| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 3:25:16 AM | | I see there's a lot of objections to the term disorder so I'll just assume the real concern would be anything that might cripple the success of a relationship. Anything from chronic depression to schizophrenia can pose very specific and acute problems to the already difficult task of "working" with someone. If you love someone with an actual mental disorder then you are gonna have to at some point learn ways of coping with the problems that will arise. I think the most important thing is for each person to come to terms with their own problems (big or small, we all have them). If you have a quick temper, for example, and you realize that then you can take the necessary steps to avoid situations that will bring it out. Your love can then, in turn, learn when to let you be. If you suffer from severe chemical depression and you know it then find ways to remind your love that you're unhappiness is no reflection on them while you do what you can to give them the extra affection they need when they're going through the more difficult times but as far as love goes... Nothing should affect that. Real love is unconditional, no matter the condition. | |
|
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 3:46:27 AM | X, I have narcolepsy, have had it for years, it is the reason I smoke, the cigarettes keep me awake, much better than the amphetamines the doctors would give me. It only bothers me if I get bored, drive too far, or if I don't smoke. Basically, it is harmless, just means I fall asleep at those times.
There are advantages to being with someone who has narcolepsy, lol. If you want to watch something boring on tv and want me to watch it with you or be there with you, I will sit on the couch beside you and fall asleep. That means you can watch anything you want on tv. I don't mind being waked up in the middle of the night for lovemaking, as a matter of fact, I might wake you up for it.
You don't have to worry about a back seat driver, lol, I fall asleep on long trips, and sleep off and on the whole way.
It is easy to waken me. It is a non life threatening thing. It only makes me very tired and you may have to help a little with the housework if you are a slob.
There are others, but that is enough, I think, lol. | |
|
| |
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 3:53:20 AM | | i have rsd, but really have'nt needed to explain it to anyone yet, or tell them i have it. the relationship either has'nt gotten close enough yet, or they have'nt progressed at all. it's a very personal and private thing to me though. but as far as someone i'm dating having something? i like to think i'm a good enough person and been thru enough in my life that i would'nt turn them away or make them feel unlovable. how could i possibly, when i have my own issues too? | |
|
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 12:08:27 PM | you either love someone or you don't, and if you choose to love someone, you love all of them, including some of the not so nice stuff. part of who they includes their health, and their health history might have had a tremendous impact on who they are now.
We all have our stuff--sometimes its emotional issues, sometimes its health issues, sometimes its family, that's what makes us so unique. | |
|
| |
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 12:35:31 PM | I am bipolar, and have ADD and I have had severe problems with past relationships due to my disorders. I have gone through many years of counceling and medications to deal or "cope" with my problems. It takes plenty of patience and understanding. If you really care about this person look online to find out information about his or her condition and read up on it study it, and try to get a better understanding of it! I actually brought pamplets home from my physiatrist to my boyfriend (at the time) to have him read them, to help him.As I was in the many years of counceling I was ready and comfortable enough in the relationship after 8 months of being toogether that I knew this was the man I wanted to marry so I asked him to join a counceling session of mine. It made me vulnerable but, it gave him an insight on who I am what I go through each and every day. What my seem like a normal day to you, can be very stressful to someone who is ADD or Bipolar , as I know it does to me. But thats my insight for you. I hope my lil story helped you. Have a good day! MANDY  | |
|
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 12:39:31 PM | Oh and to add on to that , the guy (Mike) I took to the counceling session, we are now married, we met her on POF. We got married July 22, 2006. So thank you POF for the great website!  | |
|
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 12:42:24 PM | | ^^^ I think that's the key. If the person with the disorder is honest about it, is making all attempts at dealing with it, and is willing to include you in the process...then there is a chance. Not saying it will be easy though. But if the person with the disorder is not attempting to deal with it then the disorder will never be manageable and chances are, the relationship will not work out. | |
|
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 12:48:08 PM | There are so many people out there with undiagnosed disorders - who is to say what is "normal" and what is the result of some sort of disorder.
Yes there are people out there who's lives are severly limited by their problems, there are also those who choose to tackle their issues head on and rise above them.
At what point does "shyness" become a "social disorder"? At what point does an inability to maintain a relationship become "borderline personality disorder"? At what point does enjoying going to the track or the casino become an addiction?
Basically we all need to determine what level of imperfection we are willing to accept in our mate since no one is perfect. Understanding each ohers issues and the triggers that exacerbate the issues can lead to happy and satisfying relationships, as long as the partners can accept each others limitations. | |
|
iris37
|
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 36 | |
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 12:48:33 PM | | It would most certainly depend on the disorder and if the person was recognizing and seeking help for it. Dealing with someone that has Narcissistic Personality Disorder is where I draw the line...been there done that, no can doody... | |
|
wurl
|
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 37 | |
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 12:59:48 PM | | OP. As expressed by some others, I concur that it really depends on the type of disorder. Some "disorders" are a weakness that you can help her compensate for. However if it is a personality disorder such as bi-polar, keep in mind that these individuals experience what is called inappropriate affect. In other words they can be sad when they should be happy AND vice versa. Also, you can go from being her significant other to completely insignificant. They can be seemingly very shallow people too for example. Their feelings can result in them haveing some very strange priorities and values in life, which also can change. It is even debateable if a bi-polar person can love in the same way that other people do. Her affection/attraction to you may well be tainted by such a disorder and subject to change because of it. | |
|
| |
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 1:36:43 PM | In some way, either physical, emotional, or by heridity, everyone has some kind of situation they have to deal with. Of course there are many who feel that everyone but them have a problem (and they're the worst), and those who won't accept or get help of some kind.
Bi-polar is a chemical imbalance in the brain, and it is inherited. Years ago it was termed as "manic depressive" disorder. My mother had it before there were any known treatments. Drs. told her it was her nerves, or just figments of her imagination, and that all of her ailments were in her "mind". When I was 21, she was finally diagnosed and treated with then the only treatment known. Her Dr. explained to me her condition, exactly what it was, how it effected her, and that it is definitely inherited. He advised me to be aware of certain symptoms and get help early if they appeared.
When recognized, treated, and medications are taken, you may never know a person is bi-polar unless they tell you. It's when the medication is NOT taken that the disability is noticed. Each person is unique, and so are the results of this chemical imbalance some being more severe than others. When treated early on, it's much, much easier to take care of.
I am the youngest child of 6. My mother, brother, 2 sisters and I have had some degree of bi-polar. My youngest sister and I have had more success with the treatments because of the acknowledgement, advanced medications and understanding of this situation. My mother had a troubled life because of the lack of information. It was hard to see her so sick and unhappy. It took alot of compassion and love to try to help her get through the really tough times, and then we didn't even know what we were dealing with. I'm thankful that the studies and advanced meds have helped this ailment. I'm a "young" grandmother of 5 gorgeous children that think I'm the "best grandma in the world". I can work rings around all 3 of my grown children, come home and take care of the household duties and still rock my babies to sleep. I hope anyone who may have a similar situation would get help. You'll feel like a real person. | |
|
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 2:06:28 PM | | As long as the person is doing everything within their power to keep their illness under control it should not stop you from having a relationship. Many illnesses such as bipolar disorder are genetic. Would you abandon someone you loved if one day they found out they had diabetes? Yes different, but also something that can be controlled. The key to having a relationship with someone who has a illness is education. To me if you really love someone you have to take the good with the bad, thats what unconditional love is all about. | |
|
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 11:08:40 PM | So true, so true....in a perfect world ! But I think, if you're not perfect..looking, acting, etc. in this society, you're nobody ! One time I dreamed that I was walking down the street just like a normal human being..left, right, left, right, totally even...
I think it was the sweetest dream I've ever had....what a rude awakening ! | |
|
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 11:18:06 PM | by being supportive, helpfull, and trying to be understanding.
Educating yourself on the disorder would also be a good thing to do. As it is a way to help understand the disorder.
To be totally honest, the OP of this thread makes too broad generalisations, by grouping these very different, and unrelated illness together. However, I think my above response covers all of them. | |
|
| |
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/25/2006 12:29:17 AM | | My ex-common law has FASD. I did the absolute best I could to live with the difficulties that came with the disorder but after eight and a half years, I could no longer tolerate the problems. I did not know he was FASD until into our relationship and evaluations brought about this discovery. Unfortunately after the kids were born he was doing things that were putting my kids into danger and when he wouldn't (couldn't) change those behaviors I had to choose my kids and leave the rest behind. Hard decision but it was the best one. | |
|
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/25/2006 4:15:16 AM | | look beyond it. I am dating a gal with a disorder.....contact me ebe and I'll explain. It's not the disorder that I mind it's other stuff that drives me nuts. | |
|
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/25/2006 4:32:49 AM | Truly, it is hard to deal with any kind of disorder, even diabetes in a SO can cause many problems, particularly, as in any illness or disorder if they refuse to take their meds and watch their diet, can cause constant worry.
Like others have said, it depends on how much the person with the disorder is willing to work at controlling that disorder.
It also can depend on how willing the other person is to deal with it and the symptoms. It takes a special person to be able to live with someone who is bipolar, or someone who suffers from depression, it takes lots of work and understanding. I admire anyone who is willing to do that. It can be done, with lots of love and understanding, that doesn't mean it is ever easy to deal with. | |
|
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/25/2006 4:55:07 AM | Well done you for saying that!
I read all the above and to some was shocked and horrified and the views of some of you.
Does the problem lie with the person with the "disorder" or the society which calls it such and the stigma that follows! There are many factors that can cause problems through a relationship why highlight a few for the sake of damming certain people. I have suffered "disorders" and without the love and stability in my past relationship i probably still would be now. I have overcome alcohol addiction and severe depression, anyone deserves to be loved with no prejudice to who they are, whether they have a.d.h.d or manic depression or whatever. It is down to the person who involves themselves with them that counts and the strength of there character whether or not the reltionship can or will work.
Society (world wide) needs to learn to drop these stigma's because someone has a "disorder" and accept they are who they are, if the relationship is worth its salts then love will find a way to conquer all!!!
I think if your honest and you could all highlight a part of you, your character your soul that others would call a disorder. We all have them to some degree or another. its what makes us human!!! | |
|
Felda
|
Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 48 | |
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/25/2006 5:32:24 AM | My best mate has battled Bipolar for 20 odd years and although the dark days are few and far between, he still has panic attacks, paranoia and dreadful 'down days'. He's been very open about it with me ( there are only 2 of us outside his family that know about it ) and I've read up as much as I can about it and he knows I'll be there for him anytime he needs me.
The internet is a wonderful medium for gaining knowledge. | |
|
iris37
|
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 49 | |
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/25/2006 8:15:11 AM | I agree society needs to be more tolerant but people that have the disorder needs to take responsibility. Practically every Doctor in the medical field is coming out with a new disorder and people because they are diagnosed with something feel its not their fault for exhibiting bad behaviour.....
Again in really depends on the person and their disorder and what they are doing to keep the disorder in check..... | |
|
| How do you love someone with a Disorder
Posted: 10/25/2006 9:40:16 AM | Blame is different than responsibility. An individual is always responsible for the outcome, whether they had the power or no power over their impact in an event. Illness of the mind [neurological, psychiatric] often prevents the individual from being able to control thoughts, behavior, or actions. It does not justify consequences, but rather it is crucial to understanding the issues.
The fact is, for those who are unfortunate and suffer disease or disorder of function mentally, the result is of a cruel unfair fate for them, and often those who love them. Look no further than Alzheimer's or Dementia, or stroke and other traumatic brain injury or illness. Mental illness reflects defects in not just executive function biologically in many cases, but personality, and the ability to process and manage emotional and psychological function. | |
|
Home
login 
