Femm14
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Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 51 | |
| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/14/2006 10:36:30 PM | FWB...It could be looked at as a relationship...Or maybe we should all really consider what is going on from an emotional stand point...FWB...*pondering*...Realistically, I think a guy would have enough courage to suggest commitment after being so deeply involved with someone. Why would he want to continue this "relationship" if he had commitment problems? He can drop her at any time, because after all, it's only FWB...I dunno...When people are in this situation it always seems like the one who hopes FWB will turn into a LTR gets hurt the most...I just ended a FWB "relationship" that lasted nearly 2 years...Haha maybe my hopes were crushed, or maybe I finally came to realize that I wanted more than he was willing to give (and he's an older guy too)...
So I guess all I have left to say is that if you want to stick around to see if it's going to work out then go for it, but I think you should be realistic, and remind yourself that he isn't looking for a commited relationship...Or maybe you should end it now before you get too emotionally involved, and find someone who is willing to truly care about you, and not worry about committing!
Femm | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2006 2:40:46 AM | I think as long as the LOVE word does not come out of your mouth...things will progress nicely...enjoy every minute of it..it is a sweet thing he did to take you out to celebrate 6months of being together ..that means something to both of you...maybe he is just making sure it STICKS...before he wants to get involved....that BACHELOR trophy they all covet seems to stay on the mantle too long. Maybe this will work out after all....congrats and good luck to you | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2006 6:14:08 AM | | Arealangel: Thank you for your sweet words. Yes, I thought it was also sweet for him to take me out to celebrate our 6 months together. He didn't have to do it...but he did! I had such a wonderful time with him. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2006 6:40:34 AM | | I belive that friends with benefits can develop into a serious relationship, so as long as both parties have not decided that it won't work out. Once one has come to this conclusion, the decision is irreversible and no happy romantic union can ever result. One does not decide that he does not want to commit to someone and then miraculously change his mind; it is called settling and taking the best thing available. If you feel yourself getting more attached to him with every passing moment, it might be in your best interest to stop the physical relationship, else you will be hurt in the future, not to mention it inhibiting you from meeting possible long term prospects. It is difficult to accept the simple answer, but if you ask him if he wants to date you exclusively and he avoids the subject, the answer is simple. Sorry for being blunt, but it pains me to see good hearted people being being misled and wasting their time. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/17/2006 5:51:27 AM | I have decided that I'm going to end my relationship with this guy. The last couple of nights, I have realized that I'm really falling for this guy, and it really bothers me everytime I think that I'm just a temporary thing for this guy, and that he has not developed any true feelings for me. So, I'm going to just let it go, and concentrate on other things besides him. Or else, I think I'm going to really get hurt...actually I'm already hurt.
And no I'm not going to tell him how I feel OR ask him what he is feeling and thinking about "US" because I don't think I could handled his answer. So I'm just going to let go ....and try my best to go on. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/17/2006 10:17:33 AM | I am feel for you Spanishtulip, I am was in a FWB thing with my ex, it did not work out.. He was jelous that I was dating while we were sleeping together. I did not sleep with anyone I was dating at the time and told him if either of us were to get into a serious relationship we would stop the FWB thing.
Now I am more screwed up than ever, he has done other things to make me think he wants more but again I am so unsure. We are still friends, just no benifits but it is even harder now, I think I need to take a complete break from him and find a man who will love me and not be afraid to say/shout it.
Good luck to you! | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/17/2006 10:33:26 AM | OP....Don't put a label on it....Let it be what it is unless you have this uncontrollable urge to run out and buy a wedding gown. (off white, of course.  ) Enjoy each others company and let the labels out of the equation.
But then; my opinion and a $1.25 will get me a cheap cup of coffee.... | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/17/2006 3:17:49 PM | | Spanish Tulip, I can tell by your posts that you have fallen hard for this guy. You are in love and feeling a bit desperate for him to love you back. If you are afraid of what he might say, then you probably already know his answer. He will keep you around as a FWB, but he isn't going to commit to you. You are going to be hurting for a long time, but there is somebody out there who will give you the LOVE you deserve. You are so much more than a booty call, don't keep being one. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/17/2006 6:12:40 PM | Well, if he ask me "WHY are things ending?", I don't really know what to say to him. Right now, I plan to keep my distance, and try to keep busy by doing things that don't involve him.
Yes, we are planning a vacation this January but it has not been booked yet. A part of me feels like maybe by going on this vacation, it will be a turning point for us (for the better I hope?). Another part, of me feels what's the point of going with him, when I feel like we don't have a real relationship!
To tell you the truth, I'm confused. Part of me, wants to continue with him. Another part wants to end this. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/17/2006 6:44:29 PM | tulip,
my situation is almost exactly the same as urs and i have a similar dilemma. i dated a guy about 4 years ago for about 3 months very casually and then we lost contact for about 3 years. now we have been in contact for a little over 6 months and we have a fwb relationship. we talk all day long over the computer and on the phone almost every day. he is the person i can come to with almost any problem and he makes me feel better. we go out 2-3 times a week and are extremely close. the only difference in our relationship is that i know for a fact that he is seeing other people. in fact, he is with another girl tonight. the dilemma with me is i cant figure out if im bothered by this because i have feelings for him or because im sitting at home while he is out having fun. in any event, i dont like this feeling that i have right now and i think i want to do what you are thinking of doing and gradually spend less and less time with him and just move on because this clearly isnt going anywhere and once u start feeling this way, its not fun any more so why bother prolonging something that isnt positivie for u? | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/17/2006 7:09:20 PM | imsneaky,
you're right, once you start feeling this way, its not fun anymore. It's an awful feeling !!!!!!!!
at the beginning of our fwb's relationship (in August), he told me on several occasions that if he met someone, and he was going to sleep with them, he would let me know. However, I noticed that he no longer says that to me.
Just a couple of hours ago, he called me and left a voice message, saying that he was planning to go Christmas shopping tomorrow, and wanted to know what I wanted for Christmas? I was surprise to know that I was on his Christmas list!!!
Oh...I so confused!!!! Don't know if I should really continue this? | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/18/2006 4:02:26 AM | Well SpanishTulip, I can tell you one thing that will give you your answer, good or bad.
Make him face the ole 'didnt know what i had until i lost it' demon on his shoulder.
dump him. Just like you are planning to do. Just walk away. Dont go away mad, or after a big fight. Just tell him 'im tired of waiting for you to want a relationship with me. im moving on'.
Believe me he is going to have a serious heart to heart with himself, and he will arrive at one of two conclusions. #1 He's not as bothered at losing you as he thought he would be. So if he doesn't seriously try to get you back (don't fall for the half assed attempts. you'll know if he was really scared of losing you) then you will have the answer you need to move on.
#2 he realizes he's f**** up big time. It may take some time!! Some guys, like me, are almost relieved when a relationship ends. It's not until a month or two down the road that i realize i made a big mistake. so dont freak out if he doesnt chase you down within an hour of dumping him. give him time to really figure out what he wants.
Because THEN if he comes back, he will be more than willing to give it whatever label you want. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/18/2006 4:03:43 AM | puppy_love said
Often when women are having sex with a man, it destroys the women's ability to date good men. The women are really not available because they have a fall back plan, they do not give the men they are dating sufficient attention and will drive away good men. The women lacks enthusiasm to date the men - it shows. The only men who will pursue such a woman is a man only interested in sexual conquest.
That is some quantum shit right there. I bet most people rolled right over that post. But I read every word and that my friends is some wisdom. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/18/2006 10:10:26 AM | While you are his "benefits" and his needs are being met with no strings attached he is more than likely "honoring" another lady by not pushing her to meet his needs. The other lady is completely innocent as are you to his true personality. Step back and look at the entire picture. You should be looking elsewhere and stop allowing this slippery di#k to using you. 
Velvet | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/18/2006 10:17:51 AM | Well, if he ask me "WHY are things ending?", I don't really know what to say to him. Right now, I plan to keep my distance, and try to keep busy by doing things that don't involve him.
Try saying, "you've milk the cow for free long enough".
Besides, you don't have to explain to him. You don't have to explain anything to him.
Velvet | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/18/2006 10:25:58 AM | For the planning a vacation in January part --- are ye mad woman? You can get great sex from a gigilo. Take a few girlfriends and go find one and dump that other guy. And have some good fun while you all are on holiday. Come back refresh instead of totally wasted emotionally. You aren't having any fun anyway, so be on with you and get back out there now. 
Velvet | |
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morgus
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Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 70 | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/18/2006 2:18:19 PM | Sounds to me like you're on the right track. He's at ease with you, you spend time together, he takes you out once in a while, that's great!
It's true that men get very frightened about "the talk". LOL
You want to have the talk because you want reassurance. That's understandable. A better, but more difficult way, is to escalate things without VERBALIZING what you're doing. For example, ask him to do something special. If he agrees and has a good time, that's excellent and means he is liking you more and more. You do not need to say "are you starting to like me more and more? I want to know where this is going!" because that will scare him. But you will know that he is starting to like you more and more because of his ACTIONS.
Actions speak far louder than words.
Cheers,
Luke
The Joseph Went South Podcast Show
http://joseph.libsyn.com | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/18/2006 5:45:43 PM | | I don't know. I meet this guy that was supposed to come over on weekends just for me and every couple of months he would run. I just took it as it came considering I liked being with him and didn't want anything serious. Well two years later we moved in together, three years later I was pregnant and he ran again. Then 3 months later we were married. He was my best friend, the greatest lover and great father. But now it's been 15 years and he is running again. So did it work? | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/18/2006 6:28:06 PM | tulip,
ultimately its up to you what u want to do. my rule of thumb is, if what ur doing makes u happy, it doesnt matter what any of us think or say, if ur happy, u should continue
now the reason i personally am telling you that you should end it is because it seems that ur not happy anymore, u seem anxious and upset. at this point, u need to get rid of the thing that is making u feel this way, and that thing is him.
i dont know about anyone else, but i know i am VERY interested on how its gonna turn out with you just to give me an insight on what i should do with my situation so keep me posted and good luck!! | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/19/2006 12:21:32 PM | I was with him this morning, but I couldn't stay long, because his ex, and his daughter were going to come over to his place very soon. He was going to spend the day with his daughter.
I was in a wierd mood with him because of the uncertainty I was feeling about what was going on with us, and whether I should really continue. Just before I left, I decided to finally ask him something to get a better idea on what he is thinking about us. I said "Do you think of me as your **** buddy?" His answer was "No". And I said "Really?" He then said, "Do you honestly think that I would buy gifts, plan a vacation, have you spend nights, eat dinner with you, and do stuff with you, if I thought of you as **** buddy?" "**** buddies don't do those things. They don't spend a lot of time together! We're beyond that level. There's emotion involved!" I then said, "Okay....then what do you think of me as?" He said, "Like a girlfriend, but like I said at the coffee shop after we broke up in the end of June, I am complicated! I liked you too much, I got scared, and I pushed you away. I'm afraid to get close." That's the way I am!" I then said "You don't have to be scared of me!" He then said, " Well, that's what all girls say, but then they screw you over!" (When he said this statement he was referring to about the BAD experience he had with his ex!) At this point, he told me that I should leave as his ex, and his daughter would be coming over very soon....so I left.
Right now, I'm at home, wondering whether I should continue the conversation with him the next time I see him, OR should I just leave it alone, and just enjoy my time with him! Or should I just back away? Not sure what to do! | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/19/2006 1:00:57 PM | i think u should def continue the convo because if u dont, u will always wonder what wouldve happened if u did. do you know if he's seeing other people? if you dont know, i think the next time u talk to him would be a good time to ask.
i officially decided that i will be just straight friends with my ex fwb. the idea that he was with another girl makes me sick and i no longer find him appealing in that way. this is y i think its important for u to know for sure whether or not hes with anyone else and it will help assure u with where u stand with him. | |
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