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 tounces
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 26
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The Pathological Liars ThreadPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It also shows a decided lack of intelligence.

I disagree with the above thread, Honestly only takes a second, a lie takes until it is found out. If you're simply honest about something the first time, you never have to worry about it again, if you lie about it, you have to lie about it every time the subject comes up again, and then about other related subjects, etc, etc. Hence the saying "What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to decieve".

Point being is all you manage to accomplish is spinning a web around yourself you're bound to eventually be caught in. You don't merely waste others time, you waste your own time, because if you felt you had cause to lie in the first place, then obviously that which you kept hidden will not only be brought into play, but it'll be all that much worse from the fact it was kept hidden. You turn what may be a molehill into a mountain.

This is also the failsafe for those of us who are generally trusting, anyone who fires off enough lies always shoots themself in the foot sooner or later, since by it's very nature dishonestly is an indication of not being very wise.
 huckfinnsr
Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 27
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The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 10/28/2006 6:48:37 PM
If you can't believe everything someone tells you, then you can't believe anything they tell you. Male or female, it only takes one lie to call everything into question.
 allunil
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 28
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 10/28/2006 6:59:46 PM
there are some people who don't lie,and always tell the truth,and the ones who won't believe you are the ones who do lie..............
 Danp_13
Joined: 9/5/2006
Msg: 29
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 10/28/2006 10:08:34 PM
Did he say that you were attractive?
 shininglight
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 30
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 10/30/2006 8:59:53 AM
That was one of the first things he said.

And no, I was not stupid enough to believe he had to get a divorce from his prior wife and she had died. That was how I figured out she wasn't dead after all. You don't get a divorce from a spouse who died.

I just believe in being honest, and also realize that there are some things that are better not shared for a reason. Being that I never asked about either of his ex wives...this was just something he told me that I found out later on wasn't the truth. Just scratchin my head here, but not spending too much time on a man who can't be honest up front. We all have a past, some of which we're not too proud of. I know that there are wonderful men out there. But I haven't had much luck finding them...yet, that is. Maybe some day.
 Ominus Spiritus
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 31
ode of a narcissist - read and give heed!!!!!
Posted: 10/30/2006 6:03:54 PM
We all face a choice: we can become horizontal expanders or vertical climbers.

We can either select a profession, a vocation, an avocation, a geographic region, a spouse, a lifestyle, stick to them and climb up the proverbial ladder. This calls for incessant studies, specialisation, focused energy, in depth involvement. Such people are the achiever (A) types.

The alternative is to frequently change professions, travel, accumulate experiences, memories, and encounters with people and with landscapes. In short, to learn a little about a lot. The price to pay: lack of socially recognised accomplishments.

Most narcissists belong to the second type in most fields of their life. They often maintain one island of stability (for instance, their marriage or career) – but other realms of their life are highly unstable. To invest hard work and study in depth and laboriously is to admit that one is deficient, less than omniscient and omnipotent. Narcissists don't admit to difficulties, challenges, ignorance, or shortcomings.

Narcissists cannot delay gratification. They are creatures of the here and now, because they feel boundlessly entitled. When forced to specialise or persist, they feel stagnation and "death". It is not a matter of choice but a structural constraint. This is the way a narcissist is built, this is his modus operandi, and his vacillating style of life and dizzying array of activities are written into his operations manual.

As a direct result, the narcissist cannot form a stable marital relationship, or reasonably devote himself to his family, or maintain an on going business, or reside in one place for long, or dedicate himself to a single profession or to one career, or complete his academic studies, or accumulate material wealth.

Narcissists are often described as indolent, labile, unstable, unreliable, unable and unwilling to undertake long-term commitments and obligations, or to maintain a job, or a career path. The narcissist's life is characterised by jerky, episodic careers, relationships, marriages, and domiciles. He is volatile, erratic, flexible, and ephemeral.

Hitherto we have touched upon the less malignant dimensions. There is worse to come.

The narcissist is possessed of a low self-esteem. In public, the narcissist presents himself as the quintessential winner. But deep inside, he judges himself to be a good-for-nothing loser, a permanent, irreversible failure. He hates himself for being so, and he constantly envies everyone around him for various reasons.

His discontent is often transformed into depression. Unable to love himself, the narcissist is unable to love another. He regards and treats people as though they were objects: exploits and discards them. He mistreats people around him by asserting his superiority at all times, by being emotionally cold or absent, by constantly bickering, verbally humiliating, incessantly (mostly unjustly) criticising, and by actively rejecting or ignoring them, thus provoking uncertainty.

The narcissist's interpersonal relationships are deformed and sick. The longer the relationship, the more it is tinted by the pathological hue of narcissism. In his marriage, the narcissist recreates the conflicts with his Primary Objects (parents or caregivers). He is immature in every walk of life, sex included. He tends to select the wrong partners or spouse. He does everything to bring about his greatest horror: abandonment. Even his staunchest supporters and lovers ultimately leave him.

In the wake of such abandonment, the narcissist experiences the horrifying and complete breakdown of his defences. He feels lonely, but his loneliness is of the existential, almost solipsist type. The whole world seems unreal to him, possessed of a nightmarish quality. He either feels disproportionately guilty and assumes all the burden of blame, allocating none to his partner – or blames her for everything, denying any personal responsibility.

These moments may be the only occasions in which the narcissist is in touch with his emotions – an experience he has been trying to avoid all his life and at all costs to his mental health. Learning the truth about his emotional infirmity, the narcissist often entertains suicidal ideation. He cannot countenance deforming his body, so he is inclined to use sleeping pills.

But, soon enough, the narcissist recovers and escapes into a new psychosexual liaison. Another toy, another object of gratification enters his world. His emotional wounds are shallow and they heal fast. Only his Ego is scarred, a memory repressed by the narcissist.

Because he is detached from his self, the narcissist tends to ignore his body altogether – or to idolise and idealise it. The cerebral narcissist may indulge in smoking, abuse drugs, consume unhealthy foods, and lead a sedentary life. Though ill at health, he treats himself only when and if it is absolutely inevitable.

The somatic narcissist worships his body, cultivating it like a rare flower, feeding it a special diet, refraining from any hint of bodily malpractice. Such a narcissist wastes hours inspecting himself in mirrors and applying a myriad of lotions, creams and medicines to his precious temple. He is also likely to be a hypochondriac.

The narcissist always prefers his image to his self. He goes a long way towards inventing himself, lying if needed, believing his own lies where expedient. To maintain this spectre, the narcissist resorts to chronic, pathological, misrepresentations and non-truths ("pseudologica fantastica").

The narcissist tries to compulsively replicate this invented image by becomeing famous, a celebrity. Like his other obsessive-compulsive acts, it does not make the narcissist happier by any lasting measure, neither does it alleviate his anxiety. When faced with the choice, the narcissist always prefers his invented self to his true one. For instance, he draws attention to figments of his imagined biography and not at who he really is.

The narcissist engages in a host of self-defeating and reckless behaviours. He might, for instance, gamble or shop compulsively and lose all his possessions, time and again. Ironically, this lands him in economic uncertainty – which is what he dreads and loathes most.

These behaviours – pathological gambling, compulsive shopping, reckless driving – result in great personal and financial instability. Such a narcissist seems always to be in debts and harried, no matter how much money he makes. This, sometimes, is compounded by frequent changes of profession and by the lack of a stable career. Some narcissists, though, are at the top of their profession and earn the money, which goes with such a professional status.

Money is not the narcissist's only compulsion. Many narcissists are inordinately orderly and clean, or they may be addicted to knowledge, or obsessed with time. Some suffer from compulsive ticks and more complex repetitive, ritualistic movements. They might even become criminally compulsive, kleptomaniacs, for instance.

Narcissists are very misleading. They are possessed of undeniable personal charm and, usually, of sparkling intellect. Other people tend to associate these traits with maturity, authority and responsibility. Yet, as far as narcissists go, this association is a grave mistake.

The Dorian Grays of this world are eternal children (puer aeternus, Peter Pans), immature, puerile even, irresponsible, morally inconsistent (and in certain areas of life, morally non-existent). Narcissists actively encourage people to form expectations – only to disappoint and frustrate them later. They lack many adult skills and tend to rely on people around them to make up for these deficiencies.

That people will obey him, cater to his needs, and comply with his wishes is taken for granted by the narcissist, as a birth right. At times the narcissist socially isolates himself, exuding an air of superiority, expressing disdain, or a patronising attitude. At times he verbally lashes his nearest and dearest. Yet the narcissist expects total allegiance, loyalty, and submissiveness in all circumstances.

Abuse has many forms apart from the familiar ones sexual, verbal, emotional, psychological, and physical (battering and assault). Some narcissists are the outcomes of insufficient or erratic love – others the sad consequences of too much love.

Forcing a child into of adult pursuits is one of the subtlest varieties of soul murder. Very often we find that the narcissist was deprived of his childhood. He may have been a Wunderkind, the answer to his mother's prayers and the salve to her frustrations. A human computing machine, a walking-talking encyclopaedia, a curiosity, a circus freak – he may have been observed by developmental psychologists, interviewed by the media, endured the envy of his peers and their pushy mothers.

Consequently, such narcissists constantly clash with figures of authority because they feel entitled to special treatment, immune to prosecution, with a mission in life, destined for greatness, and, therefore, inherently superior.

The narcissist refuses to grow up. In his mind, his tender age formed an integral part of the precocious miracle that he once was. One looks much less phenomenal and one's exploits and achievements are much less awe-inspiring at the age of 40 – than at the age of 4. Better stay young forever and thus secure one's Narcissistic Supply.

So, the narcissist refuses to grow up. He never takes out a driver's licence. He does not have children. He rarely has sex. He never settle-down in one place. He rejects intimacy. In short, he refrains from adulthood and adult chores. He has no adult skills. He assumes no adult responsibilities. He expects indulgence from others. He is petulant and haughtily spoiled. He is capricious, infantile and emotionally labile and immature. The narcissist is frequently a 40 year-old brat.

Narcissists suffer from repetition complexes. Like certain mythological figures, they are doomed to repeat their mistakes and failures, and the wrong behaviours which led to them. They refrain from planning and conceive of the world as a menacing, unpredictable, failure-prone, and hostile place, or, at best, a nuisance.

This culminates in self-destruction. Narcissists engage in conscious – and unconscious – acts of violence and aggression aimed at restricting their choices, gains, and potentials. Some of them end up as criminals. Their criminality usually satisfies two conditions:

It is Ego enhancing. The act(s) are – or must be perceived as – sophisticated, entailing the use of special traits or skills, incredible, memorable, unique. The narcissist is very likely to be involved in "white collar crime". He harnesses his leadership charisma, personal charm, and natural intelligence to do the "job".
The criminal act includes a mutinous and contumacious element. The narcissist, after all, is mostly recreating the relationship that he has had with his parents. He rejects authority the way an adolescent does. He regards any kind of intrusion on his privacy and his autonomy – however justified and called for – as a direct and total threat to his psychic integrity. He tends to interpret the most mundane and innocuous gestures, sentences, exclamations, or offers – as such threats. The narcissist is paranoiac when it comes to a breach of his splendid isolation. He reacts with disproportionate aggression and is thought of by his environment to be a dangerous type or, at the very least, odd and eccentric.
Any offer of help is immediately interpreted by the narcissist to imply that he is not omnipotent and omniscient. The narcissist reacts with rage to such impudent allegations and, thus, rarely asks for succour, unless he finds himself in a critical condition.

A narcissist can roam the streets for hours, looking for an address, before conceding his inferiority by asking a passer-by for guidance. He suffers physical pain, hunger and fear, rather than ask for help. The mere ability to help is considered proof of superiority and the mere need for help – a despicable state of inferiority and weakness.

This is precisely why narcissists appear, at times, to be outstanding altruists. They enjoy the sense of power which goes with giving. They feel superior when they are needed. They encourage dependence of any kind. They know – sometimes, intuitively – that help is the most addictive drug and that relying on someone dependable fast becomes an indispensable habit.

Their exhibitionistic and "saintly" altruism disguises their thirst for admiration and accolades, and their propensity to play God. They pretend that they are interested only in the well-being of the happy recipients of their unconditional giving. But this kind of representation is patently untrue and misleading. No other kind of giving comes with more strings attached. The narcissist gives only if and when he receives adulation and attention.

If not applauded or adulated by the beneficiaries of his largesse, the narcissist loses interest, or deceives himself into believing that he is, in fact, revered. Mostly, the narcissist prefers to be feared or admired rather than loved. He describes himself as a "strong, no nonsense" man, who is able to successfully weather extraordinary losses and exceptional defeats and to recuperate. He expects other people to respect this image that he projects.

Thus, the beneficiaries are objects, silent witnesses to the narcissist's grandiosity and magnanimity, the audience in his one-man show. He is inhuman in that he needs no one and nothing – and he is superhuman in that he showers and shares the cornucopia of his wealth or talents abundantly and unconditionally. Even the narcissist's charity reflects his sickness.

Even so, the narcissist is more likely to donate what he considers to be the greatest gift of all – himself, his time, his presence. Where other altruists contribute money – he avails of his time and of his knowledge. He needs to be in personal touch with those aided by him, so as to be immediately rewarded (narcissistically) for his efforts.

When the narcissist volunteers he is at his best. He is often cherished as a pillar of civic behaviour and a contributor to community life. Thus, he is able to act, win applause, and reap Narcissistic Supply – and all with full legitimate laudes

I am speaking from experience when i say run the other way if your date hits any of the criteria outlined above- -

cheers


sirh
 Light Storm
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 32
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The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 11/1/2006 12:44:23 AM
People lie because it's easier then the truth. Seems to be common practice with most humans to always take the easy road or the path of least resistance. I know one girl that can never say ‘no’ ‘won’t’ or ‘can’t’ to anyone for going out and having a good time. She tells them that she would love to and then goes home and watches TV. It’s extremely insensitive but she doesn’t have to go to bed with the thought that could have possibly hurt someone’s feelings by saying she didn’t want to go.

I personally believe in honesty and doing it without feeling unless I really am emotionally involved in what I’m talking about. I think omitting need to know truths is just as much a lie as false stories. Truth hurts sometimes and I have been told that I am not empathic or companionate enough to have a girl friend. I hope to find one that prefers brutal honesties to beating around bushes.
 Blue Sky Days
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 33
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/5/2007 8:37:00 PM
My first POF date said she was 41, but it turned out she was really 51! She was a nice Grandmother and I have no ill will toward her, but that was a stretch.

Another date on September 29th left me with a sour feeling. It was a dinner date in Victoria with a woman who spent the entire evening telling me how much she loved her former boyfriend and wanted to re-connect with him. What was the point of going out with me? She needed Dr. Phil. She loudly trumpeted her feminist “equality” but conveniently neglected to pay her share. I guess her “equality” was selective in nature, but I’m sure she was blind to the irony.

Although she nagged about abusive men and seemed to enjoy playing the role of victim, I was the one who felt victimized by her smug, self-righteous diatribes, all of which occurred on a first date! Although I very seldom drink, I had a few that evening. The date left me in shock and it took time to digest. In hindsight, I can’t believe I wasted my time and money on that pretentious nutcase. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I feel nauseous when I think about her or see her profile in the POF banner.

I think she is lying to herself or has become detached from reality. Although she railed against narcissistic personalities, she was the very embodiment of narcissism. She has a self-esteem problem but not in the usual sense; in her case, it has evolved into delusions of grandeur, rather comical given the basic spelling mistakes in her profile.
 IWANNABEURSEXYLUV
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 34
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/5/2007 8:41:48 PM
I guess I have been lucky n blessed all the men I have met are totally awesome and sweet as can be! Never met a pathological liar yet and I don't think most men can even lie they r way to honest-LOVE EM ALL
 treemanbdj
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 35
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The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/7/2007 7:54:58 AM
The Liars club didn't call last night,

There's no meeting this friday.




B
D
J
 Drugstore Cowboy
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 36
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/7/2007 11:39:21 AM
sounds like he had munhowsence diesese by poxy
 GoodDay
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 37
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The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/7/2007 11:56:27 AM
It's hard to believe there are people who even have to wonder about anyone being a liar. Sheesh, this whole world is filled with them...male, female, and from all age groups. Grow up already, it's a fact and it won't go away...no matter how much we'd all like to pretend it isn't true.
 mykewl
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 38
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/7/2007 11:59:30 AM
Ok, seen it before, guess we will keep seeing it. You are gonna categorize all men because of 1 liar! Good luck on your quest then. But the thing that just totally made my belly-ache from laughing, is chase475's comment, 'bout the MAJORITY of men being liars. He did a survey did he? May we see the rest of the results, or will we just take his word as the final authority? Get freakin' real! You got some sort of issue with some man, or maybe a couple of men, & now all men a liars. Does that include c475? or has he made himself the exception? Hope most of you good peeps are more open-minded than these naive perceptions.
 GoodDay
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 39
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The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/7/2007 12:03:34 PM

I guess I have been lucky n blessed all the men I have met are totally awesome and sweet as can be! Never met a pathological liar yet and I don't think most men can even lie they r way to honest-LOVE EM ALL


Hmmm, someone lives in lala land.

However...

Good for you, honey! I hope you continue to meet all the totally awesome, sweet, honest men in the world. But for the majority of folks posting on the forums, it seems finding that type of person is like finding a unicorn.
 silly woman
Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 40
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/12/2007 9:37:48 PM
once a lier always a lier...and they don't know the difference...after all they believe in their lies why shouldn't you??? ok so i don't know who is lieing here now. oh I am so confused
 xemicangirl
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 41
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/13/2007 4:40:23 AM
It is dangerous to be sincere, unless you are also stupid...

Hey I didn't say it...
 Traveller-61
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 42
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The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/13/2007 6:19:26 AM
What planet are you on. Some people are liars and cheats most are not. You have led a very sheltered life if you think men are any worse than women. If you think being gullible makes you more attractive to women. You are kidding yourself. Mike
 Doouglass
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 43
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/13/2007 7:04:13 AM
I thought this was the broke hearts forum, not broken minds..
 kirsten32
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 44
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/17/2007 2:19:31 PM
Well sadly, this kinda thing happens all the time but you know what, these people are the ones that lose in the end. I've had it happen to me and then I get over it and move on. Eventually someone good will come along. Just learn from it and listen to the red flags!!!
 Guardian_Of_Gaea
Joined: 6/13/2006
Msg: 45
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/17/2007 2:59:41 PM
Two lessons to learn:

1) Fooled me once, shame on you. Fooled me twice, shame on me.
2) Tell the truth: there's less to remember.

Simple enough to understand...

#1 is for those who find themselves being duped by a lying son-of-a-gun. It means "Get over it, but make sure you learn from it... it's your mistake as much as it's the other person's fault."

#2 is for those who think honesty doesn't pay. It means "You're not just an @$$ because you're lying to someone if you lie to someone... you're also an ignoramus because you're not smart enough to just tell the truth."

The world is brutal, but pain of the body and hurt felt within have a purpose: They let us know when something is going wrong in our lives. They also give us the added bonus of the first step to the solution: a basic idea of *where* the problem is...

Then again, the only thing outside of that maxim is cancer, both of the body and of society/relationships. That kind of thing can never be cured. Honestly, I think it's a sign from Beyond telling us that we need to take full advantage of the life we have. No matter how bad it seems, we are lucky to a degree that requires enlightenment to fully comprehend.

~ David
 wildgirl_5
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 46
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/17/2007 3:48:13 PM
a learning experience for sure !!! don't believe everything u hear from both sexs in this world now.......i think both sexs are guilty of telling ppl what they want them to hear to get a lay or to use them !!!!
 logicalnonsense
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 47
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/17/2007 4:33:57 PM

Narcissists are very misleading. They are possessed of undeniable personal charm and, usually, of sparkling intellect. Other people tend to associate these traits with maturity, authority and responsibility. Yet, as far as narcissists go, this association is a grave mistake.


A very true statement, along with the rest of that post!

Having been in a 2 yr. relationship with someone who I sincerely believe has NPD (he exhibited almost all of the criteria used for diagnosis)....I thought I was going out of MY mind! I can attest to the fact that they are frightening in their ability to deceive, and once their "mask" slips....you will question EVERYTHING....including your knowledge that the sky is blue. Unfortunately they can keep the mask on for a long while before the first "slip" occurs. Usually after you have bonded with them in a significant way, ie: marriage, living together, children, when it is not so easy to just walk away. All of a sudden, you have NO idea who they are, and you could swear their body has been invaded by something alien. Many people lie about many things, but pathological liars are a whole different creature....and a very scary one, at that. My post may sound far-fetched, but it is not and the transformation is truly unbelievable.

I am generally quite perceptive and still consider myself to be a good judge of character, but this man fooled me well.....In hindsight (of course), I saw red flags in that relationship, but was blinded by the sweetness of the masked man. I have not met another like him, and I hope that I never do. I am not a naive(sp) woman, and I know that most people are basically honest.
 richw
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 48
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/17/2007 6:02:06 PM
I was recently going out with a girl who was quite honest about telling me she was separated from her husband, unfortunately she lied to me by saying she had no other boyfriends, can you imagine what could have happened when she walked into a pub arm-in-arm with the boyfriend she never told me about, who also happens to be one of my friends. Luckily we are not violent guys, but that just shows how potentially provocative lying can be.
 LimitedGoldEdition
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 49
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/17/2007 7:23:52 PM
... ha ha just came across this thread. I know a few people who should read this *chuckles*...

Alas, better to have discovered the negatives early, then never to have known at all I always say
 heartwarmer1955
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 50
The Pathological Liars Thread
Posted: 1/17/2007 7:44:44 PM
Thanks for letting me know that the majority of males do deceive. To all us females, just play your cards right and you can catch them before it's too late. Watch closely, there will be signs. I find it interesting when they post their profile on different sites, but it is obvious it is the same person. I met someone on this one site who was suppose to be looking for true honesty, with kids and loves kids and was such and such an age. On the other site, he says he is still honest, (ha,ha), wants to meet someone with no kids or at least older ones and is now such and such an age (a number of years difference in age from the two sites). Trust me, I know it was the same person. I could tell. Why bother going on these sites to play more games, there is already enough of them going on. Be honest, as it will only catch up to you sooner or later, and hopefully for all of us, sooner, if they are being deceitful.
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