| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/15/2008 8:02:21 AM | Aaahh how Mac loves to bait.
Don't worry I'm not trying to impress you
No worries sir. I don't see it happening.
and there's plenty of people in every time zone that are getting dates and finding compatible relationships.
Sure there are. It happens all the time. Especially in this age group. Check out the testimonials. Pages of middle age people finding each other and lasting relationships. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:54:09 AM | | ankkka: You are right. Ever notice how many people post testimonials and then you keep seeing them on this site "looking". What happened? I always want to know. Also, look at the number of people who state they are "with someone" they found here but they are only here for the "forums". Yeah, right. The forums are not that great. Surely love would be enough to make you turn off the POF. I do believe this site is addictive. I hate it, but I keep coming back for more abuse. I think I need to see a shrink!!!! Help, any doctors in the house? | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/15/2008 5:20:41 PM | | I totally agree with U Brizo....I'd rather be single than being in a bad relationship...I've learned to be my own best company so I can go without having a bad company...Life teaches u new skills with age and u learn a lot about urself so u avoid being with uncompatible ppl...would much rather be alone than being in bad company :-) | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/15/2008 6:23:07 PM | I agree with judyarlinepuckett when she says "after perhaps a bad relationship,
freedom seems very sweet". It is hard to get involved when one can enjoy freedom, but of course, there is the need for human companionship. Its just that, sometimes companionship means more headaches than its worth. On another forum though, I read that when we date, we have to be ready for the bad if it goes that way, and hope for the good if it can go that way. Happy fishing everyone. Bad experiences can happen online, just as much and as easily as they can with someone we know, see regularly. And I also know people who have met online and are having a great time together. I also know ones that weren't too good. Life's a risk, and we all take that chance regularly. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/16/2008 6:33:44 AM | The ONN (Onion News Network) has a good little news clip about this subject:
"Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently."
Dating sites allow sad, lonely women all over the country to invite pain and rejection into their lives with just a few clicks of the mouse.
Check it out it's pretty funny. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/16/2008 12:49:39 PM | Obviously meant to be funny, at the expense of veiled derogatory comment toward me along with a derogatory comment about other posts I've made
Nothing veiled about my opinion. Most of the time I don't agree with your posts, as I've previously stated. The post I was agreeing to, was ONE of the few. What's the matter? Do you have an inferiority complex? Or, low self esteem issue? If not, it sure sounds like it.
Yes, hold onto those personal values and what you want in life Thank you......I'm doing JUST that!
and figure out why you aren't getting it.
Who said I wasn't getting it? Whatever IT is, in your small little sphere of reference to my personal life and since we're perfect strangers and have NEVER met that sounds like a HUGE judgement.
Get over yourself. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/16/2008 12:57:46 PM | Dating sites allow sad, lonely women all over the country to invite pain and rejection into their lives with just a few clicks of the mouse
And, dating sites allow a man to post senseless comments, venomous putdowns about and directed at women???? Without moderation? | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/16/2008 2:33:01 PM | I have been on five or six dating sites, including pof. It has been interesting from my Anthropology background to look at dating sites and singles as a different culture.
(Thanks "Fish" for adding the personality tests! It is an important aspect that was lacking before and POF is still free.) It still takes putting in the work to present yourself honestly and to have a chance of finding a relationship. Guys (since I don't look at women's profiles :); it still takes more effort than writing - "Heh, I'm a single guy; here's what I want." to have a woman reply. And even then, it takes meeting someone to mutually see (chemistry) what they are really like.
Having not read the afore-mentioned article, I will just say that dating sites can be prone to "pain and rejection" for any lonely singles. (We wouldn't be on these sites if we weren't looking for someone.) There are so many "fish" out there, that it is hard for a person to give someone a chance on a dating site that you might have in "real" life. The personality tests make that better and worse. We can better see if someone is a good match, but ignore others who aren't "perfect" matches. I have seen dating sites be an easy distancing medium for people to be rude and sometimes cruel. Politeness and consideration count in these forums and interactions on profiles even one is not interested.
That being said, the dating sites also open up a whole sea of singles/possibilities that middle-aged people might not see/meet otherwise. (It was easier when we were younger - High school, college, younger equals everyone is single. ) I have dated a few men (yes I am particular) that have been very nice. And I'm still here as I hope to find one who is mutually right.
Relationships seem to be harder to find when one is middle-aged because we are being more judgmental and careful in looking for a person right for us. Most of us have had our children, and marriages, so now we are picking just for us. But we are a package deal - all the experience and our children/grandchildren. (It's harder to live up to their opinion of us that it was to keep from disappointing our parents when younger.)
So happy fishing. Try not to get burned. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/16/2008 3:23:19 PM |
And, dating sites allow a man to post senseless comments, venomous putdowns about and directed at women???? Without moderation?
I was speaking of the Onion News Network report I saw
http://www.theonion.com/content/index
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/online_dating_helping_pathetic
Obvious that some just can't have a sense of humor and need to take whatever I say as putdowns and then use it as a chance to make feeble attempts to insult me.
That's why it's hard for some to get relationships. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/16/2008 3:47:49 PM | I have to say that in '97 my ex took everything with her when she left and I spent over a year coming out of a coma, when I was able start talking a gain there were several nurses that used to take me out of the hospital for dinners and to their homes to meet their families cause they liked me.
In 2000, when I was ready to leave the. hospital, I was on match and met several women to date and had a few relationships before even getting a job. I lived on my own for about 6 months before moving in with a woman in 2001 and that lasted until late 2005.
I joined POF and had a few dates before my GF found me and were together 18 months.
So if some poor middle aged slob like me has no problems, what does that say about the whiners that think it's hard.
Now let's see how y'all can belittle me and my GF to boost your own egos. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/16/2008 4:49:33 PM | I'm impressed. You had a lot of success in over-coming some unusual life difficulties and had some good relationships. I know that you don't mean to include me as one of the "y'all" in your comment about whining/low self-esteem since I had just came in the middle of this post and added a positive neutral note to the general topic.
Thanks for the reference again to the report. I will read it. Your profile photo and your comments seem like you are a fun-loving guy. Congratulations on your 18 month relationship.
Like I said, I have had several (long term) relationships; and I am particular. So, right, it is possible and probable to find a good relationship if you just keep an open, healthy, welcoming attitude in life. And all of the experiences help us to be ready when we meet THE person. Or just a better (not bitter) person if we don't. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/16/2008 5:41:41 PM | "Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently."
Dating sites allow sad, lonely women all over the country to invite pain and rejection into their lives with just a few clicks of the mouse.
Add men to that, and you'll get an agreement out of me. The cool thing is, that because of the efficiency and sheer volume of the internets, that *some* will actually begin to see how *they* are contributing to their problems, and do something about it before they actually die a lonely old age. If you add the forums, then even more. And, yes: some will NEVER learn their own part in their own grief.
[n.b. yes, I know what the Onion is] | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/17/2008 4:19:02 AM |
Add men to that, and you'll get an agreement out of me.
I wasn't looking for agreement or disagreement, I was sharing a humorous 'News broadcast'
Men and women are socialized to handle rejection differently. Men are taught to expect rejection more often than not and women are taught to reject everyone that approaches them until some man overcomes some threshold of impression.
Holding on to these behaviors is really dumb in that the behaviors prevent learning anything beyond that rejection phase of beginning a relationship. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/17/2008 7:29:24 PM | We are all different. Personally, I would rather wait for a relationship that has a chance of being truly long term, than go through several relationships in a few years. Some need to be part of a couple while others don't unless it has potential to be a lifetime committment.
Some people have a time period that they are capable of being in a relationship with a person before they move to the next relationship. A person with a history like that wouldn't be of interest to me. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/17/2008 7:35:49 PM | Onion News Network - I bet the writers give folks plenty to cry about  I hate to say this, but there seems to be some ugly postings that are written by the over 45 gang. Yes, I'm generalizing here, and it's not by person, or by sex. Can you imagine, that if we over 45 are angry, bitter, and "woe is me", how that gives the young folks something to look forward to? If someone is singing sour tunes (time after time), no wonder it's hard to find a relationship. Dating sites are simply that, just dating sites. I guess the flip side about POF is that it is free, and it has forums. I haven't decided if the forums are entertaining, or if the forums really represent who we are. Now, that's HARD to ponder. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/17/2008 7:43:07 PM |
You are waitng for relationship from a dating site?
Well, I'm sure NOT.............givin' my head a shake. And, one of the reasons why it may be so hard to find a relationship is because we're focusing on dating sites instead of putting our effort into the real world. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/17/2008 7:50:59 PM | | I'm not finding it hard, I'm finding it impossible. I can't even get a date, so how in the world am I going to find a relationship? I know that I'm probably looked on as one of the whiny people who can't get a date here on POF. But I am not really like that IRL. I'm moderately intelligent, can hold a decent conversation and I don't think I'm a total dog. But for some reason, I seem totally incapable of finding someone, here or IRL. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/17/2008 9:42:03 PM | mackevinized- I guess it's finally starting to sink in to anyone with a hint of perception that there are a whole lot of people at this and other sites who just have no sense of humor.. and sometimes no sense at all..
Who knows why, but that is one constant that I have picked up from most - no, I guess it's everyone that I have contacted on this site now that I think of it..
But what would the world be without that sense of humor, I mean if anyone is really trying to pick the perfect partner with what is available ? , a bio, which may or may not be accurate- (put your money on not) -pictures that are at least 5 or 10 years dated, strange romance novel conceptions of the perfect meeting- and the obligatory " if you are just looking for a one night stand " nonsense, that might or might not indicate the opposite, all brought together with a sophomoric approach to spelling and grammar that might cause one to consider their command of English as a second language, then you might have better luck with a dartboard, blindfold and a couple of stiff belts of Jim Beam..
Na, the forums are kinda fun- but you get the distinct smell like walking through a feedlot.. just be sure to take the boots off before you finally sign off and go back inside to reality..  | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/18/2008 4:27:35 AM | | Well, mystery solved. I now know why I can't get a date. According to some wonderful people on another thread, I look like a man dressed up as a woman. So therefore, I am a man passing myself off as female, or I have at some time had a sex change. Boy, I guess I need new pictures! | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/18/2008 4:58:27 AM |
Well, I'm sure NOT.............givin' my head a shake. And, one of the reasons why it may be so hard to find a relationship is because we're focusing on dating sites instead of putting our effort into the real world.
If your not looking, you will easily succeed.
And by declaring that typing stuff on your keyboard is not 'real world', you don't have to face the fact it's you that can't attract a date.
Maybe you need to go to a high school type dance again where the guys are looking across the room at you and wonder why other girls are getting picked first. | |
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