| | Can you have male friends?Page 3 of 17 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17) | Hmm. I'm not going to lie. Reading some of the responses has made my brain hurt. I know! When I discovered I did indeed have a brain, I was shocked, as well. In any event, people need to pull up their huggies and realize that every relationship between a man and a woman is not sexual by default. Then there are the people who need to realize that despite what they believe, some of their friends would happily ravish them until their body was too weak to move. Use common sense. If, for example, she grabs your business, you can safely assume she's not adverse to considering you in a sexual light. If, for example, he suckles your breast through your shirt, you can safely assume that he's not adverse to considering you in a sexual light.
Okay. I feel better now. I think I do, but I'm also fairly certain that I'll feel compelled to come back and read further responses and upon doing so, I'm going to feel the need to bang my head into the wall repeatedly. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/24/2006 1:06:17 PM | Give me a break....
I have male friends including one that has been a friend for over 40 years, who I affectionately refer to as my brother. We've never had any sexual interest in each other although I do admit - we did "date" when I was 12 and he was 14. One of us would ride our bicycle to the other ones house and play under the chaperoning eyes of our parents. (Uh...this was back in the prehistoric days before 12 year olds had sex on a regular basis) I was actually his "date" for his Bar Mitzvah too!! Scandalous I know!!
I have other male friends, again no one I've shared more than a hug with. But what I have shared with them is my feelings, my frustrations, my questions and my insecurities. They've talked me through some long upsetting nights. They've answered my questions when I need to understand a male point of view on something. I would like to think I have reciprocated.
I think the "make or break" difference is that I am comfortable with Panaqqa having met these people....in fact he met them very early in our relationship. One of them is a fishie here and he's a great guy - just not the guy for me. But my guy's fears can be put to rest, because he has seen me together with these "friends" and knows that there is no fear that I have any interest in anyone but him. | |
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dhanji
| | Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 53 | |
| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/24/2006 1:21:24 PM | I completely understand!! I have many female friends and for some reason, my girlfriend, hate that fact. I mean they are just friends but they insist I should stop talking to them, as well. Wow, funny how the story is the same on a vice versa bases.
Anyway, I now deal with secure people as I don't need drama. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/24/2006 1:30:22 PM | I have a saying that many of you know...
Men may come and go, but girlfriends are forever...
For me, this saying has been very true. I have strong friendships with my female friends...and male friendships fizzle when you put an end to any hope they may have of something other than friendship. Im not saying that is the case for everyone...but it has been my experience... I can definitely be 'just friends' with a guy, as long as I am not interested in him or otherwise attracted to him!! I just don't have enough time or energy to be friends with every guy who wants to be 'friends'.
I prefer to spend my time and energy on female friendships AND men who I want as perhaps more than friends! If it doesn't work out, at least I was open to it!!
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/24/2006 2:19:55 PM | @country lady..... I totallly agree with you.... male friends help me understand the male point of view.... and I have shared so much with a few of my male friends.... but never more than a hug physically..... why that is so hard to comprehend, I don't know. Also, it has been my experience, that a man who gets along well with women will understand the female point of view, and will usually treat you better than the kind who only hang out with guys.
I have many female friends and for some reason, my girlfriend, hate that fact. I mean they are just friends but they insist I should stop talking to them, as well.
I gotta laugh at that one, dhanji.... I have a very close male buddy, whose girlfriend is totally threatened by me. I was at my boyfriend's home the other day, and my daughter was talking on msn to his daughter. When it was mentioned she was at "mom's boyfriend's" home, she had to see him on cam.... and my b/f was wondering what was going on.... when I told him how she was threatened by me, he realized how she needed the validation..... we both had a good laugh over it...... her insecurities are tearing her up inside...... JMHO | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/24/2006 2:25:27 PM |
Yup, Robotlord, all women are so sex-crazed that they have a compulsion to shed their underwear for every c*ck that presents itself. Women cannot possibly have any dealings with a man that does not involve frantic f*cking.
When dating a woman, a good investment for you would be a sturdy chastity belt, because we little princesses are simply not to be trusted.
Garden ~ damn ~ you gave away our secret. That is silent-code-girl-speak. ROTFLMAO We are such shameless creatures you know. 
~OT~ I will never understand the debate about this subject. The men friends that are in my life have not, nor will they be, seeing me naked now or in the future. Nor have they been in that position in the past. With ONE exception. My exhusband has been my best friend since about a year after we divorced. He is the first to admit that seeing me naked isn't high on his "must do again before I die" list. He has plenty of other women for his visual/sexual stimulation, he likes me for the loyalty, comic relief, the history we have shared and the unending support we share with one another. For all of you skeptics out there, if you don't understand the closeness that some share (even if they are the opposite sex) I would have to wonder what underlying issues you are carrying around. The is nothing more bonding than a close friendship. Whether or not that person has a winky is simply a matter of genetics. JMO | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/24/2006 5:02:53 PM | Wow, somebody's a little sensitive. Could it be a 48 year old woman still out for that man for dating? Why don't you quote the qualifying part of my post before you attack it...
"Of course she will have male friends but she should also have consideration and restraint and all of the nuance inbetween that define class and integrity."
I never assumed even for a minute that this hypothetical woman would...
"shed their underwear for every c*ck that presents itself."... I don't even associate with women like this. That's disgusting and I can't even see where you have a right or a reason to assume that I would.
As a matter of fact I made a reference to the friends I've made through my ex and how her way with people was a part of the reason I fell in love with her. Hell, it feels good to be the envy of every guy in the joint.
I consider myself a pretty straight forward and reasonable guy. If I say to a woman I'm in a relationship with "Hey, why is this new guy friend of yours calling all the time?", there are several ways for her to either...
A) Be flattered at my childish jealousy and put me at ease or...
B) Be honest with whether or not this guy has got something else on his mind and set him straight...
It's not a question of physical intimacy. It's a question of integrity and honesty with the nature of her relationships because a beautiful woman will always have, as a rule of human nature, a following of selfish men pretending to be buddies. When a woman can differentiate between her friends and the other guys then that speaks volumes as to her honesty with herself and entitles her to the same considerations from me. This is the kind of woman who is welcome in my life along with all of her male friends.
Now, if she is happy to have those other men in her life with whom she draws the line at sex then she is a scandalous ho.
Thanks for the advice Gardennut but I'm not looking to date a little princess and slap a chastity belt on her. When I do find my princess, I think I'll just invest my trust in her instead.
Now if you have had a recurring problem with trust issues in your own life then maybe it's time to look at the common denominator.
As for me, I've been accused of being jealous maybe once or twice in my life but 99 percent of women who took the pole ;), voted... *Reasonable* | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/25/2006 3:30:03 AM | | yes yes yes! i have tons of males friends and we're really close- i spend lots of time with them! i wouldn't allow a guy to tell me a couldn't stay mates with a girl so why should it be any different with a bloke? at the end of the day its ALWAYS mates before dates! and if not the tell him to jog on! x | |
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Felda
| | Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 60 | |
| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/25/2006 4:02:35 AM | | I have quite a few male friends, all of whom are platonic and my best friend and soulmate is a guy too. We're as suited to each other as any normal couple could be, just not in a relationship together. I can talk to him about anything at all and vice versa | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/25/2006 6:01:35 AM | Robotlord, I'm glad to hear that those who took your pole voted in favour of it.
As for your concern that I may be a 48-year old woman still out looking for her man...Um, nope, check out the update in my profile. I have a pole of my own which I am happy to say is exquisitely favourable.
But I do thank you for clarifying your position. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/25/2006 6:46:28 AM |
We're as suited to each other as any normal couple could be, just not in a relationship together.
I think this is another qualifier - not in a relationship and never have been.
I think I would have difficulty being friends with someone with whom my partner had a previoius relationship. I do have - and probably will always have - difficulty with someone who is "a friend" that I was not ever introduced to. There is a big difference between "a friend" and "an ex" - especially when the ex is trying to rekindle the relationship. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/25/2006 7:07:23 AM | Fairydust69
There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex as long as you re-assure you partner that they are just friends. If they are ex-boyfriends you must be honest and let him know they are ex's who are now friends and that nothing is going on. If you are open and honest he should respond favourablely. Include your boyfriend in get togethers with your male friends and female friends and the tension will lessen. I think its all in your appraoch to the subject, if you make it appear that you are hiding something, then the red flags start showing up. | |
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hb2000
| | Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 64 | |
| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/25/2006 8:26:25 AM | | I have many male freinds, all of whom rescue me when i need it, and i rescue them when they need it. Any boyfreinds i have havent liked it much, i think its the whole how can you just be mates thing. Cos they fancy the ass off you, hopefully, they dont understand that not all men do | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/25/2006 10:21:50 AM | | YES you can, if your partner is a trusting, non jealous type with no insecurites it is totally possible in my books. I wouldn't be with a man that was anything but that to be honest. I am a loyal, faithful woman and he has nothing to worry about.......trust is key here people. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/25/2006 10:38:57 AM | Obviously there's a lot to talk about on this subject but I dont think this particular thing has been touched on very much.
What if the girl you are seeing has male friends, but has slept with them in the past? One she said it was "really awkward and bad" and they've just remained friends, the other was "one stupid drunken night" and she has remained friends with him as well (and he was married at the time, and still is AND she's friends with his wife, but that's a separate issue). She was single at the time of both of these occurances though.
I appreciate the honesty, and I did ask directly otherwise i doubt that would have been volunteered information, but at the same time how could you every really be sure she isn't going to "accidentally" have another "stupid drunken night" with these guys or any others? Or is that mistrust or paranoia talking? :)
-Brendan | |
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JMars
| | Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 67 | |
| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/25/2006 10:56:42 AM | This is my first post here, and I can't find a reply button that isn't part of someone's post. So, hopewfully it doesn't auto-quote.
Anyway, I've had plenty of female friends who were just friends... my choice as often as not. My ex hated that, and so some of them got left behind as our relationship moved forward.
Of course, as our relationship moved forward, it became very clear that she was all about having male "friends" herself.
I figure that most of us guys are territorial, by nature. Gals are probably that way too.
The big things for me are honesty and intimacy. If a gal can take me to go hang out with her male friend/s, and doesn't keep them hidden away like some dirty secret... thats a good start.
However, I also expect a degree of intimacy that is not there for the others.
If I feel like I'm on the outside looking in... BIG problem. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/25/2006 11:13:26 AM | | It makes a difference whether or not you have had a sexual relationship with the male friends. This came up in my relationship and he ended up being right.....the guy I still wanted to be friends with .... did want more. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/25/2006 11:14:13 AM | I have always had more male friends then women. Its just so much easier. I have two very best friends who are females...the rest males.
During my lifetime some have worked out just fine. Unforutnately (guys dont get upset on this one its just my opinion)....although men say they can just be friends...my experience is most are in it for other reasons.
The last guy I was with kept telling me he had more women friends then men and I couldnt have cared less actually...I didnt feel threatened by it one bit...which I think pissed him off.
I was in a relationship with a man for over 6 years (affair) in the end, he and I are very very best friends and will always be in each others lives....lots of men I date or are with dont like the story behind our friendship and can not handle this man in my life. I feel they dont need to feel threatened one bit by him....hes a friend.
All that being said......male and female friendships are complicated...sex always gets in the way...by both. My very best male friend is gay and its the best one yet...I ADORE HIM! | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/25/2006 8:27:57 PM | I guess I am alone here in saying I don't like to have too many male friends because I myself would hate it if my boyfriend had many female friends. At this point in the game, I have met a lot of people and some never met but we talk on the phone. Some want to hang out but I don't see the point. I am trying to build a relationship and I see other males on a personal level as an intrusion. I only have one male friend that I see and not on a regular basis. We will have dinner once every 4-6 months but we used to talk more. Someone who I would never consider dating but he had some stong feelings for me. I think it took years before we could actually get to the place where we are now where he understands it will never happen. I dated someone who had 2 females as best friends and that would drive me nuts. I want to be the main female in my mans life. For someone to speak to him daily or weekly and chat about life on the phone is too much for me. I am jealous I guess so I would have to end a relationship that consisted of that. I would definately not expect him to drop his female friends but I would hope that it would be me he would want to share stuff with, and I wouldn't want him to just drop friends he's had a long time. But I myself couldn't handle it so I would chose to move on.
Aquaintances at work for example are a different story. To chat at work to a degree is necessary sometimes so I don't even consider that a part here. | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/25/2006 9:27:32 PM | i find it so funny when lovely young women think that all these guy friends are truly just thier friends. tell me, when was the last time you saw even an average looking guy pal around with a very homely obese woman?
lar | |
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Felda
| | Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 72 | |
| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/26/2006 2:24:27 AM |
It DOES happen and I've seen it. One of my ex hubby's best mate's was a rather large lady and they used to do bike rallies together. We became good friends too. In fact, we're still in touch even though she's moved away | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/26/2006 2:33:28 AM | | Male Friends . . . .. It is so simple but true. Don't want you . . . . . Don't want any one else to have you. | |
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Felda
| | Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 74 | |
| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/26/2006 3:44:50 AM |
Male Friends . . . .. It is so simple but true. Don't want you . . . . . Don't want any one else to have you.
The words 'nail' and 'head' spring to mind there  | |
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| Can you have male friends?
Posted: 10/26/2006 4:25:31 AM | | yer i have to admit actually most of my male friends have tried it on with me at sum point. however one of my uni buds has never once tried it on with me-he has slept with two of my mates but never tried it on with me. there just isnt any sexual attraction between us. so yer i think u can be mates with a guy without there being any feelings but i do think it's rare and that most guys will eventually try it on with u x | |
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