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| | Can you have male friends?Page 17 of 17 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17) | lol my blokes have to deal with the fact i get on better with guys than girls...
friends stay where as relationships come and go.
if the bloke doesnt trust you with your male friends then he's not worth it. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/9/2007 3:43:36 AM | "friends stay where as relationships come and go."
That's the most cliche BS there is, I think a preschooler came up with it and taught it to the other kids. If you go through life always treating your partner as if they are going to go, where do you think you'll end up? How about considering that they might just turn out to be the person you spend the rest of your life with and treating them that way! Wasn't that the goal in the end for all this dating nonsense anyway? Or are you just going to sleep around the rest of your life? If, so then yes continue that line of thought. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/9/2007 3:49:30 AM | from my experience ok its not alot of experience but i've always been able to fall back on my mates if i've needed to...some people completely cut off their mates when they get in a relationship yes? when the relationship splits as they sometimes do then having ditched your friends they may not be there to help, i think its important to still have your friends aswell as the bloke.
to be honest my partner died- had a heart attack in his sleep if i had cut off all my friends then i wouldnt of got through it as well as i have done, i dont think its bull because i've not had a guy who could of been the right guy for me, so they have come and go and its my friends who have helped me deal with it. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/9/2007 3:58:17 AM | Plato a great thinker in Greek times once pondered this, which is where the term Platonic friends comes from, but even Plato himself said it was a concept that would only work if one of the parties were well, gay.
Brush up on your Greek history and you will see that even the great Plato, who came up with the concept, agreed it's possible but very unlikely that you can just be friends, and personally I think it's pure BS!
When a woman says she has lots of guys as friends, that's a warning sign to me | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/9/2007 4:01:57 AM | You could just as easily fall back on your girl friends. Are women such horrible people you can't be friends with your own sex? Also, one of your friends could have just as easily died as your partner. So, it really doesn't prove the whole friends are forever whereas relationships come and go. But, sorry for your loss.
I still say if you treat a person as if they are going to go, then they will.
I'll also add that this topic probably come up just as much as adultry and as such, it should tell you IT CAUSES PROBLEMS! and simularly it is usually the case that the people who are promonants of adultry are the ones commiting it, not the victims.
Furthermore, people continually say its trust, insecurity, etc. Well as much as it comes up, we might start thinking that everyone in the world is insecure (which isn't true), maybe we should adapt so we can get along with those people and have any hope of not being a generation of people living with thier cats.
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/9/2007 6:17:35 AM | oh i have girl friends but am a natural born flirt- i dont do anything just flirt alot and so girls are insecure around me, also the higer than average IQ means that some girls are threatened because i can hold a decent convo about loads of subjects and things...
any bloke i've seen is made aweare that i have alot of male friends- am a musician work wise which is a male dominated thing so really i cant help but have alot of male friends but it doesnt mean any bloke i would happen to be seeing should feel cautious- if the bloke is able to keep me interested i wouldnt play around with other blokes, thus he[s got nothing to feel insecure about. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/9/2007 8:17:39 AM | Yes of course you can have male friends. You should also be aware that most of your male friends want to have sex with you and have boundries.
You your man should be secure in his trust with you, and then he wont have a problem with you having male friends because even if he doesnt trust them and knows that most of them want to sleep with you. He will trust you so it doesnt matter. Now if you act flirty with them and do questionable things thats not gonna help him feel that way.
Men and woman can be friends I beleive. But also some women have to be more realistic in understanding that alot of their male freinds do in fact want sex. | |
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NadiaS
| | Joined: 1/12/2007
Msg: 409 | |
| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/9/2007 9:04:10 AM | Realistically speaking, we all have our circle of friends that we are part of so for a new SO to come in and start making requests/demands that we stop being friends with those of the opposite sex doesn't work. More often than not, it causes tension and accusations of jealousy and possessiveness start flying about.
If I meet a guy and in getting to know him realize that he has a lot of female friends, I basically have two options...accept him as he is (including his friends) or accept myself and my limits and not get involved further. In no way would I feel that I have a right to ask him to stop seeing his female friends if he and I got together. Nor would I want to do that. As long as certain boundaries are respected by all, you trust each other and your new partner is introduced and INCLUDED in get togethers and such...there should not be any issues. I think men get a bit worked up if they feel male friends are crossing certain boundaries by being very touchy feely or whatever. Also keep in mind that while you may have known your male friend for years, your new partner doesn't...he's the newbie in the group, so to speak, and it'll take him a while to figure out and learn about the relationships that exist between you and your friends. It may require that you slightly alter the dynamic of your friendships with your male friends but I don't see a problem in doing that if it's going to keep everybody happy and help your partner get comfortable. After all, if you want a relationship to work, you have to give it the priority it deserves too...loyalty to friends does not have to exclude loyalty to a partner. It comes down to trust as well and if your partner just outright doesn't trust you, that will show in other aspects of the relationship anyway and in that case...you've got bigger problems than whether or not you can have male friends! | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/10/2007 5:31:08 PM | | Ladies & Gentlemen (I address both due to another thread about men having female friends), you are within every right to socialize with friends of the opposite sex. If they are friends with no sexual attraction then there is no reason to be jealous. I, myself, have a few female friends that I am not attracted to in any way, shape, or form. Your lover may suspect something or draw his/her own conclusions, but sometimes some reassurance my be needed. My last two girlfriends would question about someone they haven't met yet or ask how I knew them. I have one friend that is like a younger sister to me. I would never do or say anything about pursuing more of a relationship with her that would compromise our friendship. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/10/2007 5:42:25 PM | ""If they are friends with no sexual attraction then there is no reason to be jealous. I, myself, have a few female friends that I am not attracted to in any way, shape, or form. Your lover may suspect something or draw his/her own conclusions, but sometimes some reassurance my be needed. My last two girlfriends would question about someone ""
Again last two or three posters with this opinion don't mention HANGING OUT ALONE WITH THEM. Makes me think its a superficial reply. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/10/2007 6:53:04 PM | If relationships, all of them are important to you, then you'd be most compatible with someone that values them the same.
Friends, family, coworkers, people who value relationships tend to attract others who do too.
I think the difference is...I don't know how else to say it, so bear with me if I don't say it as well as I may try to.
Not only relationships, all of them but prioritizing them. I have guy and girl friends, mostly guy friends. Always have, not intending to, it's just worked out that way.
But my guy friends are always respectful when I'm involved, they understand that my time with them may...will be more limited. Same as when they're involved...I'm happy for them and wouldn't do anything to jeopardize or threaten that. I understand.
When I AM involved, that relationship takes priority. But those who know me and I do hold close, it's never a problem. I am the same. I just find it funny that someone would have people in their life that wouldn't know them that well NOT to understand.
It's never been an issue. I don't make an attempt to keep contact with my exs...men I've dated...no matter how long or short or when it was. We do have some mutual friends and sometimes we do just run into each other. If so, mostly it's friendly and sometimes we'll go have lunch or meet for a drink. If I happen to be involved, I don't feel I have to ask permission, but I'd invite him to go along.
My contact with my exs are casual. I have tried the "friends" thing, and I would be fine with that, but MY experience is that they tend to try to play the guilt thing to want to get back together. Only my experience, but I don't need to explain it all over again, when they didn't get it the other 47 times I already explained it before. And I don't play the guilt game, they're not unhappy because I'm not with them. I don't get sucked into that vortex.
I'm all for heathly and happy realtionships, and opposite sex friends. Mine have enriched my life so much.
I would never encourage the gals night or out guys night out when it's for someone who is involved to go out, get trashed, sleep over at God knows where, to act like they're single.
That's just not acceptable. Realtionships DO have a very important element about accountability. I'm not needy or clingy, but you bet if I'm not with my SO, he'll know where I am and who I'm with and when I'll be home. It's never happened yet in my life that it's not. And noone that I've been involved with has done otherwise. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/11/2007 1:18:06 AM | My Dad once said "Men & women can't be JUST FRIENDS". I never have agreed with that. Most of my very best friends in life have been men. I am 64 and have been around a bit. Right now, my very best friend is a 20 year old young man I met a year ago. We just had an instant connection. He is someone I can tell anything to and be myself. I also get the benefit of a male perspective. He has been there for me through a terrible ordeal (When my own children & other family could not be bothered).
Some of his friends and employees are also young men who have become my good friends also.
I have women friends,,, but, find they are not "there for me" as my male friends are.
None of my male friends have ever been anything other than my friend. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/11/2007 1:47:14 AM | You know the answer, fairydust96, just as well as I do that the boyfriend is wrong at trying to give you an 'ultimatum': "Either he or me!" (sorry you didn't word it as such). It is pathetic really trying to stop us talking to the opposite gender counterparts/friends. It just speaks volumes for their uncertainity and low self-esteem and who knows what kind of other issues
I do have male friends, and will not give up on them simply for someone's  fancy! I tend to get people together for Sunday lunch at mine to get to know each other and so far it worked wonders whether it meant losing a potential boyfriend or not. A true friendship survives any troubled waters; a true love doesn't fade when exposed to challenging circumstances. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/11/2007 1:47:38 AM | Hi Melxx,
Of course you should be able to have male friends. However, from your photo you seem to have a lot for a fella to be jealous about. When I was younger and thinner and prettier my husband's friends seemed to not even notice me. Up until the time my husband went to jail that is. As soon as they thought he was out of the picture they were all over me. CREEPS !! It's really sad though because male friends have been some of the best friends I have ever had. In fact I have 2 male friends that I am best friends with. My husband was never jealous of my friendships with males because he trusted me totally and completely. My husband passed away 6 months ago and these 2 fellas have been like big brotheres to me. You should be able to have male friends no matter how young and pretty you are. You're just gonna have to find a "MAN" that is secure enough in his manlyhood that he won't feel threatened by your male buddies. If your male friends are really JUST friends and they aren't hitting on you every time you turn around...... then I would say ..."KEEP THEM" !! Good friends are so hard to find these days. So, my advise is for you to find someone that trusts you because without trust......it ain't gonna work even if ya got rid of your male friends. Jealousy is a very bad emotion.
I hope I have helped you and I wish you the best of luck.
 from one girl to another | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/11/2007 1:59:15 AM | Yes I have a bunch of close mates, male and female.
Past boyfriends don't like me to meet the men alone for lunch, never mind dinner.
But I do what I want to do, some of the guys I have known since I was 12 and there is nothing sexual in it so it my BF feels threatened I do try and reassure him. I always invite the BF to any meeting too, to try and appease him.. but ultimately that insecurity is his problem and if he doesn't trust me... end of relationship
Thats not a great thought but my mates will be there for me and have been through my marriage breakup. I cherish and support them as they support me. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/11/2007 2:05:50 AM | of course you can most of my mates are males and we are just friends they dont think of me any other way I have asked them
and they wouldnt lie | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 8/11/2007 2:09:09 AM | | I think that women can have male friends who are just that. BUT, if I am dating a girl and tell her that I have a bad feeling about a particular guy, I would expect her to listen to that feeling I have just as I would have listen to her if she was uncomfortable with one of my female friends. I have worked with and around primarily men my whole career (except for a short stint in an ICU) and I know how men think about the women who are "just friends". Having said all that, one of the lines of death is "we're just friends" about a guy a woman I am dating doesn't want me to get to know, or about a guy she started to get to know well after I met her and went into that relationship with her. If she gives me the "friends" line and I am uncomfortable with it, I walk, plenty of fish in the sea. Fish that will want me to be so much a part of their lives that their friends will become my friends. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/30/2007 9:21:18 AM | | i dis agree some what wiv the friends issue i had a friend the last dew years now and evry time ive been sinle and we have me up and get drunk things happen, im partlialy to blame canthelp it but if im wiv some one close it dont happen | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 11/30/2007 9:36:55 AM | | Yeah, well there is a problem with us men being jealous when you want to spend MORE TIME with and HANG OUT with the "other" guy friends more than you want to hang out with your actual boyfriend. Bottom line is, most of your "other" guy friends only want to be friends with you (more than likely, at least) because they think they have a chance to get into your pants at some point. Some of these guy friends are probably "ex'es" of yours too, right? Another thing that annoys us is when we are on a date in a restaurant with you (women) and then your cell phone rings incessantly, and it is all of your guy friends calling you one after another. Unless there is some sort of emergency you shouldn't be answering the phone. Oh, and OP, I am not trying to sound mean or critical of you, because we all have friends of the opposite sex, I am just stating some reasons for the way that we sometimes feel about stuff. | |
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