both ways - it's not a male thing. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/9/2007 3:24:55 AM | I just had a huge thread on this. While people will claim trust and jealousy and insecurity bullshit, it is simply a matter of respect.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts7957642.aspx
Too bad no one realizes it until they are on the receiving end of it. How can anyone doing it themselves be objective? Look at both sides, the person with all the friends and the person that has to put up with all the friends. If you have the need to surround yourself with people of the opposite sex, I immediatly cast you into the "needs to much attention / esteem issues" lot.
And I love how everyone that approves, does so with "I do it, so it is ok" instead of "I don't have any problems with my man hanging out with girls without me there."
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/9/2007 3:35:30 AM | "" have a great guy friend. We go out for sushi and talk about everything including the love interest in our lives! It's very healthy to have a friend of the opposite sex...it can be done and is done! ""
Yes, it can be done! And I can drive 75 mph down the freeway with a few beers in me and my seatbelt off....does that mean I should? Consider the "odds" of something happening. Certainly, the appearance to many is "odd". So think about that when you are out alone with "your friend" and your lover is home alone....
Malstyne said: ""I just had a huge thread on this. While people will claim trust and jealousy and insecurity bullshit, it is simply a matter of respect.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts7957642.aspx
Too bad no one realizes it until they are on the receiving end of it. How can anyone doing it themselves be objective? Look at both sides, the person with all the friends and the person that has to put up with all the friends. If you have the need to surround yourself with people of the opposite sex, I immediatly cast you into the "needs to much attention / esteem issues" lot. And I love how everyone that approves, does so with "I do it, so it is ok" instead of "I don't have any problems with my man hanging out with girls without me there."
EXACTLY. Its hard to be selfless in life. And if we can create a reason to create jealousy, why not ehh? Just proves our lover's weren't good enough, and they obviously didn't read the relationship books that said m/f friends alone in private is a good thing, because those books are soo hard to find.
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