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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/19/2006 1:33:30 PM | | Lovely young lady, why do you do this to yourself? Look inside yourself and figure yourself out first before you try to figure him out. You aren't his theraphist and can't possibly help him get his head straight about his ex or his relationships with women. But dear, you are skewering yourself in the process. He isn't hurting and confusing you as much as you may be hurting and confusing yourself. Ask yourself, how much has this relationship changed the person you were when you meet him to the person you are now. Do you like what you see in yourself now? | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 5:50:17 AM | | MisterCharmer (post 71): That is so true men get so frightened by "the talk"! And women want reassurance by having "the talk". I just had a mini talk with him this past Sunday, and I feel that I might have scared him a bit, but not sure. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 6:09:19 AM |
I know I could ask him straightout about the status of our relationship but I'm afraid that will freak him out since I know that he has "committment issues". And by bringing this topic up, that might scare him. [\quote]
I find it interesting that you can sleep with a guy, go out and do all types of friendly/relationship things, but yet you feel you can't talk to him. I just don't get that. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 6:20:11 AM | ilegion:
The first time we were together, I was more open with my feelings, and actually had a few talks with him about our relationship, and it backfired. He got scared and pushed me away, and fell into the hands of another woman that lives in his building because he felt that with her, there was no issues of committment, and it was just physical, no "emotions" involved.
This time around, I'm hesitate to really open up to him by having talks about "us". I don't like it, but that's how I feel. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 6:47:16 AM | Meanwhile you are driving yourself crazy for a month on a forum trying to figure out what to do .
1) Look, you know what you want. I think that is half the battle in life.
2) It is your responsibility to yourself as a decent human being (and you do seem like one) to follow up on #1
So many have posted suggestions on how to handle this guy. Some of them are very covert and will drag on for sometime. Not to mention the covert crap is certainly scooching down the path to headgames which will screw you both up more in the longrun. There was a suggestion by WAKEDAN to break up with him. Wise man. Do that and tell him exactly why you are doing it. WAKEDAN also told you to be strong through his half-assed attempts at getting you back. You must through it all be strong. Yes, it may get messy while he has his serious heart-to-heart with himself, but then you will know. I think that part of you really does not want to have "the talk" with him because it potentially crushes your fantasies of something more permanent that have been in your head since (let's be honest) you first got back together in August. If they were not there you would not have been seeking the signs and welcoming them from him in the beginning. You have to be straight up with him for your own sanity. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 7:04:13 AM |  Best Relationships are the kind you are in right now b/c you are friends, and you do everything together without any expectations on the other person and over time, which it sounds like is happening you will b/c more than friends with benefits......
Just sit back relax and enjoy the ride.....you've got the perfect situation...he didn't want to commit before and thats ok, so he's doing things his way, or so he thinks...and he's becoming more comfortable around you probably not even realizing himself that he has
let the walls down around him,,, you have broken through to untravelled ground....
You are friends, who are dating, with benefits...sounds to me like this is going to go a long ways....
Good Luck...
He definitely sees you as more than a friend, b/c i'm sure if you tried to call it off, he would be after you in a minute.....All though if he didn't come after you then I would kind of worry b/c well I would feel a little used, even though you both know its a friends with benefits relationship,,, the only wrong I can see here is that if one of you find someone else and then someone gets hurt b/c their feelings were more invested than just friends.....???? that may be something to think about!!!! Good Luck | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 12:05:02 PM | I understand your need to clarify the intent of your friend, as none of us wants to been seen as a temporary fling when we are making an emotional investment. On the other hand, I’m not exactly sure why you are labeling this a FWB situation when it sounds to me like the two of you are well, for lack of a better word - dating.
If an opportunity arises that fits more into your plans then go for it. Until then, why not simply enjoy the moments? How the two of you are able to navigate this situation is going to go a lot further in determining the outcome of this relationship than anything anyone says.
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/23/2006 5:37:12 AM | Practically Housebroken:
"Enjoy the moments".....that's what I have been trying to do, BUT sometimes its hard because you're not sure where this relationship is going.
I'm labelling it a FWB situation because when we started seeing each other again in August, we agreed that we were going to be FWB only. However, deep down inside, I really wanted more, and I still do. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/23/2006 10:39:10 AM | kronos69:
I don't think he is seeing other people since we spend a lot of time together. Back in August and until mid September, I know that he was seeing an older women that lives in his building, but that's done with now. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 12/1/2006 5:22:15 PM |
SPANISHTULIP:
I'm labelling it a FWB situation because when we started seeing each other again in August, we agreed that we were going to be FWB only. However, deep down inside, I really wanted more, and I still do.
Your profile really should state that you are in a relationship. If a guy starts dating you and later learns that you are having sex with another man, the guy will feel like a tool and grow jaded about women. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 12/15/2006 10:53:34 AM | Okay...well in my case, our non-labelled relationship just ended last night. I finally had the courage to ask him about the status of our relationship. And just like I expected, he got freaked out. He doesn't understand why girls have to label what's going on. He told me straightout that he will never commit to me, or any girl for that matter. He is the happiest when he is alone, without anybody to answer to. He never wants to get engaged, or get married. It's not him. He tried once this committment thing, and it went totally bad (child & spousal support), and he has no interest in any of that again. He does not want it...PERIOD!!! He told me that I was the 1st person in a very long time, that he spend so much time with, and this was not the norm for him. And it is now starting to freak him out again, just like the 1st time we were seeing each other back in May & June. He then told me that we should just be friends (no sex), and that's all!
He told me that he never ever considered me his girlfriend, and that if I were to meet someone tomorrow, that he would be okay with it. To him, we were getting just too close, and the thought of having "emotions" scared the hell out of him....so its better to stop now.
He admitted to me that he has issues that he should resolved but for now, he doesn't care about resolving them. He likes his freedom!!!!
He told me that he thinks I'm a very nice girl, attractive, smart, and independent, and that he would be very happy for me if I meet a guy that is looking for the same things as I am.
He ended the conversation by saying that he thinks that we could remain the best of friends for a lifetime, since we get along very well. We have fun together. I'm low maintenance, and we basically enjoy each other's company. But he will definitely miss the sex!!!! | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/13/2007 4:06:13 PM | I've read this thread from the start...your hopes, doubts and fears. I could relate to them.
And I'm sorry to hear that it turned out how you feared. I am in a FWB situation 3 months and starting to have feelings. I found this thread looking for some words of wisdom...because once feelings get involved in an FWB situation, it ain't as fun anymore.
Your 'boyfriend' sounds like 'mine'. So far has told me from the beginning, he will not let feelings get to the point of a relationship...doesn't want a relationship...and likes his freedom the way it is. And like you, I know he thinks of me as attractive, intelligent and independent.
It is difficult, because we're emotional beings. But I will likely have to make a choice soon of just backing off or just putting my feelings out there.
One thing that has struck a chord in a number of posts here....
Are you willing to invest all the time in something like this?
and
You are so worth more than this!
I think we both are worth more... Good luck hun! | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/21/2007 8:49:01 PM | Serendipity:
I agree! We're both worth more than this! But you know what? Its hard to just walk away when I really liked the guy. Though we had this open conversation about "us" over a month ago, we have recently started to see each other again. In fact, yesterday night after a long day of working overtime, I went over to his place, and he had a nice dinner ready for me. We had a good time, went out dancing, and then I spend the night at his place. I left his place early this afternoon. Just before I left, I asked him if he could admit that he has feelings for me. To my surprise, he actually "YES" that that he has feelings for me. That I should know that already. He just doesn't cook dinner for just anyone. Or have anyone spend the night. However, he told me that he doesn't want to talk about this. That it's hard for him to talk about feelings and emotions. So at that remark, I decided to drop the subject, and left his place by telling him that I had a great time with him, and he told me that he also had a great time with me!
I hope things work out for you. Good luck too! | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/21/2007 9:23:58 PM | | I don't see this working out for the long term. By the time it takes for one to even consider having a serious relationship, the other one has already been hurt and may not trust herself or her feelings with him again. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/1/2008 10:14:46 AM | so in short, Spanishtulip settled with FWB thing even after the guys decision not to have a relationship with her. What happened here Spanishtulip? After a few months, are u still with him?
Having feelings is not enough to have a relationship, anyone can have feelings but it doesnt mean both parties decide to puruse a relationship. For me, its always been easy when its the guy who initiate the relationship. And if the guy can say right straight to your face that he can't give that to you its time to move on. However, since you are having fun and still want him in your life, you can still be there but always be prepared that you will get hurt and will remain unsatisfied until you get what u really want..in this case ---LTR.
If the issue is that you still love the guy, you can still love him even when hes gone---until it fades. Dont be too hard at yourself trying to stop the feelings you have. You cannot expect that it will all end in one night. You have to accept that u want him, u love him and at the end accept that you did your part but hes just not the one coz he thinks you're not the one. Until he start believing that you're the one you cannot hope that you are the one.
It is hard to walk away from something you a re hoping to own. But we dont get everything that we want. The rule is, reciprocation. Its easier to be with someone who loves your more than you love him than being with someone who does not feel as much as you feel about him.
If you decide to move on later on, just bear in mind, you did your part, you let him know, you loved, if he did not respond back to what you really need its him its not you and just walked away or let him walk away from you...whichever is easier to u
Everyone wants to feel loved, have the sense of belongingness.. its one of man's higher needs, higher level than physical and physiological needs..always remember that. Its how you measure your emotional needs.
Good luck and be prepared to shed some tears and before that happens make sure you have set-up a recovery program for yourself. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/1/2008 10:38:16 AM | All relationships have to start somewhere.
I prefer it starting as friends, then anything can happen.
Yes friends with benefits can turn into more.
It can also be a dead end.
One thing I have seen with the woman on here is everything has a category.
It may be that all the choices here are binary, off or on.
You can't contact me if you are x or y or you did z.
You can be a friend, lover, friend with benefits, girlfriend, mother, b*tch, playmate all at the same time.
I agree if you are having fun stay on the ride.
Life and relationships are what you make of them.
If you know he wants one thing and you want another, I would be looking for something more fulfilling.
The key in any relationship is communication.
If you can't ask the important questions, it has a problem
When it's not fun anymore, get off and start fishing again.
Happy fishing to all | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/1/2008 11:19:58 AM | I say yes, it can. Sometimes, it takes a while to become a relationship, but just like everything else on the planet they either evolve, or die. But don't take my word as law, ONLY an opinion (and we ALL know about that ) With MY relationship record, I'm the LAST person you should seek serious advise from. I've been in long term, serious MARRIED relationships, only to have them end just like a FWB would with the exception of that "wonderful" paperwork that every woman "sighs" about has to be undone with yet MORE paperwork. ..AND $$$.After reading a lot of the postings here,. I'm practically convinced FWB is the way to go. Don't be brainwashed by the neigh-sayers or "tradition,"whatever works for you, is just fine. Though they don't realize it, over half the people in serious LTR's are actually in FWB status, and don't know it till the axe (or Ex) falls. Then, you'll find them in the Broken heart thread section. Is that a "mean" statement,.no a realistic one based on human nature.
Also, half these people will tell you one thing, yet do another, because that..is human nature as well. In My "traditional" LTR's I've ended up wasting over half of my life and I'm right back here, at Square number one,.. I just accuired a rogue-scholars degree in human nature. I think I'd like freinds,.. If I get benefits, great.. I'll do my best to benifit them! Let someone tie me up in paperwork and commitment again?.. I doub't it.. but, I've said that before too. In the REAL world people play people everyday. We are TAUGHT, Laws, morals,and what to think. Like it or not, we're still animals and have instincts. Sometimes the instincts are strong, and the teachings are weak...or not taught at all. I'll be the first to tell you, I'm a slut & a whore when I'm not committed. When I AM commited, I'm not. (though sometimes I do want to be.. ) Committment just doesn't seem to work for me, but for the next person down the line, it may be the Holy Grail. And.. if you're going to start playing games like "I'll tell him this, and see what he does" You'd BETTER be prepaired for any outcome.. really.
That is human nature's other big problem.. everyone wants to F--K with everyone, to "see what happens." My advice on that one, is : Just remember the Redneck that always says.."Hey, Y'all watch this!"   | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/4/2008 5:51:50 AM | we learn from people's experiences and in our own experiences as well..i love hearing advices that you can tell is true..
by the way..i always idealized the feeling you get when a guy talks to his friends like this,"Yeah, shes great with a big heart and a good mind, thats my girlfriend!"No one really gets a great feeling talkin about their friends with benefits in public. Like I've never seen anybody introduce a girl in a party or a crowd like this, "Hi everybody, this is Tina she's my friend with benefits"..no one is really proud of it. | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/4/2008 8:27:01 AM | | Yes. Unlikely, but yes. Is either party having sex/dates with anyone else? Is there an attraction beyond sex? Is anyone emotionally unavailable? How deep is the "friendship" without the "benefit?" These are some questions to consider . . . | |
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| Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:34:03 AM | sorry but best thing to do is not be a FWB with an ex or anyone you are romantically into in my personal experience.
be with them just for the sex and you'll be fine, go after more and in my personal experience you get screwed.
But the best advise i can give is stop the physical side of it. may be spend one - three months away from each other, then see where you want to stand with him and where you do stand with him when you get back intouch.
As they say absents can make the heart grow fonder or out of sight out of mind, unfortuately no one can predict which way it will go.
But i hope that helps :) | |
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