| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:41:26 AM | It's not hard to find "A" relationship-
It's hard to find "THE" relationship.
"THE" -definite article
Which says it all.
To achieve a long term, mutually satisfying union with another at middle age, you'll have to work on your own flexibility or your powers of persuasion. Best results achieved when you do both. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:52:58 AM | I've been single for 7 years and its only really been in the last 6 months that I've had any luck in dating. For me it was my own perception of myself as being attractive and worthy of a new mate. This wasn't at a conscious level, it took months of therapy for me to put to rest the guilt I had over the death of my husband. Once that was settled my heart opened up to the fact that I am a worthy person and that there was no need for me to be feeling the guilt I was.
I also have to say that I wasn't interested in dating for dating sake. I know what kind of man I want, right from the way he looks physically, to his personality and his hobbies.
I met a great man a few weeks ago in real life. We hit it off and are seeing each other exclusively. Neither of us expected to find someone, he'd been single for quite a while too.
So, look inside yourself...is there something inside you holding you back from finding a mate? Do you know what you are looking for and are you willing to seek out that person. | |
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| I am 60 and I found someone
Posted: 2/18/2008 1:21:27 PM | Just keep trying. It took some time but its been worth it. I met a really wonderful man and I am having a blast.
Good luck | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/18/2008 1:33:19 PM | Congratulations clw on bringing some healing into your life! That is quite an accomplishment.....
I think sometimes it happens just that way....when you are least expecting it to happen... it does! I have also heard that when you stop looking for love........ love finds you.... but I have never felt that age had anything to do with finding a meaningful relationship. When it is supposed to happen it will....whether at 25 or 65....Love doesn't show favortism........it is an equal opportunity employer sort of speak! | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:32:14 AM | I think a major problem, for me anyway, is that I am not looking for the same thing most women in what I consider my dating range are looking for. I am seeking companionship, perhaps friendship. After three divorces and a a couple of tough breakups, I am not ready to get my heart broken again.
Most women I have a first meeting/date with admit they are looking for a long term relationship and first dates often become last or next to the last date. They are nice about it. They don't try to change me, but when they see I am not agreeable to being involved in an LTR, they let me know their goals and mine are incompatible.
But I've been on PoF since December and have been fortunate enough to find a FWB I get along with very well. She remains vry active on the site and I don't look forward to the day she finds Mr.Right, but until she does, all is right in my dating world. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:39:55 AM | After 7 months of online dating, I found a real keeper. He and I are looking for exactly the same things in a relationship, and we seem to be highly compatible. I had a couple of short-term relationships with men I met online prior to this guy, so in my case, it's not hard to find a relationship when one is middle-aged (I'm 50).
I think it's a matter of maintaining a positive attitude and being truly happy with yourself. I don't need a man to make me a whole person, but having someone in my life is a whole heck of a lot better than going it alone.
Some people get way too needy and that keeps others away. You have to be happy in your own skin before you go looking for a relationship. And that is true regardless of age. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:51:04 AM | | I agree with you - certainly in my case. I enjoy my own company, have some great girlfriends and love my home. Having a significant other would be the cherry on top but I'm not willing to jeopardize what I have by inviting someone into my cozy little world who isn't well on the way to recovery after the failure of his last realtionship. It's a self-preservation thing. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 3/1/2008 3:13:00 AM | I definitely think that we should not be picky at this age. We instead should have learned what didn't work for us in the past, learned what mistakes we made. People our age shouldn't want to be alone, I'd say to jump at the chance if someone wants to commit but go for the inner person and not the looks, height, body build or other superficialities.
Chemistry? We should know by now that the quest for chemistry led us astray. What we think is chemistry is physical attraction and it lies, deceives us. True chemistry grows, let it grow after marriage. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 3/1/2008 10:09:00 AM | Fifi,
If my beliefs are rare then it explains why its so hard to find a mate these days. I honestly believe that my ideas and beliefs (they aren't MY ideas and beliefs; they are merely common sense) are the correct way to a happy and married life while the superficial values which so many people have today are values which lead them to bad relationships, bad marriages, frustration, loneliness.
Mr/Miss Chemistry isn't coming, accept Mr/Miss Nice Guy/Gal as your spouse and chemistry will grow. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 3/1/2008 10:15:59 AM | | Acceptance; communication and the willingness to work through the tough times. So many just aren't willing to go the extra mile anymore. What I've found most difficult is I'm a communicator and most men close up and aren't willing to discuss issues that come up. It's really unfortunate as this particular trait can end even the best of relationships. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 3/1/2008 12:03:24 PM | Well, for one thing, there are less fish. And I've found that around 48 to 50 men want younger women. Younger men don't seem to care about age difference, but then it depends on what they're looking for.
I find it an oxymoron that a man at 50 is looking for someone 35, but wouldn't think about dating an older woman. What does he think the 35 year old is looking for?
Barb | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 3/1/2008 12:23:47 PM | It is hard to find a relationship when middle aged because most of the men and women are on POF bashing each other, trying to get the last word in 
I just read the threads to get a chuckle and comment once in awhile, it is quite entertaining.  | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 3/2/2008 7:20:48 AM |
I think you're right in the sense that people say one thing about what they're looking for in the opposite sex but are attracted to something else. I agree with you also about the thing where people look at the pics and base their interest on the attractiveness of the person. I, however, feel that it is VERY important to be attracted to the person you're pursuing. As we get older we have a tendancy to let ourself go physically...this lowers our attractiveness. This is true for both men and women (maybe for different reasons). Like a great dating coach once said, "attraction isn't a choice". It is not shallow to be honest with ourselves. It's an illusive thing...I think very few women understand just how important the physical attraction thing is to a man. It's true for women too...just in a different degree.
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 3/2/2008 8:10:02 AM |
“It is hard to find a relationship when middle aged because most of the men and women are on POF bashing each other, trying to get the last word in
I just read the threads to get a chuckle and comment once in awhile, it is quite entertaining.”
I agree, AW (msg. 464), that it is entertaining and I realize that your post was stated (mostly) in jest, but I think many give too much importance to such things. If you count the numbers, the people doing this (in the Over 45 forum, at least), they are maybe the fingers on one hand – maybe both hands, in the more ‘entertaining’ times. And this is on a site of (what?) 30,000 people or so ?? The numbers are small, but the numbers are very vocal. I’ve often used the example of “What happens when you introduce one angry drunk into a room of one hundred happily partying people?” That’s what happens in here. Two people working together, trying to get in the last word, will fill up a thread to the point that the moderators eventually delete it. And usually it’s the same people, still here, making sure others ‘understand’ their opinions completely, being the vocal majority. But in the midst of all this ‘fluff’, you’ll get the occasional ‘gems’ – the ones who post seldom but when they do, it means something. And if you approach these people in private, away from the publicity of the public forum, it’s quite easy to meet people and form relationships on a site like this.
I met such a person about a year ago from this forum -- one of many I've met off this site. She only posted a couple of times, but I was impressed with what she wrote and I wrote and told her so. We did the usual things in the usual order – e-mail for a bit, phone calls, first meet – and realized we were too dissimilar as individuals to be relationship material but we did become the best of friends. I lost her (rather suddenly) to cancer last week and I was devastated. I learned first-hand just how real and important some people met through a place like this can be. And meeting these ‘gems’ of individuals is quite easy if you ignore all the fluff and (basically) childishness that fills up a lot of these threads. It’s only a few people making a lot of noise. It’s hardly the majority or worth much more notice than for it’s entertainment value. If you look deeper, to the quieter ones, spot the gems in the mix, it is quite easy to form relationships on a place like POF – whatever type of relationship that you seek.
Pass the popcorn ??
cdn guy | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 3/2/2008 8:28:03 AM | cdn guy...I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. Good friendships like all good relationships are hard to come by.
As for the topic.........Nothing worthwhile in this life comes easy. One day hopefully for all of us the bell at the end of our fishing line will go "ding" and we can leave the pond. Good Luck to all!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 3/3/2008 6:11:40 PM | | You make a very good point. There is a selection process involved You meet someone, and that's when the work begins. Over a period of time, it becomes clear whether or not this is going to work. If not, then it's the frustration of starting all over again. If yes, then you've hit the jackpot. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 3/30/2008 5:34:44 PM | | I have been trying this edating approach for almost a year. I live in a very small town with few opportunities to meet datable men. My experience is that most men I have met want to feel/experience immediate chemistry to proceed to a second date. I am willing to give most men a second or third chance...I do not expect to find chemistry/compelling attraction to someone at this age....pot bellies, comb-overs, saggy necks...if I was looking for great physical specimens I would be looking at men much younger than myself. I am looking for eyes that shine behind their glasses, warmth, intelligence, a life time of experience to share, lessons learned, and interest in the future...theirs, the planet's, mine perhaps. I am not looking for a quick romp...did enough of that in my younger years...or marriage, particulary...I've done that, too...and am very capable of being true...I would like to meet someone with whom I can enjoy a mongamous sexual/romantic relationship. I know that I am perfectly capable of living without a man in my life...have done that before, am doing that now...but this sure is different than when I was younger...WHAT DO MEN OVER 55 WANT??? | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:51:01 PM | | Many middleaged have become used to living by themselves and are looking for the perfect partner, nothing less. Many are more interested in what can the other provide besides love. Also, there are lots of people on these sites who have problems with relationships and other things. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:43:00 PM | Yes, men are stupid, delusional about their appearances and deserving of ridicule. Oh, and we have no sense of humor. Women know better than to waste time on men.
I think the women who like men, and want them, are in relationships. I think this because the rarest quality by far in an older woman who is single is kindness towards men generally. The men they used to be with were discarded and reviled, and the ones they meet now become stories of tedious dates with losers. If a woman shows up and smiles at men she is immediately noticed for her surprising lack of animosity. It used to be that I expected to find love, and now I know to expect hate. It's a puzzle. | |
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