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Thread: Can "Friends with Benefits" turn into a Serious Relationship?

PoeticBliss

Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 101
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Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 5/16/2008 10:40:16 AM
Believe me --DONT WASTE YOUR TIME. You've become emotionally attached to your "f... buddy" and thats a dangerous proposition. I have hung in there for 2 men-- one for 2 1/2 years and another for 6 and NEITHER ever requested a deeper relationship because they got the goods for free. Yeah I know, "dont stay in it so long" ... but I did manage to date other men --- NONE of them turned out either. A "f...k buudy's reply to your angst will always be the familiar scapegoat reply and exit" "well you knew already what the deal was" ... but the evil in the whole thing is that they are playing on your emotions and bonds to them and KNOW IT. Thats why an experienced and wise woman ONLY goes for a quickie one night stand and therein lies the issue-- people want a regular "f... buddy" for the sake of convenience and safety and sanitation... and they don't want to pay-- they just want to USE YOU ....BUT one person always ends up more attached than the other -- SO whats the answer in a society where marriages and long term relationships are going out the door or being radically redefined.. I'm not sure ... creating all the more anxiety.... especially if you're looking for something genuine and serious. Which I HAVE NEVER FOUND in these kinds of set-ups or in today's society in general. I have become wiser, and MUCH MORE BITTER about these kinds of set-ups. PLEASE dont fall for his line; unless he totally does a huge turn around and offers more to you ASAP he is just buttering you up to string you along more or is maybe feeling guilt at treating you the way he is BUT dont fall for it unless he changes PRONTO-- the waiting game is just a pile of BS after its been a certain time passing.. you're a BEAUTIFUL accomplished woman who is looking for a relationship and DESERVES JUST THAT. Dump him .... you'll be surprised how fast a woman like yourself will find eligible men with better offers. Good luck and PLEASE dont sell yourself short.

psmurfy06

Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 102
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Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 5/16/2008 11:08:42 AM
why does it have to be labeled????? you're in a "relationship". want to change it? label it to him. take your time and enjoy it and don't worry about the label. everything you're describing is what everyone wants, so you two seem to be very lucky. how can you be wasting time, if you get along so well, and if you're both exclusive to each other.....don't overthink it.

PoeticBliss

Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 103
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Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 5/16/2008 11:20:39 AM
psmurfy-- spoken like a typical MAN... glosses over the obvious in order to "get the goods" for free... Sorry... but she should high-tale it outta there PRONTO. She is attached and wanting more and he is sending mixed signals... she should just COME CLEAN with what she wants , stop worrying about scaring him off (they've obviously been "dating" long enough) and move on if he's not offering what she wants. Men get away with these things because women let them out of their soft emotional hearts and high EMPTY hopes. I NEVER use someone. If I know its not gonna work out they are gone FAST... because I do not like to go down that road and dont feel good about myself for lying or sleeping around on someone. Best to cut the chord ASAP or you're just a USER. Definition is valuable---it gives us boundaries and helps us understand where we stand with one another in matters of the heart. If you dont have any boundaries you have complete chaos with an open doorway into abuse and heartbreak .... dont do down "use me lane".

forums1

Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 104
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Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 5/16/2008 8:01:17 PM
psmurfy-- spoken like a typical MAN... glosses over the obvious in order to "get the goods" for free... Hmm.. I'm not sure how he's "getting the goods for free", I mean, I read the OP: We talk every day, spend the weekends together, have nice dinners, see movies, and basically do things that couples in long-term relationship do, but we are not labelled as such. He feels totally at ease when he's with me. This past weekend, he took me out to celebrate 6 months of knowing each other. And I'm thinking to myself, "do "Friends with Benefits" celebrate such things or could there be a chance that a relationship could develop into something more serious? I really hope so? I should add that besides having fantastic sex, we have a lot of great conversations, and we truly enjoy each other's company. We have shared lot of laughs, and always there to help each other out when the other needs it. Sounds to me like a pretty decent "relationship", he takes her out, they have "nice dinners, see movies, and ... do things that couples in long term relationships do"... And here I thought women were more into "enjoying the moment", yet she's bemoaning not giving it a "label". Hmm... is the "label" it has that important, if you've otherwise got a pretty good relationship going?

PoeticBliss

Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 105
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Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 5/16/2008 8:07:47 PM
It's NOT a good relationship if she is questioning his motivations....

psmurfy06

Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 106
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Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 5/16/2008 8:38:18 PM
where ...exactly ....does she say she is questioning his motivations??????? YOU are reading something into it that isn't there . good grief. from what i see, the only step left is a ring and i suspect, if he is celebrating with her, that is not too far away.

misssexyprincess

Joined: 5/10/2008
Msg: 107
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Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 5/21/2008 10:18:36 PM
ummm, i dont think you were EVER FWB's, he just has a commitment problem, and the whole time u have been together.... you have been dating............... FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS= SEX, that means come over , shut up, have wild , crazy sex and go home .....PERIOD......

GreySpot

Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 108
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Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 5/21/2008 11:26:25 PM
Good heavens Tulip, what do you think a relationship is anyway? From your description, you two are closer than a lot of married couples I know. It is not at all unusual for people, both men and women to be reluctant about commitment. It makes you vulnerable, open to being hurt, probably again. You are way too hung up on labels, as in it's not a relationship, just FWB. Who cares what you call it. Just enjoy each other and don't pressure each other to change the label. You will probably find you grow closer and closer with time and will look back together 20 years from now and laugh at how silly you were about what you called it.

girl1234

Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 109
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Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 5/22/2008 9:48:05 PM
I was in a open relationship/fwb for a year before it turned into five years together and a baby. There is actually some kind of study that says that if u date for a year you are more likely to get married. HMMMM....it does seem like it worked that way for me. You seem like you are in a vulnerable position, my ex had major commitment issues to, but i think this guy really likes you, and if you play it cool, let him be the one to say he loves you first.

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